The Meaning of Sarn

By Dr Evil

Being an update of The Meaning of Liff, wherein the names of
towns get their own definitions. Here, I've done the same
thing with planets in the Whoniverse, wherein you get more
exotic, if slightly more quarry-strewn, places.

Anea (n. medical)
The correct term for choking on a cup of tea, thereby
spraying it both up your nose and for a two metre radius.

Aneth (n.)
An Estonian holiday celebrating the one time when stuffed
pork roll was available on the black market.

Argolis (n.)
A type of cheap heater which Anne Robinson is always warning
you about but which has nevertheless been gassing selected
members of the elderly community for the past twenty years.

Betrushia (n.)
A Russian eyebrow comb.

Castrovalva (n.)
A type of motor oil that used to be manufactured in East
European communist countries. Since the fall of the Berlin
Wall, many gallons have been imported to the west, where
it's been hilariously ruining the cars of penny-pinching
capitalist running dog lackey drivers ever since.

Chloris (adj.)
Descriptive of the annoyance directed at a partner who feels
that one cannot have enough photosythesising going on in the

Dido (vb.)
The state needed to be in before hunting for pornography on
the internet for five hours.

Draconia (n.)
The mysterious treatment which has been keeping the Queen
Mother alive all these years, despite the fact she drinks
three bottles of gin and smokes 50 fags a day.

Dronid (pl. n.)
The excretia from very small insects which you apparently
swallow three tons of during your lifetime, according to a
typically panic-inducing article in the Sunday Times

Dulkis (vb.)
The sexual chemistry displayed by newsreaders who sit close
together yet clearly hate each other.

Emindar (n.)
The panic caused by equating the amount of dairy products
eaten in a lifetime with a new report on the possibility of
catching lysteria, salmonella, e-koli etc.

Exxilon (n.)
An enigmatic multi-national corporation responsible for,
amongst other things, 36% of all known impotence.

Gallifrey (adj.)
A friendly punch-up in an Irish bar.

Kastopheria (vb.)
The apprehension one feels when Cliff Richard releases a new

Kemble (vb.)
Nervousness associated with masturbating in your bedroom,
knowing that there are parents and/or other familial members
wandering the house.

Kursaal (vb.)
To chastise oneself for doing absolutely nothing when you at
least should have done something about that smell in your

Mechanus (adj.)
An official BBC phrase descibing the interior workings of
devices created by Matt Irvine.

Menda (vb.)
The act of walking incredibly fast. Usually only performed
by sellers of the Big Issue and people in shell suits.

Mictlan (n.)
The language spoken by actors in films when they're ordered
to converse in any foreign language. Usually consists of
phrases like 'isken-lisken-bisken-twisken-noronov.'

Mondas (n. archaic)
The ancient Roman word for actors who come on occasionally,
sincerely agree with the lead character, and walk off again.
The word is only used today in reference to Noel's House

Pakha (vb.)
An Indian term of amusement, mostly displayed on witnessing
a westerner arrogantly ordering the hottest curry on the
menu and zealously eating his way to dehydration, mouth
ulcers and a full fortnight of horrific toilet experiences.

Peladon (n.)
University professor specialising in a subject especially
created by an insane English monarch and which has been so
buried in embarrassment that he can claim a stipend for
doing nothing.

Refusis (pl. n.)
Of arguing - Polite words that begin along the lines of "I
agree with you, but..." followed by a whole stream of
baseless argument painstakingly culled from various sources
expressly for this

Reklon (n.)
What the bodies of Soviet cars were made out of.

Ribos (vb.)
The antithesis of Tigella (qv.). To play a practical joke
that is so vicious that the participants never speak to each
other again, despite the many cries of 'it was only a joke'.

Sarn (n.)
A polite puke. Particularly made by the upper classes having
imbibed of too many cucumber sandwiches.

Segonax (n. archaic)
A medieval instrument of torture, the exact nature of which
has been lost to time. Usually displayed on stately home
walls, it has made visitors uncomfortable for many years, as
they go through all their secret psychotic fears trying to
work it what it was used for.

Skonnos (n.)
Hell's Angels' tea cakes.

Solos (n.)
An ancient Egyptian god who once earned the honour of having
thirty-five dogs sacrificed to him, despite giving no
indication that this is what he wanted.

Spiridon (n.)
University professor specialising in the practice of drawing
intricate patterns with plastic cogs.

Tigella (vb.)
To play an ineffective practical joke on someone far too
nice but who insists on 'joining in the fun'. Usually
consists of hiding their stapler or deliberately getting
their name wrong on the Christmas card list.

Traken (n.)
The specific word used by the emergency services for fell
walkers who have inadvertently died while climbing what they
thought was a hill but turned out to be a mountain.

Vandor Prime (n.)
A pre-Bill Gates computer, so outdated that it is only used
nowadays for kitsch, as a reference point for useless
technology and for co-ordinating air traffic control at
Heathrow Airport.

Vortis (n.)
A make of battery only ever found in 50p shops that are
guaranteed to run out just after opening the packet.

Zamper (n.)
A new device which greatly improves the quality of tape
players and which will shortly become a standard on all new
models, thereby forcing audiophiles to bankrupt themselves
once again.

Zeta Minor (n.)
An East European transsexual porn star.

Zolfa-Thura (n.)
Nuclear Man's arch-enemy (c. DC Comics 1960-61).