A day in the life of a Doctor Who fan

By Marcus Durham

5.30am - Can't sleep so I put on a tape of Timelash. Did the trick.

8.00am - Woken up by my Doctor Who alarm clock. Bleary eyed I stagger
         over to the computer. It still hasn't finished rendering
         the 3D model of Peri's boobs. Typical!

8.05am - Use the other PC to download my Usenet news. I notice
         Robert Smith has replied to one of my posts. I spend
         the next hour trying to think up a sharp and witty
         reply before deciding just to be rude instead.

9.15am - UK Gold's showing Twin Dilemma today. I set up twelve video
         recorders to tape the story just in case something goes

10.10am - Bum! The powers gone off! All the VCR's have fused the main
          supply. How am I supposed to predict events like this? I make
          a note to buy a generator.

11.05am - The powers back on but I've missed the end of the story.

11.06am - Decide to write a letter to UK Gold complaining. They should
          be more considerate and pause the showing when I've
          got a powercut!

11.45am - Got to post the letter now. This involves going outside. I
          usually only go outside when there's a new video release.
          Undaunted I make my way to a postbox. Passers-by laugh
          at me. Being a Who-fan I'm used to this. However I later
          realise this is because I haven't changed out of my
          Dalek pyjamas.

12.30pm - Decide to eat my lunch. I've built a replica TARDIS food
          machine. Inside it's really a microwave. I look in the fridge
          only to find that there is no food. I must have spent all
          my money on that replica War Machine. Still at least it's good
          for scaring the neighbours cat.

1.00pm - I'm hungry and there is no food. So I decide to eat my copy of
         The Two Doctors. It's quite tasty, but the spools are a little

2.35pm - Ian Fanboy phones. Apprently he says he's got a copy of 10th
         Planet part 4 and he's not going to let me see it. Git! I'm
         going to set fire to his replica Who-mobile.

3.30pm - Outside Ian Fanboys house. He's out. Perhaps I could break in?

4.40pm - Back home. I managed to get into Ians house and I've managed
         to "borrow" a tape marked 10th Planet pt4. I put it in the
         VCR but it turns out to be an episode of Going For Gold.
         I knew he was lying. Unless the 1st Doctor regenerated into
         Henry Kelly.

6.00pm - The 3D rendering of Peri's breasts still hasn't finished. I
         download the news again only to find some pillock has posted
         a 45 meg picture of Mel. After I climb down off the ceiling
         I report the idiot to his ISP.

7.30pm - Coronation Street is evil because it was on against McCoy's
         era. Ergo I make the point of having Coronation Street
         on my TV, but I sit with my back to it as a form of protest.

8.00pm - I decide to watch Ambassadors of Death in every detail. Ergo
         I decide to watch it using my VCR's slow-motion feature. I'll
         post a review to radw later. They'll find it really

3.00am - Finish watching Ambassadors and decide to go to bed.

Marcus Durham
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