The rec.arts.drwho Quote File - Mar - Sept. 96

Courtesy of Robert J. Smith

Submissions and comments should be sent to Robert Smith)

Between March and September 1996, the BBC accidentally destroyed many 
quotefile submissions. Previously thought lost, new technology has 
allowed our team of experts to recontruct the quotefile nominations from 
that time period, as accurately as possible. With the entire resource of 
Dejanews at their disposal, the quotefile reconstruction team has slaved 
day and night to bring you this never-before-seen slice of history from the 
depths of classic rec.arts.drwho. 

We hope you'll enjoy reading this very special presentation as much as we 
did reconstructing it.


Welcome to the World Wide Web.  Using your text browser, you can
visit many pages which are all NetScape(tm) enhanced and therefore
look like a pile of little worms.

Using a text based browser, you can visit pages which look like

[IMAGE]  A full-frontal nudity shot of Katy Manning.

[IMAGE]  A full-frontal nudity shot of Dave Yadallee.

[IMAGE]  Colin Baker in an alternative costume with brighter

[IMAGE]  The result of Sylvester McCoy getting his stomach pumped
on the set of Curse of Fenric.

Aren't you glad you don't have a graphical browser now? :-)

Alden Bates. ([IMAGE] The sixth Doctor versus the Cat from Red Dwarf
in a fashion matchoff.) (> 19/3/96


TomFODW (> wrote:
>The same Variety article that mentioned Fox's consideration of a new
>Doctor Who series also mentioned that Eric Roberts is working on a pilot.

Darling, his private life is none of our concern. ;-)

Kate Orman (> 21/3/96


[Subject:      Re: Favorite cliffhangers]

My favourite cliffhanger is at the end of the final episode
of "Survival".  Boy, that one's kept me on the edge of my
seat for years.

Peter Anghelides 23/3/96


[Subject:      Re: Home built TARDIS plans.]

Yes, you too can build your own home with our new "TARDIS plans" (tm).
There are many wonderful advantages to our homes, chief of which is
the breakthrough technology which allows you to maximise living space,
while minimising property space.

However, some ground rules must be laid. First, all of our homes must
have their exterior painted a uniform shade of blue. There are a
number of options for the interior, the most popular being a spacious white
number. There is also a Victorian look which was quite propular during
the seventies and is now making a comeback. And, coming soon in May
will be our special "Infinite Spaces" style, hot off the racks.

We incorporate a number of corridors into our homes and the option of
an interior swimming pool is also available. Pets are no problem and we
ensure that it is usually fairly well lit.

By law, we are required to inform you that there are a number of noise
pollution problems with the homes: an occasional wheezing, groaning
sound may be heard, you might have some problems leaving via the back
door and it is possible that you might find the location of your
property altering somewhat.

However, we hope you can overlook these minor problems and purchase
one of our landmark "TARDIS plans" homes in the near future.

Robert Smith? (> 23/3/96


Alden Bates wrote:
>>(holds up a hand>  I solemnly swear to research more thoroughly
>>before posting wild theories to this newsgroup, so help me

Trina L. Short (> wrote:
>So what Alden's realy saying here - stop me if I've mis-interpreted
>it- is that Rassilon is REALLY Alden's roommate, or a really close
>friend of his.

Yes, it gets a bit tiring at times: this giant holographic head
floating around and complaining in a loud booming voice.
It's helped my Time Travel experiments along no end though.

Alden Bates. (I do wish he'd stop turning the guests into stone
though.) (> 24/3/96


JoeyLemur (> wrote:

"The Writer's Guidelines sat in a basket suspended above a great chasm.
In the ante-chamber, the N & MA writers waited for the Guidelines to
name their successor.  The Guidelines had clawed out their own eyes the
previous month, and had gone quite mad.  They had not spoken since then,
merely mumbled something concerning snake-like creatures and slimy spit.

Suddenly, they called out.
    'He is here!  My successor has arrived!'  The writers rushed in,
eager to hear the Guidelines' proclamation.  'He is the future!  I curse
Virgin Publishing!  Henceforth, all 7th Doctor NAs shall die in their
author's minds!  The Chocolate Sauce Brigade shall flock to the MAs!'
     With this, the Guidelines took the knife it their hand and cut the
rope above their head.  The basket plummetted into the abyss, the
Guidelines' laughter echoing in the ears of the writers.
     The writers turned to each other, trying to interpret the
Guidelines' final proclamation. 'They said "He."  They must have meant
that their successor would be a man.  But who?'

Paul McGann sat in his office, talking to Eric Idle.  'So, is this what
we'll all be like in the future?'  He tossed the Gothic set design to
Idle.  'Take this to Segal in the engineering department.  See what he
can make of it.'"

Ian McIntire (> 25/3/96


Ronald Anderson (> wrote:
>>I feel that McCoy has gone beyond the call
>>of duty during this first half of the nineties. The simple fact that he
>>is appearing for the first eight minutes of the pilot is a shinning
>>example of his devotion and care for the show.  Not too many actors who's
>>show got the chop would come back after six years to revise their old
>>role in order to help establish a new actor who is taking over his old

Pvinton (> wrote:
>Amen, brother.  Sly should get next year's Adric "Good Sport Award" (I'll
>leave it to Pat1974, Gregg, or R. Smith? to come up with a wittier title).

