The rec.arts.drwho Quote File - Mar./Apr. 98

Courtesy of Robert J. Smith

Submissions and comments should be sent to Robert Smith)

Welcome everyone to the latest Quote File. The Quote File is basically the
"best and brightest" of rec.arts.drwho - that is, the funniest quotes to
appear in the newsgroup as nominated by *you*. To that end, if you see a
quote you think derserves an entry in the Quote File, just mail me at

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Disclaimer: The copyright of all material contained herein remains with
the original poster. No attempt is made to supercede any copyright and the
Quote File maintains its impartiality under Fair Use for purposes of
Comment or Review.

On with the quotes!


Sean Gaffney (> wrote:

>C'mon, fess up:  which characters in Devil Goblins are *really*
>Keith and Martin?  Is Terrance Dicks in any of the Third Doctor

After seeing More Than 30 Years In The TARDIS, I'm still convinced
that the Sontarans are a very cruel joke by Robert Holmes that
Terrance Dicks simply never got.

Grant Watson (> 11/3/98


[Subject: Re: Short Trips Tape]

Aidan Folkes (> wrote: 
>>>Loved Model Railway thingy which I can't remember the exact title
>>>of, but is the way Sophie says Blum correct, cause I've been reading
>>>it wrong;

Jon Blum (> wrote:
>>It should be pronounced like "plum".  Did Sophie get it wrong?

Peter Anghelides wrote:
>She pronounces it "bloom".

Just as well she wasn't reading the novelisation of Battlefield,
otherwise she'd have pronounced it "BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!"
(in increasing degrees of intensity).

Mike Teague (> 11/3/98


[Subject: Re: Dapol figures]

Ketan1 wrote:
>Here is a list of what is available.
>34.    Dr Who Winged Yo-Yo

I must have missed the story in which the Winged Yo-yos attacked. I presume
it was a Hartnell story...

Iain Murray (> 12/3/98


Jonathan Blum wrote:
>Just wanted to collect some thoughts for a fanzine article I may end up
>working on.  What do you think the "formula" elements for the NA's were?

NA Formula (incantation by the Witches of Ladbroke):

Clumsy Sex, Revolting Slime,
Evil (From the Dawn of Time),
Psycho Bitches, Token Gays,
Random Quotes from Classic Plays,

Teenage Angst, Zeitgeist Icon,
Chapter Named for Favourite Song,
Post-Modern Wink and Private Joke,
And Where the Hell's that 'Doctor' Bloke?

Rob Stradling (> 12/3/98


Matthew Watson wrote:

>Hmm, Mat
>------------Spot the quote-----------
>- It's a bomb
>- Big Isn't it

I've spotted it!  I've spotted it!

It's at the very end of your post, right after where it says "Spot the quote".

That wasn't too clever.  Try hiding it somewhere a bit more out of the way next
time, like in your EMail address or the Message ID or in another post entirely.

Corey Klewmow (> 12/3/98


[Subject: Re: Here's a terrifying thing...]

Keith Topping wrote:

>According to the news this evening a mile-wide asteroid it heading
>towards each and may well hit the planet in about thirty years time.

You're right that is terrifying. I'm glad I live on planet Earth. The people
of planet Each must be really crapping themselves.

Pete White (> 12/3/98


Di Rocco Gian Luca D wrote:

>   SPACE isn't available in Hamilton?

Apparently not. Even the municipal parks are multi-storey.

Rob Stradling (> 13/3/98


Paul Rhodes wrote:

>Why does nobody ever dress up as a spaceship for a Doctor Who

Ian Levene has been going as the Death Star for years, but no-one ever

Rob Stradling (> 13/3/98


Gregg Smith (> wrote:
>>> [This message brought to you by the Institute for the Hard of
>>> Thinking]

Lord of deXness (> wrote:
>>What year do you graduate?

Gregg Smith (> wrote:
>Assuming I don't fail utterly, I go free in '99.

Do come back once in a while and let us know what it's like to be a
professional hard-of-thinker. Most of the rest of us are just very
convincing amateurs! :-)

Robert Smith? (> 13/3/98


[Subject: Muppet Who]

Copied this chat transcript off Sci Fi Online. Thought this group
might be interested to hear what the Exec Producer of the Muppet Doctor
Who series had to say about his travesty of a mockery of a tv series...


The Americanisation of an Entertainment Legend

Interview and introduction by Richard Kryslwycki

In an announcement that has sent the entertainment industry buzzing, Jim
Henson Productions has recently announced their acquisition of the rights
to produce a puppet series based on BBC and FOX Broadcasting's Doctor Who.

Industry pundits have already nick-named the fledgling production "Muppet
Who", after the production company's most famous creations. But just what
does this take-over mean for the future of Doctor Who, and it's ill-fated
spin-off, Puppet Who? SCI FI ONLINE talks to "Muppet Who" series producer
Jim Thomasen to find out.


SCI-FI ONLINE:  Muppet Who? Is this for real?
JIM THOMASEN (laughs):  Well, that's just a working title. We haven't yet
decided what to call the series.
SFO:    What can Doctor Who's existing fans expect from the new series?
JT:     It's classic Doctor Who. We intend to maintain the integrity of the
original series, absolutely. Only with Muppet characters.

SFO:    Does that mean we can expect KERMIT as THE DOCTOR?
JT:     Well, no. (laughs). Not that we didn't like Kermit's Doctor - we
really did. Kermit is a very subtle puppet actor. We even have plans to use
him in the pilot. But the consensus around the studio was that GONZO was
the definative Muppet Doctor. Gonzo is ideal casting, when you think about it,
since, like the Doctor, no-one quite knows what he is either.
SFO:    I thought he was a chicken.
JT:     Oh. Are you sure?
SFO:    Well, I THINK so....
JT:     Maybe he's only HALF-chicken. (Laughs).


