The Dustbin Vacation on Earth
An alternate Programme Guide by
Tenth Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Booze
Serial K - The Dustbin Vacation on Earth -
1. Wrong End 4. The Bin Of Sorrow
2. The Dustbins 5. The Wanking Sally
3. Day Of Wrecking 6. Flashpaper
The swinging scene is London 2167, party capitol of the cosmos.
The Dustbins have set there sights on taking a vacation there
as France has too many french people. Unfortunately for the
earth the Dustbins have rather strange ideas on tourism, for
instance when they are annoyed at the exchange rate of 12 Billion
West Fargo Bank Notes to 1 British Pound they decide to take over
all the banks and enforce Fargonian currency, thus making them
the richest beings on Earth. When they get sick off some tainted
overly greasy fish 'n chips and get violently ill off cheap take away
curry and kebabs they deploy a hostile action to replace all
English food establishments with "Fresh 'n Blobby" the only
restaurant still active on Fargo, with cuisine totally based
on strange Dustbin mutants. Even though it is horrid, blobby, gloopy,
and disgusting it is still much than McDonald's food which dominates
22nd Century terran cuisine. The Dustbins then decide that even
though London is a groovy place the inhabitants just are too
dirty, arrogant, and self-assured for their taste, so they set out
a plan for the creation of Dustmen - HUMAN DUSTBINS! By removing
various body parts the Dustbins create walking zombie Dustmen who
can climb stairs for them and finally clean up the rooms of the
countless millions of children who kept their rooms flithy on the
second or third floor of their homes, where it was previously safe from
the Dustbins. The process of making the english Dustbin-like creatures
works doubly well as their own feelings of sexual guilt and frustration
make them perfect candidates to lose their naughty bits once and for all.
Not surprisingly the Dustbins decide that a duller less interesting
human populace would be easier to control so they build their bases in
Bedfordshire and Swindon. The Dustbins encounter their first problem -
the amount of disposable cars, apartments, and personal helicopters
that are used and discarded like fire lighters in the 22nd century take
up far more space than the Dustbins can handle even with the help of
the Dustmen. So they decide to drill down to the core of the planet
and replace the core with all the trash they simply can't handle.
The idea then comes to them to use the earth as a moving space garbage
can that they can store all the dust, dirt, and trash of the entire
cosmos in and on, as the humans were already doing this but at a slower
The Doctor and Ian captured by Dustmen and taken to the Dustbin Supreme,
the Black Dustbin, who tries to change the Doctor into a Dustman, strapping
him with a flip lid in the Dusteriser Chamber of a Dustbin wheelie cart
parked in Trafalgar Square. The rest of the TARDIS crew escape from
the Dustbins and head for a rave party at "The Juvenile Delinquent" a wild
Night Club, where Ian encounters Slyther, a 22nd century cyberpunk girl,
The Dustbin's man-eating pet. Susan and a freedom-fighter Johnny Soup,
Johnny Bastard to his friends, manage to gain entry to the club DJ's
booth and destroy the Dustbin's radio network. No longer under the
Dustbin's control, The Dustmen and the Rave Junkies are encouraged
by the Doctor to rise against their inhuman masters and start kicking
ass. Susan detonates a bomb which destroys the Dustbins and their
wheelie carts. Earth is now safe and Susan, who wants to shack up
with Johnny, is kicked out of the group by her grandfather who is
annoyed because he still hasn't gotten any.
With the departure of Susan, the Doctor's destructive granddaughter,
the TARDIS crew changes for the first time.
Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who & The Dustbin Vacation on Earth
The Tears of Pollution: A Collection of
Meet The Dustbins - their first album (1964)
with such classics as "I wanna clean your dust"
"Clean It Up Baby!", and "We Are The Master of
Films - Dustbins: Vacation On Earth 2150AD
Fluffs - Hartnell seemed confused for most of this story
"You take this jester now..it's an mask, is it?"
Hartnell's first outdoor scene is sadly bad -
"Ah, they're all listening to Meet the Dustbins?
I should say that's near murder. Isn't it?"
Fashion Victims - Susan not only wears the infamous white head band
but a tacky t-shirt reading "Bad To The Bone"
in a skull and bones design.
Goofs - The Dustbin flying wheelie cart in episode one - your belief
will have to be more suspended than the wheelie cart is on
it's string. The Dustbin saucer commander changes sexual
preference between episodes. And what is that Dustbin doing
in a dive bar?
