Serial 6C

An alternate Programme Guide by Charles Daniels

The One Hundred and Twenty-Sixth Entry in the Charles Daniels
Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Midnight Confessions

Serial 6C - Serial 6C -

 A Concorde has just vanished into thin air.  This proves deeply
annoying, especially to the passengers.

 Meanwhile, inside the TARDIS Tegan pleas that the Doctor break the Laws
of Time to save Adric. The Doctor refuses, reminding his companions
that Adric would have wanted it that way - as he was suicidal to
start with.  The companions burst into tears, but in an effort to cheer
up himself and his companions the Doctor decides to take them to the zoo.
This proves an incredibly unpopular tactic however.  Tegan feels the
Doctor is being heartless with his solution, of a bit of candy floss
and looking at monkeys, to stopping the pain experienced by the
loss of an exploding roommate.

 After leaving the zoo the TARDIS encounters heavy turbulence, as it
has been caught in the wake of a time travelling Concorde.
The Doctor is forced to make an emergency landing at Heathrow
Airport in the mid-1980s.  Airport security is shocked to find
a police box suddenly appearing at the airport, citing that
although it is completely bizarre and unusual, there is one
other similar case on record from Gatwick Airport in 1966.

 The Doctor pops out of the TARDIS to register a very serious complaint -
he's checked his flight plans and no time travelling Concordes are
suppose to be anywhere NEAR 1980s Earth.  He threatens the airport
authorities that he is empowered to call forth an investigation, as
he does happen to be the president of Gallifrey -- to his annoyance
everyone plays dumb - but they do brief the Doctor on the mystery
disappearance of a Concorde. The Doctor listens and explains that
he can only solve the mystery if they will recklessly endanger another
crew and another Concorde - the airport controller immediately agrees.
The Doctor reaffirms that humans are his favourite species.

The Doctor, Nyssa Tegan, and the new Concorde crew fly off in exactly
the same course as the previous missing Concorde, and just to prove
the definition of insanity is "Doing the same thing and expecting
different results", they vanish through a time warp.

 All seems normal when they disembark, until Nyssa begins to speak
in tongues and listen to Judas Priest albums backwards.  The Doctor
realizes that the free cocktails onboard the Concorde have been
spiked with LSD.  Nyssa is suffering from a bad trip, and the others
are all soon to follow. The Doctor urges them to see past the
perceptual illusions and to concentrate on the details of their

 When they start to believe their heads are clearing, the Doctor
informs them that the Concorde has travelled back 140 million years
due solely to the will of a green guy with a big lightbulb.
The companions simply assume the Doctor is also hallucinating,
or that they are hallucinating the Doctor hallucinating -- or
something -- either way it's gone all foogley.

 Things don't get any better when they see grey blobs of matter
appear from nowhere and transport them away in a boiling grey fog.
Tegan and Nyssa are now entirely sure that reality has completely
called it quits, and the Doctor secretly wonders if he enjoyed
one too many of those little brown bottles of Irish Cream.

 Historically, things take a wrong turn when The Doctor and his
companions are contacted by Sigmund Freud, a passenger from the
original missing Concorde.  Freud was able to resist the illusion
when he was first brought here; however, he believes that they
have been hijacked by aliens who obviously experienced some
sexual tensions between the ages of 8 and 11, which has caused
them to try to "dominate" other races.  Freud deduces that the
aliens sexual motivations control their every move - and of course,
as always, they desire to kill their fathers and show their
mothers a bit of a good time in the back of their flying saucer.
The Doctor mentions that as these aliens are merely complex
proteins brought together by a psychic mass unconsciousness,
they don't have any fathers to kill or any mothers with which
to fornicate.  Freud is frankly disbelieving - stating that
these laws are universal and the aliens would simply attach
to mother and father figures to substitute for the lack --
because that's what he would do.

 Ignoring Freud's complex theory of the aliens' need to achieve
cathexis with their victims, The Doctor finds his way to the
green man of the hour, the guy who's made this all possible --

  Kalid claims to be the fifth Beatle, and therefore to have
learned the magical arts from Ravi Shankar, but the Doctor
isn't convinced.  The Doctor wonders who this mysterious
Kalid might truly be - he doesn't recognise the species.
Tegan, Nyssa, Freud, and a few passengers suggest that it
might be an elaborate disguise, intended to trick him.
The Doctor considers this -
"Yes, but who do I know, who's evil AND a master of disguise?
It just doesn't add up."

