Dodo's New Adventures by Charles Daniels

A weird parody and semi-commentary about how a certain Doctor Who
character is treated...

After the wild success of New Adventures with the Doctor and the continuing
stories of the Doctor's companion Benny, a whole new line will be starting
up - The DNAs (Dodo's New Adventures)!   Yes that's right, one book a month
will take you along with the exciting life journeys and adventures of this
unpopular Doctor Who companion!

For the first year the titles and descriptions are as follows -

DNA #01
Title: Like Comfort For Dodo
Notes: Takes place between The Massacre and The Ark

Plot: An attempt to introduce Dodo to the reading audience begins
      with this epic tale of galactic destruction!  After viewing
      her entire family chopped up to death by an insane chain saw
      juggling maniac, Dodo runs into the TARDIS mistaking it for
      a real police box, and is whisked away in time and space.
      When the crew arrive on the planet, Zoxxirdtrcv IV, they
      discover the Daleks with a new Masterplan of total destruction.
      Steven is fined for littering by the Space Security Agency
      and is given choice between the only two sentences still available
      by law -  Immediate Execution or to become a Dalek hunter until
      he is exterminated.   Being a man of honor, Steven chooses to be a
      brave  Dalek hunter as the Doctor works on both saving his life by
      informing him of the Daleks' whereabouts and stopping their vile
      alien technology of total conquest.  In the midst of this universal
      chaos and death, Dodo runs to the Doctor for comfort.  She is too late
      however as the Daleks force her into the time vortex where her
      particles are broken into their component parts and spread
      throughout eternity.

DNA #02
Title: Comfort Zone
Notes: Thankfully retcons all Dodo adventures post The Massacre, thus
       making her total canonical run with the Doctor about 4 minutes.

Plot: Dodo mysteriously wakes up in London, England 1966.
      Now no longer a part of the TARDIS crew, Dodo is adjusting to
      life with her insane alcoholic abusive aunt, the only survivor
      of the chain saw massacre.  Dodo discovers that several of her
      friends are sick of her bitching about her life and running to
      them for comfort afterwards.   She explores her own comfort zone
      and decides to try to move out of her aunt's house.   Moving in
      with an old friend of hers from Coal Hill School, Jenny Mandible,
      she feels her life finally coming into order.  Until one horrifying
      night when she discovers her cute, blond, unassuming roommate
      Jenny Mandible is a disgusting insectoid mutant bent on human
      annihilation.   Jenny transmogrifies into her true form and
      shreds her into a million pieces.

DNA #03
Title:  FrankenDodo
Notes: Let us pray this is a working title!

Plot: Dodo finds that she has been re-stitched and is now brought to life
      in the form of a hideous abomination of nature, so that's back to
      normal at least.  It turns out her old chemistry teacher, Ian
      Chesterton has performed some sick experiments on her, bringing
      her from the grip of death with foul alien technology.
      Ian Chesterton was the programmer of the infamous WOTAN, and
      thought to be completely mad by the children of Coal Hill School.
      Dark rumors spoke of him disappearing with a lover for several
      years and returning with strange inventions and dark powers.
      Dodo fears that Ian has re-animated her into a zombie for sexual
      purposes but is somewhat disappointed to find out that it was
      really just "an unfortunate accident".   Ian tries to talk to
      the girl about the other realm of existence beyond life, but
      all she does is run for comfort.  So he decides to put himself
      out of his misery and destroys his unsightly monster creation.
      Dodo is purified by fire in Ian Chesterton's barbecue pit.

DNA #04
Title: Hot Wings Anyone?
Notes: A Light hearted adventure (for this line of books anyway)

Plot: Dodo awakens mysteriously alive in Ian Chesterton's barbecue pit
      a week after her gruesome murder.  The stitches that held her
      together have burned away and she looks back to normal, for Dodo
      anyway.   Pulling herself out of the pit she hears Ian entertaining
      friends with food hot off the grill.  Whilst trying to escape
      she runs into Ian's other half, Barbara Wright.  Barbara remembers
      Dodo and forces her into an incredibly condescending conversation
      about what Dodo wants to specialize in.   Fleeing from the terror
      of that banal conversation, Dodo rushes to the Inferno, an old
      night club she used to haunt.   Meeting up with her old friend
      Polly at the club, she discovers Polly's last name for the first
      time - Polly WRIGHT!   Polly beats Dodo over the head with a
      disco ball and takes her back to the lair of the Wright Women.
      Polly and Barbara force Dodo to take LSD as they nail her to
      a wall and play darts with her.  Eventually poor Dodo succumbs to
      the torture.

