The rec.arts.drwho Quote File - November 1995

Courtesy of Christopher D. Heer

Submissions and comments should be sent to Chris. (Mail Chris)

> I can see it now: The Doctor is being chased by the monster of the week,
> deep within the bowls of the Tardis.

Please get the terminology correct; these are more properly referred to as The Bowls of Rassilon. They have only one use, but it is vital to the continuation of the universe...

> His companion notices something stirring behind a potted plant in the
> bathroom.

..it is the Chili con Carne of Rassilon. In an old and ancient ceremony, passed down from teacher to pupil in secret over generations of Gallifreyans, the Chili con Carne of Rassilon is prepared once an epoch for the time known as The Coming of the Great Dorito. I believe it was the sixth Doctor who started this batch brewing after a brief stop on the planet Kidneybeanus; the "potted plant" to which you refer is actually one of the last Keepers of the Beans. Our doom was almost sealed, however, when the Doctor caught a sniff of this tantalizing meal and began to devour it with gusto. Fortunately for the universe, Mel had the good sense (?!?!!) to hide the Keeper and the Chili in the bathroom -- a place the Doctor never went, as he tore his last multicolored swimsuit during one of Mel's aerobics sessions.

Now let us meditate to clear our minds of any malingering images, for they are the stuff of nightmares.

> They investigate cautiously, not knowing what to expect... It's Kato Kaelin!
> New perminant house guest and companion.

And this, of course, is the Airhead of Rassilon. Let us never speak of him again.

-- Brian Ghoti (ghoti42@ix.netcom.com), October 16, 1995

(re: discussion between Paul Cornell and his dentist)

(orthodontic examples removed under anaesthetic)

I now have a tape of the Ware/Cornell dental drilling, er, grilling session. And the answers to those top three questions:

Q. What will happen to Benny after "Happy Endings"?
A. Arr waa gah gaah gaargh harg gurg.

Q. What is the title of your next MA?
A. Gurg hargh gargh gurgh arargarg.

Q. Do you know you've got a non-vital discoloured lower incisor?
A. Urgh hargh urgh.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 16, 1995

> As far as I am concerned, any monster you can call "pimplehead" is
>a good monster.

Kindly refrain from complimenting Adric.

-- Jason A. Miller (jmiller6@uoft02.utoledo.edu), October 14, 1995

And that delirious sequence in Part 5 of "Daleks' Masterplan" in which, when Billy needs to recite a long string of treknobabble concerning cellular transportation, note the way his voice trails off and his eyes focus on the Mary Tamm Memorial Cue Card Boy standing off camera.

-- Jason A. Miller (jmiller6@uoft02.utoledo.edu), October 16, 1995

>What's a Jelly Baby?

The love child of Helen A and the Kandyman. I thought everyone knew this.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 17, 1995

(on the subject of Yet Another Story in the British Press mentioning Eric Idle)

An Overdue Apology:

We may have inadvertently given the impression in the past that the British Press was a bunch of reliable, trustworthy, truthful, accurate, hard-working journalists who took time checking facts for accuracy before printing news.

We now realize that we were misled and would like to offer our apologies to the British Press who we now accept are a bunch of mutated ragweed brained lunatic trolls whose pathetic lies should not be believed by anyone with a modicum of intelligence.

-- Randy & Jean-Marc Lofficier (rjmlof@haven.ios.com), October 17. 1995

If the sixth Doctor does become a vegetarian after "The Two Doctors", then it's hard to make a case about the "sanctity" of life - after all, it follows his gassing Shockeye to death. At least he doesn't eat him afterwards. Or maybe that was because the meat was poisoned. Or maybe eating Androgums gives Time Lords gas. Or maybe it would give the Doctor gas.*

Butcher: "Hello sir, I have a nice bit of Shockeye here, or would you prefer a few slices of lean Chessene?"

Customer: "No, I can't be doin' wiv all that Chessene, I hate eating anything cleverer than wot I am."

B: "Nice bit of Shockeye then, eh?"

C: "All right, I'll 'ave a bit of grig then."

B: "This much?

C: "No, just a quance please. I'm not made of grotzits, you know."

* Sorry, all this talk about rich food made me repeat.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 17, 1995

Yads writes:
>Who here is impatient as I am to see new Who?

Anticipation of the Daleks.
Impatience of the Cybermen.
Waste of the Bandwidth.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 17, 1995

>Anyhow, Peter will shortly be receiving this month's prize, the home
>edition of that famous TV gameshow, Metebelis Squares. Have fun!

What a super prize. It has the tag line "Eight squares good, one square bad". The panelists sit in a web-shaped set, so you can guess which is the bad square. Yes, it's the guy in the middle with the West Country accent wearing the button which reads "Eat Me".

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 18, 1995

Remember THE PEPSI CHALLENGE?

Couldn't stop voting for the Fat Elvis stamp?

