October 1996 Quotefile

courtesy of Christopher D. Heer

October 15, 1996 - v1.1 (updates only)

                     The rec.arts.drwho Quote File!

      "The quotes *are* old. . . but they chronicle the rise of
       humour on r.a.dw up to the *present* day."

Created by Richard "Uncle Halibut" Salter (etlrdsr@etlxdmx.ericsson.se)

Maintained by Christopher D. Heer (cheer@us.oracle.com)

What is the quote file?  Well it's sort of a collection of moments, if
you like.  Moments on rec.arts.drwho that make us laugh, or strike us as
incredibly witty.  If something makes you laugh out loud, be sure to
email it to me at the above address so I can consider it for inclusion.

This file will be maintained at http://www.eskimo.com/~cheer/quotefile.txt,

and updates will be posted to the newsgroup once a month.

On with the funny bits:



Now batting... 1st baseman... The Hand of Omega!

[crowd roars with applause]

"The lefty winds, kicks, and throws... [CRACK!] HIGH FLY BALL!

"Boy Harry, this youngster's really been tearing up major-league
hitting since they brought him up from class AAA Galifrey."

"Yeah Nick, credit their scouting director... Doctor sombody...
Who was he again?"

- Philip C. Tsao (gt7357a@acmey.gatech.edu)
  September 17, 1996


>                          Having been to the Longleat con. a couple of
>weeks ago, where I burnt my forehead

I name you as the Exhibition Arsonist.  Constable, arrest that man!

Anoraks are people who post replies to the newsgroup question "what
is an anorak?".  (Dang, you got me.)  Yes, I know this is a recursive
answer, but that's what makes this post ObWho, Castrovalva fans.
And the truth can be approached from many directions.

- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com)
  September 17, 1996


>Very true.  People who quit smoking usually have to find something to
>stick in their mouths.

My wife quits smoking daily.

- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@us.oracle.com)
  September 17, 1996


: "Horror of _Fan_ Rock" ?????   8-)

Yeah, it's like fan-fiction, only instead of being self-indulgent
short stories written by fans of DW and Trek, it's self-indulgent
singles recorded in bedrooms on 8-track by fans of Guns'n'Roses,
usually involving ten-minute guitar solos. And it is, as you say,

- Dan Blythe (ge937170@sunc.sheffield.ac.uk)
  September 16, 1996


> Again, I think the final product justifies this. It is after all, one of
> the  acknowledged classics. That line about Mornington Crescent gets me
> every time!

That line was the thing that totally spoiled it. It utterly wrecks the
suspension of disbelief.

And anyone who doesn't agree with me is a liar and has insulted me and I
am going to put them in my killfile and anyway what have you lying
bastards got against Neil Penswick who is cool and I think lying
scumbags like you who have insulted me should be shot and have their
guts wound round a stick and ...

I'm sorry. My brain just imploded.

- Dave Stone (dave.stone@ukonline.co.uk)
  September 16, 1996


> did an email address search
> ther are 31 "Doctor Who"s
> there are 69 "Dr Who"s
> pretty impressive eh?


Positive proof at last that there were lived before Hartnell!

- Chuck Foster (chuck@uunet.pipex.com)
  September 19, 1996


>You've listened to the JNT excuse line.

"Hello. You have reached the JNT excuse line. Our operators will be with 
you in a moment. In the meantime, please listen to this soothing music, 
which will help put you in the proper hypnotic state to have your 
opinions shaped. *music* Please stay with us, an operator will be with 
you shortly. Please do not form an opinion while you are waiting. 
*music*..." :-)

- Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au)
  September 20, 1996


> Yes, folks, Karl has gone completely round the twist.  Who'll be next, I
> wonder.
> I count five "sucks", four "shits", two "flaming donkeys" and a "stick".
>  Let's see how Mr McK can put them together to tell an entertaining 
> story.  

Oooh, can I have  go? Can I?