SFO:    Seriously though. Given the show's fiercely loyal fan following,
aren't you a little afraid that the fans will rebel at having their
favorite characters portrayed portrayed by warm and fuzzy puppets?
JT:     No. We have been very careful in staying as close to the spirit of
the original series as we can. We believe that our series will be the
perfect blend of sci-fi, fantasy and anarchic fluffiness.
SFO:    .. all the while maintaining the integrity of the original series?
JT:     Absolutely. That's why we've only made a few minor cosmetic changes
to the original blueprint of the series.
SFO:    Such as?
JT:     Well, we've decided to make the Doctor's grand-daughter SARA his
half-sister instead. And we've dropped the 'h'. Our initial focus group
didn't like having the Doctor as a grandfather. It detracted from the
general 'machismo' of the character.
SFO:    The general 'machismo' of Gonzo..?
JT:     Exactly.


SFO:    ..and the 'h'?
JT:     Sara is more American which was preferable since we were able to
persuade Canadian Singing Sensation Celine Dion to do a cameo role, whilst
she was recording the Doctor Who Love Theme.
SFO:    The Doctor Who Love theme..??
JT:     Yes. Would you like to hear it?
SFO:    Please.
                Though I don't
                know your name,
                I Love You
                Just the same,
                Un-til time itself
                Must end
                Then Again.....
                Doc-tor Who
                Doc-tor Who
                I Lo-o-o-ove....

JT:     That's just the first song off the soundtrack album. We have
several of the other Muppet Who musical numbers being recorded as we speak.
SFO:    Musical numbers...?
JT:     Yes. "Disco Daleks" and "Travelling Tardis Man" to name a few ... 


SFO:    Disco Daleks..? Then we can assume that many of the series classic
foes will feature in the new series?
JT:     As many as can fit! (Laughs) We have the return of THE DALEKS, the
Master and a Cyberman in the pilot episode alone!
SFO:    I trust the Daleks won't be played by Fraggles...? (laughs)
JT:     (laughing) No, not at all. We are using the WHITE CHICKENS.
SFO:    Inside Dalek costumes I hope!
JT:     Well, initially we DID make Dalek costumes for the white chickens,
but when we showed the scenes to our focus group, some of the young mothers
felt that they were just a little too scary for children, so we had to
just tweak the concept a little... and decided to forego the costumes
SFO:    So the Daleks in your series are, essentially, white chickens?
JT:     Yes. It actually works really well in relation to the storyline.
The Dalek chickens want to exterminate every other character who is not a
white chicken. Since Gonzo is assuming the role of The Doctor, the Daleks
are naturally infuriated - since they don't really know WHAT Gonzo is.
The Dalek chickens think he is mocking them (because of his appearance).
That makes them really mad.


SFO:    Extraordinary. What are your plans for THE CYBERMEN?
JT:     At the moment we have only one Cyberman, played by BEAKER.
Unfortunately Beaker can only "speak" in a series of unintelligible
beeps and murmurs, so his dialogue will be translated with the help of
his faithful companion ROWLF, the piano-playing Cyber Dog.
SFO:    ..and THE MASTER?
JT:     ..will be played by Michael Caine.
SFO:    Will Mr. Caine be singing?
JT:     No. (laughs). But he does a very nice hot-shoe shuffle with MISS
PIGGY in our second episode: "THE DALEK DIET-PLAN".


SFO:    How exactly does Miss Piggy feature in the new series?
JT:     NOT, I repeat NOT as a romantic interest. We have too much respect
for our fans to violate the original concept of the show in that way. No,
Miss Piggy will be playing TEGAN, one of The Doctor's companions. ...We
have, however, made her a martial arts expert, to take advantage of Miss
Piggy's natural frog-chopping abilities.
SFO:    Considering that KERMIT will not be aboard for the series, what
advantage will this be to the show?
JT:     I assure you, Richard, that there will be PLENTY of karate
frog-chopping going on, even without KERMIT. (laughs). We have cast
Kermit's nephew, ROBIN, as ADRIC.


SFO:    Jim, how do you respond to criticism that Muppet Who is just a
thinly disguised rip-off of the ill-fated PUPPET WHO series?
JT:     That is absolutely untrue. I am sure Charles (Daniels, Puppet Who's
creator) would agree with me on this.
SFO:    So you have spoken to him about this?
JT:     Not exactly. However I did have the pleasure of meeting with him
some weeks ago, and he was already working on a new project, PAPERPUPPET
WHO. He was attempting to create the entire cast of Doctor Who out of a
single sheet of white A3 bond. A difficult enough proposition, I would
have thought, even when you are allowed to handle sharp objects, and
don't have to rely solely on you own teeth.. We wish him the best.
SFO:    Wouldn't the Henson Company's acquisition of the rights to the
puppet version of Doctor Who preclude any attempt Mr Daniels might make
to produce his own incarnation of PAPERPUPPET WHO or PUPPET WHO characters?
JT:     No, not at all. There is no legal restriction preventing Mr Daniels
from producing any number of Doctor Who or PaperPuppet Who offshoots as he
wishes. As long as he doesn't attempt to sell them, merchandise them, or
preview them to the public on any television, radio, videotape, 
audiotape, talking book, internet, or public performance in any English
(and most non-English) speaking countries for the next fifty years.
SFO:    When will the new series be airing?
JT:     The new series is scheduled to air on the US FOX network
sometime in the middle of the year. If all goes to plan we expect it may
be following Matt Groenings as yet unnamed futuristic animation series.
Given the success of The X-Files, FOX network is very interested in
strengthening it's commitment to quality science fiction programming.
SFO:    Jim, if this takes off, are there any plans in the works for MUPPET
JT:     Now that's just being ridiculous.
SFO:    Jim Thomasen, thankyou for speaking with us on SCI-FI ONLINE.
JT:     It was a pleasure.


        GONZO...................................THE DOCTOR    
        MISS PIGGY...................................TEGAN    
        SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES BY                           
        KERMIT............................THE FIRST DOCTOR    
        ROWLF..................THE PIANO PLAYING CYBER DOG    
        BEAKER................................. CYBERMAN 1    
        SAM THE EAGLE................LORD PRESIDENT BORUSA            
        STATLER...................WISECRACKING TIME LORD 1    
        WALDORF...................WISECRACKING TIME LORD 2    
        AND SPECIAL GUEST STARS                 
Copyright SCI-FI ONLINE 1998.

Kit (> 14/3/98


[Subject: Re: Missed the Poll]

Jean-Marc Lofficier" (> wrote:

>I vote for a longer poll. 

What man doesn't, Jean-Marc?