Well, okay, but only because I *will* do requests :-)

Since Mr McCoy is displaying such devotion to the production of a show
that was moulded in its infancy by a producer of great vision, there can
be but one choice for the name of the Sylvester McCoy Production Award:

                 "The Ferret-y Lambert Award"

Robert Smith? (> 25/3/96


[Subject:      Re: SINGLES, come and look in here.]

Looking for that someone special?  Well, just look in here!  You're
gauranteed to find that special someone you're looking for, or maybe

Description: Botanist.  Brown Hair.  Norgs a plenty.  Wonderful unusual
accent.  Nice Tan.  Rumors of screaming greatly exagerated.  Not looking
for people with a powerful grip, who are argumentative, or are 
egotistical.  Can't seem to get away from people with powerful lungs, so
just holler.  I'll respond by yelling my name, my abbility at
communicating at high decibels and my stats.  Rumors of always screaming
greatly exagerated.

Description:Couple looking for third for threesome.  Looking forward to
teach you science and history.  BGM's, robots and dirty old men need not

Description: Looking for someone hard to comfort you?  Don't mind about
intelligence?  Well, we're a bunch of rockheads!  We sure know how to
have fun.  Just look at a rockpile and you'll see us... an Orgy of Orgi!
(Only we hop up and down :-))

Description:  I look like a million bucks!  No kidding!  I'm all green
and wrinkled!  And I just love picnics, with plenty of meat!
Turn ons: Meat, eating it, and taking revenge.
Turn offs:Living meat, weeds, flower shops.

Edan Harel (> 27/3/96


Single? (someone@somewhere.far.away> wrote:

>Description: Looking for someone hard to comfort you?  Don't mind about
>intelligence?  Well, we're a bunch of rockheads!  We sure know how to
>have fun.  Just look at a rockpile and you'll see us... an Orgy of Orgi!
>(Only we hop up and down :-))

Sex with the Ogri???  What a way to get your rocks off.

Peter Anghelides (> 27/3/96


Mr Biffo (100764.3457@CompuServe.COM> writes:
>It sounds a bit funny, but if they are going to make the Doctor
>half-human, which I think we're now all resigned to, having
>Ulysses as his dad is far cooler than, say, Dr Seuss. I think
>that'd work pretty well.

Nononono! I'd *much* rather Dr Seuss!

I do not like your master plan
I do not like you master man
I could not would not use a gun
I could not would not kill in fun
I could not would not steal a body
I think your plans are rather shoddy!

With apologies to Dr Seuss.

David GOLDING (> 27/3/96


Douglas Wulf ( wrote:
> Everyone is so confused on this point but it seems to me the obvious
> explanation. These two Time Lords are mind wrestling. First we see the
> first Time Lord's past selves and then we see the past selves of the
> other. What could be more straightforward?

Except, he says, crossing his fingers for luck, the Doctor was losing
the match at that point.  Losing pretty badly; so badly that he required the
Elixir of Life to survive.  If the Infamous Faces had appeared *first*,
then followed by the Doctor's known incarnations, you'd be able to argue
that they were Morbius' past lives flashing before his eyes before he
rallied and began to push back at the Doctor.  But the clear implication
on screen is that at the time Robert Holmes et al appear on the screen,
Morbius is winning the battle, and these images are appearing in the
Doctor's mind.

Silly Theory no. 42 : the Doctor knows that he is a fictional character,
and as he loses his battle, he's thinking of the production team who put
him into this situation.  "Damn you, Robert Holmes... Damn you, Terrance
Dicks... Damn you, Philip Hinchcliffe..."  

Cameron Dixon (> 28/3/96


[Subject:      Re: Stuffed McGann Toy]

Carrie O' Grady (> wrote:
>>I'd like to see them curled up sleeping in a non-sexual way.  Seems
>>like the Doctor would be a very reassuring person to sleep next to.
>>Just in case any aliens came along.

(> wrote:
>On the market just in time for Easter, Dapol announces--


(sound of ringing phone>

"Hasbro Toys, can I help you?


Ah, it's you again.  Yes, well I think we've already expl--yes.




It's simply not our poli--yes.

I *do* understand, m'am.



I'm terribly sorry.

M'am, there are all sorts of reasons why we can't, but I think the simplest
explanation is that it would really be in poor taste.




Yes, but it *is* intended as a *child's* toy.  You underst--yes.




(glances inside shoe>

Size 9.

Oh that's very witty, I'm sure.

Look, I'm terribly sorry that you're angry about this, but we really can't
change the toy at this late stage anyway.  It's already in production.

(she holds the phone away from her ear suddenly, and an incredibly emotional
outburst can be heard through the receiver>

So you see, there's nothing we can do.  I'm sor--yes.



I realise that you would have designed them with more, ah, accuracy, if you
take my point.  But we have our shareholders to think about; we'd never get
any of the major stores to *carry* it, and quite frankly, adult bookstores
aren't the big whopping market (excuse the pun) we were looking for. Perhaps
you'd like some sort of discount on bulk purchasing, or something?




Well, I hope you understand there's nothing more to be said, really.

Good day, Ms Orman."


Christopher D. Heer (> 1/4/96


Pat1974 (> wrote:
>I agree.  In the end, it's just a television show anyway. . .

Shriek! Kindly leave the newsgroup!  On this very subject, don't you
know that recent research (this is true) has shown that between 5 and
10 per cent of Star Trek fans are literally addicted to the show, and
that they suffer classic withdrawal symptoms if they are kept from it
for any significant period of time?  Well, they should try the kind of
cold turkey we've had since 1989!  (And by cold turkey, I'm not talking
about the Ergon in "Arc of Infinity".)