Well now, boys and girls, nerds of all ages ... test your ADRIC APTITUDE by taking the GIMP test and show your TRUE devotion to The Cause.

The GIMP (Gee, I wish i were a Mathematical genius Prat) test is designed to test your tolerance to the fine acting abilities of young Mathew Waterhouse.

To play, speak aloud the following quotations (whether or not you're in a public place). Recite as many as you wish, until you're too sick to continue.

If you last to the bottom of the GIMP test, pat yourself on the back and proceed to get a fashionable Beatles' haircut, wear a rope around your belt, and wear a yellow, blue and orange nylon jumpsuit.

Then crash your spaceship into a geographically incorrect young planet, and recite the final quotation on the list until the bitter end.

Enjoy!

Cut here to take the GIMP test:

  1. "Iiii'm an e-LEET"
  2. "That blew box I sawwww. I sawww a blewww box"
  3. "I'm a STOW-away"
  4. "WE'RE doing it!"
  5. "We're going to measure Logopolis?"
  6. "I was BORN there, Doctuw!"
  7. "Pass the sodium chlowwide"
  8. "She keeps fainting"
  9. "We Alzarians heal fastew than you HUGH-mans"
  10. "What does that taste like?"
  11. "What does THAT taste like?"
  12. "Choommmmmmmm" (eating sounds from "Black Orchid")
  13. "I want to go HOME!"
  14. "And now I'll nevew know if I was wight."

-- Jason A. Miller (jmiller6@uoft02.utoledo.edu), October 17, 1995

Well said, Paul. Besides, the only way to ensure that new Who is canon is to cast William Conrad.

This posting is a Peter Anghelides production

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 19, 1995

>Richard Hurndall passed away a few short months after Five Doctors, in 1984.

I've seen JN-T blamed for lots of bizarre things, but this is a bit extreme isn't it?

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 19, 1995

The worst name for a companion, surely, would be "Doctor"?

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 19, 1995

> I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS VIDEO "30 YEARS IN THE TARDIS." HOW DO I GET A
> COPY AND HOW MUCH DOES IT COST. I'VE BEEN WITHOUT DOCTOR WHO FOR ALMOST 3
> YEARS NOW.

i've been without a shift or caps lock key for 9. big smegging deal.

-- Andrew McCaffrey (fenric@clark.net), October 18, 1995

In , tre@quake.net (Tre Hellman) writes:
>You, Mr. Shannon Patrick Sullivan, are sentenced to a rewatching of Time
>and the Rani

In , tre@quake.net (Tre Hellman) writes:
>Peter Anghelides has paid off the judges!

In , tre@quake.net (Tre Hellman) writes:
>Yes, it's long past time that Mr. Anghelides was assassinated for the good
>of the newsgroup. He's too clever by half. Any takers?
>
>Tre, who knows Evil! Evil since the dawn of Time! when he sees it.

Three comments on one subject? That makes you seem like a rather egotistical young poster.

PS: We play the game again, Hellman.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 20, 1995

>What's the latest as to when the movie will be shown on TV?

About 2am. Most stations go off the air soon after that.

-- David "Smartass" McKinnon (mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu), October 19, 1995

Peter Ware:
>>Ob Who 2: Gynaecological facts about the companions:
>
>>Er... perhaps not!

Eric Gjovaag:
>Aw, c'mon, tell us! This sounds fascinating...

I'm afraid that I must insist that Peter not divulge any of said facts. Any information he may have on such matters is copyrighted in my latest book, _Doctor Who: A Gynaecological Guide_, and is therefore not to be distributed over the net without my express written permission, which for ethical and professional reasons I could not possibly give for less than 50 quid.

-- David "Principles" McKinnon (mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu), October 20, 1995

>Off-topic I know, but I believe Fermat's Last Theorem has now been proved -
>some bods at Warwick University, UK, came up with a 200 page proof sometime
>early this year.

"Damn and blast! I just can't get the exponents to come out right."

"Hmm ... perhaps if you just make this adjustment here, and consider the semistability of these curves ..."

"Hang on -- who are you?"

"Oh, call me Mortimus. I saw you working on this little puzzle, and thought I'd stick my nose in." *chuckle*

"But how ... oh my, yes! That's it! How did you think of that?"

"A friend of mine by the name of ... what was it? Ah yes, Andrew Wiles. Fascinating fellow, though I really don't understand why he left Cambridge for Princeton. That's why I've decided to help you -- it would be so much nicer for the problem to be resolved in Britain, don't you think?"

"What are you talking about?"

*chuckle* "Oh, don't mind me. I think this line of reasoning might just lead to a Fields Medal for you, don't you think? Put the name of Warwick University on the map, wouldn't you say?"

"Well, yes! But push off, will you? I don't want anyone to see me associating with a fat yobbo like you -- it'll put the prize committee off."

*sigh* "Humans ..."

-- David "Writer" McKinnon (mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu), October 20, 1995

Walk up to the suitably attractive female of your choice, preferably from behind.

