The Creature from Pittsburgh
An alternate Programme Guide by
One Hundred and Eightht Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized
Programme Guide O' Pez
Serial 5G - The Creature From Pittsburgh -
Darkness, a sterile wasteland devoid of all human intelligence -- the
Doctor lands in Pittsburgh. There a disreptuable being, named Erato, has
convinced everyone that he can only be communicated with via brazen acts
of felliato. The Doctor exposes Erato and proves his fraud, but far, far
Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who And The Blow Job of Death
Doctor Mysterio El Erato Erotic
Doktor Who Und Der UberGeschlechtsverkehrMonstrum
Fluffs - Tom Baker seemed aroused for most of this story
Fashion Victims - The actor that played Erato had to wear a giant green
tent over his body, but in the circumstances, I guess he didn't mind too
Goofs - This plot is not totally ludricrous as the Doctor claims. There
really are beings from Thythonus who require felliato to survive
in our atmosphere...or so they told me.
Technobabble - Erato claims to be a suctionoid, a very rare lifeform which
requires advanced beta-proton energy.
Links and References - Oddly no Jand appear in this story nor are they
ever referenced. This shows the lack of consideration
Doctor Who shows toward friendly goat-like aliens.
Untelevised Misadventures -
The Doctor explains that he figures out Erato's ploy so quickly because
he'd been pulled in by the same scheme by a similiar creature on the
planet Disco. The Doctor refuses to discuss the alien, the rave where it
happened, and just how long it took him to figure out what was going on
the first time.
Groovy DVD Extras -
Commentary track where Tom Baker reunites with the Erato operators
Original Disco Soundtrack
Dialogue Disasters -
Doctor: My god! What do you call his horrible wasteland???
Local: We call it -- Pittsburgh.
Romana meets a local holding a long shimmering silver spear with wires and
lights sticking out at the ends -
Romana: What's that?
Local: We call it...a prop!
Dialogue Triumphs -
Doctor: Mpphmm, *SLURP*....YES!! YES!! I think we're getting somewhere!
Dialogue Oddities -
The Doctor: Decieved. Again, I face treachery most cruel.
Tom Baker: Argh! And to think I LOVED YOU!
Viewers' Quotes -
"One word sums up this adventure, Disgusting. And it's a shame, because it
boasted some fine sets, good actors, great disco music, and a rather
interesting plot with some twists." - Richard Waters, 1980
"The scripting of this story is actually below-par in almost every
respect. The characters are all cliched and one dimensional, the dialogue
is generally atrocious...I guess for Doctor Who porno that's not so
bad." - Doug Felder, Psi-Fi Laytex Magazine, 1992
"The Doctor versus the giant space bogey!" - Donald Fumes (2002)
"I condemn this foul display, as much as I rejoice in it!"
- Father James O'Maley (1979)
Psychotic Nostalgia -
"Like those before me I relish the opportunity the engulf the world in
strange Cthulhoid napalm flame. Oh and by the way, I missed this episode
of Doctor Who. Whenever it was showing on PBS I was busy carving dolls out
of my own teeth."
Tom Baker Speaks!
"Yes, well, I think one must realise, that I BELIEVED I was communicating
with an alien, and if the operator was having a very good time..well I'm
glad I could help, but it's not what I would usually do on a Saturday
night. When you get as old as I have, and when you've been a miserably
poor child living on the brink of starvation, and then become a famous and
beloved hero to children, and then felt your whole career and life slump
into a terrible decay -- then you'll understand. My time with Erato was
the happiest of my life."
Rumors & Facts -
It is a standard approach in science-fiction storytelling for the writer
to posit a world possessing one or two distinctive features and then, by
logical extrapolation from those features, develop a culture similar to
and yet fascinatingly different from our own. Sadly that didn't happen
here, and instead we got some weird green blob trying to con innocent
Pittsburghians into cheap and passing oral sex.
Usually in Doctor Who we see a small group of underpaid actors that
somehow manage to give the impression and flavor of a whole civilization
of people. In this story it feels as if Pittsburgh's entire population
consists of about ten individuals.
Predictably, Mary Whitehouse was enranged stating that the blow job was
not realistic, and that she should know because "her husband was Italian".
There is, all things, well some things, well ANYTHING considered, very
little to recommend about The Creature from Pittsburgh, or Pittsburgh, or
in fact the state of Pennslyvannia.