Comic Relief 1999
Doctor Who and the Curse of Fatal Death

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The One Hundred Sixty-Fourth Entry In The Charles Daniels Programme Guide O'
Certain Death
Special thanks to Comic Relief, Moffat, and everyone

 SERIAL CR99 - Doctor Who And The Curse of Fatal Death

  The Ninth Doctor invites The Master to a deserted planet which was
 once home to the most peace loving race in the universe.  There he
 tells the Master that he is to retire and marry his companion Emma.
 The Master so disgusted by this he plays out long elaborate games with
 the Doctor proving that at one time they had both seen Bill & Ted's
 Bogus Journey.
  Aided by the Daleks the Master nearly has the Doctor exterminated.
 As events occur the Daleks merely capture the Doctor instead of
 killing him and offer to explain later.  The Daleks have augmented
 the Master with superior Dalek technology, resembling firm breasts.
 The Doctor then discovers that the Daleks plan to betray the Master
 after he assists them and with quick thinking communicates with the
 Master via a dead language of gastric emissions.
  The Daleks go shoot 'em up crazy and the Doctor goes through lives
 like firelighters.  Eventually he is exposed to energies too strong
 for even a time lord to survive.  With the death of the Doctor the
 Master and the Daleks renounce their evil ways.
   In a miracle of the universe the Doctor regenerates into the
 form of a woman!  Sadly this new female Doctor is rejected by her
 fiancee Emma.  The Master and the Doctor look into each other's eyes
 and fall immediately in love, walking off together into new and
 probably unairable, adventures.

 Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who And The Curse of Fatal Death
                         (cover by Steven Hill)

 Fluffs - Atkinson, Grant, Broadbent, Grant, and Lumley seemed shortlived
          for most this story

 Fashion Victims - The Master's Dalek bumps

 Goofs - This whole thing was goofy if you ask me!

 Technobabble - Apparently with certain types of beams it is possible
                to conquer the entire universe in a matter of minutes,
                but that will be explained later I gather

 Links - Deadly Assassin, Douglas Adams' retirement concept, music
         from all over Doctor Who history, 4th Doctor style credits.

 Dialogue Disasters -

 The long drawn out "Spikes of doom vs Chair of Reasonable Comfort"
 and architect bribing banter.

 Dialogue Triumphs -

 "Your Certain Death shall be......CERTAIN!"

 "They discovered fire."

 "I recently calculated that I have saved every planet in the universe a
 minimum of 27 times."

 "624 years in a sodding sewer!"

 "Look after the universe for me - I've put a lot of work into it..."

 "Doctor, listen to me, you can't die!  You're too nice.   Too brave,
 too kind and far, far too silly.  You're like Father Christmas, the
 Wizard of Oz.  Scooby Doo!  And I love you very much and  we *all*
 NEED you and you simply-*CANNOT*-die!

 "He was never cruel and *never* cowardly.  It'll never be safe to be
 scared again."

 "It's impossibe!  Beyond all known laws of the universe!"
 "Maybe even the universe can't bear to be without the Doctor..."

 "Oh look it's got 3 speeds!"

 "Why Do they call you the Master?"
 "I'll explain later! BWHAHAHAHA!!"

 Viewers' Quotes -

  "Episode four was by far the best and should start a few pulses racing."
                                                    - John Carlson

  "Within the space of twenty four hours, more Fatal Death .sig files
  seem to have come into existence than DiT has had in the last five years.
  Something to do with practically every other line of Moffat's being
  quotable, I suppose."    - Simon Simmons

   "I always wondered if the sonic screwdriver could be used in the way the
   final Doctor intends.... :)"
  "Absolutely. I've always thought that since Ian Marter's novelisation of
   Sontaran Experiment, when he goes to great lengths to mention how much
   Sarah notices it vibrating in her hand..."
                                          - Steve Manfred & David McIntee

  "I know it was choc-full of funny lines and was *only* a charity
  sketch... but some of these lines (in context) brought a tear to my
  eyes."   - John Pettigrew

 Rumors & Facts -

  Doctor Who And The Curse of Fatal Death aired in 4 parts on BBC 1
 the night of March 12th,  1999.  What made this broadcast so unique
 in Doctor Who history was that for the first time fans from all over
 the planet earth could watch it live in streaming video.  I myself
 enjoyed watching with frames that updated once or twice an episode.
 I was thrilled to get out my microscope and what this piece of Who
 history as it occurred.
 Doctor Who and the Curse of Fatal Death is beyond all doubt canon
 of course.  The Lumley Doctor will have books out immediately.
 5 New Handbooks will be released for Atkinson, Grant, Broadbent, Grant,
 and Lumley.   All of these books will be 4.99 UK Pounds and give
 detailed frame by frame analyses of each Doctor's tenure.  Even with
 this extensive coverage the books will still be only about 3 paragraphs
  All of those people who have written McGann EDAs will of course be
 laughed at by the BBC and either asked to update their tales to a
 love story between LumleyDoc and her lover The Master OR shift their
 books into a PDA.  The first Rowan PDA will be named "Doctor Who And
 Blackadder Go Forth", the second will be "Doctor Who Goes To College
 With Mr. Bean" and eventually a book will be written to introduce Emma
 so RowanDoc will snuff it as seen in COFD.   Even Grant, Broadbent, and
 Grant PDAs are being seriously considered but these will either be called
 "The Broadbent Doctor was off camera in frame 22495 and therefore could
 have had an exciting adventure with the Daleks before being back in shot"
 or "Screw Continuity, We Want Another Book Series".
  The history and the making of Doctor Who and the Curse of Fatal Death
 is a long and interesting one, but I'll explain later.