In episode 2 the Dustbins are such bad sadists Barbara and
Susan have to hold their neck manacles in place, and further
more they seem to be enjoying themselves so maybe it's not
a mistake after all.
The Black Dustbin is often seen mixing martinis with special
sucker stick attachments, and he often clears his throat before
coming onto women with bad chat up lines. And who is "Wanking
Why would the Dustbins go to Bedfordshire or Swidon, whatever the
benefits? Why do the Dustbins set complex intelligence tests
to determine suitability for being turned into Dustmen, who
are mindless zombies - just for a laugh?
Technobabble - After Ian notes that the Dustbins were simply dodge 'em
cars gone insane who were all shut off and needed static
electricity to move about and should be dead and not
on earth at all, definitely not able to move about
even if they were, the Doctor assures "My dear boy
there destruction was probably in the future, and
they have magic decoder rings now!" How the magic
decorder rings, which were prizes in children's breakfast
cereal, help the Dustbins move around was never established.
The Doctor DOES explain that opening a fissure and
dumping trash down it will "reverse the constellation
flow and make things wacky".
Dialogue Disasters -
DOCTOR: Don't make me spank you like a monkey on a banister my dear
DOCTOR: I think we better think of something to defeat them, tell someone
else, and get the hell out of here.
DUSTBINS: Refuse is Useless! (because) We Are The Masters Of Earth!
JOHNNY: Are you one of those wackos who likes to dance naked in their
underwear to 'Meet The Dustbins'?
Dialogue Triumphs -
HADDOCK: Cities were razed to the ground, then they were tidied up.
Anyone who was slobby was destroyed. Some slobs were captured
and turned into Dustmen, the slaves of the Dustbins. They
caught other human beings and many of them were shipped into
dull suburban areas, no-one escapes. The Dustmen see to that.
DUSTBIN: Rebels of Slobbiness, this is your last offer - our final warning.
Leave your hiding places, shower yourselves in the open streets,
you will be fed and watered. Work is needed from you slackers.
The Dustbins offer you life. Rebel against us and the Dustbins
will destroy London completely. You will all die. The males,
the females, the weird ones where it's hard to tell the difference.
Your tax free tourists shops are very nice, we'd hate to blow
them up, especially the ones that have "My Dustbin Comrades
Dominated The Earth And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" shirts.
DOCTOR: One day, I'll get some. Yes, I shall get some. Until then
they'll be lots of regrets, many tears, ego crushing anxieties.
Just get the hell out of my face and do that kinky crap to
your hearts content, see if I care. Goodbye, damn it.
SUSAN: Yeah yeah, you don't see me cryin' do you old man?!
Rumors & Facts -
There is the popular rumor that this story is set in 2164. The Doctor
and Ian find a calendar dated 2164, but it is in an abandoned antique
warehouse and had obviously been there for quite some time. It is unlikely
anyone was going about was going around placing and updating brand
new calendars in old warehouses as it is hoped people will have more
of a life in the 22nd century than to do that.
People also sometimes believe that the Dustbins are defeated by exploiting
their weaknesses to cheap lager. However this lager weakness was only
used in the film adaptation of the story "Dustbins: Vacation On Earth
Public perception seemed to be that The Dustbins were more effective in
there second adventure, as stated by Orange Peel -
"They seemed far more anal retentive on earth; annoying, petty - and TOTALLY
boring. I remember them going to buy some souvenir phallus shaped soaps in
Soho. It was very scary."
Dustbinmania had begun to grip England in 1964; that disturbing fever
that gripped the young and stupid with the desire to clean their homes
Often people seem to believe that the Dustbins went about in Hitler
moustaches advertising ice cream in this story. This is due to
Wall's Oppression Pops which swept the UK thanks to the highly
successful advertising campaign "The Dustbins, They Are Colder Than
Ice Cream, but it's twice as yummy with Wall's Oppression Pops".
There is also the rumor that Johnny Soup is the great great grandson
of the mysterious rebel Johnny who Susan was dating in London 1963.
This theory is from the spin off novel "The Adventures of Susan #1:
The Family Affair".
This story is also known by the titles "The Wrong End" (from a street
sign seen near the beginning of the episode, which also provided the episode
title), "101 Travel Tips For Aggressive Tourists", and "Meet The Dustbins".
Meet The Dustbins was a cheaply produced low quality record released to
cash in on Dustbinmania. The producers of the show used this story
to advertise their album whenever possible, often using musical tracks
from it as backround music and at the night club. The fact that in
the story it is revealed that the music is evil and controlling the minds
of the Rave junkies and the Dustmen is happily ironic.