A Story About Two Flaming Donkeys Sucking a Stick by Dave Stone Which is
Really Brilliant and if you Don't Like it then YOU are an Insulting Liar
who has Insulted Me:

Once upon a time there was a happy little donkey called Gerald. He was a
happy little donkey because all the children gave him sweets to suck,
and he would merrily suck away all day.
One day Gerald was sucking happily on a liquorice stick when he felt a
pain. 'Oh shit!' said Gerald, for he was a very atheistic donkey and
would surely fry in Hell. 'I do believe that is my upper left molar.
Shit, shit, shit! I shall have to go to the dentist.'
The dentist put a little sucking thing in Gerald's mouth which sucked
out all his spit and looked inside. 'Oh dear, Gerald, he said. 'I can
see that you have been eating too many sweeties. Don't worry, though. We
shall soon sort it out.'
The dentist gave Gerald gas, and Gerald the happy little donkey fell
happily asleep. However, when he woke up, he found that something was
very, very wrong.
'F*ck!' he shouted, effortlessly pronouncing an asterisk. 'You f*cking
quack!' he shouted at the dentist. 'You've pulled out all my f*ucking
'Don't bother toyrself about things you can't understand,' said the
dentist, who like all British dentists was paid on a piece-work basis.
'That was simply what had to be done. That will be fifteen hundred
pounds, please, and would you like to buy some dentures.'
Gerald the donkey now felt very sad. he went away to have a think, and
after thinking for a while he had an idea.
So, that night, Gerald the now not-so-happy donkey and his brother
Trevor went over to the dentist's and torched the bastard's house. That
made them so happy that they laughed.
But they were laughing so har that they fall over and spilled the
paraffin all over them. And they both burst into flames and died! And
they went to Hell where all the atheists burn and scream most piteously
in the Lake of Fire. The end.

Moral: What's brown and sticky?

- Dave Stone (dave.stone@ukonline.co.uk)
  September 20, 1996


[on being Omega]

>Although I'd probably try to
>maintain communications with Gallifrey...letters to the real universe,
>as it were.

"Dear Rassilon,

Hi, how's it going? Wish you were here - because then you could take my
place and I could get home, you bastard. Anyway, things are fine and one
of my gell guard had puppies the other day. Still not sure what to name
them all, or which college to send them to, but I guess I can worry about
that later.

Oh, and pawn to bish three. Ta for now. Anyway, shout down a hi to the
Pythia for me andgive my best to, erm, that other guy (damn,
whatsisname?). By for now. Yours,


- Robert Smith? (g9526329@mcmail.cis.McMaster.CA)
  September 22, 1996


>>>Awaiting the inevitable Joe Pesci impersonations. :-)

>>Now, Sean, go and get your f***in' shinebox.

>Sorry. You didn't use it enough. You must use it as every part of
>speech in *ONE* sentence. :)

"Fuck you and your fuckin' fuck, Fuckyard--and if you Time Lord fucks
fuckin' think that you can fuck me so fuckily, you can just fuck off!
And who the fuck is Mel?  Fuck!!"

--portion of the sixth Doctor's testimony "bleeped" by the Matrix

- Jeffrey William Vail (vail@strauss.udel.edu)
  September 21, 1996


[on the fire at longleat]

I think it's time we all faced up to it. There is a world-wide BBC
conspiracy to utterly obliterate the memory and evidence of Doctor Who
(wiping tapes, torching exibitions, The Enemy Within, etc, etc, etc.)

For years we've suspected it - and now I have the *proof*. By various
circuituous means, a certain DAT tape has fallen into my hands. The data
on it seems to be encrypted entirely in Navaho, but I

Hang on a minute, there seems to be someone at the

[Transfer interrupted]

- Dave Stone (dave.stone@ukonline.co.uk)
  September 21, 1996


>Of course, you offered no explanation for Sarah's "1980" comment (which I
>can understand),


Excerpt from a 1975 London telephone book:

"Smith, Sarah Jacqueline    2345 Murray Hill Rd.
Smith, Sarah Jane           *1980* Hillview Dr.
Smith, Sarah Jennifer       2248 Juniper Dr."

"But I'm from 1980!"  "1980, Sarah, if you want to get off."

- Ian McIntire (imm@cwru.edu)
  September 23, 1996


Maybe I'm not the first to mention this, but as I was browsing through
the newsgroup, I noticed a certain common element in Chris Heer's and
Random Companion's sigs.

On one hand, we have the established, official r.a.dw quotefile,
maintained by a well-known newsgroup member of many years' standing.
Then, on the other hand, we have the new unofficial quotefile, under
the authority of a comparative newcomer, a seemingly pleasant and
harmless young woman who is nonetheless known to possess inhuman
posting abilities and unusual bodily strength.

At present the two factions appear to be at peace, but with two
quotefiles for one newsgroup, surely it's only a matter of time before
the illusion of unity is shattered and the quiet back streets of
r.a.dw are filled with the smoke and flames of bloody civil war...


