TOP 30 things the Telemovie Taugh Me
The Telemovie was repeated over here last week ... and has given me
cause to write a list of things it has taught me!
- Don't try anything tricky when performing operations on a Timelord.
- Don't sleep with your mouth open.
- Hugging the Master can be fatal.
- Don't lean against windows when the Eye of Harmony is open.
- Keep photocopies of your x-rays!
- People will never believe you have two hearts,
no matter how hard you try to explain.
- Beware of people doing silly Terminator impressions.
- Pulling the TARDIS handbrake is a sure way to liven things up.
- The second coming WON'T happen at the end of 1999.
- As science-fiction has shown us over and over,
in the plot for survival, there ARE no rules.
- Ambulances can actually drive through traffic jams.
- Don't ask the Master to kill you -- he might just take you seriously.
- If your brakes fail, your best bet is to drive through a threshold
across a doorway to spatial displacement.
- If you get caught in the middle of gang warfare
in San Francisco 1999, pray for an English 1960s police box
to appear out of thin air.
- Ghengis Khan was the Doctor! No wait, cross that one out ...
- Without the goatie beard, the Master's a bit crap really.
- It's OK if at first you say you're not human, then later on
you say you're half-human.
- Don't let the TARDIS doors close behind you!
- Polaroid sunglasses are useful in preventing mind-control rays eminating
from your eyes.
- Keep a spare key in the cubby-hole above the door.
And tie it down so it doesn't fall off in the time corridor.
- America is a dangerous place. You might get shot.
- It's OK if at first you say you've been dead too long,
then later on say you've never been dead.
- Beware of Chinese kids with large machine guns.
- The Doctor's blood is green! No wait, half GALLIFREYAN ... drat.
(As far as I know, he isn't blood type 40).
- Only children -- and sad fans -- believe that crap.
- You'll feel a lot better without a piece of primitive wiring
in your cardiovascular system.
- Wonderbras are cool.
- The Doctor is a Timelord, from the planet Gallifrey, as is the
Master, who was put on trial, by the Daleks, on the planet of
Skaro, and who is now using the Eye of Harmony, (the source of
power for the TARDIS, which stands for Time and Relative
Dimension in Space, and is the ship which carries the Doctor
through time and space), so the Doctor's soul will be destroyed,
and the Master will have his body ... OK, OK, so I knew these
things already, but the movie reconfirmed them for me!
- YOU CAN NEVER BE =TOO= CAREFUL.