Place a cold clammy hand on her shoulder.

When she whirls around in terror, intone menacingly:

"DEMNOS WILL NOT BE CHEATED OF HIS PLEASURE THIS TIME, LITTLE ONE".

-- Jason A. Miller (jmiller6@uoft02.utoledo.edu), October 21, 1995

(reasons for why Earth is the only source of Taranium)

2) Earth is the only planet where Marmite occurs naturally. The marmiton (discrete particle of marmite) was isolated in the mid 27th century. The first taranons (Taranium nuclei) were produced in 2686 by Dr. Heinz Bisto of the University of New Rochdale who accelerated marmitons to 1.5 TeV into a target of very mature aubergine chutney. This produced a horseradish residue and showers of assorted Oxo particles, vector crumpetrons, light-speed beetrootinos and muffions, the last of which decay with a half-life of 26 picoseconds and are captured in the "plastic cups from Woolworths" as seen in the Time Destructor.

-- Cedric Knight (cknight@gn.apc.org), October 22, 1995

The Doctor (doctor@nl2k.edmonton.AB.ca) wrote:
> I had several bounces on this.
> Care to leave me your phone number?

This has got to qualify as the second worst pick-up line that Yads has ever used.

-- Andrew McCaffrey (fenric@clark.net), October 21, 1995

(on what K-9 said in Warriors' Gate)

In , tre@quake.net (Tre Hellman) writes:
>What K-9 says is:
>
>"Hexagram 9, Hsiao Ch'u, The Saving/Taming [I'm not sure about this word]
>Power of the Small. Quote: if you are sincere blood vanishes and fear
>gives way."

I think Tre may be reprinting this verbatim from one of Dave the Dave's posts.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 24, 1995

>In a couple of the NA's and the MA's set in Earth's future mention is made of
>'Earth Reptiles'. I presume this refers to Silurians and Sea Devils. How
>did humans and earth reptiles start peacefully coexisting? Is there any
>continuity evidence from the tv show for this, or is it soley a NA invention?

This rather charmingly combines two r.a.dw discussion points: continuity and political correctness. CONTINUITY: How can they be Silurians when they came from the Eocene period? Oh no, hang on, not the Eocene period... etc. etc. POLITICALLY CORRECT: Sea Devils is a bit of a pejorative term. Better call them "Native Earthers" or "Earth Reptiles". (Quite where this leaves alligators, apart from in the swamp, I dunno.)

I quite like the idea of PC versions of DW monsters (or "creatures of differently defined morality"). You could do it the other way round too: Dust Devils (Mandrells) and Turds (Plasmatons). Ace would be a big help here.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 24, 1995

You put your Jill Deel in
You take your kill-file out
you put your Jill Deel in
and you shake it all about
You do the kill-file pokey
and you get rid of the lout
That's what its all about.

-- Graeme Burk (yu121798@yorku.ca), October 24, 1995

>> So the Gallifreyans are Christians...

>Stop this now, before someone makes the obvious and offensive comment!

That's the one about Christ regenerating, right?

Oops!

-- Paul Rhodes (paul.rhodes@liffe.com), October 24, 1995

Years ago, we did a STAR TREK comic-book for DC (more recently we wrotte a DS9 story for the Malibu comics but we digress) and we were told we couldn't use thought balloons.

Upon querying why (not), we were told by the editor that Richard Arnold had told DC (apparently with a straight face) that they couldn't use thought balloons because...

.... "our characters don't think."

Now that explains a lot. VOYAGER for instance....

-- Randy & Jean-Marc Lofficier (rjmlof@haven.ios.com), October 24, 1995

>I'm waiting for someone to take all the old soundtracks of lost episodes
>and animate the actors.

I'm still waiting for someone to animate some of the actors from the *surviving* episodes. Sarah Sutton in _Terminus_ for example...

-- David Owen (dro@dsbc.icl.co.uk), October 25, 1995

It was 25 Oct 1995 14:36:36 -0600. I was reading instead of working. And apparently The Doctor was blathering about. . .

>If Monday turn out to be a black in this country, you may not able to
>your ADs here with a knife in the back.

This posting is brought to you by the Edmonton Hertiage Literacy Foundation, a non-profit organisation dedicated to reminding you, the reading public, that coherence and Dave have, at best, a passing acquaintance.

Donation enquiries welcomed. No Satanists allowed.