- Rebecca J. Anderson (rebeccaj@pobox.com)
  September 22, 1996


> I'm trying to remember, what was the ship carrying in "Earthshock" that
> wiped out the dinosaurs?


- Chuck Foster (chuck@uunet.pipex.com)
  September 25, 1996


>In acuality, this meant Louise Jameson no longer had to
>wear the brown contact lenses she'd agreed to wear when she first took the


There's a clue to this in the script addition to "The Invisible
Enemy", a satire on how difficult these ocular assistants are to
spot when they are being worn.  "Contact has been made." The line
"but she doesn't like it, and has thrown it away" was cut on the
eve of transmission.

- Topsham (topsham@ibm.net)
  September 24, 1996


> Of course, you offered no explanation for Sarah's "1980" comment

After pouring Sarah Jane's cup of tea, the Doctor continued to explain
while munching on his chocolate digestive.
  "So you see, when I realised who the babe in the manger actually was,
I handed over some gold I had left from that time on Voga, and made a
hasty exit to the TARDIS. But the first thing I realised was that the
Gregorian calendar had it all wrong:- out by five years. Jesus of
Nazareth was born in 5BC by your calendar."
  Sarah looked up quizzically. "So you mean, although my calendar said
1975 when I left Earth, I'm really from 1980?"
  "Yes," said the Doctor. "But don't tell anyone I told you so. I enjoy
all the confusion it causes..."

- Russell Dewhurst (russell.dewhurst@magd.ox.ac.uk)
  September 23, 1996


>>Please form an orderly queue by the door.
>Right next to the unconscious orderly Pete by the door.

Mind your Petes and queues.

- Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au)
  September 25, 1996


>: >> I don't want to start any more rumours, but whilst waiting
>: >> for the dentist the other day, I read that Eric Idle is to be
>: >> the new Doctor. I forget which tabloid I got it from, but it
>: >> was a British paper, so it must be true.

>: >God! Will this ever die?

>       There have been rumours of William Hartnell playing a time
>       travelling Doctor on the BBC; although I can't confirm this
>       I do know that there is to be an educational element to the
>       show.

For this to have been really effective, you should have picked some other

Doctor than Hartnell.

Its supposed to go:

"I just [read/heard/dreamed] that [Eric Idle/David Hasselhoff/Diseased
Giraffe/etc] has been chosen to play the Doctor [optional: and Pamela Lee
is going to be the companion [note: its always Pamela Lee; you have no
choice here]]"

Then someone replies:

"I just heard that Colin Baker is going to replace Peter Davidson as the
Doctor and try to strangle his companion.  Thats not the Doctor!"

Then the Davison avenger will reply:

"There is only one "D" in Davison"

Then someone will reply:

"I heard Tom Baker was quiting and they were going to replace him with
that guy who played Tristan of "All Creatures".  I think his name was
Davidson.  He is waaaay too young to be the Doctor"

The Davison Avenger again:

"Not Davidson - only one 'D' !"

then somone witty [Smith?]:


Which is then followed up with

"I heard that Radio actor - Jon Pertwee was going to be the new Doctor. 
And he's going to be stuck on earth - ugh!  Don't they know the Doctor
travels in Time and Space?"

Then Someone says:

"I heard that they were going to replace William Hartnell with Patrick
Troughton.  I don't know how they expect anyone to believe that - they
look nothing alike!"

Then Someone finaly says:

"There have been rumours of William Hartnell playing a time travelling
Doctor on the BBC; although I can't confirm this I do know that there is
to be an educational element to the show."

This shoud be followed up with:

"William Hartnell?  So this Doctor guys going to be a villian, eh?"

followed finally with knowing comments about November 1963 and anyother
minutae that will fit the topic.  Then the thread will mutate into
"Lives before William Hartnell", "Brain of Morbius", "Unit Dating", 
"Weekly Stats", "C. S. Lewis", "Yads baits Jill [again]" or "The TARDIS -

its bigger on the inside than on the outside!"

I'm sorry.  Everyone copy this message and we'll try again in a few months.
Thank you for your cooperation.

- Chris Rednour (crednour@dekalb.dc.peachnet.edu)
  September 25, 1996


[on whether Willy Wonka is a Time Lord]

> Conspicuously.

And I though he was just a Kandyman...

