The rec.arts.drwho Quote File - Feb./Mar. 98

Courtesy of Robert J. Smith

Submissions and comments should be sent to Robert Smith)


Zaphy (> wrote:

>Well, wouldn't "The Enemy Within" mean the Master within Bruce?

Not likely, as the plot of the story scarcley involves much of an epic
battle between the Master and Bruce. One takes the other over then
that's it. The title probably refers to the point that the Master
spends a lot of the time in the TARDIS, which makes all all grateful
that Segal wasn't on hand to name Keeper of Traken, The Daleks and The
Two Doctors or we'd have "Enemy in the Mysterious Stone Thing",
"Enemies in little Travel Machines" and "Enemy is Spain".

Richard Jones (> 28/1/98


[Subject: Re: TVM Title??? (Re: 100,000  BC)]

Leigh Hunt wrote:

>   1999 AD
>   Earth 1999
>   A Half-earthly Child?
>   The Daleks (kill the Master)
>   Hospital BEDge of Detruction

Cardiac Cutaway.

Rob Stradling (> 28/1/98


[Subject: Re: DWB's Legal Campaign]

Gian Luca wrote:
>>>>Who cares?  I got my invaluable prize, and we got the show back
>>>>on the air.

Paul Cornell wrote:
>>>Which had very little to do with DWB.

Gary Russell (> wrote:
>>Paul you are being far too generous, as always. For "very little" read
>>"fuck all".

Rob Stradling (> writes
>Come to think of it, who wants to hazard a guess as to by how much the
>'hiatus' was *prolonged* by this tragic episode?

Oh, I don't know - the thought of Ian Levene and Gary Levy chaining
themselves to the gates of the BBC was surely enough for all of those
fat cats on the 6th floor to shit their pants and start ringing up
Philip Segal, like, *right away*...?

Keith Topping (> 28/1/98


John Long (> wrote:
> New sig, new agenda, new motives.  Join me in 1998 and together, we
> shall usher in a new era of RADW!  An era where people enjoy the freedom
> of speech, opinion, expression, and commerce.  Who's with me?

(crickets chirp>

(a bit of birdsong>

(a vague scent of steel guitar on the wind>

None of this disturbs the silence that this question generates.

Sean Gaffney (> 29/1/98


Azaxyr (> wrote:
> The Tardis materializes and Daniel Gooley steps out.
> He clears his throat and proceeds to tell a lame Dalek joke.
> He is promptly shot down by Ice Warlord Azaxyr.

(Daniel Gooley bounds onto the stage with a broad smile>

GOOLEY:  Evenin' folks!  How's you diddlin'?
GOOLEY:Sod you, then. 
Let me say what a pleasure it is to be here tonight.  I've just come
direct from the Big Bang Terminus at the other end of the universe where we
had an explosive evening as we laughed at elder beings fleeing through from
the previous universe.
AZAXYR:   Get off, you dull bastard!
GOOLEY:  Okey-dokey, on with the routine then.
I say I say I say!  What do you get if the Rutan host lands on Earth,
goes to Texas, gets out all their guns and stuff, goes to the local car hire
place to get some jeeps or something like that, and goes of on a hunting
LONG:Go away, you're not funny.
GOOLEY:I said, what do you get-
AZ-LONG:  Pis off!  Piss off!  Piss off!
GOOLEY:  Okay then: you get hootin', tootin' shootin' Rutans!
RADW:  Get off!!!  Get off!!!
GOOLEY:Ah.  Okay....  Ooo-eeer!  I've seen you, Sir, trying on that Dalek
skirting when you thought no-one was watching!  I've seen you eating
cybermat on a Monday, when the invasion wasn't for another week and there's
no sign of temporal disturbance-
DANIELS:I can't take it anymore!
GOOLEY:   Ooooh.  Where's me TARDIS?  Eh?  Where's me TARDIS?
Heh-heh-heh-heh-he, eh?
SMITH?:   For the love of all that's holy and amusing, Shut Up!
RADW (chanting):   Get off!!  Get off!!  Get off!!
GOOLEY:  No no no no no!  Watch this.  This'll make you laugh.  Who's this
(does Dalek impression>
AZAXYR:  That's it!  He dies!  (raises sonic disruptor>
BATES:  You can't just kill him.
RADW (still chanting)  Get off!! Get off!!
GOOLEY:  No, Wait!  Watch my Mel Bush impersonation!
BATES:   Commander Azaxyr: chap with no sense of humour - fire at will.

