Evasion of the Dinosaurs

An alternate Programme Guide by Charles Daniels

Seventy-Third Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O'

 Serial WWW - Evasion Of the Dinosaurs  -

  Giant paper mache dinosaurs attack London - Millions Flee!
 The Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith return to find London deserted
 and at the mercy of hand painted dinosaur shaped cut outs of paper.
 When the Doctor first comes face to face with these prehistoric
 cardboard menaces he runs away.
  Later on, after the Doctor and Sarah are reunited with the
 Brigadier, they meet a nearly identical paper mache dinosaur
 which they then run away from.
  Eventually Sarah Jane Smith uses her contacts within the elite
 fascist parties of Marxist-Maoists, Maoists-Marxist, Trotski-Marxist,
 Leninist-Stalinist, and The Just Plain Evil Party, to discover a
 radical attempt to alter all of history.  A group of misguided
 Neo-Enlightment-Stalinist-Maoist-Earth First extremists, led by
 Paddy Ashdown MP, wants to reverse time, wiping out all previous
 history and returning the earth to a golden age before technological
 pollution, fast food, and disco.  At the stunning end of the
 investigation, there is a jump cut to the Doctor, who, just having
 encountered a large dinosaur, is now running away.
  Captain Yates has been subverted to the project golden age and works
 against UNIT.  All seems hopeless for humanity, until the Doctor,
 still in his Super Disco Doctor persona from the end of The Slime
 Warrior, pools all of his super temporal powers.
  Whilst running away from a dinosaur, the Doctor stumbles into the golden
 age time clock, which will undo history by running counterclock wise.
 Realizing that the clock will soon start to untick time, he raises his
 hand and shoots out a magical glowing oil colour stream of pure disco
 energy from his hands.
  The tainted entropy of the super powered disco shooting from the
 Doctor's hands totally destroys the timeless purity of the Golden Age
 Clock. The world is saved, and the Doctor resumes running away from
 paper mache T-Rexes.

 Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who & The Disco Dinosaur Disaster
                         Doctor Mysterio Los Discos Dementia Dinosaurus
                         Dinosaurs - Could They Dance?
                         The Doctor Who Paper Doll Book

 Fluffs - Pertwee seemed prehysterical for most this story
          "A wino sore!"

 Fashion Victims - The revolutionaries plan to rule over a utopian
                   earth wearing flares and gold glitter platform shoes

 Fashion Triumphs - The Doctor sports some bitchin' shades

 Goofs - The Tyrannosaurus Rex has a gold band on his ring finger
         One of the dinosaurs is hastily coloured in crayon with the
         word "Godzilla" written in blue pen on it's side.
         The T-Rex doesnt roar but actually SAYS "roar".  The first
         example of their simplistic and very distracting dialogue.
         In this story the use of CSO seems to be LESS a case of it
         standing for Colour Seperation Overlay, and more a case of
         Crappy Shitty Opticals.

 Technobabble - The Doctor states that heavy amounts of Discotronic
                energy now flow through him in "a very groovy and
                otherworldly way".

 Links & References -
 The Brigadier mentions he hasnt seen such cheap looking monsters
 since the Silly Lurians (BBB)

 Untelevised Misadventures -
 The Doctor claims that he once ran away from a dinosaur which was
 flesh and blood, and not just badly constructed color paper mache

 Dialogue Disasters -

 DOCTOR: You're the nark, aren't you?  It was you wot grassed on us!
 BRIGADIER: Umm...Jon, are you okay?
 DOCTOR: I'm tryin' insert sum' attitude!

 Dialogue Triumphs -

 The classic interview scene with the various political parties -
 EVIL MP: The Just Plain Evil Party has a fairly simple political
          platform, we're for the bad things, and against the
          good things.

 BRIGADIER: We've got company.
 DOCTOR: Good grief, it's a triceratops!  Quick, RUN AWAY!

 DOCTOR: It's not the oil and the flith and the poisonous chemicals
         that are the real causes of pollution.
 BRIGADIER: Yes it is!
 DOCTOR: Ohh quite!  For some reason I thought it was all this water!
         Your planet is just soaking in this stuff!

 DOCTOR: Look, I understand you're ideals.  In many ways I symphatise
         with them.  But this is not the way to go about it, you know.
         You've got no right to take away the existence of generations
         of people.
 YATES: There's no alternative.
 DOCTOR: Yes there is.  Take the world you've got and try to make
         something of it.  Its not to late.
 YATES: No Doctor.  I must go forth with my plans.
 DOCTOR: Then I must go super disco on your ass!  SUBMIT TO MY POWER!
 (Streams of fluid colour shoot from the Doctor's palms)

 Viewers' Quotes -

 "The most realistic dinosaurs to be seen on television!"
                          - The Lying Radio Times (1974)

 "Exactly what we at the BBC like, a story which exists SOLELY to
  fill up six episodes!"  - BBC Department of Tedium (1974)

 "This serial ripped off my blockbuster film "Battle of the Bendy Toys".
  I worked non-stop for two days to complete that film in 1967, and I
  am MOST upset by this obvious rip off!"
                          - Roger Wood (1974)

 "I feel very deeply disturbed that I was never credited for my
  appearance in the programme."  - Basil Brush (1980)

 "I like dinosaurs.  I want to be a dinosaur when I grow up.  But
  I don't want to be paper mache like on Doctor Who."
                 - Charles Daniels, to himself (2000)

 Rumors & Facts -

 Episode 1 of this story was simply called Evasion, in order to make the
appearance of the dinosaurs a complete surprise.  Unfortunately, at a
meeting of the BBC Pyromaniacs Club, in mid-1974, the first episode was
mistaken for The Evasion episode 1, and was burnt as film has that lovely
nitrate firey glow.
 Popular children's character Basil Brush was cruelly abused during the
making of the story.  Not only was credit denied but the hands of the
staff which handled him were so grimy The National Glove Puppet Union
set out a law suit against the BBC.
 This story marks the first appearance of the Doctor's futuristic car,
named by it's creators The Discotron, but usually referred to by the
Doctor Who staff as The Whomobile or The Pertwit (depending on if Pertwee
was on the set).
 Robert Holmes, who makes his debut as script editor for this story,
accepted the post only after Malcolm Hulke and Paddy Russell threathened
to release several photos of him having sex with a Dustbin. (Back in the
70s anybody who was anybody did spread shots with Dustbins)
 Even though the Evasion of the Dinosaurs was simply a showcase of the
Doctor running away from awful paper mache dinosaurs, it will always be
remembered "as that one Doctor Who story where the Doctor keeps running
away from awful glove puppet dinosaurs."