- Chris Sweitzer (talavera@gate.net)
  September 26, 1996


>As usual, I don't know if this thread is a joke...certainly seems like
>a joke...BUT...what about those names in "Deadly Assassin"?  They
>seemed like just plain "names" to me.

Probably abbrievations for longer names like Romana instead of
Romanadvoratrelundar. (file under you know you are a sad who fan if
you know how to spell this)  Borusa is probably short for

- Alden Bates (alden@bates.wn.planet.gen.nz)
  September 27, 1996


I always dress for the occasion..........
          but first I'm going to slide down these bannisters!


- P. Bennett (email unknown)
  September 27, 1996


: The ship was carrying Adric.  Isn't that enough?

It's not common knowledge, but Adric in fact *survived* the ship's impact
with Earth.  However, exposure to radiation from the Cyberbomb and the
ship's fusion reactor, combined with his psychotic rage at the Doctor for
not going back in time to rescue him, triggered a chain mutation that
eventually resulted in what we today know as "Azaxyr."

- Susan C. Mitchell (susanm@xroads.com)
  September 27, 1996


>We've already tried the other networks, and that was *before* it flopped
>on Fox.
>What would you suggest?

I've got it!  How about a series of books?  :-)

- Ian McIntire (imm@cwru.edu)
  September 29, 1996


[on the meaning of retcon]

It is the codeword of a secret society to create a moderator for this
newsgroup.  It stands for "Retraining Eels To Control Our Newsgroup".

- Chris Sweitzer (talavera@gate.net)
  September 28, 1996


>Just what _was_ that Dalek doing in the Thames in the Dalek Invasion
>of Earth?

It was left there during "Remembrance," and when it saw the first
Doctor, it wanted to ask him "Was it you who programmed the Hand to blow
up Skaro's sun, or that short git with the question-mark umbrella?"

- Ian McIntire (imm@cwru.edu)
  September 29, 1996


[on reading an off-topic post about determining the sex of babies before
they are born]

This otherwise perfectly lovely and pertinent post seems to be utterly
unrelated to anything Whovian whatsoever - but we can soon fix that.
Dave grabs the scissors and paste ...

Species Calendar: Will your Doctor be a human or an alien?

The species of a Doctor can now be determined with a method based on an
ancient Dalek calendar.

Godless and agnostic atheists who have examined the historical tablets
that determine the species of a Doctor according to the Yank market
audiance's wishes, announce that this ancient Dalek method is 99%
accurate. According to this Dalek method the age of the series at the
time of conception and the month it appears in the schedules have
effects on the species of a Doctor. 

Fromnow on future Americans, production accountants and various other
incompetent scum will be able to determine the species of their Doctor.

Ancient Dalek tablets from about 700 years ago, determine the species of
a Doctor. In this table, the rows and the columns indicate the mental
age of target-audiance candidates between 18-45 and the months they
become flatulant. Future executive producers can figure out the species
double-crossing avid hords of waiting Who fans. For example, if a 26
years old woman gets a Doctor in March, she will have a baby boy, if
rumour is to be believed. If a 40 years old woman gets pregnant in
January, she will have to have a rest and put her feet up.

This table has been applied to tens of thousands of British character
actors and is empirically proven to be 99% accurate. Of course, for this
level of accuracy, Equity card holders have to know -EXACTLY- their
capacity for foppish overacting, their ability to carry off a costume
you wouldn't give a dog, and have a rather nice bum like Paul McGann.

Don't miss this -ONCE IN A LIFETIME- opportunity. Order this Dalek
extermination strap-on and test it on your friends and relatives. You
will be surprised!. But not half as surprised as they are, briefly. Use
it to find out the species of a loved one' half-assed idea of the Doctor
and amaze your friends and relatives by going on, and on, and on about
it with a couple of sideswipes at that chap who retconned Skaro back
into existance on the way.

You will appreciate the results for the rest of your life. Suckers.

I thank you.

- Dave Stone (dave.stone@ukonline.co.uk)
  September 28, 1996


: So who wants to be horribly murdered? Just tell me how and why.

I'd like to be licked to death by fifty beautiful women, please, Dave.

- Philip Alexander Hallard (english.ox.ac.uk)
  September 30, 1996


>Just what _was_ that Dalek doing in the Thames in the Dalek Invasion
>of Earth?

Same thing as that Dalek was doing in the sand in The Chase. Great sense
of the dramatic, those Daleks. They just love to make a big, spectacular

Comes from watching all those operas, I think.