Sorry if the typing's a bit wonky, my anorak sleeves keep getting
between my fingers and the keyboard.

Topsham (> 1/4/96


Chris Heer (> wrote:
>>>>>>>(preparing to mail Jason a tape with just the Gareth Jenkins episode
>>>>>>>on it>

Jason Miller (> wrote:
>>>>>>        You do that, and I mail you a tape containing six copies of
>>>>>>the "Beverly Hills, 90210" episode starring Sgt. Paterson from
>>>>>>        I mean it.  I dare you.

Chris Heer (> wrote:
>>>>>Oh, so you wanna play rough, huh?
>>>>>You do that, and I'll send you a tape with my old, fuzzy copy of the
>>>>>Dominators on it (camera copy!), with extra slo-mo sequences of the
>>>>>Quarks flapping their arms.

Jason Miller (> wrote:
>>>>        A wise guy, huh?

>>>>        Season 22.  The original scripts.  As read by Nicola Bryant,
>>>>in full accent, dressed in her costume from that frontpiece to
>>>>_The Companions_.

Chris Heer (> wrote:
>>>You've always been my greatest stimulation, Miller, but now, you 
>>>inspire me.

>>>A special extended copy of Airzone Solution - the Director's Cut, 
>>>featuring the unedited love scene with Colin and Nicola. Full frontal 
>>>nudity, me boyo.

Jason Miller (> wrote:
>>        Ah, a pox on thee and thou tame suggestions.
>>        We begin with a full-color, brightly-lit video of William
>>Hartnell posing in his bathing suit from Episode 2 of "The Space Museum".
>>Then we get outtakes from the shower scene in "Spearhead from Space" -- 
>>most notably, Jon Pertwee's towel falling off.  And then, the home-movies
>>of Captain Dent propositioning Pertwee on the set from "Colony in Space".

Chris Heer (> wrote:
>So, we play the contest again, Miller.
>A collage tape:
>1> Tom Baker's full frontal nude scene from whateverthatwas
>2> The extended Frontier in Space, featuring three (count 'em!) extra
>   prison break scenes and a shot of Jo leering at the Earth President
>   (but no extra Delgado footage)
>3> Sports Special: Quark Cheerleaders
>4> The Dennis Franz butt shot from NYPD Blue
>5> The extended version of Vengeance on Varos, featuring. . . well, just
>   more of Vengeance on Varos
>6> There is no item #6
>7> A special new version of Deep Space Nine that -- get this -- has had
>   the plot simplified for children.

Got you this time, Heer.

o A 15 year-old Paul Cornell performing Jon Pertwee, panto.
o The annotated novelization of _Timelash_, signed by Glen McCoy
o _Jacobus on Davison_, also signed by the author.
o Haemovores in drag!
o The special edition of "Genesis of the Daleks" starring Colin Baker
o _Strange England_ on audio cassette, read by me (unabridged)
o The recently released video of "Survival".
o A dream date with Muggsy
o The R-rated cut of SHOWGIRLS

Jason A. Miller 3/4/96


Ross Raszewski (> wrote:
>Okay, here's the boggle.....
>Is a really bad Doctor Who movie better than no Who-movie at all?

Yads:  I SAy yES! if its a Satanist-Keating Co-production.

Chris Heer:  Have you got your head on backwards?  The fact that it's
             American doesn't make it bad.

Jean-Marc:  [Comic-book analogy snipped since I don't know enough of them
            :-> ]

NA writers:  The books are more important to "Doctor Who" than an American
             production ever could be.  I don't even think we need the movie
             any more.  "Doctor Who" is no longer served by B-movie TV media.

        (not all of them; you know who you are :-> )

Peter Anghelides: I thought we resolved the Cushing-canon debate last month.

Edan Harel:  [300 lines of examples of episodes in which the Doctor is bad]

Jason A. Miller "yes" (> 3/4/96


Spigi Fligi Hertlemeyer (> wrote:
> Yeah. *sigh*  She finally decided to dump Jason for yours truly. Yep.
> Benny's shacked up with me in Santa Cruz. Who'da thought...

"Doctor, this is my fiance. Please don't kill her."

           |                                                |
           |                 rec.arts drwho                 |
           |                                                |
           |    cordially invites you to the wedding of     |
           |                                                |
           |          Ms Spigi Fligi Hertlemeyer            |
           |                                                |
           |                      and                       |
           |                                                |
           |       Professor Bernice S. Summerfield         |
           |                                                |
           |  in the city of Santa Cruz in the year 1996    |
           |                                                |

If everything works out, that is. Between rows, fights and pre-emptive
divorce proceedings, there may not be a wedding at all. Especially if
there really is someone who wants to prevent it happening.

Everybody's coming: from Macra Terrors to Special K Club veterans, a
flirtatious Jennikatra to a suspicious Harry Rags - and a very confused
person from Edmonton. The Doctor has to organize an IRC session, Pat1974
has a mystery to solve, and Jon Blum has a girlfriend who used to be
Kate Orman.

r.a.dw's 100,000th message, this celebratory posting ties up previous
threads, features guest appearances from well-loved themes, and
includes a paragraph written by many of the newsgroup's favourite authors.

Nick Smale (> 6/4/96


[Subject:      Re: Muppet Doctor!]

