Carnival of Munsters

An alternate Programme Guide by Charles Daniels

Sixty-Eighth Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Fester
Special Thanks To PM Andrew Hobbs for title and plot material

 Serial PPP - Carnival Of Munsters -

Free of the fridgidness of the Time Lords, the Doctor is again able to
shag across time and space.  He immediately throws Jo Grant onto the
console and begins to make up for all the lost time.  The two are so
distracted that neither of them notice that they accidently activate
the controls and are completely ignorant that the TARDIS has
dematerialized.  The two are completely surprised to walk out of the
TARDIS some three weeks later and find themselves on a luxury cruise.
The Doctor notices that all the other passengers are alien monsters,
including the Cyberman in the french maid outfit at the bar, the Yeti at
the head of the conga-line, a Quirk playing shuffle board, and Kathy Lee
Gifford on stage.  Two Venusian Love Slaves put leis on the Doctor and
Jo as an Ice Cream Vendor in a Hawian T-shirt informs the Doctor that it
is a party and not to take the brown acid.  The Doctor and Jo join in
the party, including the orgy held everyday at noon, 4:20, 8:30 and
midnight.  Upon actually bothering to look up, however, the Doctor soon
realises that they have been reduced in size and are currently held
captive under the microscope of one Grandpa Munster in his wackiest
new experiment. Grandpa Munster has built a powerful time miniscope,
giving him a peepshow across time and horror. While trying to deal with
this shocking relevation the Doctor discovers that Jo is running off with
the strange bearded Captain of the vessel.
The Doctor tries to escape and save himself by entering another section
of the the Scope - a swamp - where he is confronted by Spot, The Munsters'
pet dragon.   Running away from the dragon, it leaves it's swampy lair
underneath the stairs and follows the Doctor back to the luxury cruiser.
As Spot viciously rips apart the ship and parts of the scope itself, the
Doctor steals a few kegs of German beer and he and Jo Grant leave.
The Doctor promises to take Jo to MeetMeInBedIn 3, the famous Time Lord
pick up pleasure world of the Action Group.

 Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who - Munsters Mash Mania
                         Doctor Mysterio Viva La Swinger Loco
                         Where's Waldo & Spot Spot, The Ultimate Fun Book

 Fluffs - Pertwee seemed tiny for most this story
          The Doctor says the omega neutron circuit is broken on
          the reverse overdrive, however it is PAINFULLY obvious
          that it is the omega *PROTON* circuit.  You'd think
          these people had never even seen a reverse overdrive
          subengine before!

 Fashion Victims - Jo's neon green shorts and dayglo orange shirt

 Goofs - The package the Doctor pulls a condom out of in episode one says
         "Magnums", but the condom he actually uses is a Trojan ribbed.
         The cliffhanger to episode three seems to be that they're
         microscopic size, but this was already established by the end of
         episode one.
         Why did they let the Pertwee put on a Captains hat and sing
        "In the Navy"?
         The Bastard shows up SOMEHOW in episode two to pick up
         Jo for a date, but this is never mentioned again.

 Technobabble - The Doctor says that FTL travel is not obtainable
                in a subfunctional shield matrix..but I OFTEN do this!

 Links & References - The Bastard mentions he prefers Jo's cheap
                      whore look as he saw her in The Tom-Tit Monster

 Untelevised Misadventures -
 The Bastard mentions he once trapped and tortured Noel Edmunds
 in a MiniScope.

 Dialogue Disasters -

 DOCTOR: We've BEEN Miniaturized!
 JO: And we're quite small too!

 Dialogue Triumphs -

 DOCTOR: I will defeat you!  Size doesn't matter!

 Viewers' Quotes -

  'Apparently this was Land of The Giants Meets The Munsters Meets
  Doctor Who Meets Love Boat.  That's a lot of different shows
  mingling around and trying to meet each other in one story.
  I think the best possible thing would be for Doctor Who to
  say "screw all this cross referencing of different genres stuff -
  let's just make porn!", but I can dream can't I?'
                              - A member of SADWANK (1998)

  'Spot is realised very nicely.  He's a dragon who lives under
   the stairs of a family of hideous monsters.  That piece of
   foam and rubber, makes me believe more than any earlier piece
   of foam and rubber in the series history.'
             - Foam And Rubber Monster Fan Magazine (1976)

  'When I first saw them on TV I was worried, I'd been fooled so
   many times by old shoe boxes...but then to my orgasmic pleasure -
   QUIRKS!  I now see that I was right, I am the beloved creator of the
   best robot race ever to grace television.  I know that I will soon
   control every aspect of Doctor Who!"
    - Creator of the Quirks (1972) (1973) (1975) (1980) (1983) (1999)

  'Dude, the Munsters.  That's all I gotta say.'
  - Charles Daniels, when asked about his previous experience
    with dangerous narcotics during a police investigation, (1999)

 Rumors & Facts -

There is a long standing fan rumor that the production team decided
to place the brief entrance of a Cyberman in this story for a cheap
Doctor Who history reference.  The truth behind this is that a crazed
fan, Corey Klemow, showed up during the filming dressed as a Cyberman
hoping for a small bit part in the episode.  Upon learning that there
was no planned sequence with a Cyberman in this story he decided to
bum rush the stage and tried to blend in with the other actors on
the cruise ship set as the film was actually rolling.  The director,
Barry Letts was furious, but due to the BBC policy of being incredibly
cheap, he was not allowed to refilm any sequence for any reason!
This explains this, and many other, bizarre happenings in Doctor
Who stories.