Welcome everyone to the latest Quote File. The Quote File is basically
the "best and brightest" of rec.arts.drwho - that is, the funniest quotes
to appear in the newsgroup as nominated by *you*. To that end, if you see
a quote you think derserves an entry in the Quote File, just mail me at
smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca
and include the attributions and the quote in full. If you shout "Quote
File!" in the newsgroup, then I'll try and catch it, but it's probably
best to email it to me, just to be sure.
Disclaimer: The copyright of all material contained herein remains with
the original poster. No attempt is made to supercede any copyright and
the Quote File maintains its impartiality under Fair Use for purposes of
Comment or Review.
On with the quotes!
===The January-February Quote File!===
[sung to the tune of "The Flintstones"]
Daleks!
Meet the Daleks!
They're the modern fascist supreme beings
>From the Planet Skaro
Which Jon Blum thinks should stay history
Someday maybe Peel wins the fight
There'll be flamewars burning through the night
When you write for DocWho
Retcons crawling up your behind
Burn out your hard drive
We'll have a flaming time!
[cut to Terry Nation banging on Ben Aaronovitch's front door]
Terry: "SKAAA-ROOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Dennis McLaughlin (denmc28@anet-chi.com>
=============
Mark Blunden wrote:
>>According to 'A History of the Universe', the Virgin writers' notes state
>>'The Doctor is not the Other'. But AFAIK they don't say 'The Doctor is
>>not Rassilon'. Intriguing possibility?
Azaxyr (azaxyr@aol.com> wrote:
>I think it's made quite clear in The Gallifrey Chronicles and in Five
>Doctors that the Dr is NOT Rassilon.
I don't think anyone's ever said the Doctor isn't Harry Sullivan, now
that you mention it.
Dave (lartigue@prairienet.org>
=============
David Green (dgreen@pcug.org.au> wrote:
>I think that the pyramids on Kate's covers are simply - and I'll give
>some honest to God Freudian analysis here - representative of her
>breasts. Now, this may sound slightly odd, slightly irrational, BUT
>it's ironic that there are *two* pyramids on Set Piece, pyramids on the
>others. Call me a fool for thinking this but I believe that there is a
>great deal of immaturity involved in the New Adventures and I'm not
>surprised that such silliness would appear.
All right. You're a fool. Happy?
Sample phone conversation:
"Hello? Yes, this is Kate Orman. Listen, Darvill-Evans and Levine
told me that you were providing the cover to my next book. I'm really
fond of my breasts--would you be so kind as to include them somewhere
in the art? Ta!"
Greg McElhatton (icedrake@erols.com>
===========
Sean Gaffney (gaffney@iconn.net> wrote:
>> Ah. I love Dave's books ... 10/10.
Dave Stone (dave.stone@ukonline.co.uk> writes:
>What ?!? What do you mean you hated it!?! I'll have you know I sweated
>*blood* over it after nearly slitting my wrists halfway through! The
>trouble with people like you is you wouldn't know a well written book if
>it bit you on the bum! Take it back or I'm going to go round your house
>with a can of gasoline and ...
>Oh ... er ... so you liked it, then. Um. Thanks very much - I'm glad
>someone noticed some of the bits I sweated the aforementioned blood
>over.
Hey! Wait a second, Gary! You make take these reviews seriously, but
I don't! They're just my opinions for God's sake! I don't influence the
group as a whole, and there's no way that I influence whether people
buy the book or not. And I'm not a critic, either, I'm a reviewer. Now I've
said it a thousand times...
Oh. You're Dave. Um. Glad you liked the review. I enjoyed the book
immensely.
Sean Gaffney (gaffney@iconn.net>
==========
[Subject: Re: Jon Blum is NOT gay.]
Azaxyr (azaxyr@aol.com> wrote:
>>No, you're wrong!
>>Jon Blum is gay!
>>Gay!
>>Gay!
>>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Darryl W Gillikin (dgilliki@runet.edu> wrote:
>How many of you are as surprised as I am that it took Henry *this* long
>to make this post?
He had to look up some of the words in the dictionary.
Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au>
============
R. Dan Henry (danhenry@inreach.com> wrote:
>So you've got to assume that the Doctor never bothered to look up
>Time Lord records on the Daleks any of those times he was on Gallifrey.
