An alternate Programme Guide by Charles Daniels

Forty-Eighth Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O'
Special thanks to Wendy Padbury for the use of some great comic material

Serial VV - The Evasion -

The Doctor decides to go to 20th century earth for a change.  Calling
on his old friend Professor Depravers he discovers his home is now
overtaken by a group of meddling kids.  Making friends with Daphne
the Doctor discovers that Shaggy and his dog have disappeared during
an investigation of International Sextromatics, the major supplier of
the world's marital aids.  The Doctor visits the firm and is approached
by it's owner, Tobias Witherspoon.   Witherspoon wishes to show the Doctor
his entire catalogue of items and the Doctor only survives by running
away in time to some incidental music by the Monkees.
Whilst running with a large vase on his head the Doctor smashes into
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart who is also suspicious.  The Brigadier
is the head of the newly formed WANK (World Allied Nations Killingforce)
which has a public code name of UNIT (United Nations Iced Tea).
The Brigadier wishes to join forces with the Doctor but must be certain
he can be trusted.  A long interrogation proceeds involving the Brigadier
asking the Doctor questions about his relationship with the young Daphne
and him evading them in anyway possible.  After some fancy legal footwork
the Doctor makes a mockery of the Brigadier's interrogation and becomes
an honorary WANKer.  After all at least the Brigadier now knows that the
Doctor won't give up information about what REALLY happens at HQ.
Meanwhile Zoe and Daphne have been captured by the evil Witherspoon,
who is forcing Shaggy and his dog to develop the Munchie Mentor, the
purpose of which is to generate hungry impulses.
The Doctor discovers that Witherspoon is shagging the Cybermen -- but too
late.  The Cybermen manage to arouse Earth's population and launch an
invasion through the record and adult film industry.
By firing a missile into space the Doctor is able to create a wave of
envy amoungst the Cyberconquerors.  Cleverly the Doctor asks them to
use their hideous devices on his already galactic libido and he shorts
them all out.  The Cybermen are left completely impotent.
With the help of those meddling kids the Doctor unveils that Mr. Witherspoon
was a Cyberman all along.  With this leaked to the press the entire
Cyberporn industry collapses.
This is the first UNIT story (but definitely NOT the first WANK one)
and the last Cyberman story for quite some time.

Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who Evades Again!
                        Doctor Mysterio - Jail Bait A Go Go
                        The Mystery Machine & The Cybermen Coloring Book

Fluffs - Troughton seemed dazed for most this story
         "Do you want a Scibby snack?"
         "Scooby!  Bring your dog, Shaggy...oh..wait..that's not right."

Fashion Victims - Zoe wearing a 12 foot long python

Goofs - The backround is obviously looped in many scenes.
        Didn't the Doctor realise that the Mystery Machine was BOUND to
        be bigger on the inside than on the out?
        In episode three the Cyberman that "jumps" on Zoe is obviously
        an empty costume (why couldn't *I* be in that costume?! I'd have
        worked for free!)
        Zoe and Daphne's knickers are frequently revealed (something tells
        me this is one of those INTENTIONAL director mistakes)
        Why does Fred continue to delegate tasks to Shaggy who is obviously

Technobabble - The Doctor makes the TARDIS invisible by "Inversing the
                flip flop override on the budget circuits".

Links - Apparently some people have compared this story to some little
        known American children's cartoon, I just don't buy it.

Dialogue Disasters -

BRIGADIER: I think those crazy meddling kids have gone off to the
           sewers to get photographs of the Cybermen!
BENTON: Sir, you didn't get the role..please just get over it.

CYBERMAN: I didn't want to spend my time crawling around in the sewers!
          I wanted to be!  I wanted to be.....A LUMBERJACK! (and the
          entire scene that follows)

Dialogue Triumphs -

WITHERSPOON: My body may be cybernetic but my mind stays dirty!

DOCTOR: You're an evil man, Witherspoon!  You're sadistic.  You're
        a meglomaniac.  You're insane.  I pity you.  But given half
        the chance, damn I'd like to be you!

WITHERSPOON: The world is weak, vulnerable, a mess of breakfast cereals
             and automobiles.  It's needs a strong, single mind, a leader
             to deliver it milk and cookies and bathe with it in the
             glow of oppression and happiness.
DOCTOR: What are you on about?
WITHERSPOON: I read that on a fortune cookie once.
WITHERSPOON: It was JUMBO size.  I got them down at the new chinese
             restaurant on Leicester Road.  They're quite good.
DOCTOR: Oh well that explains it!  Do they have pork chow mein?
DOCTOR: Well then how about we go out for Chinese and we can forget this
        whole world domination business?
WITHERSPOON: (holding up a pistol) I'm afraid not.  First you must die.
DOCTOR: Well I can't die FIRST then go out for Chinese now can I?  Don't
        be ridiculous!
WITHERSPOON: Oh I suppose you're right.  Sorry.  I wasn't thinking things
             through obviously!
DOCTOR: No problem.  I understand.  Do you drive?
WITHERSPOON: Maybe all I need is a nice warm, comfy hug and then I wouldn't
             have to kill.
DOCTOR: Don't look at me weirdo!

The Doctor after being hooked up to the International Sextromatics Total
Gelatin Therapy Fun Time Device -
"You've got to turn me on!  You've got to turn me on!!!"

JAMIE: Well looks like they didn't write enough dialogue for me this
       week.  Well you know...sometimes these things run a bit short.
       Nothing we can do about it really.....goodnight.

Rumors & Facts -

By late 1968 the Cybermen had become simply too disturbing for the viewers
at home.  People were complaining, several people went insane, and their
very appearance on the programme caused riots and social unrest - worst
of all they weren't making the BBC as much money as they used to.
So the BBC decided to give the cyberfiends a bit of a rest until they
could again become marketable.
Meanwhile this has lead to a quite unusual gap in the Cyberhistory.
Many story ideas have been tossed around that would have the 3rd Doctor
encounter the Cybermen and even later 2nd Doctor cyberadventures.
So far these have been met with little or no success.  The reason being
that the tradition of them being away during this period of the Doctor's
life is so firmly established in the mind's of fans.  However ex-star
of Doctor Who, Wendy Padbury, who played Zoe, has finally changed the
situation.  She created a whole new race of everyone's second favorite
foes which will appear for the first time in her upcoming Past Doctor
Adventure story titled "Origins Of The Cidermen".   In this book we
will discover how post-Evasion Cybermen left their sexual lusts behind
in the late 60s and started a plot for world domination by slipping
LSD into the world's supply of apple juice.
It is developments like this in Doctor Who that keep it fresh and alive
in fiction.  In order to show my support of Wendy Padbury and her
excellent Cidermen concept, I will personally shoot anyone who posts
a bad review of her book.  You have been warned.  Thank you, and goodnight.