Danny Gooley (> 30/1/98


[Subject: Re: E-SPACE FOR SALE]

Blimey - that's one helluva chunk of real estate !

Mike Teague (> 30/1/98


ObWho: The Ultimate Treasure is the single worst edited Who book ever,
what with characters getting "board", shaking their guns "lose" and
thinking something is very "cleaver". This is not even considering the
early chapter whereupon a bizarre word gets inserted into a sentence for
no apparent reason. This happens in War of the Daleks as well, but that
may just be a Dalek plot.

Robert Smith? (> 30/1/98


[Subject: Discussions on RADW (extreme humor warning)]

Howe:  100,000BC, I tell you!  The evidence is there!
Topping: You're bloody insane Howe!  I told you last night
  when you came over for dinner and we watched the football
  game, and I'm telling you again now!
Howe:  How can I convice you?
Topping:  Perhaps if you invited me over for a barbecue Sunday.
Howe:  Then you'll admit it's called Dalek Cutaway?
Topping:  It's going to have to be some unbelievably good pork...
Blum:  Pork?  That's the forbidden meat!
Azaxyr:  In that case, get your hands off Kate.
Blum: You bastard!
Azaxyr: You... You.. You Australian Jewish Terrorist!  Sorry guys, I've
  got nothing here...
KOrman: That's it! I propose we start a moderated newsgroup where
  all talk of Australian Pork and Jewish Bastards are forbidden...
Various:  Yes!  Everyone vote for moderation!
(Kate and Jon then mysteriously disappear for a month, and the moderation
proposal inexplicably ends)
JDeel: Anyone see my fruit tart?
Dangermouse:  Look in the mirror.
JLong:  He, he, he... She *IS* a fruit tart!
Dangermouse:  Er, yes, John, get a grip...
CDaniels:  I've been wondering if anyone really likes Kinda. 
Doctor:  No.  Kinda is obviously a showcase of a republican system
  of government, and as we all know, that sort of thing is evil and
  should be wiped out of existance.
JLong:  I could say that about Canadians...
Doctor:  Up yours you American Republican Satan worshipper!
JLong:  You don't know what the hell you're talking about!
RStradling:  I just want to intervene at this point to say that Kinda
BOC:  Kinda isn't all it's cracked up to be.
JLong:  Do you even remember what it's about?
(BOC, predictably, quickly logs off at this point)
CDaniels:  Anyway, getting back to my original point, which has
  nothing to do with Satan, republicans, or the American way of life...
Azaxyr:  Don't be absurd - everything in the universe is directly related
  to America!  It is a fact that America is in the exact center of the
Cornell:  Piss off.  And let me just add that I'm a brilliant writer and my
  new series airs this week.  Please, everyone, watch it so it doesn't
  get cancelled and I won't have to move back into the dumpster behind
Azaxyr:  Aha!  You see?  MacDonalds is an American company!
Cornell:  Didn't I just tell you to piss off?
JLong:  Hey, that's MY line!
CDaniels:  WILL YOU ALL SHUTUP ALREADY!  Let's get back to the
  topic... Does anyone like Kinda?
Smith?: Kinda.
CDaniels:  Yes, Kinda.  Do you like it?
Smith?: Kinda.
CDaniels:  What are you, blind?  I said yes.  Kinda.  Do you like Kinda?!
Smith?: Kinda.  Are you going to make me explain this or are you getting
  that mail order sense of humour package?
BrigRogers:  He probably ordered it from Trekker, so it hasn't arrived yet.
JLong:  Any reason why you can't spell humor correctly?
MDesautels:  Yes, there was a lot of humour in Kinda.
Azaxyr:  Sure, but that's totally not what we're talking about. Do you like it?
MDesautels:  I liked Davison in Kinda.
Azaxyr:  Okay, but do you like the story?
MDesautels:  The sets were nice.
Azaxyr:  You're going to avoid answering the question at hand at all
  costs, aren't you?
MDesautels:  Ahm...Let's see...
Howe:  Attention, everyone, I've just found evidence that Kinda is actually
  named "Foursome for Tea".  It's the final script with "Kinda" whited out
  and "Foursome for Tea"  written over it.
Azaxyr:  Is it just coincidence that it's in your own handwriting?
Howe: Yes, but since the BBC is authorizing me to write a new programme
  guide, I have the right to change all the titles.  My titles will reign
Topping:  Okay, now you're just being a prick.
RFranks:  No, Howe is right!  You all must accept his titles!  You will use
  his titles at all times!  YOU WILL OBEY!  OBEY! OBEY!
JPeel:  No offense, guys, but I'm the only one here who's allowed to use
  Dalek conversation...
Gregg:  I'd just like to bring up a point here that Vampire Science was a
  great book, and Azaxyr can bite me.
Azaxyr:  Only as a last resort.
JDeel:  I bit into it, and it squirted me in the face.
LordDex: I think Dave Stone needs to write Jill into his next book and
  give her one of his special send offs...
Stone:  Shh!!  Don't give it away you fool!
Jonno:  What did Jill just say?!
JLong:  It's not what you think.
Jonno:  Was she making a sexual reference?
JLong:  No, you're giving her too much credit.  Jill Deel's life is not that
Jonno:  Oh, my mistake.
JLong:  Yes, yet *another* one.  You're an okay guy, but you're really
  starting to piss me off!  You're a mistake waiting to happen!
Jonno:  I'm sorry.
JLong:  Yes, that too!
MTumilty:  Okay, who are the top ten people the Doctor is least likely to
DFrankham:  Bill Clinton having sex with his wife.
DRoy:  You know, it's comments like that that make me wonder about the
  current state of the newsgroup...
Azaxyr:  We've totally avoided Pertwee-McCoy threads.  Anything more would
  require divine intervention.  But since God doesn't exist, that's unlikely.
KBradbury:  But God DOES exist!  You'll burn in hell for saying that!
JLong:  I'm telling you, this God person is nonexistant - there's no proof!
Howe:  Attention everyone, I've just found evidence that God's real name is
  Gododvoratnalundar, and I advise you all to start calling him by that name.
  I have just been commissioned by the Vatican to rewrite the Bible, and I will
  be using *all*  the new *correct* names...