>Possible, but one more point where suspension of disbelief will be
>strained.
When I read "War," I think that suspending my disbelief won't be enough.
I'll probably expel it, and may wind up pressing criminal charges.
Ian McIntire (imm@cwru.edu>
============
[Spice Girls as companions ...]
Imagine the opening sequence of an episode:
the Doc lands the TARDIS in some unknown desolate Quarry place
when suddenly we hear :"Sooo tell me where we are, where we really
really are, yeh, tell me where we are, where we really really
are.....
....what I really really want is sigga -sigma.."
W Randall (ch945738@silver.shef.ac.uk>
===========
Richard Prekodravac (rprekodr@extro.ucc.su.oz.au> wrote:
>N E W A D V E N T U R E O F T H E W E E K
>13th January 1997 - 19th January 1997
>Timewyrm: Revelation
>by Lance Parkin
"The fact is, Dastari, I am not here on a purely personal visit. The
Time Lords have detected Retcon Ripples of 89.5 on the Peel Scale, and
your posts show no indication of decreasing."
Ian McIntire (imm@cwru.edu>
===========
Despite all the reviews warning me not to, I just read 'Shakedown' on the
basis that I have a particular interest in the Sontaran/Rutan war (if
Rutans attack with electricity, who DO Sontarans wear so much metal
armour? If Rutans can copy any form, isn't a race of clones at a severe
disadvantage against them?)
Look, the storyline (ending excepted) wasn't all that bad at all, but I'd
like to recommend a few commandments for future NA writers:
1. Thou shalt not have characters shout "No!", particularly on what seems
an average of twice per page.
2. Thou shalt reveal information in ways other than dialogue
3. If character A dost not kill character B for a particular reason, then
when character A meets character C, they shall not kill them if the same
reason applies. We don't care if they're a minor or major character.
4. If thou MUST have the villain give a big "I am being triumphant, so I'll
tell you all my plans" speech, thou shalt not draw attention to it by
having said villain say "I am being triumphant, so I'll tell you all my
plans"
5. If thou MUST kill off a character and then later tell us they're not
really dead, thou shalt work HARD to justify it and make it plausible
6. If thou art going to give us a surprise, thou shalt not make it
painfully obvious half a book in advance
7. If thou DOST give a surprise that is painfully obvious half a book in
advance, thou shalt not attempt to end a chapter with the shock revelation
of the secret
8. If thou DOST give a surprise that is painfully obvious half a book in
advance, thou shalt not attempt to end TWO chapters with the shock
revelation of the secret
9. If thou DOST give a surprise that is painfully obvious half a book in
advance, and thou ends two chapters with the shock revelation of the
secret, thou shalt not put a further chapter at the end of the book where
the Doctor explains it all one more time "for the dummies"
10. Under absolutely NO circumstances, without exception, may you ever,
ever, EVER have the Doctor diffuse the entire story by "Reversing the
Polarity" of ANYTHING.
11. When the Doctor HAS solved the entire story, but the Sontaran pointing
a gun at him doesn't know, that shalt not have the Doctor tell him. It
isn't a great career move.
GROK (grok@ozemail.com.au>
==========
Phil Hallard (chri0073@sable.ox.ac.uk> wrote:
>>as because I found it utterly gripping finding
>>out what could have happened instead of the McGann film. I thought a good
>>number of the proposals were boring or dreadful, though not all, and I
>>found many of Jean-Marc Lofficier's interpolations preposterous.
Randy/Jean-Marc Lofficier (rjmlof@IDT.NET> wrote:
>Quite right. I'd say utterly preposterous myself. Writing these notes
>was very much like engaging in a grand radw debate: totally pointless but
>a lot of fun!
To quote "Dilbert", "I admire your ability to get paid for this!" Can you
imagine what it'd be like if every one of us who spends far too much time
on r.a.dw could get a book like our postings published? While "Retcon War
of the Daleks" by John Peel and Jon Blum (et al) probably wouldn't be a
big seller, I'd shell out for "QUOTEFILE: The Chris Heer Years", "The Wit?
And Wisdom? of Robert Smith?", "Mawdryn Undead, Lives Before Hartnell, and
The Five Doctors Paradox", "Banishment of the Daleks", "Mel! The Inside
Story of the End and Beginning of an Era" (by Bonnie Langford and Alden
Bates), "Paul Cornell Is Gay And You're All Out To Get Me", and maybe even
a book of surrealist poetry by Ralph Silverman and Yaddy...