 After this comment, Nyssa is convinced by some random
intuition, that the answer to this mystery is at the end of
a long maze of corridors, that lead deep into the inner sanctum
of Kalid.  Nyssa rushes off into the corridors, followed by Tegan.
Kalid sees their advances and attempts to fend them off with
illusions -- including Adric begging for his life.

 Back in the main chamber of Kalid, the all powerful, the
Doctor is playing a painful game -- painful to watch that
is.  Kalid has given the Doctor fifty guesses at his true
identity, and so far he's totally struck out - getting
so desperate as to guess Victor Hugo, Margaret Thatcher,
and Spiderman.

  Kalid is brought to the breaking point by questions like
"Are you bigger than a bread box?".
And finally gets so annoyed that he simply rips off the mask in
anger and reveals his true identity -  THE BASTARD!

 Now that the Bastard has revealed himself he explains his clever
masterplan in detail to the Doctor -

   He has captured the bodies of Xeraphin, a legendary race believed
wiped out by bad turkey.  He has used the powers of the time lords to
meld the entire race of the Xeraphin into a single gestalt - and this
will of course power his TARDIS -- in some way.

  The Doctor asks why he needs to summon the energies of a melded race
of legendary beings, as all TARDISes are powered by a blackhole which is
an infinite source of energy.  The Bastard seems taken aback by this
observation - but assures the Doctor that melded legendary race energy
is a lot more chic.

 The Bastard explains that the only missing element to his plan was the
technical knowledge in temporal biodynamics, which he knows the Doctor
did an O Level in.  The Doctor will assist him -- or DIE!

 The Doctor thinks this is all simply too convenient.
How did the Bastard know the Doctor would be on the
time travelling Concorde?  How did the Bastard select
the exact time and place a Concorde would occupy
in 140 million years time?

 The Bastard calmly explains that he didn't actually
know the Doctor would be on that particular plane
at that particular moment.  Instead he simply worked
out that if he landed on earth, in England, at any
point in it's history, he'd never have to wait more
than 6 months to encounter the Doctor purely by
accident.  As the Doctor uses his universal time
travel space device, TARDIS, to pick up a lot of
easy tart on Earth.

 The Doctor denies this, unconvincingly.

 In any case, the Bastard needs the Doctor's help
and they agree that they will work together on
the other side of the time corridor - at Heathrow

 When they arrive at Heathrow airport the Doctor
asks Tegan to leave the TARDIS with a neutronwrangler,
offering it to the Bastard in exchange for a triphase coil.

As soon as Tegan leaves and begins to approach the
Bastard's TARDIS, the Doctor rushes to the console and
dematerialises.   Leaving Tegan to almost certain death
in the hands of the Bastard.

 After take off, the Doctor confesses his love to Nyssa.

Book(s)/Other Related -
Doctor Who And The 20 Questions of Death
Time Lust: An Anthology of Doctor Who Erotica
Scarf Magazine #10, article "Is Peter Davison the Anti-Scarf?"

Fluffs -
"I think, travel wise, we are many light earths from..Earth."

Goofs -
Heathrow's air traffic control consists of one guy and
a can of beer.

Technobabble -
"You've consolidated the entire race of the Xeraphin into one
biological Matrix??  But...isn't that a bit..squishy?"

Links and References -
The Doctor, Tegan and Nyssa discuss Adric's death,
sadly without using such words as "cool", "awesome",
and "blammo!".  Thus proving definitively, that I
did not write this script.

Untelevised Misadventures -
The Doctor mentions the he was once a red post box in Oxford.
How this is possible remains a mystery.

Groovy DVD Extras -
Over a dozen failed guesses of Kalid's true identity
including "Rik Mayall" and "Henry VIII"

Dialogue Disasters -

Nomination for Lamest Cliffhanger Moment -

Nyssa: You LOST the guessing game??  What does that mean?

Tegan and Nyssa confront illusions -

Adric: PLEASE!! Don't step closer!  You'll kill me!

Nyssa: It must be an hallucination.  A side effect from our
       acid trip.

Tegan: Can we take that chance?

Adric: Nyssa!  Listen to Tegan!  GO!!!

Nyssa: Wait!  Tegan!  Look at Adric.
       He's not wearing the trendy
       interlocking man symbol necklace!

Tegan: The one the Cybermen gave him.

