by Neil Marsh and Darrin Snider

hypertext by Siobahn Morgan, posted with the author's permission

NOTE: This story was written for and appeared in the Whoosier Network's newsletter, 'The Gallifreyan Gazette.'

Mr. Qui was AN UNEARTHLY CHILD, one of THE FACELESS ONES from THE MYSTERIOUS PLANET. Out of sheer boredom, he joined THE CRUSADE of THE HAPPINESS PATROL on his 21st Birthday and began searching GALAXY FOUR for ENLIGHTENMENT. His MISSION TO THE UNKNOWN took him to THE PLANET OF EVIL, where he met up with THE MIND ROBBER who had just stolen THE BRAIN OF MORBIUS. Having confiscated THE MIND OF EVIL, Mr. Qui placed it in THE ARK, a spacious container he carried with him at all times which could be easily identified by THE MARK OF THE RANI on its lid.

Next Mr. Qui journeyed to THE LEISURE HIVE, where he and MARCO POLO did the SNAKEDANCE while attending THE MASQUE OF MANDRAGORA. But the masque was interrupted by THE ATTACK OF THE CYBERMEN. During THE MASSACRE, THE GUNFIGHTERS and THE WAR MACHINES brought the planet to THE EDGE OF DESTRUCTION, which was saved only by by THE AMBASSADORS OF DEATH, who ended THE REIGN OF TERROR by suspending the BATTLEFIELD with THE POWER OF KROLL. The SILVER NEMESIS retreated to THE TENTH PLANET. The citizens of the Hive were grateful for THE RESCUE, although their dwellings had become THE CITY OF DEATH. As a reward for his valor, Mr. Qui was given the citizens' most valued artifact, THE KEYS OF MARINUS, which were said to open the WARRIOR'S GATE, which led to the PYRAMIDS OF MARS, where THE SAVAGES lived. Mr. Qui waved good-bye and anxiously departed on his way to THE MOONBASE.

On his trip he was waylaid by THE SPACE PIRATES and diverted to THE WHEEL IN SPACE, an orbiting station manned by five mad scientists. It seemed that THE FIVE DOCTORS were attempting to create a cloned monster which would enter in the annual monster battle competition held every year on Varos 9. But alas, something had gone wrong with THE SONTARAN EXPERIMENT and now their creature, whom they named Kronos, suffered from a horrible case of MINDWARP which caused the cellular structure of his cerebellum to go into a horrible STATE OF DECAY. Fortunately one of the scientists remembered a cure invented by Doctor Julian Ribos from the planet CASTROVALVA. In order to perform THE RIBOS OPERATION, however, the doctor would need a new brain to work with. Mr. Qui offered to lend them the brain he had conficated earlier but suddenly remebered that he had left THE ARK IN SPACE, and it had no doubt been heisted by the pirates by this time. In order to ensure Kronos' SURVIVAL, it was decided that the six of them split up, with one group going after the pirates, and another group staying behind to monitor the monster's status. And so, Mr. Qui and THE TWO DOCTORS journeyed to THE FRONTIER IN SPACE, pursuing THE SMUGGLERS who had stolen Mr. Qui's ark.

THE CHASE ended on the PLANET OF THE DALEKS, where Mr. Qui, a master of witchcraft, turned to confront his adversaries. He cast THE CURSE OF FENRIC upon them and scowled at them with a malacious eye that would have made even the most courageous person shudder in fear. Obviously they were more frightened by THE FACE OF EVIL than any possible effects from the curse and fled back to THE PIRATE PLANET leaving the ark behind. Unfortunately for our three heroes, today happened to be THE DAY OF THE DALEKS, and they found themselves ambushed from the cliffs above. Realizing the tactical advantage that THE HIGHLANDER's had Mr. Qui and his friends fashioned a crude stabbing weapon out of a sharp rock and long stick, a trick he had once seen in a movie about a primitive tribe of warriors on the planet Earth. He figured that if it worked for THE AZTECS, it would work for him. It was no match for THE POWER OF THE DALEKS, however. "DEATH TO THE DALEKS!", they cried. "SHADAp!", responded the pepper pots. Greatly overmatched, the trio decided to negate the THE MUTANT's altitude advantage. Grabbing their crude harpoon, they cut short THE VISITATION and attacked with the SPEARHEAD FROM SPACE. Alas, it was THE DESTINY OF THE DALEKS that they become nothing more than an exhibit in THE SPACE MUSEUM that day.

On their journey back, the trio stopped off for a swim on the ocean world of FRONTIOS, where they encountered THE UNDERWATER MENACE of THE SEA DEVILS and THE SILURIANS. After defeating THE WARRIORS OF THE DEEP they journeyed northward, where they faced THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMEN, whom they destroyed in an INFERNO of DRAGONFIRE with the help of THE SUNMAKERS from THE PLANET OF FIRE. Ironically, the blaze melted THE ICE WARRIORS, blending them with a river that would become the water source for a new COLONY IN SPACE. Mr. Qui looked with pride upon the river, but was EARTHSHOCKed to see that he cast THE IMAGE OF THE FENDAHL in its currents. Suddenly our heros remembered that they had urgent business back on the space station and they were wasting valuable time with this little vacation. Yes, time flies when you are having fun, and certainly TIME FLIGHT was the last thing on our heroes' minds that day. In order to save the situation, Mr. Qui was forced to call upon his knowledge of temporal physics. He sped his ship around THE ARC OF INFINITY, and journey six hours into the past to ensure his timely arrival at the station. He sincerely hoped that the powers that be did not mind THE INVASION OF TIME, but their situation was desperate.