So whadaya say, folks -- shall we all turn pro?
Jon Blum (jblum@access1.digex.net>
============
Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca> wrote:
>>I'd like you to prove it to the group *legally*, since you claim you can
>>do this. And I claim Jason Miller as magistrate :-)
John Peel (jpeel@newshost.li.net> wrote:
>Fine. Jason, what will it take to prove my case? I've offered two strong
>quotes and one good analogy. The defence has offered no rebuttal at all.
MILLER, J., wrote the opinion of the Court:
The U.S. District Court, Northern District of the Internet,
is rather baffled by the suit seeking judicial notice of the
fact that Hartnell's Doctor was smarter than the subsequent seven.
Disfavoring this attempt to impose a "hierarchy of brains"
upon the seven coolest science fiction characters of all time,
as well as the Sixth Doctor, we now hold that any such effort
must be proven by clear and convincing evidence. Such burden
is to be carried by the plaintiff.
In the case at bar, the plaintiff has offered quotes from
atypical anniversary stories, and refused to broach the subject
of "The Keys of Marinus" and "The Space Museum" and other stories
in which the First Doctor was too moronic to recognize signs
of danger, and blundered straight into awful fates.
Petition denied. Costs to plaintiff for wasting our time.
GREEN, J., filed a dissenting opinion:
Why doesn't my esteemed brethren just shut the hell up?
I'm horrified and sickened by your twisted pathetic effort to
exclude Colin Baker, who's no less than a great actor, from the
list of "cool Doctors". You obviously have severe emotional
problems, Jason, and I think you should just leave.
Jason A. Miller (jmiller6@uoft02.utoledo.edu>
==========
Wouldn't it be funny to see and hear a whole team of baseball playing
Daleks who were wearing baseball caps over their eyepieces and
shouting:
"MY VISION IS IMPAIRED!!! I CANNOT KEEP MY EYEPIECE ON THE BALL!!!"
Brian Smith (lorenz@ibm.net>
==========
R. Dan Henry (danhenry@inreach.com> wrote:
>>WOW! Hey, everybody! Kate's a GENETIC ENGINEER!!! And we thought all she
>>could do was write books! :-)
Jonathan Blum (jblum@access1.digex.net> wrote:
>Kate *tried* to be a genetic engineer -- why do you think she's writing
>books now instead? :-)
To pay for my cloning experiments, of course. "Mr McGann? I know most
people just want an autograph, but do you mind if I swab some cells from
inside your cheek?"
Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au>
==========
There's no reason that some offscreen adventure couldn't have been
traumatic enough to precipitate the regeneration in Destiny.
Then again, maybe Romana hit her head on the bedpost and the
manipulative second Romana triggered a regeneration so she could evolve
into something more than just a companion... :-)
Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca>
==========
llhilton (llhilton@cougarnet.byu.edu> wrote:
>Does anyone happen to know if the "extra footage" on the store-bought
>tape was broadcast on PBS, or if it can only be seen by buying the tape?
>If the latter, is it worth it if I already have SN from PBS?
The footage really isn't worth it unless you *adore* SN. If anything,
the extended version is *more* confused, and sillier.
Pick of the crop is a completely pointless triple-cross subplot
involving the nazi Carl, an
I'm-on-your-side-no-I'm-not-ha-yes-I-am-had-you-worried-there moment
straight out of the Mindwarp school of plot devices.
Risible.
Rob (phd@who.net>
===========
David Howe wrote:
>For the sake of a conversation, how about your favourite *single line*
>that sums up each Doctor. I had a bash at this in the BBC TX File and
>it was darned difficult.
Minutes of painstaking research revealed the following lines which hold a
very special place in my heart (much like chillies):
1) "Hmmm?"
2) "Argh!"
3) "Err?"
4) "Ah!"
5) "Ummm..."
6) "Eh?"
7) "Oh?"
8) "Ooooh!"
Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca>
==========
LoriGrenci (lorigrenci@aol.com> wrote:
>>I'll bet anything the women are all at the local bars, sipping
>>Gallifreyan beer and watching male strippers. (That's
>>where I'd be if I had to face the likes of Kelner, Lord Gomer,
>>and Gold Usher on a regular basis. (g> )
Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au> wrote:
>Gods, if the rest of them are like Kelner and Gomer, I'm staying well
>clear of those bars!!!