Chris Heer (> wrote:
>Hmm.  I sort of picture Statler and Waldorf as some sort of Holmesian duo.
>Glitz and Dibber, perhaps?

Statler:  Do you know what my social worker told me?
Waldorf:  No, what did your social worker tell you?
Statler:  That I'm a maladjusted sociopath.
Waldorf:  That sounds like an insult to me.
Statler:  That's why I killed him!

Yup.  Chris is right.

Jason Abner Miller (> 6/4/96


David Green (> wrote:

>I have two friends who are gay:  one is a musician (as I am) and
>another is a public servant (as I was).  I can relate to them quite
>easily, I think.

ObWho: I want to point out that I have nothing against, erm, people
from Alpha Centauri.  In fact, some of my best friends are from Alpha
Centauri. One of them is a hermaphroditic hexapod, and the other is, erm, a
hexapodal hermaphrodite.

They both carry on... no, sorry, not the right phrase... they both
conduct their ambassadorial duties with a diligence and dedication that would
do credit to any ordinary, normal, decent, red-blooded Tellurian.  They
both look like normal, regular guys, er gals, er, aliens.  They dress well,
albeit in the conventional shower curtain of their native land.  And they 
have firm handshakes.  In fact, they have six firm handshakes.  I certainly
wouldn't mind if one of them lived on my planet.

It's just that I wouldn't want any companion of mine dating one.

Peter Anghelides
(Mr Angry from Mutter's Spiral)

Peter Anghelides (> 8/4/96


[Subject:      ATTENSHUN!  Pleez reed me mistor Siegael]

        Pleaze hir me in yoru new movie.  I act guud.

-Jasin A. Millor
"sum docter guy"

(Phil.  Joke :-> Not aimed at you.)

Jason Abner Miller (> 9/4/96


[Subject:      Re: Theme song info wanted]

Cutting It Fine... (> wrote:
>Anyone know where I can find any info on who wrote and who played the
>various incarnations of the theme song?

The first theme song was originally played as a crusty old anti-theme
by Ron Grainer. However, just prior to transmission, the producers decided
that the theme needed to be modified for televisions and so was
remodelled and eventually played by Delia Derbyshire in 1963.

However, due to ill health, the theme started to decay over the years
and so the decision was taken to "renew" or "regenerate" the theme. This
was an idea relatively new to television in those days, but was carried off
with considerable success at the time.

The operation involved the Derbyshire theme lying on a couch for several 
hours and the new theme (to be played by Peter Howell) lying on a similar 
couch while two cameras mixed the themes together (a common process in 
today's industry, but quite revolutionary at the time).

As the years went by, it became apparant that having various incarnations 
of the theme could actually be an advantage to the show and so every so 
often a new theme was introduced. Dominic Glynn is well-known for playing 
the supposedly "forgotten theme" (as he thought at the time) and it was 
later revealed that the Derbyshire incarnation was almost recast in the 

The latest incarnation of the theme was played by Keff McCulloch in the
so-called "dark and mysterious" theme, which suggested that there was
rather more to the theme than had been originally suspected.

Sadly, this was to be the last of the themes for some time, although a
series of compact discs were issued shortly after the cancellation of
the theme. These discs expanded on the ideas present in the McCulloch-era
theme and took them to concepts too broad and deep to be played on screen.
Such highlights included a Latin Version of the theme and a Terror 
Version, intended (had it reached the screen) to be played by Mark Ayers.

The discs were controversial, but popular and so a companion series of
"missing themes" were also issued to appeal to traditionalists in the
growing disc audience.

With the new production, the latest incarnation of the theme is played
by John Debney (although it has been revealed that Debney himself actually
has very little commitment to actually playing the theme, preferring
instead to let a series of other people play the theme under his name).

Fans of the discs are worried that the new theme might contradict the
growing changes made to the theme universe.

However, the fact that the theme is back on television where it
originated is surely a good thing and fans of the theme can look
forward to many hours of enjoyment with their favourite title piece.

Robert Smith? (> 10/4/96


[Subject:      Re: Animals in Who]

Brad Philippone (> wrote:
>I just watched Planet of Giants.  Someone asked at one point in this
>thread about the dead insects.  Well, they are painfully obvious fakes.
>However, there was a very real cat!

       The Cat
       Was just
       A Matte.

Jason Abner Miller (> 16/4/96


[Subject:     Re: New/Missing Adventure Covers]

       You call that an Ice Warrior?  *I* call it the Scarecrow from
"The Wizard of Oz".

       Honestly, I sent a bill to Congress, provisionally titled
the Ban On Peter Elson Drawing People Act of 1995, but it was shot
down in the House of Representatives, 223 to 201.

Jason Abner Miller (> 20/4/96


[Subject:      Re: Battle of the lust-crazed fangirls]

There are days when I think that I'm the most pathetic being in the

Then I read rec.arts.drwho, and I walk away smiling, knowing full well
that there are people worse off than me out there.

Ed Powell (> 29/4/96


[Subject:      Re: New Doctor Who theme music]

Michael Lavallee (> wrote:
>>They haven't turned it into a rap, have they?  I can just see it...

Spigi Fligi Hertlemeyer (> wrote:
>       YO!  YO!  I'M DOCTOR WHO!

As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death
I take a look at my side, and see that K-9's left!
Cause I been' talkin' to cabbages so long
Even Romana thinks that my mind is gone!