Nyssa: Yes.  And he'd never take that off.

(They step forward as Adric vanishes)

(A new illusion appears)

Nyssa: (SCREAM!)  AHHHHH!!!!

Tegan: What is it?

Nyssa: The sea lion that killed my father.


Dialogue Triumphs -

The CLASSIC scene in which the Bastard becomes frustrated

Doctor: I don't know who you are Kalid, but you won't get
        away with this whoever you are!

Bastard: (rips off mask in total annoyance)

         For Christ's sake Doctor!  It's me okay!
         The Bastard!  Remember me?

Doctor: OHH!  Of course!  The South Gallifreyian accent
        should have tipped me off really.

Bastard: Doctor this is just getting embarrassing.
         I only dress up like this because I'm hoping to
         get a cheap laugh when you don't recognise me
         for 10 or 15 minutes.
         BUT HONESTLY!
         Why can you NEVER figure it out!? What the hell
         is wrong you?  How many years were we
         roomates at the Academy?
         It's just like that one Halloween when I came
         dressed as your cousin Annette and you-

Doctor: I don't think my companions need to hear that
        just at the moment!


 Tegan: We could go back and save Adric.

Doctor: NO!  Never ask me to do that ever again!
        There are laws of time even the TARDIS can not break.

 Tegan: But Doctor..

Doctor: And change your own history?  Nothing can change
        what we saw.  Adric is dead.

 Tegan: We could go back one second before the explosion,
        and pull him into the TARDIS!  We saw the Cyberbase
        explode, but we didn't actually SEE Adric DIE.

Doctor: ...Right.  Well I was rather hoping you wouldn't have
       noticed that detail.  But the answer is STILL NO!

The classic love scene at the end of part 4 -

Doctor: Nyssa, you can't imagine how long I've wanted to be with you,

 Nyssa: Alone?

Doctor: Yes!  Haven't you noticed how quickly I cleared out the
        TARDIS?  First Adric, now Tegan...but, that's not important now.
        What is important is that I love you.

 Nyssa: Why didn't you say something before?

Doctor: I know it's silly.  But I was worried.  Thinking, you know?
        Wondering if, a space princess like you would ever consider
        settling down with a homeless renegade like me...

 Nyssa: Not really.

Doctor: Oh..yes...well..

 Nyssa: But don't worry -- we could still fuck.

Doctor: (Awkward pause) Alright.


Viewer Quotes -

"Serial 6C suffers from the same problem as many of the other stories
of this period - it's crap."  - Blunt Review Weekly, (June 13th, 1994)

"Serial 6C was the worst story in an otherwise, somewhat crappy season.
It just sort of, sealed it's fate."  - Tegan Dream Zine (1999)

"Love is a holy union.  But, off the record - Sex ain't half bad
either."  - Father James O' Maley (1982)

"Peter Davison does a half decent head."
   - Jefferys, irc channel #drwhochat (December 6th, 2003  3:04am PST)

Psychotic Nostalgia -
"Tegan.  Now there's a girl who could probably gut fish."

Peter Davison Speaks!
"You know, Doctor Who was a great programme to be involved with.
Even when the money was short, and the imagination was short, and
the props were substandard, it was still a lot of fun.  Serial 6C
is the best example of a lack of imagination, time, money, and
effort that you can legally get away with on television.  And I'm
still proud to be a part of it."

Rumors & Facts -

 Matthew Waterhouse played an hallucination of Adric, marking his
final Doctor Who work. Waterhouse's acting career has been mainly
confined to phone sex lines after leaving the programme.

 Season 19 did several brave, and several lame things.  Brave
because it introduced a Doctor with a completely new sexual
bent than previous incarnations of the character.  Brave
because they killed off a companion in a failed relationship
with a Cyborg.  Lame because they had a false companion
departure for Tegan.  Lame because an otherwise remarkable
season was given such a half-hearted send off.

 A lot of rumours abound that the staff and crew were just
bored and wanted to go on vacation as quickly as possible.
Tales of prop masters just picking up bic lighters and claiming
they were "miniature alien ray guns" that "took days to produce"
and which featured "a special flamming tip effect"
are all too common in association with this story.

 Rumours have spread through fandom that the director
was to blame for being asleep throughout the entire
recording process.

 I don't know about you, but personally, I was worried
when the writer didn't even bother to give the scripts a title
and just left it "Serial 6C".