Waitaminute! Lord _GOMER_???????
"Well, Go-o-oll-eeee! Sha-Zayam! That Master feller, he's just plain _mean!_"
Some thoughts are just to horrible to contemplate.....
Jonathan Andrew Sheen (jsheen@ma.ultranet.com>
===========
Randy/Jean-Marc Lofficier (rjmlof@IDT.NET> wrote:
>>Some of the other themes, taken together, would make an interesting
>>collection of essays (with proper editing). "The Scrolls of Yadallee"?
Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca> wrote:
>I have never seen. That. Box. Before in my life.
>I do not. Support. God, Queen and Country.
No! Not the kill-file!
Ian McIntire (imm@cwru.edu>
===========
Mike Teague (etlmwte@etlxdmx.ericsson.se> wrote:
>According to the Slow Drizzle '97 calendar
>(so it must be true !), today saw the first
>ever broadcast of the first episode of Doctor
>Who in Canada, in (wait for it) 1065 !!!
>A mere 860 years before television was invented !!!
>Bloody clever chaps these Canadians, eh ???
Oh, That wacky Meddling Monk.
crow@sunlink.net
============
[Subject: Re: The beeb's response to _Devil Goblins_]
Martin Day wrote:
>>Scenes involving drugs and (very mild or implied) sexuality have been
>>left alone, as has most of the (not very extreme) 'violence', bar one or
>>two clumsily-worded scenes involving the Doctor and the Brigadier.
Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au> wrote:
> ... involving drugs, violence, or sexuality?
'My God, Doctor,' the Brigadeer exclaimed, 'the Silurians sssem to have
set up a base camp in the Albert Hall!'
'Wow, yeah.' The Doctor passed the old soldier a rollup. 'Have a bang
on that, man, get your shit together and pass me that fuck-off big UZI.'
As the Brigadier passed the gun to the Time Lord, their fingers
brushed together.
'Do you know,' said the Doctor, 'I've always liked you in that shirt...'
Dave Stone (dave.stone@ukonline.co.uk> writes:
============
Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca> wrote:
>Well, the title pretty much sums it up. Which colour stories do you think
>would look good (or better) as Black and White stories?
Actually, I'd like to see "The Keys of Marinus" as a series of line
drawings, "The Chase" as a collection of charcoal sketches, and "The
Sensorites" as a shadow play involving finger puppets.
Dennis McLaughlin (denmc28@anet-chi.com>
=============
DuncanRV (duncanrv@aol.com> wrote:
>It all depends whether you are talking about McCoy as in seasons 24-26 or
>the New Adventures Seventh Doctor.
>Personally I couldn't stand the TV adventures of the 7th Doctor
>(Remebrance and Curse aside) and choose not to read the fan fiction writ
>large that is the New Adventures.
>Real Doctor Who is what we see on TV, not what the fevered imaginations of
>a few sad fans have published by Virgin.
I knew your posting would suck, even though I didn't read it first. :-)
Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au>
============
Brett O'Callaghan (boc@lin.cbl.com.au> wrote:
>>> I know plenty of "non-fans" who know of C. Baker and McCoy. And
>>>the above "quote" pretty much sums up their opinion of them.
Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca> wrote:
>>You really should get out more.
Brett O'Callaghan (boc@lin.cbl.com.au> wrote:
> Actually, I think you lot should.
You have hereby been denied entry to the International Snappy Comeback
Society. Thank you for playing.
langas (langas@wr.com.au>
===========
I can just see the pullquotes from the critics on the front cover:
JONATHAN BLUM AND KATE ORMAN
DOCTOR WHO - VAMPIRE SCIENCE
An epic novel of blood, death, and small furry animals
"Not too shabby." - Tim E. Rani
"Much too scary for me!" - Steven King
"There's no way in hell that I'm buying that book. I don't care how many
lesbian vampires are in it." - Dave Becker
Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au>
============
Dave Stone (dave.stone@ukonline.co.uk> wrote:
>The Silurians aren't real, Russ.
>They're puppets.
I know that! I'm not stupid. Still they did a better job of hiding the strings
in Silurians than in 5th Doctor stories. Ever wonder why we never see
Adric go through a doorway?