Ben 'Saulchurch' Varkentine (> 14/3/98


Dan Blythe (> writes:
>It's far better than his 1986 effort (Twiddly Theme). Of the others,
>Zingy Theme (1980-85) is really growing on me after all this time! I
>still have a fond place in my heart for Woowy Theme (original), but,
>quiet champion of McCoy as I am, I can't really warm to 'Thumpy Theme'.

"I'm Quiet's Champion," said the Doctor.  "I'm the one the vocal cords 
have nightmares about."

-- from _Love and Roars_, by Paul Cornell (1992)
Jason A. Miller (> 15/3/98


Lee Horton wrote:

>Christopher Benjemin DID play HG Jago in Talons.  But the one who played
>Stahlman didn't play any role in DW.

Not even Stahlman?  Man, that's existential.  Or something.

Corey Klemow (> 16/3/98


From: (Mordred)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.drwho
Subject: Re: Battlefied - Extended Edition]
Date: Mon, 16 Mar 1998 22:44:14 GMT

A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha
ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha

(another scene happens)

A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha
ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha
haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha haaaaa! A ha ha



Rayctate wrote:

>>Ah, but let a half-human Doctor kiss Grace, and watch many of
>>the loomers go ballistic.

Corey Klemow (> wrote:


>I embrace both the Loom and the half-human kissing Doctor.

I'd embrace the half-human kissing Doctor, too, if it
wasn't for that damn restraining order.

Erin Tumilty (> 16/3/98


>>>JRR Tolkien
>>>Michael Moorcock

Shagspeare (> wrote:
>>There's two names you don't often see together.

Brigadier Nathan Rogers (> writes:
>What about Terrance Dicks and Michael Moorcock?

If you've got Dicks, why would you want Moorcock?

Azaxyr (> 16/3/98


[Subject: What breed is K9?]

Dangermouse wrote:
>> Wire-haired, naturally.

Peter Anghelides  (> wrote:
>He's an alcansatian. Crossed with a metal boxer.

I always thought he was a wolf in jeep's clothing.

Robert Smith? (> 18/3/98


Trevor Hilst wrote:

>German Shepherd.

No that was his first master's former job. K-9 is
a Bi-Alsation.

Peter Anghelides (> 18/3/98


Helen Fayle (> wrote:
>>No, just make him write the complete guide to the NA's, MA's, 8DA's &
>>In the style of...(insert choice>.(g>

Robert Smith? (> wrote:
>Dave Yadallee.

RIGHT!  Smith you have asked for it and I must compilate.


John "Skaro" Peel.

TARDIS lands cradle of civilization, stops evil goddess (what ho?)
killing world.

CEILING INSPECTORS!  King triumpsh, world saved by Doctor.  Evil goddess
piflers Ship bits, leaves.

Ian McIntire

Ishtar, Gilgamesh and Mesopotamia
NEVER Pythia, Rassilon and Gallifrey

Ian McIntire (> 19/3/98


Susannah Tiller (> wrote:

>Strange but true...
>I leant one of my friends my copy of Face of the Enemy, and she took it with
>her to the riding school where she works. While she was out of the
>stables, her horse, Hannah, managed to open her backpack, grab the book,
>and nibble on it for a while.

Am I the only to remember Donald Cotton's original title for Myth Makers
episode 3, Is There A Doctor In The Horse?

I guess we know the answer now.

Benjamin F. Elliott (> 19/3/98


[Subject: Re: . ]

Marjean Fieldhouse (> wrote:
> .

I think, one of the most curious things about this piece is its
wonderful...afunctionality. Divorced from its any meaning, I think, purely
as a piece of art, its structure of lines and color is curiously
counterpointed by the redundant vestiges of its function.
It has no call to be here; the art lies in the fact that it is
here. Exquisite. Absolutely exquisite.

Charles Daniels (> 19/3/98

----------------------------------------------------------------------- (Grant Watson) writes:

> And this thread appears to be a misinformed representation of
> comic books as childish, "low" art when they're not. (And Mr
> Lofficier would know this, having written a few really good ones.)

Naahh.  We're just saying the following:

1) Those weird and wonderful comic books have pretty well cornered the
field in outrageously silly OTT superhero action - and have explored the
territory so thoroughly over the past seventy-odd years that they have
plumbed some pretty dire depths and invented new cliches.  Of course no
idea is so bad that no one will steal it, giving rise to completely
stupid, melodramatic cliched concepts introduced by someone who grew up
reading too many comic-books.

2) That the Time's Champion idea fitted this definition to a tee.

3) And that it was also lame, tired, irritating, silly, inane and
pointless. But let's be fair to it.  It was also utter shit.

Finn Clark (> 21/3/98


[Subject: Re: How are things coming along with radw.mod ?]

John Long (> wrote:
>Jason A. Miller wrote:
>>         The presence of r.a.dw.mod will in no way affect John
>> Long's free access to Usenet and the rec.arts.drwho forum.

JOHN LONG (screaming> >Just to be clear on one point, at present time 
I have no intention of
>even setting foot in a moderated DW group.  And whenever possible I
>shall vote against it.  You'll not see me in such a limited, slow,
>consored forum.  And the only reason I'd ever go into your precious new
>group is to tell you all what a bad idea it is.

*electronic scream*

         The Doctor
         COLIN BAKER

         JOHN LONG


         JAMES BREE

         Gloof Creatures
         CY TOWN

         Gloof Voices
         ROY SKELTON
         JOHN LEESON

         Costume Designer
         JUNE HUDSON

         Make-Up Artist

         Script Editor
         BITE ME JNT

         Opening Titles
         SID SUTTON

         KATE ORMAN


         JASON A. MILLER
         (C) BBC  MCMLXXXVI

[Star goes SUPERNOVA]

[Fade to Black]

Jason A. Miller (> 22/3/98


[Subject: Re: Keys of Marinus Question]

david m (> wrote:

>Who was Larn?

Susan, who despite appearing in 'Keys of Marinus' doesn't go under her
posh and alliterative 'Lady Larn' title in that story as Eric Saward
hadn't made it up yet.

