Honey, I Went Back In Time And Saved My Own Father's Life Before He Died, Thus Bringing About The Apocalypse And I Really Am Terribly Sorry About It In Hindsight, Actually (Or, Whoops!)

An alternate Programme Guide by Charles Daniels

Massive Spoiler Warnings!!

Those who do not want Spoilers...RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

See the ENTIRE archive and image site at -

It's -

The One Hundred and Seventieth Entry in the Charles Daniels
Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Paradox

 Peter Alan Tyler was born on 15 September 1954 and on 7 November 1987,
he became road pizza.

 Was it just another quirk in the fabric of time?  Or was it
pre-destined? An unavoidable circumstance, laid out by the
laws of time?

 Or, perhaps, was Peter Alan Tyler just a jerk who couldn't be 
bothered to look where he was going -- and thus received his
Darwinian reward?

 When Rose was a child, her mother used to tell her stories about her
wonderful dad -- and how he had moved to India to help starving
children learn to juggle and wrestle tigers.

 When Rose finally clued in that this was in fact a big fat lie her
mum told her to make her feel better - the poor girl was already 
16 years old!

 Embarrassed that it took her so long to realise the truth about such
an implausible tale, Rose felt powerless to pursue the issue

 And then she met some jerk with a time machine, who was struck
enough by her intelligence, charms, and cleavage to violate all the
laws of time and chance damning creation into oblivion....

 But hey, WHO WOULDN'T DO THAT to get on the good side of Billie

Episode 1.08 -
Honey, I Went Back In Time And Saved My Own Father's Life
Before He Died, Thus Bringing About The Apocalypse
And I Really Am Terribly Sorry About It In Hindsight, Actually
(Or, Whoops!) - 

 Pete, (Rose's dead dad - in case you skipped the prologue), was
struck down in the street by a hit-and-run driver who was never

 Pete died alone, and Rose wants to change that and be there for him.

 It's a wish so touching and heart breaking that I was already crying
like a baby and totally lost the thread of the plot by this point.
I had to re-watch this sequence five times, just to get through it
and figure out what was going on...so bare with me.

 The Doctor thus takes her to Jordan Road, just outside the council
flats, on 7 November 1987. To Rose’s distress, it’s a perfectly
ordinary day, the sky is not filled with evil flying monkeys as she
had somehow expected. 

 Rose and the Doctor stand on the street and watch as Pete drives up
and parks by the curb.  As he emerges with the vase he bought as a
wedding present, a beige car takes the corner far too fast and
strikes him down. His head violently explodes in slow motion, but
since this is pre-watershed BBC, all we get to see is the vase 
shattering, and we have to piece that together for ourselves.

 Pete is dying alone in the street, but Rose freezes, unable to go to

 At this point I called my own father in America and told him that
I was so sorry that we hadn't spoken in sixteen years -- it was just
that I couldn't be bothered.

 So, the next day, on about my third attempt, I got through this
sequence without crying too much to follow the thread -

 Rose is just too late.  Her father has stopped moving.  She has
missed her chance to be with him in his last moments.

 A glutton for agony and remorse apparently, Rose begs the Doctor to
let her try again, and despite himself, the Doctor agrees. 

 However, he warns her that it’s very dangerous to have two sets of
themselves in the same place and time, really bad stuff could happen.

  Rose and the Doctor nip back into the past just a few moments, and
the Doctor lets Rose get closer to the scene of the accident, so she
can reach her father more quickly.

 On cue, Pete drives up to the curb and gets out of the car.
But before anyone can realise it, history changes!

 Pete has stopped the car slightly earlier, and gotten out of the
car WITHOUT the vase.  He immediately gets out of the road and
walks onto the pavement in front of Rose.

 With a wide-smile Pete looks at Rose and says "Hi there.  Need a
lift or anything?  You look a bit lonely.  Actually, I was just
going out for a bit of coffee.  If you'd like some..."

 Pete runs his hands through Rose's hair. 
 "What's your name, precious?
  Anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

 In the street, a car whizzes down the road at unsafe speed.

 Rose is stunned.  It takes her a second to realise that her father
has avoided the accident.....by being a total perv and coming onto
her, even though he KNOWS he's a married man....and DOESN'T KNOW
that she's his daughter from the future!

 The Doctor mutters under his breath "Cross-temporal incest. DAMN!
One of the ultimate dangers of time travel."

 Rose forcefully introduces herself to her father, but Pete assumes
that it’s a coincidence that she shares his daughter’s name. 

 Rose tells him her surname.  He is surprised, as it's the SAME
surname he has!

 Rose tells him the name of her father, and he is totally stunned -

 "We were destined to meet!" Pete insists.

 The Doctor bursts onto the scene, he has been made intensely furious
by this awkward turn of events.

 "Oh, sorry.  I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Rose.  Say...you
guys aren't swingers by any chance, are you?  I mean...I'm an open
minded, 80s kinda' guy."