-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), October 25, 1995

Here's an old attendance sheet I found at the Prydonian Academy. Apparently students who arrived late had to sign in, giving a short reason why they were late. There were some interesting entries:

NAME TIME REASON FOR TARDINESS JEREMY 7:ish Oh sorry, I'm not late yet, am I? Troughton, Patrick 8:00:01 Sorry about the odd second, but nobody's perfect. Glover, Julian 8:10am Face popped out again. Baker, Pip 8:15am Lost track of time studying for SAT verbal. Baker, Jane 8:15am Lost track of time studying Pip. Saward, Eric 8:25am Had to kill off character left over from previous story. Yadallee, David 8:50am If YOU were late, context would be telling. Crowden, Graham 8:40am Had to look for pet Nimon. JEREMY about 9 I say, I was here before, but am I late now? Deel, Jill 9:20am I am not late!! You're just avoiding the fact that I'm really an A student!!!!!!! Dyall, Valentine 9:40am Had to wash bird out of hair. Darrow, Paul 10:15am Bus missed me. Had to swagger to school. Aaronovitch, Ben 5:15pm Forgot that morning and afternoon are different. Clarke, Kevin 5:18pm Tried to be as cool as Ben. Failed.

-- David McKinnon (mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu), October 25, 1995

>The Troughton classic "The ambonindable snowmen" has been found. But
>there is one small problem. It's in Welsh.

The show was called "Ybymbl Snymyn". For dubbing, they took the English script and removed all the vowels (replacing them with the neutral vowel, the phonetic nasal "eu") and doubled all the appearances of the letter "L". Dubbing took place in the BBC Wales Main Office (Translation) situated in the town of Llanfairpwyllgwyngyllgogericherindrobwellllantysiliogogogoch. This is not new news -- check out the CMS publication "An Adventure in Space & Time" (published in 1985).

Peter Anghelides

Lleung ageu eun eu Weullsh Veulllleuy

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 26, 1995

> >I think tea and scones is what you're
> >thinking of. (note pronunciation= sconns not scOnes)
>
> I have to take exception at that!!!!!
> Any Eastender will soon put you right that they *are* scOnes and not sconns!

Actually it's _both_ - when it's on the plate it's "scOne", when you've eaten it it's "sconn".

-- Philip J. Naylor (pj-naylo@csm.uwe.ac.uk), October 26, 1995

> Dear Paul,
>
> I think your a complete c**t.
>
> Glad to help,
> Love, JonM.
---
>
> The opinions expressed here are mine alone and not necessarily those of
> Ericsson Ltd.

Jon, I know that's not *neccessarily* the opinion of Ericsson Ltd,but, just for my state of mind, could you take a quick straw poll around the office and tell me what the others think?

Paul Cornell (paul@cornell.demon.co.uk), October 27, 1995

>Jon, I know that's not *neccessarily* the opinion of Ericsson Ltd,but,
>just for my state of mind, could you take a quick straw poll around the
>office and tell me what the others think?

OK, well I've asked everyone, and here's the results:

Mike Teague thinks that your a Skinhead Hedgehog.

Halibut doesn't think at all.

I think that your almost as big a drunkard as Percy Ware and myself (almost there, jsut a coup}}}}le more pints and you'll heave made it into the big leagrrrrrrue). hic...

The guy who sits opposite me thinks that your a big fan of Take That.

22% of the office think that your really Rebecca's love toy.

31% of the office think that you bear a resembelance to the 6th Doctor (take that how you will!)...

and 47% of the office think that your the bass player in Pink Floyd.

By God! Paul, were you???

That would explain everything!!!

It would explain the whole of 'No Future'

That two second burst of the DrWho theme in the live version of 'Meddle'...

DREAM SEQUENCE MODE ON !!!

'dum... dum-da-dum-dum DUM!...

and now a Bass Solo!

'Dum-da-dum-da-dum-da-dum, dum-ba dum-ba, dum-da-dum-da-dum...

and David Gilmour turns to Roger Waters and says,

'Oh, bloody hell, Paul's playing the DrWho theme tune again, someone unplug him for Gods' sake'

and Roger Waters replies,

'Sod off Gilmour, I never liked you!'

DREAM SEQUENCE MODE OFF !!!

-- Jon Massey (etljnmy@etlxdmx.ericsson.se), October 27, 1995

> >[Are the Cushing Movies Canonical] [Y ]
> I'm just dying to hear how you make *that* work.

The Cushing movies are canonical. It's that crappy BBC fan-fiction that they keep rerunning that isn't.

-- Andrew McCaffrey (fenric@clark.net), October 27, 1995

>I thought that quote files and anti-quote files couldn't exist
>together without annihilating each other.

You're confusing it with the QuotE file, which is the other side of a Comedy Vault Electronic. This is a smaller, less amusing quote file with a smaller number of stars in it. I was consigned there long ago.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), October 27, 1995

>Planet of Giants (or whatever it's now called) was filmed as a 4
>part story, but aired as 3 parts.

"Inside the Matchbox".

-- David Owen (dro@dsbc.icl.co.uk), October 30, 1995

>The Curse of Fenric:
>++ (ep 3) When Ace is at the top of the ladder her underpants are black. By
>the time she gets down, they have changed to white.

What a gal! If anybody else had been hassled by haemovores their underpants would have turned brown.

-- Peter "Percy" Ware (percy@percyw.win-uk.net), October 28, 1995

>Now, would anyone like to attempt an in-continuity explanation for the
>two-armed Davros figure:)?

