Top Sixty Submissions Steven Cole would Rather Not Recieve

The Top Sixty Submissions Steven Cole Would Rather Not
Receive:

1. I've always hated Jon Pertwee, so I thought if John Peel
can retcon away Skaro...
2. I've always thought Adolf Hitler was misunderstood...
3. I'm desperate to be published and I've always been a fan
of Doctor Why...
4. Just because you said you couldn't use the Valeyard
doesn't mean it's totally out of bounds...
5. I was thinking, how come no-one's ever explained K-9's
voice changing for season 17...?
6. I hope you like it but I've got to warn you, I won't work
for anything less than 50 grand...
7. Why should I follow *your* guidelines? Here, I've written
my own...
8. It's entirely set in a small flat in Dulwich...
9. Well, I read The Pit, and I thought if *he* could get
away with it...
10. It's like a Kate Orman book, except the Doctor *really*
suffers...
11. Drugs are cool, right...?
12. He's got two hearts, right? So that led me to thinking
of what else he's got two of...
13. It's totally shagadelic...
14. Well, actually it's only partly about this Doctor Who
guy, but mostly it's about the alienation of an author
suffering from writer's block...
15. You say he's a pacifist? Let me tell you; *No-one's* a
pacifist...
16. He goes back to the birth of Jesus, right, and discovers
what *really* happened...
17. I am confident in my ability with writing...
18. I don't like sci-fi...
19. What would happen if Gallifrey was destroyed...?
20. Well, I'm not as florid as Terrance Dicks...
21. It's in the style of Dad's Army and the Valeyard is the
leader of the Eastgate platoon...
22. Have you wondered on the scientific plausability of
actually 'reversing the polarity of the neutron flow'. This
was my starting point...
23. I'll write anything, just as long as it gets me out of
the house...
24. White Guardian, Black Guardian. White Doctor, black
Master. Do you see where I'm getting at...?
25. It's Timelash done good...
26. Look at this watch and repeat after me: I am a writer
and you will publish my Master submission, I am a writer...
27. Actually, I preferred it when Nuala was in charge...
28. I know every single DW fan will love this idea...
29. He's half-human, but not on his mother's side...
30. He loses his memory and has to have every adventure he's
ever been in explained to him...
31. I got the idea from listening to a Ride song...
32. It's mostly in German...
33. Well you know how some stories are frocks and some are
guns. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger in a floral dress...
34. For a start, nobody dies and there isn't a mystery for
the Doctor to solve...
35. I've been thinking about it for ages and I still can't
come up with anything. Have *you* got any ideas...?
36. It's set in the far future on this weird planet that
turns out to be Earth, only no-one knows...
37. Has anyone explained away that mobile phone advert
yet...?
38. Whatever old monster Gary Russell's doing next, I can do
it better...
39. There's this giant spaceship lying derelict in space...
40. How silly are you willing to go...?
41. Well, I really want to use this as a springboard into
writing for Star Trek: Voyager, but they won't allow
unsolicted submissions. You don't know Jeri Ryan do you...?
42. What was that in the guidelines about not using the
Rani? But she gives me the fucking *horn* goddamit...
43. I refuse to devalue my ideas by writing them down. If
you've got a tape recorder ready, I'll give you it down the
phone...
44. Isn't it about time he used his superhuman strength...?
45. It's like an Eric Saward story, except *everyone's* a
galactic mercenary...
46. I'm Jeffrey Archer...
47. You've heard of William Burroughs's cut-up techniques
right...?
48. I get excited whenever someone says crossovers, so I
thought...
49. What all your authors fail to understand about the
character...
50. I'm Tom Paulin. How can you have gone so long without
mentioning the troubles in Northern Ireland...?
51. I hope you can be a bit flexible in your deadlines,
because I'm currently on 80 mescalins a day...
52. It's set in the afterlife...
53. You've got to be hip. Get with the youth of today.
Quentin Tarantino, Youth TV, that's what the kids want...
54. I'll only do it as long as I can kill off a companion. I
want my work to have an *effect* on the reader...
55. I'm only doing it for the money and the chicks...
56. Have you borrowed any ideas from Iain Banks yet, because
I've got this corker of a story featuring an advanced
utopian civilisation...
57. The entirity of Earth civilisation has been run by
aliens...
58. Two words: funky robots...
59. It's called How The Doctor Found His Groove...
60. A renegade Dalek faction try to blend in to normal Earth
society by pretending to be Pakistanis living in Catford...