Their final journey brought them FULL CIRCLE back to the space station, where they were just in time to help THE THREE DOCTORS with the final preparations for the operation that would save Kronos' life. The operation was a success and Kronos was a real NIGHTMARE OF EDEN. Mr. Qui was amazed to see that, instead of hands, the monster bore the THE CLAWS OF AXOS and THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG. The six of them figured him to be a shoe-in for winning THE WAR GAMES on Varos 9.

Little did our heros know of the RESURRECTION OF THE DALEKS, who had just discoverd THE TOMB OF THE CYBERMEN in the UNDERWORLD of THE CAVES OF ANDROZANI. THE DALEKS' MASTERPLAN was to exploit the REVENGE OF THE CYBERMEN by joining forces with them. Together, THE TWIN DILEMMA would capture the trophy for themselves.

Mr. Qui, his five companions, and Kronos--THE TIME MONSTER--arrived at the arena on Varos, a huge colleseum that would have made even THE ROMANS proud. With all of the contestants in place, THE KEEPER OF TRAKEN sounded the THE HORNS OF NIMON, marking the commencement of the Games. The GENESIS OF THE DALEKS' plan began with the THE SEEDS OF DEATH, which were planted all around the arena. THE SEEDS OF DOOM would sprout instantly into horrible creatures that would spread THE GREEN DEATH. THE EVIL OF THE DALEKS, however, was no match for THE ULTIMATE FOE, THE MONSTER OF PELADON, whom they had previously met during THE DALEK INVASION OF EARTH. Needless to say, the Monster's REMEMBRANCE OF THE DALEKS was equally unpleasant as he prepared to inflict THE CURSE OF PELADON upon them. The REVELATION OF THE DALEKS' was that they were about to be TIMELASHed by the Monster's FURY FROM THE DEEP, dark recesses of his soul.

Meanwhile, in another part of the arena, Kronos--THE TIME WARRIOR--was battling the lethal mechanical creations of a young lady named Tara, who normally worked as one of the galaxy's foremost builders of amusement items. Yes, THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER's ROBOTS OF DEATH were defeated by THE DEADLY ASSASSIN, and THE INVASION of THE ANDROIDS OF TARA was destroyed down to the last ROBOT. The real reason THE ANDROID INVASION failed, however, was that all of Tara's creations we made out of old TRS- 80 computers, a real INVASION OF THE DINOSAURS. Kronos next turned his attention to the other battles in the arena. In a far corner he saw MAWDRYN UNDEAD cast GHOST LIGHT upon THE KING'S DEMONS. THE DAEMONS wisely retreated from THE HAND OF FEAR. Then THE KROTONS and THE SENSORITES squared off against Meg, a fifteen foot goliath from the PLANET OF GIANTS, but MEGLOSt.

In round two, THE DOMINATORS proved to be a team from THE PLANET OF THE SPIDERS, who cast THE WEB OF FEAR, much to the TERROR OF THE ZYGONS, the TERROR OF THE AUTONS, and the TERROR OF THE VERVOIDS--though THE MACRA TERROR seemed less intense. However, the team from THE WEB PLANET met their defeat at the hands of a viscious monster from THE DARK DIMENSION who was wearing a cloaking device. Let's face it, they never even saw THE INVISIBLE ENEMY coming.

The TERMINUS of the Games was with the HORROR OF FANG ROCK hurling THE STONES OF BLOOD at THE DALEKS, who had apparently overlooked THE ARMAGEDDON FACTOR. THE AWAKENING they got that day was a rude one, rest assured. Finally, Kronos had to face THE ENEMY OF THE WORLD, THE TIME MEDDLER. He was KINDA scared, since there were five minutes left in the game; FOUR TO DOOMSDAY. But, with the help of K9 & COMPANY, he destroyed THE CREATURE FROM THE PIT. Certainly, one had ever seen as much VENEGANCE ON VAROS as they had during that CARNIVAL OF MONSTERS.

At the climax of THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE GALAXY, Mr. Qui, Kronos, and the doctors stood victorious over all, holding a bouquet of BLACK ORCHIDs given to them by admiring fans. The team from the wheel was awarded the first prize: ten million credits. Once the money was divided up, the seven of them went their separate ways. The mad scientists journeyed to LOGOPOLIS, where they published many theses about cloning and brain transplants. Mr. Qui took a two week vacation to PARADISE TOWERS, where he listened to countless hours of DELTA AND THE BANNERMEN's Greatest Hits on his walkman. And what ever happened to Kronos? Only TIME AND THE RANI know for sure, though THE MYTH MAKERS may say otherwise.