Clever of you to spot that there was an ambiguity here though, as most
people to whom your question occurs just think, "Oh, Larn's that bloke
there called Larn" and think no more about it, thus failing to notice
the multiplicity of Larns in the story, the possibility for fanwank
theories linking the dynasty of Rassilion to this upstanding citizen
of Millenius, and the missed oppertunity to name the serial "The Two

Richard Jones (> 22/3/98


[Subject: Ultimate Treasure:  The FIrst 9 Pages]

5 PM EST:  On this gorgeously pleasant afternoon I decided to
open a brand new "Doctor Who" book because I love Doctor Who
and life is good!  My copy of the book is in terrific condition
and made me smile inwardly.  I'm so happy!

5:01 PM EST:  Wow!  This Bulis is some corker of a writer.  He
doesn't even waste time on frippery like title pages or
tables of contents or even epigraphs.  He just gets right down
to the action!  Chapter One is right there in front of me.
Which means I can begin my pleasurable reading experience even
SOONER!  Life is good!  I'm happy!

5:02 PM EST:  "The only illumination in the Seers' chamber came from
the ring of nine tall candles mounted in brass cups on the floor at
its centre."  Well, _Ultimate Treasure_ may open to an exceedingly
cheezy first paragraph.  But I'm just glad to be alive and reading
"Doctor Who".  Yeah.

5:04 PM EST:  Finished the three pages that are Chapter One.  The
first chapter is called "Visions And Portents" and features nine
cloaked, hooded visages in a circle, mentally summoning images of
space-time.  Any resemblance to B5 strictly unintentional.  B5 repeat
is on cable TV in less than two hours.  I will remember to put the
book down at that time.  Though if the rest of the writing is like
this that shan't be a problem.  Still.  It's OK.  I'm in an OK mood.

5:06 PM EST:  Page five.  Chapter 2.  A character named "Hok".
The obvious joke about this book being "Hokey" thus comes to mind.
A mysterious non-humanoid alien is conducting a shady business
transaction with an unseen character.  I've certainly never seen
*that* before, as I remark on Bulis' remarkable ability to summon
up cliche after cliche in his writing and not even realize how
"Hok"-ey he's making them sound.  But i press on.  I'm game.
I'm determined.

5:07 PM EST:  Pages 6 to 8.  Peri's first act as a time traveller
is to go shopping.  This from the same author whose most profound
insight into liz shaw was to have her want to wash her hair after
her first time travelling experience

508 pj est:  page 8 still.  hashed out terrance-dicks like recap
of planet of fire peri's first tv story.  "4 a moment perry eyed
the desine with interest then the silver glitter reminded her
of kamelion and she frowned."  urge to live fading.  im so cold
so very cold

510 pm est:  peri lusts after the doctor.  "all things considered
she privately agnowlidged that he was somebody she might find it
very easy to fall for in a big way".

511:  i'm cold and the sun is going out mother.

512:  "the usual rules didnt apply to the doctor.  for all his
outward appearrance, there was something mysterios and , well,
alien about him"  well said god bulis i worship the ground on
which youwrite dear dear sir this is enlightening i have never
read prose as deep and cutting as this

513: i'mcoldandcan'tmovemyfingers anymore.  tiping with my nose.
cant lift head up.  blood on the keyboard.  my nose is bleeding.

514:  but dont tell my heart my achy breaky heart i just dont
think it understands cause if you tell my heart my achy breaky
heart it might blow up and kill this man

... --- ...

Jason A. Miller (> 23/3/98


[Subject: The Leekly Gallifrey.]

I don't know whether I like 'Fathers and Brothers', or whether I
don't. When I read it's summary in The[1] Nth[2] Doctor[3] last year,
then like most fans I thought it was bloody 'orrible. Then it occured
to me that if I'd only ever read 'Enemy Within' as a bare synopsis,
with occasional snatches of script and continuity-centred footnotes,
then I'd almost certainly really hate it too.

So I thought I'd give it another read. Also, since Lance is teasing
with the prospect that elements from it are in 'The Infinity Doctors',
and Jean-Marc has been claiming that its Gallifrey is more faithful to
that of 'The Deadly Assasin' than 'Lungbarrow' is, then I thought I'd
post a couple of thoughts on the story's Gallifrey. (Ignoring the
obvious irony that the 'faithfulness' of a Gallifrey is now apparently
to be measured against one of the show's most wildly revisionist

Comfortably the coolest thing about 'Fathers and Brothers' is an
unseen character called Zorbra. Had this version of the TVM been
filmed, I suspect there would have been dozens of fanfics written
about "Zorbra : Dalek Inspector", who according to the synopsis is
sent "to the remote mountain areas of Gallifrey to check for signs of
Dalek invaison". You really can't get much more Doctor Who than that,
can you ? Some bloke with a clipboard knocking on your door saying,
"Good afternoon. I'm from the High Council, and I'm in the area
checking for signs of Dalek invaison. Could you spare me a few moments

The landscape of the planet has got a lot more interesting. Wheras
before we just had the Capitol, the Drizzle Zone, and vauge mentions
of moutains, on Leekly-Gallifey we get evocative talk of mesas,
canyons, ruined temples, cave systems, etc. It sounds like the
loccation spotting trip to Utah he mentions in the interview really
inspired him, and I bet that visually his Gallifrey would have been
bloody amazing, even if the actual Time Lord city sounds a little less
enchanting, its domes and crystal spires all sounding pretty like one
of those generic bits of painted glass that ST:TNG kept on reusing.

The most radical departure is that one of the most distinct things
about Gallifrey has gone - its isolationsim. Leekly-Gallifrey is heart
of a huge federation of planets, with faraway colonies, military
enemies, and involved political dealings with other worlds.From the
synopsis it is hard to see if the scene in which all this new
information is given to us is either an internally inconsistent mess
or a lovely bit of political satire. I think it's the latter. As
Leekly is working his revisionism (and even if you say this story is a
prequel to BBC-Who, setting this sort of a Gallifrey as the one for a
prospective new seris IS revisionism) then the Master and Borusa are
playing at historical revisionism of thier own, one talking about how
Gallifrey rose to its position of power by the Elders building a
republic out of peace treaties between the planets, and the other
talking how they built an Empire as a proud military race. 