Yes, he went to an Armie Surplus Store.

-- Mike Teague (etlmwte@etlxdmx.ericsson.se), November 1, 1995

> --David "Melgos Avenger" McKinnon

"Melgos" ? What, as in "Mel goes like a ginger steam train if you can get half a pint of vodka and carrot-juice down her." ?

-- David Owen (dro@dsbc.icl.co.uk), November 1, 1995

>It's not a back door pilot anymore.

The phrase "back door pilot" is still a bitter term of abuse in rural parts of Berkshire.

"You see that man there ? He has the look of a back door pilot about him!"

-- David Owen (dro@dsbc.icl.co.uk), November 2, 1995

Re: Trial of a Time Lord.
> I actually think it is some of the finest doctor who ever
>produced. The atmosphere is very dark, almost baker-ish.

Well, considering that Colin was in all of it and Pip 'n' Jane wrote most of it, it was *very* baker-ish. Pity Bob Baker didn't get his chance, but there you go.

Or were you referring to the edited bits of Ultimate Foe taking place in the fantasy bakery?

-- Robert Smith? (g9526329@mcmail.cis.McMaster.CA), November 3, 1995

In , jmiller6@uoft02.utoledo.edu (Jason A. Miller) writes:
> And living with a Sarah Sutton clone has me bouncing up and down
>an awful lot ;)

You musta missed the recall that Sirius Cybernetics put out last week. There's a dangerous earthing problem in those Model 94X "Pert 'n' Perdy" clones, but you can get a full refund. Did you keep your receipt?

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 6, 1995

>[JNT quoted as saying:] "I loved every minute of my work on Colony In Space
[snip]
>to cap it all, a member of the cast blatantly asked me to come home to bed."

For the DWM Spot-the-Pickup Contest, and in increasing order of likeliness:
5. Jack May (if you ask him nicely)
4. Brian Peck (on the cheek, who played whirling Dervish)
3. Clive Rogers (does he indeed?)
2. George Layton (geddit?)

But the most likely candidate is...
1. Lisa Daniely (Madeleine, who ended up snogging the Doctor in the final episode)

Important things to remember in this context:
(a) Earth is known in this story as The (take me) Home Planet
(b) When people say "Ta", they're talking about another planet
(c) This is the story in which the Doctor says: "Come along the rest of you - blow!"

Peter Anghelides

PS: I hesitate to ask what the prize for the sweep will be. A night of passion with the producer of your choice? (Second prize, two nights of... etc.)

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 6, 1995

>I have heard many rumours that fans in canada are not searching their
>countrys achives on purpose is this so ?

Yes, it's true.

I, for example, am quite deliberately not flying to Edmonton, slogging through the waist-deep snow to the CBC broadcast centre, to pick painstakingly through row after row of "Beachcombers" reels, trying to find that 35-second clip of "Marco Polo" used on "Front Page Challenge" in March, 1968.

Instead, I am heartlessly and selfishly trying to do my Ph.D. in Berkeley, California, where it is not at all snowy, and where Kublai Khan never won a TARDIS in a bet.

-- David McKinnon (mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu), November 7, 1995

>The TARDIS probably uses both control rooms at the same time because I don't
>see the point of having a spare.

The secondary control room is used when Time Lords are learning how to drive their TARDIS machines (note plural). The instructor straps himself into the other one, and the Time Lord gets the chance to throw himself, his companion, his hatstand, and his ormulu clock around the primary control room safe in the knowledge that, if he steers too close to a neutron star, or accidentally brings on board a weapon of inimaginably dangerous starkilling potential, or leaves the fast return switch jammed in position, then the instructor can effect an emergency rematerialisation in a 1960s junkyard.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 6, 1995

Obviously, if you're in charge of a top secret organisation, dealing with alien invasions and time travellers, you don't want to give away *anything*, should some malevolent time traveller enter your establishment (and the Master had already done so at least once by The Green Death).

Thus, you go for the confusion option...post an out of date calendar on the wall, make phone calls to the male prime minister, wait til he hangs up and say "yes, maam", just in case any of your aides have been possessed by alien intelligences at the time, instruct associated civilians to change their stated year of origin at regular intervals ("But I'm from 1980" (hee hee hee - that'll fool 'em!)), use a system of dates that refuse to match any probable calender ("Er, Thursday June 6th")...

And when you retire and start teaching in a boys school...well, it doesn't matter any more so you can enjoy your retirement in peace, finally admitting to one and all what year it is.

Simple really.

-- Robert Smith? (g9526329@mcmail.cis.McMaster.CA), November 10, 1995

Just one example: JN-T once told a DWAS convention that it wasn't impossible to see the Doctor surviving beyond a thirteenth incarnation. And for this, on leaving the convention stage, he received a warm hand on his exit. (At least I think that's what it was for, but I haven't read the DWM interview yet; I assume he wasn't implying that he would be Producer Perpetual, a kind of production team Borusa.)