DNA #05
Title: I, Dodo
Notes: Surprisingly not an Asimov parody

Plot: Dodo finds herself mysteriously alive in the back of a pub in Oxford.
      After a confusing afternoon she meets a local student named Tim.
      Tim comforts and seduces Dodo.  After a week of bliss he asks Dodo
      to marry him.  Dodo, having the IQ of a grape, decides this would
      be perfect and readily agrees.   Tim takes her and makes wild love
      with her, ravishing her repeatly until the late hours.  When Dodo
      awakes in the morning she finds a note from Tim saying he's just
      stepped out for a moment to get some ice.  Three days later Tim
      returns with a glassy look in his eye.  Dodo is upset but follows
      Tim to the church where he wishes them to be wed.  The church is
      oddly The First Unified Church Of Evil.   Before Dodo can have the
      chance to say I Do (Or "I Dodo" just to be doubly sure) she is
      terrified by the demands that she drink goat's blood and stops all
      this sissy running for comfort business.  Dodo is shocked to see
      her husband turn into a demon and even more shocked when
      the entire church is engulfed in a fireball for no reason.

DNA #06
Title: Beyond Dodo
Notes: Almost anything is beyond Dodo!

Plot: Dodo awakes in the 7th circle of hell.  There in a vision she
      discovers that she is merely part of The Aspect.  The Aspect
      is a vague, poorly described, character invention cheaply laid
      into the narrative to try to raise some mystery and interest
      into the character of Dodo.
      When Dodo awakens it's London, England 1978.  England has Moonbase III
      on the moon, and several Mars missions in progress, the currency is
      still on the old LSD system, and go-go boots are still in fashion.
      With no other way to support herself Dodo turns to prostitution,
      and almost dies of poverty and starvation.
      Meanwhile Dodo is experiencing several flashbacks to stories that
      annoyingly we haven't seen and have no context for.
      An alien cruiser arrives from the 32nd dimension and offers Dodo
      a ride home.  Lost in this strange futuristic England she agrees
      to return to 1966.  Climbing into the star cruiser she watches
      as the warp drive activates, overloads, and the ship implodes.

DNA #07
Title: Dodo Revisited
Notes: Will something nice ever happen to Dodo?

Plot: Dodo is back in London, England 1966.  Her life is incredibly boring.
      She spends most of her time watching TV and doing crosswords.  One
      day while walking to the local Sainsburys to buy some toothpaste
      and cheese she encounters an odd Scottish fellow in strange clothes.
      The strange little man introduces himself as the Doctor and tells
      her that he travelled through time and space just to be with her.
      The Doctor assures Dodo that he has planned their love all through
      He takes her back to the TARDIS where he introduces Dodo to Ace.
      Ace personally can't stand Dodo but she puts up with her because the
      Doctor seems so smitten.
      Over a candle lit dinner the Doctor asks Dodo about her life since
      they travelled together.  She tells him of her terrifying voyage
      into the future and the secret that she is the mysterious and
      undefined Aspect.
      The Doctor tells Dodo that he is The Other and has been meant to
      pair with the Aspect since the beginning of time.  It is their
      cosmic destiny to be one.
      Taking Dodo to the planet Rrrrravalox (as the Doctor says), he
      gets Dodo to retrieve the sacred ring of Rassilon which he has
      promised is to be her wedding ring from him.
      Once the ring is in Dodo's hand the Doctor slips it on her finger
      and she begins to speak in ancient Gallifreyian.
      Dodo learns the truth, the Doctor had manipulated her all along
      to get the lost secrets of the Time Lords.  After she speaks the
      Ancient Law of Gallifrey Dodo ceases to have ever existed in time.
      The Doctor tips his hat and walks off.

DNA #08
Title: Dodo Unbound
Notes: Unbound?  Who would bother to bound her in the first place?

Plot: Dodo exists outside of time.  With all the universe at her
      disposal to take any form, any when she wants, she uses her
      power to go back to London in 1966 and take her old form back,
      thus proving she's not very bright.
      Dodo discovers that she now has the power to kill small garden
      slugs with a blink of an eye when she sneezes.  This is a pathetic
      power but it shows that after her experiences she is no longer
      merely human.  She's just MERELY something else.
      Dodo goes to a dance club and grooves to some music by John Smith
      and the Common Men.  While there she meets a strange penguin like
      man and a young Scotsmen in a kilt as the song Paperback Writer
      blares in the backround.   They tell her that they have lost
      their novelty police box and would like her assistance in
      finding it.  She seeks out a local curio shop, only to discover
      it crawling with Daleks who immediately remember her as the
      annoying girl from Zoxxirdtrcv IV and blast her to death in
      a cheap negative effect.