He's been spendin' most of his life
Livin' in da Time Lord's paradise
He's been spendin' most of his life
Livin' in da Time Lord's paradise

Jason A. Miller (> 30/4/96


[Subject:      Re: Gallifrey Chronicles] (David Versace) wrote:

>Dave Versace, reporting live from the Panopticon

Oh good, they found someone mug enough to take the job. I heard
recruitment was becoming difficult after the last chap accidentally
stabbed himself in the back.

Paul Rhodes (> 1/5/96


Steven K. Manfred (> wrote:
>> My initial knee-jerk reaction to this "half-human" business that's going
>> in the new movie was rather negative.  In fact, I hated the idea.

Douglas R. Mirabello (> wrote:
>Ditto. I actually screamed some words which I haven't used since 1989.


Kate Orman (> 5/5/96


[Subject:      Re: I HATE the new consoule room]

Kate Orman wrote:
> *tries but fails to create a pun on "consoule kiss"*

Obviously it wasn't consolmated ...

Chuck Foster (> 5/5/96


[Subject:      Re: Aliens & New Who FX (spoilers)]

Alden Bates (> wrote:

>>I have a vague feeling that McCoy's going to get a reoccuring role
>>if the new series eventuates...

>>Thinking about it, if the vague shape forming is McCoy, perhaps
>>he's going to pop up as a wraith-like figure who holds bizarre
>>conversations with the McGann Doctor.

Kate Orman (> wrote:

>Perhaps he'll appear as a hologram only Paul can see and hear.

Theorising that one could time travel within his own TARDIS, Doctor Paul
McGann stepped into his Police Box - and VANISHED! He awoke to find
himself trapped in the past facing mirror images that he could pass
through and driven by an unknown force to do good.

His only guide on this journey is Sylv, an observer from his own self,
who appears in the form of a hologram that only Paul can see and hear.

And so Doctor McGann finds himself time travelling from planet to planet,
striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his
next quarry will be the quarry - of the BBC.

Robert Smith? (> 8/5/96


[Subject:      Re: An aspirin to kill the doctor ?]

You're all wrong. I think you'll find that in the new pilot it`s the
Master who's aspirin' to kill the Doctor. :-)

Chris Thornett (> 8/5/96


I finally saw a Dr. Who promo on FOX last night.  It was the one where
the Doctor says he's half human.  I was so excited I almost went into
shock from the adrenalin, and I just sat there with a blank look on my
face for almost whole minute.  Coming out of the trance, I remembered
I wasn't alone.  I looked at my girlfriend to see if she noticed, and
she had the exact same look on her face.  She slowly turned to me and said

"Steve, how come you don't give me orgasms like that?"

Steven J. MacInbaney 12/5/96


Gregg T. Allinson (> wrote:
>I'm sorry, if the Master wanted to torture the Doctor and/or take over his
>body, why the hell would he try to convince the Doctor that he's
>half-human as part of his scheme?  Given the Doctor's admiration of Earth,
>I doubt that such a revelation would demoralize him (the Doc might even
>*like* the idea).  If the Master's taken over the Doctor's body, why 
>would he try to convince himself that the Doctor's half-human?

Oh, well that one's easy!

Actually the telemovie is a nightmare for both The Doctor *and* The Master.

It's been carefully orchestrated by a being who hates them both with a
passion; a being so full of hatred for the fact that they got better
degrees at the acadamy.

Yes, it's The Bachelor.

Robert Smith? (> 12/5/96


[Subject:      Re: In one day...]

       ...U.S. Whovians will...
       ...VCR TAPES!...

Paul Wartenberg (> 13/5/96


[Subject:      Re: Sylvester's Last Full Day As the Doctor]

Observe - the McCoy regen smiley:
:G  :J  :p  :Q  :7

J.H.Toon (> 24/5/96


[Subject:      Re: The real creator]

Jen-Marc Lofficier (> wrote:
>I always understood that Sidney Newman and Donald Wilson were the parents
>of Doctor Who.

That means the Doctor's half-Newman :-)

al (> 1/6/96


Jean-Paul Samson (> wrote:

>Kinda sad

No, Kinda happy.  Caves of Androzani sad.  Peter good.  Colin bad.


Chris Heer (> 7/6/96


Brett O'Callaghan (> wrote:
>The NA's are not real SF.

They are, in fact, Vancouver.

Kate Orman (> 12/6/96


[Subject:      Re: Boy, I'm sure glad the movie wasn't 'Britishized']

Jim Vowles (> wrote:
>Quick cuts have been used for years.  Car chases date back in Who at 
>least to the Pertwee era.  What's yer point ? 

Ahh, but they were intelligent British car chases, not yer mindless 
American pap :-)))))

Marcus Durham (> 17/6/96


[Subject:      Re: McGann Spread in TV Week!!]

Nick Caldwell (> wrote:
>>And McGann kept talking about internet "boys" who were running around
>>the film set all the time.  A bit rude, I thought.

Lori Grenci (> wrote:
>Sorry for being clueless, but what is an "internet boy" and
>why do they run around film sets?

Some of the sadder Internet addicts habitually dress up in tights
and capes and run around film sets proclaiming themselves as
"Internet boy".  Some of the studio execs have started hiring
shooters to keep the populations down.

Alden Bates (> 8/7/96


[Subject:      Re: Worst Dalek Story]

Daleks, logical?  They are irrational, violent, hate-filled,
well-armed murderers!   No wonder they write opera.