- Daniel Frankham
  October 1, 1996


> Hey, if you guys are willing to stop saying that "McCoy is the greatest"
> (which DOES lead one to the conclusion that therefore all the other
> Doctors are horrible) then I'm willing to stop pointing out all the flaws
> that prove that McCoy was NOT the greatest.

Azaxyr, my friend, you didn't just leap to that conclusion, you fired
yourself out of a cannon and lit booster rockets to reach it.  Congrats,
you have achieved escape velocity from rationality.

- Michael J. Jones (overseer@blackboard.com)
  October 2, 1996


>Just what _was_ that Dalek doing in the Thames in the Dalek Invasion
 >of Earth?


I think that was one of the Daleks that fell of the Marie Celeste in
"The Chase" and it had just found its way back onto dry land. (Yes, it
took quite awhile, but it's DARK in the ocean depths. It probably took
months before they stopped trying to shout about how their vision was

- R. Dan Henry (danhenry@inreach.com)
  October 1, 1996


[on the current state of Doctor Who Magazine]

>   I stopped buying the magazine quite a while ago due to incredibly
>poor standards since the current editor assumed his duties.

Yes, he's crap, isn't he ?

- Dave Owen (dro@dsbc.icl.co.uk)
  October 4, 1996


[on why no Davison years tape?]

Reason 1.) To annoy me.

Reason 2.) I stepped on a crack on the sidewalk when I was 8. My mother's
back didn't break, but the wheels were set in motion for dreadful
consequences to my person.

Reason 3.) I haven't been to church in a long time.

Reason 4.) I didn't pledge to PBS last season, even though I watched the
entire series of Wishbone.

Reason 5.) My dog realizes that if I had this tape I would spend even less
time playing with him. He wrote to the BBC.

Reason 6.) Snuggles the fabric softener bear is jealous.

Reason 7.) Colin Baker ate the masters.

Reason 8.) I never get what I really want.

Reason 9.) Sunspots.

Reason 10.) The other "Years" tapes didn't sell well enough.

- Elsa J. Frohman (elsaf@usa.pipeline.com)
  October 2, 1996


>I just got "Damaged Goods", and it has Voice ... it kept saying unto
>me: read me, read me, read me.

Only women have Voice. The men and books Among We are silent.
Your books are Not We at the very least. They must be treated with
suspicion - they may be trying to colonize and destroy our idyllic way of

Or they may be Mara.

I can only advise the fans of Australia not to dream alone.

- Tre Hellman (tre@quake.net)
  October 6, 1996


>How about the _whole_ of radw gets drowned in molten chocolate? That
>way we all get to be in a book.

Yes - the sugary sweet broiling death of the entity known only as
Rekartz "Doc" Torhu.

- David P. Golding (dgolding@halls1.cc.monash.edu.au)
  October 6, 1996


[possible titles for Jon and Kate's new book, Vampire Science]

Dr Who meets Dr Acula, obviously.

- Topsham (topsham@ibm.net)
  October 7, 1996


>: How many 18 year old girls read this news group anyway?  Probably a 
>: better question would be, how many 18 year old girls actually like 
>: DOCTOR WHO?  I would so much like to meet someone who loves DOCTOR WHO 
>: as much as I do.  

>Thank God I now have a fiancee and am passed this stage. :)

Thank God I have a life and don't need to advertise my desperation all 
over the world... :-)

- Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca)
  October 7, 1996


Q. What's the difference between the Daleks and the Thals.

A.  The Thals are now on the offensive.

- Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca)
  October 5, 1996


I have come to the conclusion that the entirety of Doctor Who history is
biased and wrong!!!  The Daleks are not evil, vile, soulless killing
machines who set about exterminating all other life forms in the universe!

They were simply justifiably angry beings trying to regain land that they
lost to the Thals in the Dalek-Thal war! 

It seems quite clear that many people just want to see the Daleks as evil,
when they really just don't understand them!  I mean are they really any
different from Rutans, who try to kill as many Sontarans as they can?
Maybe in a hundred years time, the Daleks will be viewed more objectively
by history and no one will remember them.

The preceding message was brought to you by the Azaxyr Foundation for the
Unbelievably Stupid and Wholly Untenable Argument about Historical Facts.

