Doctor Who - The Drinking Game!

Posted to rec.arts.drwho by Simon "the Null Smurf" Oxwell
and subsequently snarfed, hacked and HTML-ised by Gavin Greig, ggreig@mcs.dundee.ac.uk with his permission.

Bits of this were orginally posted to rec.arts.drwho in November, 1993. Its basis was a drinking game created by NRTTA (don't ask, I don't know!) and then resurrected by Kevin Cherry, AC Chapin, and Jon Blum. It was then posted to rec.arts.drwho by AC Chapin and Amy Steele, with additional commentry (some of which has been removed). Several additions have been integrated into this document, so credit must also go to Jason A. Miller, Micheal K. Neylon, Jon Blum, Paul Gadzikowski and Eva W. Jacobus.

DRINK A SHOT EVERY TIME...

IN GENERAL

• a Dalek shrieks EXTERMINATE!
  (Take a double if the Dalek says it more than once without firing; if it keeps screaming like a broken Hitler doll, then keep drinking until it fires or the people involved get away.)
• a Dalek seems to be having a nervous breakdown.
  (One shot for each "MY VISION IS IMPAIRED! I CANNOT SEE!)
• the Cyberleader says "Excellent!"
  (duuude!)
• the sonic screwdriver is used.
• the sonic screwdriver convieniently breaks down just long enough to cause a cliff-hanger.
• the Master shrinks someone, hypnotizes someone, uses a cheesy anagram for a false name, or says "I am the Master and you will obey me!"
• any companion twists her ankle.
• any companion screams
  (Warning: "Time and the Rani" may prove hazardous to your health.)
• the TARDIS materializes or dematerializes.
  (Double if it's in a crowd of people and no one notices.)
  (Triple if John Cleese notices.)
• you can identify any prop/set/actor as from another story.
• you can identify any prop/set/actor as from another series.
  (Double for Blake's Seven)
  (Triple for Eastenders)
  (Quintuple for Red Dwarf)
  (All you can drink if you catch the TARDIS in the Red Dwarf shuttlebay)
• instead of shooting the Doctor in the back, the villain just puts him in some strange and easily escaped danger.
• "But we're not spies! We're... travellers." (Or any variation)
• a companion falls in love for no discernable reason.
• someone dies.
  (Quadruple shot score for death by special effect)
• any set, prop, monster or actor wobbles.
  (The Creature from the Pit does not count)
• the TARDIS goes off course, or runs into a camera-shake vortex.
• Atlantis is destroyed.
• some twit actually says "Doctor Who?"
• Bessie appears.
• One drink for every time you actually recognize Terry Walsh doing stunt work or playing a double in the middle of a story
• Every time you successfully notice Michael Sheard before the credits roll
• Every sci-fi reference you hear in "Revelation of the Daleks"
  Take a double if it's from "A Clockwork Orange"
• Every reference to a "Doctor Who" planet or scientific invention in "Star Trek: The Next Generation"
  "...the Argolin cluster..."
  "...tachyon drive ..."
• one for any reference to an older regeneration
• one for any weapon which does NOT require a laser-like effect
• one for every time the Doctor actually LOCKS the TARDIS door
• one for any scene inside the TARDIS that does not have the roundels in it (except for the secondary control room)
• one for every time the Doctor does something underneath the control panel.
• they mention "The Of Rassilon" (The Tomb of Rassilon, The Harp of Rassilon, The Pink-And-Purple-Polka-Dot Pajamas of Rassilon...)
• the Brigadier does something which actually advances the plot, instead of acting like a generic military twit (it's so rare, you've gotta celebrate!)
• you can guess the author of the story from the way it's written (e.g. Robert Holmes characters, Pip&Jane Baker dialogue from hell)
• a companion wears an outfit which the Fashion Police would shoot her dead for
• they do an Evil Twin Story (or a good twin story)
• one for every Gratuitous Continuity Reference!
• One sip when the villain pauses to explain his plot to the Doctor before attempting to kill him. Another if the attempt to kill the Doctor is foiled by an outside agent rather than the Doctor himself.
• Half the glass if any character uses the phrase, "too horrible to think about."
• The whole glass for, "reverse the polarity of the neutron flow."
• If the alien is green (the colour for aliens is always Gween)
• If aliens invade human society/territory
• If humans invade alien society/territory
• If you see something of which Mary Whitehouse would disapprove