Nick Caldwell (> 8/7/96


[Subject:      Re: Best Bottom (Female)?]

StephenBlack wrote:
> 1) Zoe, especially in THE WHEEL IN SPACE and THE MIND ROBBER

Um, was she using a different bottom on other stories?

Andrew McCaffrey (> 10/7/96


[Subject:      Make Master-Money(tm) NOW!]


I am the Master, and you will Email 5 of your friends with this post.
Get them to send me 5 dollars, and that way YOU will help ME become rich
beyond our wildest dreams!  This is quite possibly legal, so don't bother
looking it up in the law books.  Or else.

Here's some responses to this wonderful new moneylaund - er, moneymaking

Guy Crawford, Jupiter - "I thought this was a wonderful idea, and
there's no way you could call me a sucker"

Davros, Orbit - "Yes... yes... to know that with the tiniest pressure of
my finger, millions of people around the world would recieve this
email... yes, I would do it!  Such an act would set me up above the Yads!"

Rev. Magister, Devil's End - "It's a good way to make a quick Bok"

"I leave all my worldly goods to Master-Money(tm)" - Found in the will
of Zodaal

All you have to do is put 5 bucks under the nearest Ionic Pillar you can
find, and then send this off to 5 of your friends.  For an extra 50
bucks, send me the address of your most hated enemy and I'll send you a 
voodoo doll of remarkable accuracy.  If you don't want to keep this 
model, toss it in the garbage.  We guarantee we'll be satisfied with your 
money, or we'll be back.

Bruce Greenwood (> 15/7/96


Timothy Lomas  (> wrote:
>Please, does anyone have pictures of Nicola Bryant?

No, sorry.

In fact all pictures of Nicola Bryant were accidentally burnt sometime
in the 1970s as the BBC didn't see that there would be any worth in
keeping them.

There are rumours that a few of these made it into private hands and
that some others exist only in Black and White, but this has never been
verified by anyone in authority.

Robert Smith? (> 22/7/96


Paul Shandi wrote:
>The new movie isn't truly Dr Who, IMO.  It has MANY continuity errors
>which totally contradict the TV series that we know and love.

Ah, the Continuity Errors Gambit.  I reverse play by citing the "Genesis
of the Daleks" Stratagem, and by way of a modified Morbius-Five Doctors
Defense I can develop the Atlantis Paradox, and play the revised Gallifrey
(since we're working under Robert Holmes Rules) to get to Mornington
Crescent before you!

Jonathan Blum (> 24/7/96


> I have not been following these pre Hartnell threads, but I have
> just watched a convention tape, on which Chris Barry said that the
> other faces in Moribus were meant to be pre Hartnell Doctors,
> because it contradists all other stories and was only implied in the
> story it should be ignored.

> The End.

The Doctor pushed his tricorn hat up and scratched his beard.

'What on Earth do those last two lines mean?' he asked his wife. 'Don't
humans punctuate and capitalise as we Gallifreyans do? And is
'contradists' some Earth word with no Time Lord equivalent? Can we tell
from this statement which side of the Great Debate this person is on?'

'Oh, don't ask me, ask your mother,' his wife replied impatiently.

Lance Parkin (> 25/7/96


[Subject:      Re: For _Who_, the Bell Tolls]

>Koban TNK (> wrote:
>>E J Danna ( wrote:
>>Do you know what annnoys me? This.
>>Not the word "Who," but the use of _s as Italics. Cant everybody just
>>use *s as italics? It would be alot easier on whats left of my

Kate Orman (> wrote:
> Alright, we'll all switch to *s to indicate italics. In return, shorten
> your .sig file from ten lines to four, and start putting carriage returns
> between the paragraphs in your postings. :-)

Coming Soon: The Rec.Arts.DrWho Writer's Guidelines - vital information
for composing and editing your entry into the frothing morass that is
the newsgroup. From italics to .sig files to the proper use of the term
"Yads", all your niggling questions about substance and style answered.

Coming Soon After: Kate Orman's "How Not to Submit an Article to the
Newsgroup" Web Page - vital information you're going to need to survive
in the dog-eat-slithering-Master-remains world of RADW.

Start composing submissions now, but don't send until we have the
editorial staff in place to screen your submissions. 5000 words, concise,
with a box of chocolates to speed along your entry. Cold, hard cash won't
hurt either.

Dwain Gleason (> 27/7/96


Alden Bates ( wrote:

> Care to explain in what way the analogy is invalid?  Is it perhaps
> the fact that ST is American and Who is British?  Or the fact that
> Picard drinks Earl Grey while the Doctor drinks tea?

What amuses me is that Picard has to ask for 'Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.'

This seems to mean:

1) The default value for Tea for the replicator is 'Cold'.

2) If he didn't specify 'Tea' then the Earl Grey himself would materialise
on the tray. How many 18th century English noblemen were brought into
existence before Jean-Luc worked that one out.

Lance Parkin (> 29/7/96


Parkin (> wrote:
>2) If he didn't specify 'Tea' then the Earl Grey himself would materialise
>on the tray. How many 18th century English noblemen were brought into
>existence before Jean-Luc worked that one out.

Not to mention the number of times Picard said "come" while
standing too close to the replicator.

Alden Bates (> 30/7/96


The Doctor (> wrote:
>How can WILL be a person when he is a verb.

>Even Siobahn should know this one.