DNA #09
Title: CyberDodo 2000
Notes: If the book series lasts this long in shops I'll be amazed

Plot: Dodo finds herself mysteriously alive in the year 2000.  England
      has Mars Colony III on Mars, missions to Pluto in progress, the
      currency is on the old LSD system, and go-go boots are still in
      fashion.  The Cybermen have recreated her in one of their advanced
      machines.  They wish to give the earth a choice - join the Cybermen
      and become like them without resistance or they will force the
      human race to be assimilated with the Dodo factor.
      To the terror of human civilization they are forced to be
      converted as Cybermen or face the fate worst than death.
      Dodo uses her amazingly blunt wit to confuse and escape from
      the Cybermen.   She joins an army of Cyberhunters with glitter
      guns but often runs for comfort in the middle of intense space
      battles.  To the immense joy the last survivors of the human race,
      a Cyberagent named Lytton kills Dodo.  In the last scene the 6th
      Doctor apologies for grossly misjudging Lytton as completely evil.

DNA #10
Title: The Dawning of Evil
Notes: I think we are well into the afternoon of evil by this point.

Plot: Much to the annoyance of everyone, Dodo finds herself mysteriously
      alive in her aunt's house in London 1966.  She tries to figure out
      what is happening to her.  Her visions of the Aspect are so vague
      and desperately hungry for substance it annoys even her and she
      doesn't have to pay for these books.  She meets a dark cloaked figure,
      and because she has the mental capacity of burnt toast, doesn't run
      away immediately.  The bearded figure tells her that she is witnessing
      the dawning of evil.  The being introduces himself as the Master
      and promises to take Dodo from her boring life at her aunt's house
      and to a fulfilling life as Dorothea, Empress Of the Cosmos.
      Taking her back to his flat the Master tries to trivialise the
      fact that all he has in his place is an old futon, some empty
      beer cans, and old tv dinner boxes on the floor.  Dodo is slightly
      suspicious that this man can't do all that he has promised.
      Whilst looking around his room she discovers a Dapol Dalek and
      her worst fears are realised - this is NOT the renegade time lord
      known only as the Master - this is a SAD FANBOY who BELIEVES he
      is the Master!
      Dodo is tortured and forced to sign countless autographs over
      pictures of her screaming and looking goofy.
      Finally when she is completed the Master sells all the pictures
      on ebay for an amazing mark up, and kills Dodo to make them
      even more valuable.

DNA #11
Title: The Undying
Notes: The big surprise - Dodo is alive and well

Plot: Dodo finds herself mysteriously alive and well in 1966 London.
      She wonders at length why it is not 1967 yet as much time has
      past since her original adventure.  Every day the Aspect becomes
      more and more vague and ineffable.  Dodo decides to build her
      own time machine and explore the cosmos and reality.  Walking
      down to the local hardware store she discovers that they simply
      don't stock parts for use in transcendental time vessels and
      is forced to give up that hobby.
      Now bored, with nothing to do, and living with an insane alcoholic,
      drug abusing, clown molesting aunt, Dodo decides to steal her car
      and go on an international crime spree.  Sadly, she doesn't have
      the courage to carry out this plan.  She lounges around in self-pity
      and spite for 40 pages before finally deciding to end her own life
      by shoving gelatin down her throat and choking and drowning on it.
      A very silly way to die.

DNA #12
Title: Love for Dodo
Notes: The last of the first year of Dodo stories
Cover Art: Dodo sniffing a daffodil as a mushroom cloud blooms in the

Plot: Dodo finds herself mysteriously dead and unwell.   She now exists
      in a pure astral plane where the universe recognises her as The
      Aspect.  There in the mist of time and reality Dodo discovers
      that the universe so loves her that it has made her immortal.
      She can die horribly at the end of every book and yet for some
      hidden purpose the universe can not let her die.
      At first Dodo feel warmed by the fact that at last she feels
      love and comfort.
      However she soon discovers that the universe has only made her
      immortal so it can kill her in an infinite variety of ways for
      a laugh.
      She is the immortal clown of the universe forever destined to
      die and die again.  Dodo screams with annoyance at her horrible
      Is there no love for Dodo?