This scene would doubtless have been fabulous filmed, the satire on
how politians rewrite history to thier own ends fitting in wonderfully
with the power struggle going on in the temple, and with the themes of
the story (How sad that John Peel should take the Spider-Daleks from
Leekly, but not his lessons on how to write a 'War is bad' message in
a non-embarrassing way). This doesn't change the fact however that
both of the two new reasons for Gallifrey's premience are dull as
dishwater compared to the former reason why the planet was special -
It out-evolved us. It developed time travel first, and that's what
makes it important. Not that it carved an empire or negotiated a
federation, that totally misses the point. The ideas are presented
well, but they're painfully unimaginative.

So that's the external politics of Leekly-Gallifey, what about its
internal politics ? As Jon Blum recently mentioned, the series'
Gallifrey stories never make much of family. Here, in the politics as
much as in the plot, it's everything. We have a 'President' who is
appointed by the hereditary priciple ! The Master is able to make
political capital out of the Doctor's illegitamacy and the Chapters
have now become equated with 'clans'.

I enjoyed re-reading this part of The[1] Nth[2] Doctor[3], and this
time was actually able to see a lot of what might of made 'Fathers and
Brothers' a decent bit of televison. Whatever the merits of it's
Gallifrey however, I can't see how it can be described as faithful.


[1] 'THE' : The word "The" has featured in the titles of many Doctor
Who serials. Its use there predates its use in "Star Trek : The Nex t

[2] 'N' : The letter "N" features in the production codes for stories
as diverse as "Frontios" and "The[1] Abominable Snowmen". Production
codes are very important. Were I to say "Logopolis" to you, you
wouldn't have a clue what I was talking about, would you ? But were I
to say "Logopolis (5V)" then... Ah yes. It's all coming back now,
isn't it ?

[3] 'DOCTOR' :  Most of the scripts for Doctor Who films written after
the cancellation of the BBC show featured the Doctor. This may have
been intended as a link to the original series.

Richard Jones (> 24/3/98


Cliff Bowman wrote:
>Anyone help me out with a scene from the TV series which stresses that
>HartnellDoc necessarily impregnated susan's mother causing her

My gosh, that'd be a LOT weirder than the Looms, as that'd mean Susan
was actually his DAUGHTER, or worse, that Hartnell impregnated his own

I mean, there have been connections implied between Ancient Greek
culture and Gallifreyan culture, but I think that's taking things too

Corey Klemow (> 27/3/98


>Look at how many times Borusa had regenerated, he was being realistic
>there were going to be accidents he was going to die eventually.

Yes, this was specifically stated in an exchange cut from the final version
of 'The Five Doctors':

'We're immortal barring accidents, Borusa, why are you seeking immortality?'
'Because I'm an accident-prone goofball.'
'Good point. Carry on.'

Lance Parkin (> 29/3/98


BFElliott (> wrote
 >> I bought Timewyrm: Genesis for $1.50 last week!

>> Not as good a deal as the $.25 for The Nightmare Fair, but a good deal.

David W Miller wrote:
>Yeah well you think that's something, I actually bought the original TARDIS
>control room prop for a buck fifty at a garage sale.

>Which of course wasn't as good of a deal as when I found Tom Baker
>(complete with scarf) in the quarter bin at a local thrift shop.

I didn't realise he'd fallen on such hard times...

Daniel Frankham (> 29/3/98


[Re: Day of the Daleks]

Azaxyr (> wrote:
>it would be quite an excellent story if they left the Daleks out.

Robert Smith? (> wrote:
>I agree, actually. Also, if they'd reminded Pertwee to act and not be so
>wooden and had a few more rounds of auditions to get a couple of guest
>actors replaced and gotten a director who knew how to make a tense and
>thrilling script seem anything other than dull as dishwater on the screen
>then we would have had a real classic. But they didn't.

>(Oh and I'm not just being facetious here; I really like the script and the
>novelisation is brilliant. It's just yet another example of DW being let
>down by the fact that it had to be produced by the BBC)

Benjamin: QUOTEFILE!
Robert: Oh, come on, that was too expressive!
Benjamin: WHAT?!?
Robert: If you're going to do this like a BBC production, you have to be
restrained and dull. Now, try again.
Benjamin: Quotefile!
Robert: Sorry. You still have too much personality.
Benjamin: Quotefile.
Robert: That's getting better. But you still have to cut back with the
emphasis on the "qu" and the electrical way you say "ile".
Benjamin: quotefile
Robert: Excellent! Now, can you make it slightly incoherent and sound
like they forgot to turn on the microphone?
Benjamin: coadph
Robert: Perfect! We'll use that take! You may have a future in British
Benjamin: Suddenly the junk from Italy doesn't seem so bad ...

Benjamin F. Elliott (> 29/3/98


Marcus Durham wrote:
> On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being a normal viewer, 10 being
> somebody who has 300 Daleks in his cellar) then how would you rank
> yourself?


Ratcliffe  (> 29/3/98


[Subject: Re: Book your seats for RADW's first Iliad flamewar !]

Susannah Tiller wrote:
>All of which has nothing to do with Who... but I must admit, it's
>interesting to see a flamewar over something as cultured as the Iliad!
>Quite a change from "McCoy Sux". :-)

I hate the new hero they introduce towards the end of the mythic
cycle. In the old days, you had simple, straightforward guys like
Hercules and Jason, who just hit people and broke things, or
occasionally came up with clever plans on the spur of the moment. But
at the end of the cycle, they bring in this manipulative Odysseus guy,
who comes up with these cunning schemes way in advance and just seems
to control everything. Where's the suspense in that, eh? And they had
these really stupid off-the-wall plots, like when all those guys
turned into pigs. They lost the traditional storytelling values of the
early myths, and started going in for fancy literary stuff, like
non-linear narrative, which made the myths unsuitable for a mass
audience. And in the end Odysseus went home and we saw his wife and
kid, even his bloody dog, and it totally ruined the mystery behind the
character. No wonder the mythic cycle ended there -- he ruined it!

Odysseus sucks!

(And don't get me started on those stupid Virgil books, spinning off
that boring Aeneas guy, years after the proper cycle had finished. As
far as I'm concerned, the mythic cycle ended when the Greeks stopped
making it! The Aeneid is just fanfic!)