- Michael J. Jones (overseer@blackboard.com)
  October 5, 1996


I"VE JUST STARTED READING REC.ARTS.DRWHO (oops! I'll probably get flamed
for that! (Like I care!) And why do you guys get so upset over capital
letters anyway? what is this, some sort of Nazi Sesame Street?) and I have
a few questions and comments.

First, how come everybody seems to think that John Blum character is so
damn clever? Is it just because he's dating that New Adventures author?
That's a dumb reason! I read an NA once and it was crap! I'm glad they've
been cancelled because they were ruining the whole meaning of the show! I
wouldn't read another NA if you paid me - just a bunch of silly fans who
think they can write and have ruined the show for everybody but themselves
and their little group of friends.

Second, some of you people are really idiots! You think that Sylvester
McCoy was a good Doctor! Hah! He ruined the show! It's because of him it
got cancelled! All you people who think he was so good are just stupid.

Third, how come there are so many damn gay people around here? What is
this some sort of gay bar on the Internet? I don't approve of gay people -
they shouldn't be allowed to be fans! If they *have* to post something, at
least they could pretend they're straight or something. I'm just sick of
them flaunting it on this newsgroup.

Fourth, only the television show is cannon. I'm sick of you people saying
other stuff is cannon! And that Perkins guy oughta be shot. I read that
book he wrote and he included all sorts of new adventures crap as part of
the history of Dr Who. That's just wrong. And he knows it.

Fifth, the fifth Doctor was the best, everybody with any sense knows that.
Peter Davidson rules! (No matter what that Elsa woman says!)

Sixth, the movie was crap. Even my dog wouldn't watch all of it. It was
too Americanized - car chases and female companions and aliens from some
place called Gallifray (what a stupid name, only an American would think
something that dumb would sound alien). Come on, if you're gonna have a
female companion, she's supposed to scream a lot and show her panties.
What is a girl good for? They're too brainless to do something to help the
Doctor, so what's left? Screaming and showing their panties, what else?
That woman in the movie didn't do either! They call that a companion? (And
before any of you flame me for saying that woman are brainless - have you
ever read one of that Ormand woman's books? Well, there's the proof. The
New Adventure I read was one of hers. It didn't even make sense! It just
jumped around from one thing to another. Like that's supposed to be a
book? Give me a break!)

Seventh, how come that Smith guy has a "?" in his name? It's not real. He
just thinks that if he puts that in there we'll all really be impressed
and think he's like the Doctor. And then we'll all do what he tells us to
(like in that Advice For Newlweds he posted). Yeah, right. I'm impressed.
Almost as impressed as I am by that hat.

Eighth, what's a FAQ and why should I care? So you guys made a bunch of
stupid rules before I ever got here and so now I'm supposed to follow
them? Yeah, right! That's democratic! I'm gonna use as many CAPITAL
LETTERS as I want, and I'm gonna talk about whatever I want, and I'm gonna
call anybody I want a doodoohead. Like you guys could really stop me, FAQ
or no FAQ. (Besides, how come that Siovabhenion woman can't just post one
FAQ instead of a dozen of them - like I'm gonna read all that! Right!)

- Tre Hellman (tre@quake.net)
  October 5, 1996


> I"VE JUST STARTED READING REC.ARTS.DRWHO (oops! I'll probably get flamed
> for that! (Like I care!) And why do you guys get so upset over capital
> letters anyway? what is this, some sort of Nazi Sesame Street? ...


> First, how come everybody seems to think that John Blum character is so
> damn clever? Is it just because he's dating that New Adventures author?
> That's a dumb reason! I read an NA once and it was crap ...

Double bastard.

> Second, some of you people are really idiots! You think that Sylvester
> McCoy was a good Doctor! Hah! He ruined the show ...

Pondsucking radioactive pond scum bastard.

> Third, how come there are so many damn gay people around here? What is
> this some sort of gay bar on the Internet? I don't approve of gay
> people - they shouldn't be allowed to be fans! If they *have* to post
> something, at least they could pretend they're straight or something ...

Silky boy who blows dead rats and picks the stringy bits of lymph nodes
out from between his teeth bastard.

> Fourth, only the television show is cannon ...


> Fifth, the fifth Doctor was the best

Tasteless bastard who doesn't like the sixth Doctor bastard.

> Sixth, the movie was crap.

Trying to ingratiate himself now after all the bastard things he said
before bastard.

> Seventh, how come that Smith guy has a "?" in his name? It's not real

Real actual bastard.