PS: Personally, I think the show ended after "The Visitation". I can't accept a Who universe without the sonic screwdriver.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 10, 1995

>an433656@anon.penet.fi (Lisa McKinney) wrote: >> M::::::::::::8888:88888888888888888::::::Mm8 >> M::::::::::8888M::88888::888888888888:::::::Mm8 >> MM::::::::8888M:::8888:::::888888888888::::::::Mm8 >> 8M:::::::8888M:::::888:::::::88:::8888888::::::::Mm >> 88MM:::::8888M:::::::88::::::::8:::::888888:::M:::::M >> 8888M:::::888MM::::::::8:::::::::::M::::8888::::M::::M >> 88888M:::::88:M::::::::::8:::::::::::M:::8888::::::M::M >> 88 888MM:::888:M:::::::::::::::::::::::M:8888:::::::::M: >> 8 88888M:::88::M::::::XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >> 88888M:::88::M::::::XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >> 888888M:::88::M::::::XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >> 888888MM::88::MM:::::XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >> 88888 M:::8::MM:::::XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >> 8888 MM::::::MM::::XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >> 888 M:::::::MM:::XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >> 888 MM:::::::MMM::::::::::::::::MM:::MM:::::::::::::::M >> 88 M::::::::MMMM:::::::::::MMMM:::::MM::::::::::::MM >> 88 MM:::::::::MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM::::::::MMM::::::::MMM >> 88 MM::::::::::::MMMMMMM::::::::::::::MMMMMMMMMM >> 88 8MM::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::MMMMMM >> 8 88MM::::::::::::::::::::::M:::M::::::::MM >>

There... that's much better.

Mary Whitehouse

"some censor gal"

-- Brigitte Darcel (brigitte@tr792.tr.comm.mot.com), November 10, 1995

(on Twin Dilemma)

>> Now if I can only get used to the Sylvest twins...

I had wanted to include a silly Womulus and Wemus quote from the episode here, but I find myself unable to recall a specific line of dialogue. Whew.

-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), November 10, 1995

>Susan believes he really is her Grandfather.
>Perhaps she is the Master's daughter, and the Doctor is sheltering her
>from a life of evil. We never did find out what caused
>the Master to change from the Doctor's's dear friend to a mortal
>enemy

"Hmm, old I am now, and tired, yes."

"Master Kung Po, I must know. Is the Master my father?"

"Your father he is. Told you, he did? Unfortunate this is."

"Unfortunate?! That I know who my father is?"

"No. Face him, you must, Susan, or turn you to the dark side of fashion he will. Susan, the last of the renegades is you... Susan...there is...the Other..."

-- Eva Jacobus (ejacobus@mit.edu), November 12, 1995

> There are some fans who think the programme
>"ended" when William Hartnell left, who can't accept the
>concept of regeneration. There are others who think it all
>finished with the introduction of colour, who can't accept the
>concept of 625-line transmission. There are some who think
>the show finished with "Survival", who can't accept the concept
>of the NAs.

I always felt that the show ended with the closing titles.

-- Mike Teague (etlmwte@etlxdmx.ericsson.se), November 14, 1995

Excoriation! I lately descried that I had procured upon my computer the P&J infectious programme. Doubtless you are capable of discerning its influence in this especial document. Fortuitously it is not onerous to remove - the only mandatory constituent of the procedure is to reentitle the hindmost document it did contaminate, and it shall absent itself instantaneously, not ever to become reinstated. What an alleviation!

-- Bruce Alan Greenwood (rbgp@music.macarthur.uws.edu.au), November 14, 1995

My personal theory postulates that silly headwear has something to do with it. The Black & White Guardians were last seen prancing around with dead birds on their nonces. Similarly, Rassilon would appear to believe that a cow's space helmet is the height of fashion. The members of the High Council, not wishing to be left out, have taken to wearing something which I believe serves as some sort of hair-restoration device, seeing as most of them are bald. And then there's Omega, who in our dimension doesn't even have a head, but likes to wear big hats all the same.

Next week, I'll bring you my 'waggly beard' theory, which explains why the Master ran away from Gallifrey. Well, wouldn't you if you kept regenerating into that bloke from the 'girl on the railway line' movie?

-- Mark Stevens (mark@sonance.demon.co.uk), November 15, 1995

>> Does anyone know where I can get plans or scale drawings of a police box
>> so that I can build a scale model of one?

Just watch Logopolis. Freeze-frame it wheneve the Monitor waves some printouts about and Bob's yer proverbial.

-- Mark Stevens (mark@sonance.demon.co.uk), November 15, 1995

yu121798@yorku.ca (Graeme Burk) writes:
>Like the Prime Computer ads, alas, I do not consider it Canon.