"Hi, this is Dave Yadallee's body.  Unfortunately, my brain isn't in
right now, but if you'd care to leave your flame and address, I'll
get back to as soon as I'm assured I'm sane."


Bruce Alan Greenwood (RDQW@music.macarthur.uws.EDU.AU> 5/8/96


[Subject:      Re: SHOCKING news about The Doctor Who Movie...]

Randy/Jean-Marc Lofficier wrote:
>> David Green (> wrote:...

>> .... The following Words of Wisdom which should really be preserved in a
>> block of lucite, for all future generations to look at in awe...

>>>Due to my talents of observation and research I have learned an 
>>>important, and shocking, point about THE ENEMY WITHIN that completely 
>>>invalidates it as being Doctor Who.  
>>>There is some very interesting information in THE SIXTIES, page 3, in 
>>>the final paragraph.  The sentence in particular reads:  "Although 
>>>space travel would obviously come into it, he was keen that the 
>>>programme should avoid the 'bug-eyed monsters' he saw as the lowest 
>>>form of science fiction."  The writers, Howe, Stammers and Walker,
>>>are speaking about Sydney Newman, the Head of Drama at the BBC, who was
>>>actually the man who dreamed up the idea of Doctor Who.  
>>>Then, lo and behold, what do we see in THE ENEMY WITHIN?  The monster, or 
>>>the villain of the story, the Master... is a bug-eyed monster!!  Not only 
>>>is he a bug-eyed monster, but he spits slime, like bug-eyed monsters do.  
>>>Clearly, the creators of THE ENEMY WITHIN have regressed Doctor Who back 
>>>to the lowest form of science fiction.  Shame on them.  
>>>I am interested in other fan's opinions of this view... if you could 
>>>email me as replies in REC.ARTS.DRWHO rarely reach me, letting me know 
>>>what you think, and I will consider writing to FOX about this.  Thankyou 
>>>for your interest. 
>>>David W. Green.

>> I really think this stuff should be preserved somewhere.

Dr C.J. Gavin (> wrote:
> This thread has got to be the funniest in ages... I am starting to
> suspect that "David Green" is actually the product of a Computer Science
> department... perhaps the product of a masters project attempting to
> focus a paranoid-simulating AI programme on a particular TV programme.

> This thread could be part of the validation process.

No, it's nothing so sophisticated. "David Green" is obviously a
distillation of all the evil in Adrian Mole, somewhere between his
twelfth and final diaries.

Christopher Norman (> 7/8/96


[Subject:	SHOCKING news about the sun...]

Due to my talents of observation and research I have learned an 
important, and shocking, point about THE SUN that completely invalidates 
it from being a star.  

There is some very interesting information in volume one of Abstracts of 
the Papers Printed in the Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society 
of London, From 1800 to 1830 Conclusive.  On page 50, it is clearly 
stated that Dr. William Herschel, one of the founders of modern 
astronomy, "has long considered the sun as an opaque habitable globe, 
possessed of an atmosphere in which luminous clouds, ever varying in form 
and dimensions, are continually floating."  Dr. Herschel also claims that 
sunspots are the tips of mountains poking through the sun's cloudy 

Then, lo and behold, what do we see time and time again in Doctor Who, 
and indeed throughout nearly all the works on the science of astronomy ever
published?  The sun, or the opaque mountainous sphere around which the
earth a star (a big ball of fire)!!  Clearly, in light of my
brilliant research, the idea that the earth's sun is a star is totally
wrong.  It's really a sort of weird planet, just like earth, and, as Dr. 
Herschel says, there might be people on it!  

The obvious conclusion is that our sun is not really a star.  If anyone 
doubts the validity of my conclusion, I direct them to the aforementioned 
book, which can be found in most fine libraries, and to Mr. David Green, 
to whose shining example I owe the methodology, thoroughness, and sheer 
incisiveness of my own critical approach. 

Jeffrey William Vail (> 30/7/96


Azaxyr (> wrote:
>>> Perhapss not every posster iss a persson...

Andreas Sekeris wrote:
>> Are you suggesting the rest are ssnakes?

Hazmat (> wrote:
>On the Internet, nobody knows that you're a Dalek.

Can you picture a Dalek trying to type on a keyboard with one of those

It'd be a disaster, wouldn't it?  I mean, at best you'd get posts with
a lot of typos, and at worst they'd be downright jibberish.

Uh oh. . .

Christopher D. Heer (> 8/8/96


[Subject:      Re: Sex and "Doctor Who" (was:Re: rude words]

Jason A. Miller (> wrote:
>I'm being devil's advocate here -- I wasn't fond
>of the sex scenes in _Transit_ but did enjoy the descriptions in
>_The Also People_ (especially Chris' thoughts about losing his
>virginity, no matter how sharply they differed from mine :-> )

I picture the eighth Doctor having a conversation with a future companion
about something:  "The first time I was unconscious.  The second time,
I really don't want to talk about.  The time after that I was really in a
bad way, and I needed someone else to help out.  The fourth time I'm
afraid I, well, fell off.  The next time I was sick as a dog, and the
time after *that* I banged my head and can't remember any of it.  The last
time so far was when Grace broke my heart..."

Jonathan Blum (> 14/8/96


Russell Dewhurst ( wrote:
> It would be interesting to see some Doctor Who aliens trying out Earth
> religions, or humans trying out alien religions in some book or other.