Daniel Frankham (> 29/3/98


Robert Smith? (> wrote:
> Anyone with a slightly more physics-y background want to have a go at the
> plausibility of blowing up an entire moon with a handgun? I highly doubt
> it myself, especially without even any DW technobabble, but I could be
> wrong.

I think it would depend on what the moon was made of.  If it
happened to be a natural form of plastic explosive, which contained
both oxidizer and fuel but not quite enough potential energy to
initiate a reaction... then I suppose discharging a small electric
shock would blow the thing up.

But if the energy required isn't coming from the moon itself, as in
the above example, then it would have to come from the gun.

Earth's moon has a mass of 7.3483 x 10-to-the-25 grams.  Escape
velocity is 2370 meters per second, so to really splatter it, you
would need an energy of

        0.5 x 7.3483 x 10-to-the-25 x 2370-squared

which is about 2 x 10-to-the-32 Joules.  Now, your beam has to
deliver this energy in about 1 second if you're going to properly
hit all of the moon, rather than just blow the bit you're standing
on out of the way, so you need a power output of at least
2 x 10-to-the-32 Watts.  (Actually, there are also speed-of-light
problems in percolating the energy across the whole moon in that
time, but never mind.)

For comparison, the total power output of the Sun is only
3.86 x 10-to-the-25 Watts.  The hand-gun therefore needs to
pack about 5,000,000 times as powerful a fusion reactor as the
Sun into a volume about 10-to-the-29 times smaller.  It might just
have an occasional tendency to over-heat?

By E=mc-squared, even if it were perfectly efficient at liberating
energy, the mass of the hand-gun's energy store must be at least

   M = 2 x 10-to-the-32 / (3 x 10-to-the-9 squared)

which comes out to about 8.2 metric tonnes per shot, so you'd
probably want a shoulder-strap.  Another important safety tip
is that, after firing, the gun might well have a tendency to
collapse into a mini-black-hole due to the implosion of an
extremely high energy density.  You might want to pull the
trigger with a piece of string and stand a few yards off, just
to be on the safe side.

To conclude: the plausibility of blowing up a moon with a
hand-gun is, well, let's say it makes the scene in "The Masque
of Mandragora" where the Doctor rescues Sarah from the cult
members by distracting all of them to look upwards at the
same moment, downright reasonable by comparison.

Graham Nelson (> 29/3/98


Azaxyr (> wrote:
>> No, Aaronovitch is the lousy stinking bastard who pissed the
>> Daleks down the toilet.

Chris Rednour wrote:
>No, Aaronovitch is the lousy stinking bastard who pulled the
>Daleks up the stairs.

>As far as I know, they could always piss down the toilet.

>Given the proper motivation, of course.

It has always been my belief that going to the lavatory was an
important part of Dalek culture (even more fundamental to their inner
lives than opera.) Indeed, it is my belief that, for the average
Dalek, going to the lavatory is as important as extermination.

Which is why their only two appendages are a gun and a toilet plunger.

(I also believe the 60s Cybermen practice golf while vacuuming.)

Daniel Frankham (> 30/3/98


[Subject: Re: Bisexual Benny Books]

Mike Teague (> wrote:
>How can a book be bisexual ???

It goes for paperback and hardback.

Charles Daniels (> 30/3/98


>>>and how the second Doctor can know what's going to happen to Jamie
>>>and Zoe in "Five Doctors"...

Charles Daniels (> writes:
>>The Brigadier saw the Second Doctor and was happy to see him
>>obviously the Brigadier knew that the 3rd Doctor didn't travel
>>with Jamie and Zoe, it's damned likely the 3rd Doctor told Brigadier
>>why he was stuck on earth and what happened to Jamie and Zoe
>>as they'd met before.  The Brigadier then told this too the
>>Second Doctor off hand in their conversation.

Eng6gcgs wrote:
>And, of course, the Brigadier is such an idiot (as established in the
>continuity of numerous TV stories), he didn't think of this.

(from one of the excised scenes not restored to the new edition of The
Five Doctors>

BRIGADIER: Ah, but the second Doctor wouldn't know that -- so you must
be an illusion, too!

DOCTOR: Bugger, I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

(The Doctor fades away. The real 2nd Doctor walks around the corner>

DOCTOR: My dear Lethbridge-Stewart! What on earth are you doing here?!


DOCTOR: Don't tell me you've been picked up by that dreadful time
scoop, too... Oh my word, this is worse than that time when the
Terrible Zodin wanted to have your... oh, but that hasn't happened
yet, has it?

Daniel Frankam (> 30/3/98


Fibuli wrote:
>"I'm terribly sorry, Sam, I'd love for you to sit on my face, but sadly
>my arse is on fire." -The Infinity Doctors by Lance Parkin (According to
>the review copy I got in 1932.)

"And I'd therefore be really put out."

Peter Anghelides (> 31/3/98


Terry (> wrote:
>>>Maybe not necessarily a pun but it's god damn annoying when Ace says
>>>"Ace!"  I cringe every time she says that....god it's immature.

Charles Daniels wrote:
>>Well what do you expect? ;)

Terry (> wrote:
>I know.  I should expect that.  It just kills me.  When you see program
>that is considered an institution gone to shit with quotes like
>"wicked."  What the hell is that?

I always thought having Ace rattle off all of that "youth speak" would be
like having Susan always crying out "Ginchy!" during the Hartnell days, or
Jo constantly going on "Dig that crazy Ice Warrior Doc, man he's like far

David W Miller (> 1/4/98


Q. How many Doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Eight. One to say, "My dear child, I certainly won't be lighting
the change. Nor on that bulb!"; a second to say, "When I say unscrew,
unscrew. (a beat> Unscrew!"; then a third to say, "My dear Brigadier,
if we don't get this lightbulb changed, then the whole of London will
be plunged into perpetual darkness in less than 24 hours!"; a fourth
to say, "It's time for me to change the lightbulb. But the moment has
been prepared for!"; a fifth to say, "Could you give us a hand
Turlough? You seem quite fond of glowing fixtures!"; a sixth to say,
"A lightbulb? A LIGHTBULB? *A* *LIGHT* *BULB*?"; then a seventh to
say, "Oh, no Davros. I'm more than just a lightbulb changer!"; and
finally an eighth to say, "Sod the lightbulb, Grace. Let's do it in
the dark."

