Doctor Who Computer Viruses
Original author ????
posted on rec.arts.drwho by Pat Wigfull
This is something mildly amusing I found on the Fidonet...
* Crossposted from: Star Trek/Babylon Five Humor & Filks
TOP TEN VIRUSES THAT AFFECT COMPUTERS ON DR. WHO:
- 10. The "Adric" Virus:
- Only present if computer has a math
co-processor. Appears when computer is used to do advanced
calculations. Whines a lot. Similar to both the "Wesley" and the
"Perpugilliam Brown" viruses (which see). Can be removed from the
system should the computer ever "crash".
- 9. The "Perpugilliam Brown (Peri)" Virus:
- Makes computer whine
through speaker or sound card about how it doesn't want to do
anything, that application is too dangerous, and so on. Can be
stopped temporarily by running Windows '95 and waiting for system to
"choke up," but a permanent cure can only be accomplished by
removing the CPU and "transplanting" it to another "alien"
- 8. The "Melanie Bush" virus:
- produces continuous shrieking sounds through
speaker, and urges user to exercise. Can be cured by spilling
carrot juice over keyboard, or by giving the virus to someone else
on the pretext of having the virus keep the victim "honest."
- 7. The "Ace" virus:
- If angered, your computer blows up! However,
since it also protects the computer form any other viruses, many
users have decided to keep it around. Cure: shatter the virus'
faith in the user, and it will go away, but see recommendation.
- 6. The "Dalek" Virus:
- Exterminates your hard drive. Cure:
Introduce the "Thal" virus: the two will cancel each other out
leaving the system free of both Daleks and Thals.
- 5. The "Cyberman" virus:
- Similar to the Borg virus, it is extremely
logical and converts al your data into copies of itself.
Cure: blow gold dust into computer through air vents.
- 4. The "Doctor" virus:
- comes in 7 or 8 variations, al different,
some more irritating than others. See notes on the Ace virus.
Cure: call the BBC for their special "anti-Doctor" virus cleaner
called Michael Grade.
- 3. The "TARDIS" virus:
- appears deceptively small at first glance,
but rapidly expands to become larger than your entire hard drive,
*no matter how many "gigaquads" you may have.* Has been known to
revive a destroyed copy of the "Doctor" virus. Cure: Run "Time Ram"
- 2. The "Sontaran" virus:
- clones itself all over the place. Cure:
get a copy of the Rutan virus (see Daleks and Thals above, or run
either the "Demat Gun" or "Probic-Vent" virus cleaners.
AND THE NUMBER ONE VIRUS AFFECTING COMPUTERS ON DOCTOR WHO IS...
- 1. The dreaded "BBC" virus:
- removes all data from your system, them
claims your data is merely on "hiatus." It is unknown at this time
whether the BBC will ever willingly restore your data to you. Rumor
has it that if this ever occurs, your data will be in a new and
possibly strange, unrecognizable format. No known cure exists for
the BBC virus, with the possible exception of the "Amblin" cleaner
program, although this may have a similar effect on your programs.