The Sexual Toymaker
An alternate Programme Guide by
Twenty-Fourth Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O'
Serial Y - The Sexual Toymaker -
1. The Sexual Toyroom 3. The Dancing Position
2. Hall of (Inflatable) Dolls 4. The Final Lech
The Doctor has flipped it big time. He's gone into the future,
into the past, to exotic worlds, and nothing has worked so now
he seeks the help of a malevolent immortal entity who dominates
a fantasy world, The Sexual Toymaker. He is a happy-looking French
character with tight leather pants. He makes the TARDIS into
various rude shapes and 'invites' the Doctor and his companions to
play games with him. The Doctor has to play the complex Transvestite
Game while Steven and Dodo are set a series of positions, which if
they lose will render them inflatable dolls for the Toymakers perverse
amusement. They play Blind Man's bluff - and have a good time together.
They meet the Lust family and play a masochistic game of musical
chairs. Then, it's Hunt the Naughty Bits in the bath tub and, after
that, they find themselves trying to reach the end of a bedroom
dodging nude mannequins. Their last opponent is the obnoxious
schoolboy, Cyril, with a disturbing amount of pornographic magazines
hidden under his bed. The game in this case is trying to get Cyril
to leave the house while Steven tries to make out with Dodo. It's
not as easy as it seems. Steven offers him a few pounds to
go to the cinema but Cyril has of course seen all the films out, hates
them all, and rants and complains for minutes ruining the mood.
Dodo offers to give him a neat present if he pisses off immediately
but he wants it in writing with fine print that he will write
personally after she signs the contract. Eventually when all
sensible avenues are lost they trap Cyril in one of his own annoying
little tricks. Sticking his tongue down a light socket Cyril is
removed from game play - what he THOUGHT he was going to be licking is
best left up to the viewer. Steven and Dodo then turn their attentions
to each other but it doesn't last long. The Doctor has won the
transvestite game by dressing like the Sexual Toymaker and confusing
everyone. The Doctor rushes Steven and Dodo into the TARDIS
as the entire place is falling apart and there are some things
there he feels are too nasty even for his companions.
Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who & The Sexual Toymaker
The Galactic Catalogue Of Naughty Fun
The Sexual Toymaker Colouring Book for
Questionable Adolescents and Sad Fans
Fluffs - Hartnell seemed confused for most of this story
"The Sexual Toymaker makes those toys for naughty
people doing naughty things with naughty ideas
in the naughtyverse of naughtydom! Not to mention
he's a bit dodgy."
"But I am not a crossdresser and I prefer panties to
bras anyday. And I hate women's clothes. These
shoes are somewhat nice tough."
"You may make a TARDIS out of my phallus but...mmm..you
may make my TARDIS phallus shaped but you can't not
control it's secrets!"
Fashion Victims - Dodo with Bon Dylan cap, John Lennon sun glasses,
platform shoes, a mini-skirt with swirls, and
a red Charlie Brown "/\/\/\" T-shirt.
Goofs - The Sexual Toymaker says the 3rd device in episode 1 takes
four AA batteries however that device takes two C batteries..
at least that's what I've heard.
Technobabble - The Toy Maker has access to a "Romp 'em Stomp 'em
Pleasure Machine" that works on "Orgasmatastic Energy".
Dialogue Disasters -
STEVEN: I'm going to see if he has an invisible barrier in his
DODO: Are you really the family of lust?
Dirty Old Man: Well we're all related if that's what you mean
deary! Wooooo-oaaah! Wooo-oaahh!
CYRIL: I've already been to the cinema! It's such a dreadful bore.
I'd much rather watch you two do the nasty.
DODO: We AREN'T going to do "the NASTY" Cyril!
STEVEN: We aren't??
CYRIL: AHAHA! Jokes on you loser boy!
Dialogue Triumphs -
DOCTOR: You want me?
TOYMAKER: Yes, I am bored. I love to play games, but there's no one
to play games with..But you will become my perpetual
partner. We shall play endless games together, your body
DOCTOR: Oh dear. I've made the wrong turn on the sexual orientation
Rumors & Facts -
The Sexual Toymaker was somehow or other passed by the censors in 1966.
I myself was curious how these moral, public conscious, good, honest people,
with no personal agendas of their own, which censors always are, could
have allowed this production. My research shows that they were
bought off. It wasn't a large sum of money, not even a significant sum.
Indeed I have more money in change in my pocket right now and I thought
I was flat broke. However it wasn't all for money - they got some
free drinks out of it too. This style of corruption was sadly only the
case for English viewers. When it was sold to Australia it was deemed
unsuitable for broadcast and therefore the censors, failing to return the
films, must have either taken it back for their own sick perverted
OR used them as ashtrays. The story was also sold to several European
nations where edited versions ran under the titles - "Doctor Erotica's
Fun Trip", "Doctor Mysterio: El Sicko Sexa Loco", "Dur Doktor Dur Kinky" and
also "Sexualle Toys Au Joy". None of these prints still exist however the
final episode "The Final Lech" was safely housed in the archives
misidentified for several years as a biography of John Fitzgerald Kennedy.
The Sexual Toymaker was a imaginative and unusual story, there are
many people who believe the continuous rumors that this story is being held
in full by the mysterious scientist and outlandish collector Dr. No,
but these people are nuts.