Mark Stevens (> 1/4/98


"Versions 98" has confirmed another guest!  Pamela Nash will attend
V98 this Thanksgiving.  Despite initial reluctance, she is now willing
to meet the fans face-to-face!

Pamela Nash is best known as 'The Woman Who Destroyed Doctor Who'.
Under her supervision, over 150 episodes of Doctor Who were destroyed
at the BBC from 1972-78.  Since then, only about 40 have been
recovered.  In fact, she was only hours away from destroying 'The
Daleks' one afternoon in 1978 when Ian Levine discovered her plans and
saved Doctor Who's classic second adventure.

"Getting Ms. Nash to attend is a big breakthrough for us.  We're
anxious for her to tell her side of the story," says one Versions
organizer.  "She's even agreed to take part in Saturday night's
costume party [fancy dress].  We agreed on a clown costume loosely
based on the clowns from part one of 'The Celestial Toymaker'."  An
episode Ms. Nash incinerated in the seventies.

"It's time the truth was told," Ms. Nash said in a phone-interview.
"I was under a lot of pressure in the BBC to make shelf space.
Shelves don't grow on trees, you know.  And I had some of the cleanest
shelves in the entire department.  Not one speck of dust.  And on some
days, it was all we could do to keep warm without firing up the
basement furnace with a few reels of junk that no one honestly wants
to see anyway."

"Pamela Nash deserves her say," says another Versions organizer.
"That's why we've included her in so many events.  She'll sit in on
the panel, sign autographs, and of course attend the costume party.
The clown outfit will go over well, I think.  We have the costume
already picked out.  It has a big red nose, a rainbow colored afro,
and there's a large series of circles on the front that form a perfect
target.  No really, you could hit this from across the room.  And
we'll hold the costume party right after we hand out the balloons
filled with paint.  We are warning guests who smoke that the paint may
be flammable, however.  We will have staff standing by with fire
extinguishers just in case something happens to the furniture."

"I believe fans of Doctor Who will want to hear me out," concluded
Nash.  "I don't think they're the type to hold a grudge.  After all,
they wouldn't like the program so much if they had every last tape at
home, would they?"

Who can say, Pamela?

Get your reservations to "Versions 98" today and get 25% of the
admissions price to the costume party!

Daniel Callahan (> 1/4/98


Jon Blum (> wrote:

>So choose life.  Choose flexibility.  Embrace the possibility that real
>live Doctor Who could be going on under your nose at this very moment --
>even if it's not exactly the way you *wish* your perfect Doctor Who was

          "Choose life.  Choose a job.  Choose a career.  Choose
          a family.  Choose a fucking big TARDIS viewscreen.
          Choose washing machines, cars, sonic screwdrivers and
          electrical tin openers. . . choose a regeneration and
          wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning.
          Choose sitting around in the console room listening to
          mind-numbing, spirit crushing old records, stuffing tea
          into your mouth.  Choose rotting away at the end of it
          all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more
          than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up companions
          you grabbed to replace yourself.  Choose a future.
          Choose life. . .  But why would I want to do a thing like

                                                -- _Dalekspotting_

Michael John Montoure (> 2/4/98


Charles Daniels wrote:
>After much study and considering I am going to built a TARDIS
>capable of transmitting matter through space and YES perhaps
>even TIME ITSELF!   However I need someone who understands
>transcendental engineering and physics to help me install
>the sonic transducer.

Very simple, just apply the following:

asbkb 48-^&^(^&()B

^&*(^ (& (&bjgbjgyu)*)_*



Apologies if the block transfer computation notation hasn't transcribed
properly. Bloody ASCII.

Iain Murray (> 3/4/98


William Colbourne (> wrote:

>Take such classics as Spearhead from Space.


Ben "Saulchurch" Varkentine (saul;> 4/4/98


Azaxyr (> wrote:
>William December Starr (>
>>Ah, but would you fight for their right to say it from a
>>200-decibel sound truck driving through your neighborhood at three
>>in the morning, or would you accept the proposition that the right
>>of freedom of speech does not extend to all times, places and
>>manners of speech?

>RADW is a PUBLIC forum, and if you don't like mingling with
>the public, sign off.

I'd ask you how you think the word "Exactly" properly fits in between
my statement and yours, but you might tell me.

In any case, yup, radw is indeed a non-moderated, no-holds-barred
public forum where anything can be posted and most of it is.  That's
the main reason why I support the creation of radw.moderated.

William December Starr (> 4/4/98


Charles Daniels wrote:
>Anyone have a copy of Marco Polo?  (Just Checking)

Yes I do. I keep him next to my copies of Winston Churchill and Marie
Antoinette. Unfortunately he was one of my early cloning subjects, and his
genetic structure has started to degrade. Still, you live and learn.

Pete White (> 4/4/98


[Subject: Doctor Who Reciepes]

   The Macra Teriaki
     * 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
     * 340 pound teriyaki seasoned Macra cut into 1/4-inch
       thick strips
     * 2 cups (8-ounces) broccoli slaw mixture
     * 1/4 cup teriyaki sauce
     * 1/4 cup water
     * 3 cups cooked rice
     * 2/3 cup evil
   Heat a gigantic skillet over medium-high heat until hot. Add Macra;
   cook and stir 3 to 5 minutes or until Macra is dead. Add broccoli slaw
   mixture, teriyaki sauce and water. Reduce heat to medium, cover and
   steam in poisonous gas 3 to 5 minutes until Macra is tender. Stir in
   rice; cook and stir 2 to 3 minutes until combined and thoroughly heated.
   Serve immediately in case Macra wakes up.
   Makes 400 servings.

   Each serving provides 310 calories, 26 grams protein, 4 grams fat, 40
   grams carbohydrate, 2 grams dietary fiber, 56 milligrams cholesterol
   1036 milligrams sodium, 503 grams of terror, and a very distinctive
   gamey taste.

Charles Daniels (> 7/4/98


[Subject: Re: {REVIEW} Pick of the Brown Bag: Alien Bodies]

SCENE: A psychiatrist's office.  An average looking man sits on the standard
couch, and a doctor enters, only a smiley-face icon for his head.  Tiny horns
sprout from the doctor's head, and he holds up a series of flashcards.