 The Doctor glowers at Pete, until he drops the subject.

 Pete returns to his flat to change.  In time honoured tradition,
the Doctor breaks into Pete's apartment, and eats the entire contents
of his fridge.
 "Hey!  That's not your stuff!"

 "Rose!  This man should be dead!  In the real time line, he never
ate any of this.  Don't see why I shouldn't help myself."

 "My father is alive.  I don't want to hear about 'real time lines'
and all that nonsense.  This is real.  Right here.  Right now."

 The Doctor looks unimpressed.  "I need to you set this right.
And there's only one way to do this.  You saved him.  You have to
kill him.  There's a pistol in my right jacket pocket.  Take it,
and blow the bastard away."

 "WHAT?!  HOW IN THE HELL could you ask me to kill my own father?"

 "Well, I can't do it!  I'm a pacifist. 
  But get him good, and clean between the eyes."

 "You disgust me.  I never want to talk to you again!"

 "I disgust you?!  ME?!  That guy you care so much about is only alive
because he had some adulterous urge to shag his own daughter from the
future!  What the hell is that about?  
  You've got one creepy dad, Rose.
  With one well stocked fridge.  Damn.  I'm getting full."

 Rose is deeply appalled and accuses the Doctor of being jealous
that she now has a new man in her life.  (Which actually has very
disturbing connotations).

 Furious, the Doctor demands that she return the TARDIS key, and
storms out of the flat.

 Rose vaguely hopes that he’s bluffing -- but she's so livid that
she wouldn't really mind if she actually never did see him again. 

 Pete finishes a shower, and walks into the room surprised to see
Rose -

 "WOW!  I never had a woman follow me back home and break in before.
You must be serious!  
  I've got a bottle of wine in the kitchen.  Why don't we relax and
listen to a couple of records together?
  Get to know each other better.  Get comfortable."

 Meanwhile the Doctor pounds down the pavement, in silent rage.
All around him, rips in the fabric of space and time unleash
unspeakable monsters which devour everything in their path.

  The Doctor ignores the chaos.  This little world has disappointed
him one time too many.  Good riddance.

  When he opens the TARDIS doors, he discovers that the interior has
gone; what was once the TARDIS is now the empty shell of a police box.


 The Doctor stares at the sight before him in great anger.

  Looks like I'll have to save this stinking little planet once
  again after all."

 In frustration he kicks the police box.

 As Pete leans close to Rose on his fake leather couch, she learns a
bit more about him -- but nothing she really wanted to.

 He’s not a travelling swami and charity worker as her mother always
claimed, but just scrapes out a living by suing big companies in
ridiculously implausible accident-injury suites.

 'I got the big bucks from the London Zoo, when I was able to
"prove" that I'd been viciously mauled by a rabid penguin.'

 Pete puts his hand on Rose's knee and gives a firm squeeze.

 On the street outside the Doctor is running at break neck pace.
All around him cars explode in slow motion as giant flying monsters
rip apart schoolchildren limb from limb in an orgy of blood and

 A young couple, Stuart and Sarah approach the Doctor, terrified, and
ask if he can save them. 

 The Doctor takes one look at them, and laughs himself silly.

 "Thanks!  I needed that!  This has been such a shit day.
  No, honestly, you're fucked.  No one can save you now.

 The Doctor continues running as fast as his legs can carry him.

 Eventually the Doctor bursts into Pete's flat, draws the pistol
from his jacket and pumps Pete full of lead.

 Rose stares blankly into thin air, beyond shock.

 "I'm sorry Rose.  It was the only way to save the world."

 "No....no.....that's alright.  I think he was just about to try and
have me.  I might have been traumatized for life."

 The Doctor hugs Rose.  "All that matters Rose, is that everything
is put right.  Everything is as it should be.  Everyone will be just

 A giant flying beast smashes through the wall of the flat.
Its talons rip through the room, completely smashing the coffee
table in front of the fake leather couch.

 Rose jumps up in horror and hides behind the sofa as the monster
flies away.

 The Doctor is stunned, certain that time would automatically repair

 Looking down at his feet, the Doctor notices some pieces of paper
that were knocked off the coffee table.  He picks them up and when
he sees what they are, his jaw drops -

 "Holy time jinx!"

 "What is it?"

 "A one way ticket to India and a sign-up sheet for Juggling lessons!"

 The Doctor realises that the pair of them have completely bollocksed
up the entire universe without even trying.

 Rose is in fits of tears, uncertain what to do now that the
universe is irrevocably fated for ultimate destruction.

 The Doctor holds Rose softly and says -

 "Oh Rose.  Silly thing.  Do you honestly think this is THE FIRST
time I've screwed up so badly that I've ultimately doomed the entire
universe and the lives of everyone in it?
  You should have been with me in the early years!
  The LUCKY thing about universes is that there are so many of them.
I've got this fantastic summer home in the next universe to the left.
Get your things together, we're off!" 
  The world is devoured in fire as the Doctor and Rose check into
the nearest convenient reality.

