An Unruly Child
An alternate Programme Guide by
Welcome To My Programme Guide, yes the Charles Daniels Programme Guide.
Unlike Other Programme Guides this is has been done without any permission,
any important Doctor Who celebrity writing the Foreword, No
No table of stories, and no serious research or feelings of responisbility
toward research and accuracy..basically what you see is what you get, happy
fun time enjoy! One new story will be added per week or so.
Serial A - An Unruly Child -
1. The Unruly Child 2. The Knave of Skills
3. The Furthest of Fudge 4. The Pyremaker
The first story started with a police officer carrying the kicking and
screaming Susan back home after a night of wild drug use and endless
partying at a local London night club "The Juvenile Delinquent", and
Susan lives up to name, she's just 15, has been investigated for murder
and often rides with a female biker gang and hangs with a drifter named
"Johnny". Meanwhile her school teachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara
Wright sit and talk about Susan as they experience flashbacks induced
by the acid she slipped into their coffee that morning. Ian and Barbara
are amazed at how bad Susan is doing at school on those occasions that she
actually shows up without trying to burn down the place. The two decide
to rely on Ian's skills as a highly proficient stalker, which is how they
originally met, to track down Susan's home and retrieve various bits of
school property that have gone missing. At first they are shocked and
believe that Susan has stolen a police telephone box for kicks, but they
then are eve MORE shocked to discover her anti-social behaviour stems from
her cramped living conditions inside the Police Box with a Grandfather
who can not even remember his own name. Identified only as The Doctor,
Susan's grandfather is shocked to hear of his granddaughter's ill behaviour
at school and is about to punish her when she leaps onto a console inside
the Police Box, hijacking her grandfather and two school teachers into the
depths of the universe and the boundless horizons of time for a laugh.
They arrive in 100,000 BC where cavemen are desperately looking for the
secret of high powered explosives to blow up some other cavemen with
similar goals. The Doctor does not want to get involved with earth's
past and Ian and Barbara refuse to face the situation INSISTING they
are still suffering from the LSD cocktail. After getting captured,
escaping, and getting re-captured, escaping again, and getting
re-re-captured Susan decides this just isn't fun anymore and decides
to blow up everything with some pipe bombs she's been saving for a
special occasion - however it does depress her that her school teachers
have survived completely intact.
In this first story Susan shines as the amazing anti-heroin,
the two school teachers are realistically portrayed as bumbling idiots,
and The Doctor is a tetchy, selfish old bastard.
Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who And An Unruly Child,
Guns 'N Ammo Magazine, and
The Encyclopedia of 60s Hooligans
Fluffs - Hartnell seemed confused for most of this story
"I suppose you believe that you suppose that you can...ohh..yes..
I do suppose you do!"
"My dear boy, when the first red train saw an indian he thought
his eyes were an illusion too!"
"Za..ahhh..hur..umm..horg..mmm...YOU! Cave Person!"
Goofs - Ian's first hallucination happens well before he drinks the
tainted coffee, however this MAY be intentional to show Ian
was one swinging dude - despite his bad tie and stripey
undershirt as evidence to the contrary.
Dialogue Triumphs -
Susan: "Oh a book about the French Revolution! It will be such fun to
Susan: "Ohh my! Trapped in the form of a POLICE BOX! How crypto-fascist!
This is totally representative of the current state of affairs of
the official oppression of the masses and the watchful eye of big
brother amongst the youth and working classes! BASTARDS!"
Doctor: "Oh dear, this machine isn't working properly, damn piece of
junk I knew I should have gotten the deluxe model at Svens!"
Ian: "A thing that looks like a police box, standing in a junk yard that
can movie anywhere in time and space!? It's ridiculous, like a bad
children's show on BBC!"
Barbara: "Can't you see this is just some game you and your grandfather
have made up, some fantasy you've been living, like when Ian
and I play baby oil twister!"
Za: "Za make fire! Fire go BOOM! Stuff blow up! Za happy!"
Many rumors have circulated about this story over the years, from the
absolutely ludicrous "The cavemen in the story are brilliant actors that
portray a real sense of drama and the struggles of life in the stone age",
which could have only be attributed to a the fact that no one saw this
story for well over a decade, to the rather more sensible rumor
"The Doctor in this episode attracts the attention of the cavemen when
he brings out a crack pipe", this is a common myth however as anyone
who has seen the episode knows the cavemen become curious when they
see the Doctor heating a piece of metal, in this case a spoon, and
using a syringe.
Another famous rumor is that the title of this episode is actually
"The Chick Who Blows Up Cavemen" which was taken from a publicity
photo mixed in with the camera scripts of this story which quite
clearly referred to this story as "The Unroly Child" on pages 1 - 43
and "Chick Who Blows Up Cavemen Cutaway" on pages 44 - 67.