Russ Massey (russ@wriding.demon.co.uk> wrote:
=============
[Subject: Re: Double Entendres?!]
My favourite double entendre was not spoken, rather it was on screen in
the episode where the Master had Adric in a HADRON force field. One only
has to switch two letters and it is a vivid description of what transpired
with Adric on screen.
tardismk40@aol.com
===========
[Subject: Re: Rejected Novels]
Here are brief synopses of some of my rejected MAs. After all the effort I
put into them, I thought I might as well post them here. I think they were
rejected because they didn't feature the Doctor very much.
For I am a Jealous Dog
Set between Underworld and Invasion of Time
After watching all twenty-three versions of _Invasion of the Body
Snatchers_ (in 0.045 seconds) K9 is disturbed to discover a large
cardboard box labelled "K9 MK II". Upon investigation he learns that the
box contains an almost complete replica of himself, but with superior
computational ability... and firepower. Noting the Doctor-Master's
increasingly zany behaviour, he soon puts two and two together... and thus
begins a desperate battle for existence - and only one can survive!
The Almostcompanions' Graveyard
Set between bits of Logopolis and other bits of Logopolis
Tegan, wandering lost in the inner TARDIS, finds herself drawn to a vast
chamber full of mouldering human and alien bones. Soon she meets a
community of people who say that, like her, they once wandered into a
mysterious Police Box and became lost - or are descended from people who
did. The community is run by "Bill", a descendant of the community's
founders, Oliver and Mary, geography and home economics teachers at Coal
Hill School, who followed a mysterious pupil home in October 1963, many
hundreds of years ago... After many adventures with her new friends, in
which Tegan battles rival communities of lost souls, as well as various
alien monsters and herds of feral sheep and goats, she decides to embark
on a quest for the mysterious, never-seen "Pilot" of the ship, swearing to
keep the community's existence a secret.
The Castellan, His Savage Girlfriend, Her Lover and Her Dog
Set after The Invasion of Time
On a dull day in the Capitol, Andred, Leela, Rodan and K9 (Mk I) explore
their true feelings about each other. Among other startling revelations,
we discover that K9 only stayed on Gallifrey because Andred promised to
make him a sergeant (he likes the uniform), and Leela reveals that she
really did fancy Andred a bit, and didn't just stay behind for Rodan after
all.
Daniel Frankham (danielf@senet.com.au>
=============
[Subject: Re: Rejected Novels]
Shawn E. Channell (x93channell@wmich.edu> wrote:
>While I certainly respect the work you've put into these ideas, I must
>admit that Virgin probably made a good decision in rejecting them. They
>really seem quite flippant and I'm not sure they would do very well as
>published novels. As fanfiction they seem fine ideas, although they
>depart too much from the Doctor Who I am familiar with.
I do love the invigorating "whoosh!" of jokes passing people by
completely.
Philip Alexander Hallard (phil.hallard@english.ox.ac.uk>
==========
[Subject: Re: Wanted-"Dimensions in Time"]
This thread should have started with...
WANTED-"Dimensions in Time production team" ;-)
Jon (Jon@pghifi.demon.co.uk>
==============
[Subject: Re: WE FIND BOOKS !!!]
If you find So Vile A Sin, could you let Ben Aaronovitch know (mind like
a seive, that one)? Also, I'd like the copy of Genesys with the good bits
left in, the copy of Iceberg that had the Doctor in it, the version of
The Pit that Dave Becker owns and the original scripts of the Pertwee era
that weren't dead snoozefests...
Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca>
=========
(herman@acavax.lynchburg.edu> wrote:
> I was wondering about double entendres in Doctor Who. I remember there
>being a whole scene from Revelation of the Daleks when Peri, and the
>Doctor are scrambling over the wall. It has to do with the Doctor's
>watch, and I was wondering if anyone could remember the exact lines
spoken by these two characters.
(crunch>
COL: Ouch, me nads!
NIC: Ooooh, saucy!
COL: You've trodden right on my plums you fat cow.
NIC: Oooh, I thought you meant something else. I'll get you another
one. A watch I mean!
COL: No. You really have trodden on my bollocks. That's why I'm
doubled up in agony on the ground. I won't be needing another pair
however, I'm a timelord, I have a spare set.