DOCTOR:  Alright, Mr. Tate.  I think you recall this exercise.  I hold up the
cards, and you tell me what you see in the pictures.  Are you ready?

MAN:  Sure.

The doctor holds up the first card.  It has a picture of what looks like a
microscopic view of a colony of bacteria.

>      Though someone who never read a Virgin novel can pick up
> "Alien Bodies" and be enchanted by Mr. Miles' writing, a person
> who has been slapped by the Virgin continuity may enjoy this book
> even more as the framework for the novel spoofs the Cartmel/Platt
> Plan and canonicity in general.

DOCTOR:  Okaaaaaay.  (He jots down a comment in his notebook.)  And this?
(He holds up a card with a picture of a tightly wound man in a business suit.)

> For instance, the Virgin Doctor
> makes an appearance here in the form of the Homunculette.  A
> Homunculus has two meanings.  Originally, a homunculus was
> a golem created by an alchemist, but in seventeenth century science,
> the term referred to the tiny, fully formed individual believed to inhabit
> the germ cells of either females or males--in fact the debate over
> which who had the homunculette grew fierce until someone shouted
> over the din--poppycock.

DOCTOR:  Uh-huh.  (Another comment in the notebook.)  How about this one?  (A
card featuring a policewoman from the 1960s.)

>      His companion and vessel Marie functions as Ace, and when
> she explodes, we witness "Time's Crucible" done correctly, it takes
> Mr. Miles about less than a chapter to convince you that you are
> delving deeper into the TARDIS innards.  It took Mr. Platt a novel to
> confuse you.  This explosion may in fact allude to the death of Ace's
> character in Virgin continuity and her subsequent reconstruction.
> Marie by the way is a French name meaning "bitter."

DOCTOR:  (Leaning toward his desk, he presses the intercom button.)  Steve,
would you clear my schedule for the rest of the day?  Well, Mr. Tate, I think
we're really making some progress, here.  How about this card?  (A picture of
a woman wearing a bat-skull mask.)

>      The Faction Paradox are a group of humans who worship the
> society of Gallifrey created by Cartmel/Platt and often bring things
> into existence which have little right to survive--the Virgin and Unified
> Continuity camps.  Sister Justine is the infuriating "I know I'm right
> member of the group."  Brother Manuele represents the stark ravers
> of that camp--"I'm right, or else."  Incidentally, the Faction Paradox's
> most treasured belief lies in the Grandfather Paradox, do I really have
> to spell that one out?

DOCTOR:  No, not at all.  (He removes a prescription pad from his desk, and
begins writing on several sheets.)  And... this card, Mr. Tate?  (Picture of
the Eighth Doctor talking to Professor Wagg.)

>      Mr. Miles also lambastes those who accept "half-human."  He
> conjectures several means for the Doctor to gain those "human bits"
> and pokes fun with lines recalling those from "Enemy Within."

DOCTOR:  Now, Mr. Tate, earlier in our sessions, you mentioned your fondness
for the following passage:  (He takes out another notebook, and reads off it.)

> His
> little trip to an untelevised Third Doctor moment ridicules those who
> believe what is shown on television is all there is to the Doctor's
> world,

Now, I can't help but note that this conflicts with a statement you made
earlier, about your objection to the concept of the Loom *because* it wasn't
supported by the TV series, correct?

MAN:  Well.... that's an entirely different matter.... it's.... uh ....

> and when the Doctor's faced with angst and guilt--he simply
> shrugs it off, no doubt looking for a good cup of tea and a gazebo
> standing before a Dixieland band, thus mocking the pretentious
> Dark Doctor.  Mr. Miles, you are a genius.  Beware Mr. Parkin, a
> new deity looks down upon us.

DOCTOR:  Indeed.  Well, I'm afraid we're out of time for today Mr. Tate.  Same
time tomorrow?

MAN:  Absolutely!  (They shake hands, and the man leaves.  The doctor picks up
the phone, and dials a number.  After a pause, he responds to the person on
the other end.)

DOCTOR:  Marc?  It's Larry.  You will *not believe* the guy who I just had in

Ian McIntire (> 8/4/98


>>>Also, Keith:  I thought you MIGHT know this one:  Is Martin Day any
>>>rlation to that Martyn Day I keep seeing in the end credits of old
>>>Troughton and Pertwee episodes?

Keith Topping wrote:
>>No he's not. And oh how we used to laugh when that name came up at the
>>end of episodes we'd watch! ("Martyn Day... Heh!")

Graham Nelson (> wrote:
>The hours must simply fly by...

Yes, and I imagine Marty would call to them as they passed:  "Take me
with you!"

Ian McIntire (> 11/4/98


[Subject: Re: Dave Owen's Reviews]

Peter Anghelides  (> wrote:
>What nonsense. His cheerfully splenetic outbursts are not frequent,
>and his articles are informative, provide a personal context, and
>do not shirk a justified opinion

And next week, Pip and Jane Baker review King Lear.

Robert Smith? (> 11/4/98


James Ambuehl (> wrote:
>>That's OK, I did finally get a copy of my own -- thanks to a generous
>>friend -- but I have also seen on another website TERMINUS, I believe,
>>that THE PIT was also attributed to Cornell.

>>So, is this true?  Is one of the least-regarded books in the NA series
>>really by one of the highest-regarded authors in the NA series?

Keith Topping (> wrote:
>Nah, it's just a typo. When The Pit was being written, Paul was, at the
>time, working on the first edition of Classic British TV, *and* 'No
>Future' - I know, coz I was there! Frequently.

I'm sorry, Keith, but you can't fool us.  Cornell's writing
style is all over 'The Pit' and no amount of telling us that
he didn't write it is going to convince me otherwise.

As for 'No Future', a careful semantic comparison using the
linguistics programs at the University of Michigan have
conclusively revealed a 93% correlation between the language
used in 'No Future' and the language used in 'Kinda',
thereby suggesting strongly that Paul asked Kate Bush to
ghost write 'No Future' for him - thus giving him enough
free time to toss off 'The Pit' in an afternoon when he had
a bad headache.

I will shortly test my hypothesis that 'Talons' was written
by David A McIntee and that the Tibe of Gum were in fact
Welsh, using exactly the same method.


Alan Taylor (> 11/4/98


 - Robert Smith?

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