I nominate this for the Quote File as Hardware Joke of the Month. (We could call this the Megabyte Modem Award.) Unless it turns out that Graeme copied it from someone else.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 15, 1995

>My take on it was that part of the problem with the circuit was that it's copy
>was dimensionally "off" (conceivably in more than one dimension, as it were),
>and that he needed the measurements of "the real thing" so that the outer
>plasmic shell could be remapped properly.

Yeah right, that's why he uses a tape measure marked out in inches. I can't even get the right size of furniture from Ikea when I use those darned things. Mind you, the stuff in my study fits perfectly since Monitor & Co came and did a custom job using Block Transfer Computation.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 15, 1995

>Except entropy makes your couch turn green and disappear, right?

When I'm sat on it, my couch looks green. But when I approach it, it looks blue; and as I walk away from it, it looks red. My wife checked the manufacturers label to see if we could get a refund, but all it says is "Doppler & Sons". Anyone else have this difficulty?

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 16, 1995

>Not even time lord presidents get immortality.

Is this based on The Five Doctors? But in which story does the Master get offered another cycle of regenerations? (And can the Time Lords do that? I imagine them going down to their Matrix Supermarket chain and saying "I'll take a 13-pack, please. In black, preferably.)

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 16, 1995

If Mrs Whitehouse is reading, I thoroughly enjoyed watching Four Weddings And A Funeral on Channel Four this week, particularly all the bits where Hugh Grant says the rude words. And after I'd watched it I dressed up as a vegetable and strangled my younger brother.

-- Paul Shields (paul@korova.demon.co.uk), November 17, 1995

It was 18 Nov 1995 01:36:56 -0700. I was reading instead of working. And apparently The Doctor was blathering about. . .

>And you wonder why I am skeptical?

No. I wonder why you're allowed to operate a motor vehicle.

-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), November 18, 1995

>read MR PAUL LEES WORK MISSING WITHOUT A TRACE ,I don't know about
>you but i can listen to missing who any time ,the trouble is seeing
>it!

"everything", "don't", "you read", "believe"

You have thirty seconds. Good luck.

-- Brian Ghoti (ghoti42@ix.netcom.com), November 21, 1995

(on the subject of changing TARDISes in Blood Heat)

>Still, it seems a bit callous of the Doctor to abandon someone he was so
>close to, *especially* in light of the fact that he replaced her with someone
>*almost* the same, but who "belonged" to, for almost all intents and
>purposes, another person.

>Boy, that came out convoluted, didn't it?

Er, so basically you're saying that the heartless bastard tossed her over for younger model and snagged another man's steady?

-- Eva Jacobus (ejacobus@mit.edu), November 21, 1995

: I have yet to see a post from only Randy Lofficier or only Jean-Marc
: Lofficier. Has anyone noticed the frequent use of 'we' in the Lofficierian
: posts? Do both type at the same time - one hits the keys on the left of
: the keyboard and the other the ones on the right? Have they/has he one
: body or two? If two, do they speak in chorus? Are they/Is he a gestalt?
: A dual personality? Questions abound!

And for a few dollars more, we can also channel the demon Yadli from the Times of Chaos of Ancient Gallifrey.

-- Randy & Jean-Marc Lofficier (rjmlof@haven.ios.com), November 21, 1995

>Do you think that your book is better than Paul's?

Oh, Paul's, of course. No doubt about it. Far better. Blows mine out of the water.

-- Andy Lane (andylane@goldfinch.win-uk.net), November 22, 1995

>I look forward to the day when our oversensitive US society puts PC in
>the trashcan of history and is able to express itself without this
>obsessive concern for hurting some group's feelings.

I want to object to Carlotta's casual manner with words. Us sensitive individuals hate it when you just assume we can be bundled together willy-nilly on the mere basis that we share something in common. Dang, now I'm doing it too.

I think that we should adopt some DW PC alternatives with immediate effect. For example, "tharils" instead of "old people" (because, like week-old Brie, they're time sensitive).

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 27, 1995

> I think this gets back to the 17 share
>business that Phil mentioned. Joe Wesson pointed out that Phil used to work
>for ABC, and that may be the sort of figure that ABC would expect. I think
>Joe's right; I think the number was off the cuff.

Can someone ask Phil to wear a T-shirt in future, then ???

-- Mike Teague (etlmwte@etlxdmx.ericsson.se), November 23 1995

In <48tolk$ou@news.ios.com>, rjmlof@haven.ios.com (Randy/Jean-Marc Lofficier) writes:
>-- lose of the more ridiculous baggage (Super-Monkey, Destructo the
>Super-Dog, etc.)

I wouldn't trust anyone who wanted to write out the Ogrons and K-9.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 27, 1995

>You would like Paul Cornell and
>Kate Orman to go into hiding for years at a time, appearing only as
>surprise guests at book awards ceremonies?

Sounds good to me. Who do I see to arrange this?