NIC: Well, I'm sorry I trod on them - I mean it! Your watch!
COL: Oh GOD!
Paul Shields (paul@korova.demon.co.uk>
===========
Jonathan Blum (jblum@Glue.umd.edu> wrote:
>> Ben was contracted to write about 400 pages. Not quite all of
>> it was trashed, Ben and the Virgin editors managed to reconstruct a good
>> chunk of it...
Mark Stevens (mark@sonance.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>Have we begun to formulate conspiracy theories yet? Hard drive trashes
>can be deliberate, as well as accidental!
A short African woman with graying hair broke into Ben's
study, and turned on his computer, muttering something all the while
about "smegging 20th-century primitive white-boy's non-sentient
machine". Calling up a list of all files SVAS-related, the woman
was mortified to hear that the rumors were true -- this story, if
printed, would destroy her very existence! She would cease to
exist!
"Smegging hell. He's not going to do this to me!", said
the woman, as she ran a heavy-duty magnet across the inside of
the computer's memory circuits.
-Jason
"some Master of the Land of Fiction guy"
Jason A. Miller (jmiller6@uoft02.utoledo.edu>
===========
Subject: Re: Just Got No Room No Doors
PAngulo1 (pangulo1@aol.com> wrote:
>Just wanted to let people know the 800-Trekker just sent me Kate Orman's
>No Room No Doors. The newest NA.
I'm sorry, folks, but this thread's title is putting a Blues theme into
my head.
Let's see how far I can go with this:
Baa-da-da-da
I ain't got no room!
Baa-da-da-da
I ain't got no doors!
Baa-da-da-da
Kate Orman burst in and knocked the Doctors to the floor!
I got the -- Kate Orman blues!
Baa-da-da-da
And that ain't no joke!
Baa-da-da-da
Right now I think she's got Paul McGann's head in a yoke.
My neighbours are complaining!
Baa-da-da-da
About all the noise!
Baa-da-da-da
SylDoc is screaming that he ain't somebody's toy
I can't go home!
Baa-da-da-da
Kate's taken it all!
Baa-da-da-da
There's some weird guy with feathers standing guard in the Hall.
The whips and chains are flying
Baa-da-da-da
And chocolate sauce too!
Baa-da-da-da
That's the last time I hold a party and invite the last two Doctor Whos!
James Bow (e-mail jbow@mks.com>
=============
Randy/Jean-Marc wrote:
>>The Doctor met the Daleks in F&B. It was fairly easy to retcon. I did it
>>in the notes.
Luke Gutzwiller (lucifer@probe.net> wrote:
>Why has everyone suddenly come down with the Retcon Bug?
Let's do the retcon again!
Let's do the retcon again!
It's just a nudge to the text...
And then a quick rewri-wri-wriiiite!
You shuffle 'round the facts...
Make the new story tiiiight!
But it's the the die hard fans
("ska-ro ska-ro ska-ro")
That really go insay-say-sane
Let's do the retcon again!
Let's do the retcon again!
("Say, do you guys have WAR OF THE DALEKS?")
Greg McElhatton (icedrake@erols.com>
==============
[Subject: Re: Favorite Lines from The Brigadier]
Somebody wrote:
>"Just between you and me, I am getting rather tired of hearing about
>your mother"
That wasn't the Brigadier! That was me during the TVM!!!
Andrew R. Vogel (avogel@eden.rutgers.edu>
==============
David Green (dgreen@pcug.org.au> wrote:
You know, folks, this message becomes incredibly entertaining if you
imagine it read by John Cleese. Picture him sitting on a Monty Python
newsdesk set, about to deliver a Commentary. He starts out very
restrained and formal...
>Follow up to Shakedown message.
>When I started to read the New Adventures, I was thrilled. Genesys
>was Adult Who, Exodus was simply a brilliant novel, Apocalypse
>entertaining and Revelation surrealistic. Then the weird shit began.
...gets more and more impassioned...
>Disgustedly, some years later, I found out Apocalypse was written in
>three days. Is this a professional writing and if it is not, what is it
>doing in a supposedly professional series? Something published and for
>sale for four pounds ninety-nine or however much it is in England in
>supposed to be professional. A published novel, written in three days,
>is just not professional-sounding to me. It usually takes YEARS to write
>a novel... that's why ICEBERG was one of the best written ones.