FIRST DOCTOR

• William Hartnell blows, mangles, or forgets a line, or just giggles, 'hmph's or coughs.
• you can chorus along with Hartnell's speech at the beginning of "The Five Doctors"
  (optional: one drink per word correct)
• you get mind-numbingly bored.
• something directly contradicts what we are told in later stories
  (ex: any detail of the Doctor's biology, or the TARDIS's inner workings)

SECOND DOCTOR

• Patrick Troughton plays his recorder.
• you think you see what's really under Jamie's kilt.
• you can't understand what on Mondas one of the old-model Cybermen is saying.
• Patrick Troughton's hairstyle changes in mid-story.
• Patrick Troughton says "Oh dear." or "When I say run, run."

THIRD DOCTOR

• Jon Pertwee says "my dear"
  (Double if you're a girl, or wearing a mini-skirt.)
• the Brigadier acts like a twit.
• Jo Grant almost stumbles into something.
• Jon Pertwee is obviously reading his lines off the props.
• Jon Pertwee mentions Venusian Akido.
• Anytime during a fight scene, somebody takes a swipe with a chair, misses the human target competely, yet, there is a loud "TWAAAACK!" and the person falls convulsively
• Any indistinguishable accent in "The Ambassadors of Death"
  Example: What the hell are Heldorf and Taltalian supposed to be???
• one for every scene inside the TARDIS

FOURTH DOCTOR

• Tom Baker trips on his scarf, offers someone a jelly baby, bugs out his eyes, or generally acts like he has more teeth than brain cells.
• Harry sullivan is an imbecille.
• Leela's butt or cleavage shows.
• K9 obviously stalls, his batteries go flat, or someone ends up having to carry him.
• Drink continuously through "The Horns of Nimon", until you're so soused that "Looord Niiiimon!" actually seems like good acting. You won't regret it.
• Take a drink everytime K-9's nose-laser shoots in the wrong direction or for every time the little beam of red light isn't completely colored in.
• Every bag of jelly babies the Doctor gives away ("The Ark in Space")

FIFTH DOCTOR

• Peter Davidson smiles, then frowns fetchingly.
  (aaaww!)
• Turlough grips that little piece o'crystal and moans/whines "But I can't kill hiim!"
• Tegan yells at someone.
• you get lost in Peter Davidson's deep, romantic eyes.
  (sorry Amy, this is a PG newsgroup, we can't mention chaining his sweet, luscious Gallifreian body to the wall.)
• you want Adric to die.
  (Quintuple drink score and hold a party when you get your wish)

SIXTH DOCTOR

• Colin Baker repeats something three times.
  (Take a double if they get progressively louder)
• Peri's accent slips.
• Peri's top slips.
• Colin Baker calls the Valyard "The Graveyard", "Railyard", "Backyard", "Scrapyard", "Knacker's Yard" etc...
• Oh, go ahead, drink to the man while he's strangling Peri, he almost managed it!

SEVENTH DOCTOR

• Sylvester McCoy rrrrrrrolls an 'r'.
• Ace says "wicked", "Gordon Benett", etc
  (Double shot for "Ace!")
• Ace blows something up
  (Double shot if the Doctor uses Ace's nitro to blow something up)
• the Doctor uses his umbrella to save the day.
• you sight any "Unearthly Child" in-joke in "Remembrance of the Daleks"
• Ace's current love interest dies.
• "GhostLight" confuses you.
• the line that comes out of Sylvester McCoy's mouth is clearly NOT the one in the script

And finish off the bottle every time the Doctor saves the universe!