-- Andy Lane (andylane@goldfinch.win-uk.net), November 24, 1995

Jason "Dedicated" Miller:
>
> As I'm soon to drop off r.a.dw for an extended, probably
>permanent period of time, I'd like to elevate C.H.D.B. Heer and
>David "Jamie" McKinnon to the realm of rec.arts.drwho gods, and urge
>that everyone listen to their gospel with intense undiluted faith.

[The priest steps forward, and acknowledges the congregation. He raises his arms for silence.]

People of rec.arts.drwho! Your new gods, Chris Heer and David McKinnon, have now assumed their full power, and are watching you with all-seeing eyes!

And they need money! Lots and lots of money! In fact, they need *all* of your money. And they're not nice gods. If you don't give over *every* *single* *piece* of money you have, they'll know. They see everything! Want to save that dime for a phone call? Sure, but be prepared to spent ALL OF ETERNITY UP TO YOUR NOSTRILS IN MOLTEN LEAD! But if you give up all your money now, we can ensure that the level of molten lead will be lowered to your armpits.

And you should look out for your neighbours. If they haven't given up all their money, YOU'LL be for the chop. Make sure that guy next door's dug the gold filling out of his tooth, or it's LEAD-UP-THE-NOSE for you! Invade his house! Steal his money, and give it to us! Or you'll PAY in the Great Hereafter!

And what will the gods do for you in return? NOTHING! THEY'RE GODS! Just be thankful they don't send rivers of razor blades flowing through the streets next Tuesday.

All hail the mighty Heer and McKinnon!

-- David McKinnon (mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu), November 28, 1995

> I was watching "The Five Doctors" and in it, the Master's real name is
>revealed! The third doctor says his name is Jehosophat.

And in "The King's Demons", the Master reveals the Doctor's real name: "Ah Doctor, you're Willy Sweek". Let's see you write that in Gallifreyan heiroglyphics.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 27, 1995

[Diverse and interesting speculation as to the disparate popularity of Ace and Adric despite their superficial similarities...]

The key difference between Ace and Adric is that only one of them has balls.

And it ain't Adric.

-- David Owen (dro@dsbc.icl.co.uk), November 29, 1995

>Hell, most serial
>killers are described by many who knew them as being friendly and quiet.
>Now, I'm not suggesting that the Doctor would go *that* insane,

Aha. So he's not likely to kill in groups. Man, I'd take Adric along for trips as a Potential Sacrificial Companion, if I were a companion.

-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), November 28, 1995

> I don't think I've still got my receipt for THE DALEKS!
>
>I don't think you've much to worry about. I don't suppose many people had even
>heard of Stereo back in 1963 when The Daleks was made.

This is a more inventive excuse than the one used by my video store. They could decide whether I needed a receipt for "The Mutants" or whether the second stereo track had been cutaway.

-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), November 29, 1995

In article <49a6rf$rr@news.ios.com>,
Randy/Jean-Marc Lofficier wrote:

>Writers' Guild rules.... You owe them One First Draft, One Rewrite
>(virtually a Second Draft) and One Polish. Means nothing.

The script's in *Polish*?

-- Robert Smith? (g9526329@mcmail.cis.McMaster.CA), November 29, 1995

> I noticed the Invasion tape starts out with a message suggesting that
> buyers adjust the tracking before returning the tape if there's a problem.

When I bought my copy of "The Invasion" I got rather annoyed because the picture was upside down. After about 10 minutes of standing on my head, I decided to eject the tape. Turns out that I had put the tape in upside-down.

-- Andrew McCaffrey (fenric@clark.net), November 30, 1995

: Yes, but can you tell me how Ed MacMahon managed to get my home address?
: Or which one was Kate and which one was Allie?

Kate is the one who writes DOCTOR WHO books.

-- Jean-Marc Lofficier (rjmlof@haven.ios.com), December 1, 1995

Andrew Vogel (avogel@eden-backend.rutgers.edu) wrote:

Ah, I see that someone else is talking through Eden's ass.

-- Andrew McCaffrey (fenric@clark.net), December 2, 1995

>Anyway, what's a TARDIS look like when you shut down the architectural
>configuration? An empty police box? Can the configuration be stored on a
>microchip or something, so that the old configuration can be restored?

I believe its stored in the config.sys file.

-- Brian Glen Palicia (bpalicia@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu), December 2, 1995

In article <49gpba$f9s@cappuccino.eng.umd.edu>, jblum@Glue.umd.edu (Jonathan Blum) wrote:

> Here's the full story, folks... About three months ago, Kate Orman and I
> fell madly in love.

Aww, snooky-wookums. Ooky-pooky. Oogy boogie toogle doosums. Snorky warky pootle wootle!

-- Paul Cornell (paul@cornell.demon.co.uk), December 2, 1995

The Doctor (doctor@nl2k.edmonton.AB.ca) wrote:
> Don't get along with dogs? Try one %.

I had an % for a while, but it kept falling over itself. The poor bone-structure and that, you know.

-- Andrew McCaffrey (fenric@clark.net), December 2, 1995

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