>Amongst quite amusing and hard to get through selection of dismemorable
>books,
...and less and less coherent... (By now Cleese's eyes would be beginning
to bug out, and his tie would be askew...)
>you have the one classic WARHEAD which is the best of the lot.
>Then you've got LOVE AND WAR, a reasonable book, not half as good as all
>of the so-called "fans" (who could be unidentified liars) wrote it out to
>be. OK, so it had love scenes in it which were quite simply absolutely
>(if I may) crukking ridiculous as they were set in the future and were
>meant to be some kind of future relationship scenario for man itself.
...and then Cleese finally loses all semblance of control and begins
ranting at the camera, eyes bulging, veins in his throat standing out,
without regard for contradicting what he said just a couple of sentences
above:
>I could go on about my opinions of this very bad but at the same time
>very amusing book but I just won't bother. Not this time. You've all
>been too just absolutely bastards and arseholes to me from the first time
>I wrote an opinion so you can just live in your worlds of New Adventures
>and miss out on the good stuff, which you won't have because your tastes
>will be so badly developed.
>There is not another single book I can recall that I admire apart from
>BIRTHRITE.
...and then he catches himself, sits down, straightens his tie, smooths
his hair, and concludes with perfect dignity:
>Cheers.
Regards,
Jon Blum (jblum@access1.digex.net>
===========
Luke Gutzwiller (lucifer@probe.net> wrote:
>All this talk of the Eighth Doctor's manipulative tendencies gave me an
>interesting idea. _What if_ a future (post-"Enemy Within") Grace had
>met a past Doctor? _Then_ the Doctor has an excuse to know her future
>in "Enemy Within". It'd be neat to see how Grace handled the
>encounter...would she try and snog, say, Colin Baker? Or does she only
>go for the more mature Time Lords (like Paul McGann at 1000+)?
"Wait a minute - your blood type, it's not human. Hey, that reminds me
of someone...what did you say your name was? Doctor? Omigod, it's *you*!
How have you been? Another new body, I see. Well, it's
certainly...different...to the other two. Well, hey baby, so long as
we're here why don't we try to rekindle some of that long-lost passion?
C'mon, babe, you know you want it. Let me give it to you big boy!!!"
"What, oh...hmm? Yes, well, I say, it would be a fine thing, child, and I
would really enjoy, yes, enjoy fault locating with you, yes indeed, but I
really must be goi- *oof* mumph* *snog* Oh, to hell with it, hmm? Let's
sneak away, yes away, I say to my secret villa in Space, er, Spain!"
Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca>
===========
I should have stayed here. The oldest sci fi newsgroup: decadent,
degenerate and rotten to the core. ... Red Dwarf, Babylon 5 ... Star Trek
they're still in the nursery compared to us. 33 years of television
history. Thats what it takes to be really corrupt.
Richard Prekodravac (rprekodr@extro.ucc.su.oz.au>
===========
Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au> wrote:
>Nope - I don't think I'm physically capable of working through the
>night. Instead, I pull an "all-dayer" - working until I actually fall
>asleep at the keyboard. :-)
Ah, that explains the mysterious passage: "Having laid that evil to rest
he then fgrfgbrhe 462v"
R. Dan Henry (danhenry@inreach.com>
===========
Richard Prekodravac (rprekodr@extro.ucc.su.oz.au> wrote:
>Never have a cried watching a Who episode but I often find myself in
>tears when reading the New Adventures.
Obviously you never watched "Silver Nemesis", I cried for days ;)
Shawn E. Channell (x93channell@wmich.edu>
===========
>From my conversations with Peter, it reminded me of the sandbox analogy
they use on TREK books: the show is the andbox. You can build a lot of
things in the sandbox, but you're not supposed to tear down, enlarge, or
modify in anyway the sandbox itself.
The TV folks can not only defecate in the sandbox but they can make
matchsticks out of it if they feel like it. :-)
(Not that any producer I know would consciously defecate on what is after
all his lunch box.) :-)
Jean-Marc Lofficier (rjmlof@idt.net>
==========
Quickcity (quickcity@aol.com> wrote:
>And what, pray tell, is the "Humanian Era"?
That's when the Doctor picked up that human Ian.
danielf@senet.com.au
=========
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