Women at door: No, thank you. I'm rather busy right now with... er...
the ironing.



Henry Potts (> 21/8/96


[Subject:      Re: Hey personas!! Rejected NA's?]

I wrote one called "The Adventures of the Brigadier's Head,"  but those
*&()*&(*^ at Virgin didn't like it.  Oh well, I can wait....  :-)

Sperano "Persona" Pearson     

Ian McIntire (> 23/8/96


[Subject:      SIGS NEED GOOD HOME! Please help]

In my travels through r.a.d.w I have accumulated a large number of sigs.

Pure joy to a collector such as myself, of course, but unfortunately I
now have a small problem.

For some while, now, they've been breeding like pigs on speed in a barn.

I suppose I should have had the strength of will to drown them in a sack
at birth, but they'd keep looking at me with their dear little eyes ...

However, their rate of proliferation and a drastically shrinking hard
drive means that I really have to let them go. Does anyone out there
have room for a pedigree:

>The Valeyard (Jill E. Deel)      Talkin' About My Regeneration
>Paul McGann, Numero 8!  Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss
>                        ******************
>Founding Member:  Manic Depressives of America.  The Local
>Chapter of the Sylvester McCoy School of Psychology.  Kids!  See
>our manuscript in next month's "Psychology Today" on ferret envy!

I had 1128 of them at last count. Also, I have a large number of:

>God, Queen and Country                Member - Liberal International
>NEVER Satan, President and Republic   Member - Edmonton Heritage
>Hating Bachelor's Living             Member - Any Edmonton PC User
>Republicanism is Satanism:  Satan wants to usurp God from his throne
>just like
>        republicans are out to dismiss monarchies.
>  Save the World and
>Civilization; REPUBLICS DISSOLVE!  USA, call a referendum to dissolve
>the Union and vote YES!!!

... who breed at such a virulent rate that I've been unable to count
them. I wish I could keep them, I really do, but the cost of downloading
this *shite* every time Jill or Yads has something to say is starting to
get on my thruppenies no end. So can anybody out there give 'em a good
home? I'll deliver them by hand if I have to.

Jill, ferret envy, ha-ha. Yads, Princess Di as Antichrist noted. Kindly
shut up about them now, for Christ's sake. (I suppose everybody's tried
this at some point, but it can't hurt to try again.)

'Four lines good, eight lines bad.' - The Signature Farm

Dave Stone (> 23/8/96


[Subject:      Re: The Great Dalek History Debate]

MOPPeT is that the destruction of Skaro will turn out to have been a

Kate Orman (> 23/8/96


Lord of deXness (> wrote:

>It appears to me that people describe the writing as stilted because 
>Penswick chose not to use a lot of adjectives to elaborate on his 
>descriptions of things.  Many people seem to feel that that made the 
>prose wooden.  I thought it was an interesting idea that didn't work 
>very well in execution, barring several fascinating scenes.

Yes, now if only David McIntee and Neil Pensick cowrote a novel, we'd
have the perfect number of adjectives in the universe! :-)

Robert Smith? (> 6/9/96


John Peel wrote:
> Then you'll *love* this bit. One of the reasons I said that I thought Ben
> didn't understand the Daleks is because he blew up Skaro. Now, in *every*
> Dalek story to date (including Ben's), the Daleks take humanoids prisoner,
> or as pawns, or as slaves. They love to humiliate humanoids. That's been
> absolutely established on their every appearance. Thus, there would have
> been a whole host of innocent people on Skaro, either as slaves, pawns or
> hostages. The Doctor must have annihilated them, too.

> This leaves us four possible conclusions:

> 1) Ben didn't do his homework, and didn't realize there would be those
> people on Skaro too. Ben himself posted that he *did* do his homework, and
> I accept his assurance. Rule this possibility out.

> 2) Ben's a sloppy writer, and just forgot this fact. I don't think Ben is
> sloppy, so I don't agree with this conclusion.

> 3) Ben thinks that the Doctor believes it's morally justifiable to murder
> innocent people as long as you kill the bad guys at the same time.
> Somehow, I don't think Ben believes such an abhorent concept.

> 4) Ben doesn't quite understand the Daleks, and didn't realize that there
> would be hostages/slaves on Skaro.

> As I say, unsettling.

One of the reasons I said that I thought Terry Nation didn't understand
the Daleks is because he blew up the Dalek mothership in "The Dalek
Invasion of Earth". Now, in *every* Dalek story to date (including
Terry's), the Daleks take humanoids prisoner, or as pawns, or as
slaves. They love to humiliate humanoids. That's been absolutely 
established on their every appearance. Thus, there would have been a 
whole host of innocent people on the Dalek mothership, either as slaves, 
pawns or hostages. The Doctor must have annihilated them, too.

This leaves us four possible conclusions:

1) Terry didn't do his homework, and didn't realize there would be
those people on the mothership too. Terry created the Daleks, so let's rule
this possibility out.

2) Terry's a sloppy writer, and just forgot this fact. I don't think
Terry is sloppy, so I don't agree with this conclusion.

3) Terry thinks that the Doctor and his companions believe it's morally
justifiable to murder innocent people as long as you kill the bad guys
at the same time. Somehow, I don't think Terry believes such an abhorent

4) Terry doesn't quite understand the Daleks, and didn't realize that
there would be hostages/slaves on the mothership.

As I say, unsettling.

Shannon Patrick Sullivan (> 8/9/96


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