> Eighth, what's a FAQ and why should I care? So you guys made a bunch of
> stupid rules before I ever got here and so now I'm supposed to follow
> them ..?

Clueless bastard who can never be anything other than a bastard and
should have people shouting 'bastard' at him on account of how he's so
clueless and a bastard.

> some "he's back and it's either about time or about making a fool of
> yourself" guy.

Bast... Oh. I take it all back. Bugger.

- Dave Stone (dave.stone@ukonline.co.uk)
  October 8, 1996


[in a thread about scary moments in Who]

>Hello all - again.

>- Johnny Byrne

Which reminds me, I was frightened by the Myrka. I've not
been to a Dr Who pantomime since that day forward.

- Topsham (topsham@ibm.net)
  October 7, 1996


>>I dislike the cover to Love and War - I didn't recognize Ace or Benny
>>until I read a discusison about the cover on this newsgroup.

>Quite natural, considering that Ace isn't on the cover! :)

Her cloaking device got stuck on a previous misadventure. Anyway, I like
her like that.

- Christopher Miles (milesy@halls1.cc.monash.edu.au)
  October 5, 1996


>>I finally got Death of Art, and as soon as I bought it, it started
>>talking like the others.

>How did Art die ?:???

Art died after becoming suicidal when SImon and Garfunkel split. Paul
Simon got the hits, and Art could only write music for a film about

- Mr. K A Bray (stephen@kenstep.u-net.com)
  October 6, 1996


How many John Peel's does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It never went out.

- Richard Prekodravac (rprekodr@extro.ucc.su.oz.au)
  October 6, 1996


> 4.3.  The Brain of Morbius Faces
>       --------------------------

   Actually, I heard this will be handled in the DWM comics.  So the
debate can end after we see the "Morbius" strip.

- K. M. Wilcox (kmwilcox@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu)
  October 12, 1996


The Doctor (doctor@nl2k.edmonton.AB.ca) writes:
>Coming at you with potentially 100 Mbps...

Oh no, Dave's got a megabyte modem.

- Alden Bates (alden@bates.wn.planet.gen.nz)
  October 12, 1996


I got intrigued by Kate's use of Benny/Bernice in her sentences, so I
ran a comparison check on the order in which they appear. I discovered
that if you treat the name as binary, using Benny as 0 and Bernice as 1,
and then group them as 7-bit ASCII numbers, if you start from page 40
you get:


Split it up and you have:

        0 no 1T izNT

Was this a secret message to tell us the name of Benny's first book?!!

- Chuck Foster (chuck@uunet.pipex.com)
  October 13, 1996


[on racing spaceships from Doctor Who]

Here, give me a minute, will you? Landing these Dalek Pie Plates
isn't as easy as it looks. These strings are rather tricky.
And the crew seem to be spending a lot of time shouting
"I obey" and not a lot of time actually obeying.

- Christopher Norman (canorman@unixg.ubc.ca)
  October 11, 1996


[top 100 things I learned from watching Who]

11.  If you want to become someone important in the universe, just stick 

yourself with a title i.e. "The Shepherd, The Guy with the Nice Shoes, 
12.  When creating the superior being of the universe, remember limbs.
13.  Never wear blue on a world made entirely of CSO.
14.  Drinking too much carrot juice can cause a regeneration.
15.  The boy you hate in school may just be Trion royalty.
16.  Police boxes should never be pink.
17.  It's O.K. to kiss the woman who killed your previous self.
18.  The best way to celebrate the defeat of an alien menace is to nip 
off to the pub for a pint.
19.  Any doppleganger of yourself will be evil.
20.  Ancient Gallifreyan weapons would not make good wedding gifts.

- Chris Hankenson (pwqw18a@prodigy.com)
  October 11, 1996


>I certainly enjoyed "Snakedance", but there's only one thing about it that

>creeps me out a little:

>When we first meet Lon, reclining on his little sofa-thing, it *really*
>looks to me like he's been doing nothing but masturbating all day.  Watch

>the scene again, and you'll see what I mean.

Why do you think they called it Snakedance?

- Dennis McLaughlin (denmc28@anet-chi.com)
  October 11, 1996

 Christopher D. Heer: Changed by Popular Demand  | cheer@eskimo.com
          http://www.eskimo.com/~cheer           | Not just cheer. . .
    The Official "Nth Doctor" Web Page is at:    | all tempa-cheer!
      http://www.eskimo.com/~cheer/nth.htm       | cheer@us.oracle.com

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