Book(s)/Other Related - 


Doctor Who And The Unbearably Creepy Time Paradox

Links and References - 
In the rush back to Pete's flat, the Doctor pushes a young Mickey
in front of a cement truck (even though he actually does STOP and
take several moments to complete the job)

Untelevised Misadventures -
The Doctor apparently goes through universes like penny sweets.

Groovy DVD Extras -

The alternate happy ending

The disastrous pornographic ending

Dialogue Disasters -


Doctor: So this is the site of your father's tragic pre-mature
        death, huh?
        I'll leave you to get on with it, Rose.
        I'm off to the corner shop to get some twiglets.
        Want anything?


Dialogue Triumphs -


Doctor: I did it again. I picked another stupid ape.
        I should have known. 
        It's not about showing you the universe. 
        It never is. 
        It's always about shagging your relatives back when
        they were young and attractive.
        What the hell is wrong with you humans?!


Viewer Quotes -

"When I initially read the premise of this story, the first thing I
thought to myself was: 'Oh shit. This sounds like lame
Star Trek: The Next Generation stuff.'

 I mean, I've had it up to here with time paradox stories. And I
could just SENSE the Doctor at the end of the story being like some
stand in Picard, sagely explaining the moral of the story to Wesley,
or in this case, Rose.

 Lucky, Paul Cornell proved me wrong."

                          - Robert Morris (2005)

 "I've thought about this, and even though I really want to like
this story in my heart of hearts.  There's this one overwhelming
problem nagging in my mind.

 The Doctor is supposed to be an old and wise, eternal hero.
A self-actualized super alien from a civilization so far in advance
of us and our petty concerns that he seems god-like.

 AND YET, he is nothing more than a foolish gimp boy for this hot
little blonde thing.

 I mean, in the first scene of the adventure, Rose casually asks
the Doctor to violate all the laws of time and he cheerfully responds,
"Your wish is my command."

 And then, after she goofs up a shot she didn't deserve in the first
place, does the Doctor have an attack of common sense?

 NO!  He lets her do it twice, in spite of knowing the great dangers
to life, the universe, and everything.

 Then Rose's dad takes a twisted shine to her and mucks up causality.
Eventually forces the Doctor to go all Rambo -- and the universe

 So, other than revealing Rose as an irresistible time babe who
causes her own father and our good friend the Doctor to become
hapless bringers of apocalypse...I'm not sure what we are meant to
get from this tale!"    - Dave Folder (2005)

"I have always wanted to see a story like this, a really heart
touching and very personal story about one person, going back in time
to save a loved one - only for the Doctor to brutally murder them for
the good of the web of time.  But then, I'm sadistic."
                                 - Charles Daniels (2005)

Russell T Davies Speaks!

 "There's no story that can't be told!  Except, well, I did get
an unsolicited script entitled 'The Zarbi And The Quirks Join
Forces To Defeat The Cybermen And Destroy Gallifrey'.  We aren't
going to be telling that one."

Christopher Eccleston speaks!

"The Doctor is a great character. He doesn't do 'domestic'.
He doesn't really like domestic set-ups or being answerable to other
 The ninth Doctor seems to have a problem with commitment.  I think
we have that in common!"

Billie Piper speaks!

"I loved this story, but I think we should do another one.
I want to do a script where I get to kill Doctor Who's dad.
I think that's only fair."

Rumours & Facts -

 During what is now romantically called "the wilderness years",
but which I personally refer to as "The Longest Lost Weekend I've
Had Yet", (roughly the period between 1989 and 2003), Doctor Who
was no longer in production.

 Although Doctor Who was no longer on television, and in popular
culture had been reduced to a very tiring and repetitive scarf
joke; A lot of very different people did manage to get quite a
scary amount of Doctor Who books out.

 Paul Cornell wrote a hell of a lot of these books, and became 
Well-known, to a small and fiercely devoted sub-species of Doctor
Who fan, for his ability to incorporate emotional content in 
Doctor Who; And most notably for being able to do it well and without
the artificial jackhammer of force everyone had always assumed that
sort of thing would require.

 This is why Cornell was asked to develop the episode in which Rose
travels back in time to the day her father is killed. 

 Originally, the episode - called “Emotional Pain Glutton” - was
envisaged as one in which Rose repeatedly observes her own father's
death while the Doctor eats popcorn and makes deeply insensitive

 This simple and beautiful premise changed when Cornell was forced to
introduce monsters.

 The monsters themselves underwent a considerable evolution:
Initially, Cornell depicted them as creepy homeless men controlled
by Sony Walkmans, and later it was thought that they might be

 When Cornell couldn't find a logical reason for killer zombie
vagrants controlled by bootleg Dire Straits cassettes, or for time
travelling T-Rex dinosaurs bent on destruction - he finally decided
on flying man-eating beasts that would look awesome in CGI.

 Thanks Paul!