Azaxyr (> 30/1/98


Dave Stone wrote:

> That's "Oblivion". A book by me that happens to be called Oblivion,
> which is what it's name is ...

He has a second BenNA, does Dave Stone.  That is, it is written by him, it
has his name, it belongs to him and it is his.  This book, which is his,
that he wrote and which bears his name, has a title, also written by Dave
himself, which was thought of and created by himself.  And this is what it
is that it is, this title of this book: "Ship of Fools".  And this book,
which was written by Dave and also belongs to him, starts at the beginning,
goes through a thick bit called the middle, and then goes on to the end.

And that is what it is that it is, this book which was written by Dave
Stone, and also has a title which was written by him and has his name and
therefore is his.

There are also other books written by Dave and which belong to him and are
his, but they share the same characteristics, so I don't need to go over

Danny Gooley (> 31/1/98


[Subject: Re: Alien Bodies: Thoughts (No Spoliers)]

>I was quite intoxicated
>when I wrote that and so I meant, spoilers.

I've been seeing a lot of this kind of thing lately...when will people learn?
If you drink, don't post.  How many people have to die?

Ben Varkentine (> 31/1/98


John Long (> wrote:

> I think the biggest problem is that a quote has to be
> nominated and I don't think that people like you and me are
> doing enough nominating.  For example, I should have
> nominated your Discussions of RADW and you should have
> nominated the Oramblum letter, etc.  If we do this, I don't
> think he has any choice but to include them in the quotefile.
> We should really start mailing him with stuff that we want to
> see included, besides Azzy, if we start nominating each other
> - the quotefile will get full with vintage John Long and
> Azaxyr stuff and we shall take over the newsgroup as planned.

What I can't figure out is, between John and Azaxyr, which one
is Pinky and which one is the Brain?

William December Starr (> 31/1/98

-------------------------------------------------------------- (Paul Rhodes) writes:

>>Err... well, no becauzse *if* it appears on-screen then *that's* what it's
>>called - the production team have made the decision to call it that and
>>have broadcast it as such - speelink mistook and all...((

Keith Topping (> wrote:
>So the ultimate arbiter of the title is not the writer, script editor,
>director or producer, but the bloke with the Letraset?

(Three weeks after Doctor Who returns to production)

Secretary: Mr. Straczynski, there are hundreds of people here applying for the
job of Letraset operator. It's bizarre.

Straczynski: Send in the first 10 applicants.

Secretary: Howe, Azaxyr, Topping, Franks, Elliott, Lofficier, Mr. Church,
Yadalee, Daniels, and Levine, come on in.

Benjamin F. Elliott (> 31/1/98


Brigadier Nathan Rogers wrote:
> "My name is Aniyo Montoya. You time-loop my father. Prepare to die"

Close, but no cigar:

"Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You time-looped my dialogue.
Prepare to die.  Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya...."

Ian McIntire (> 31/1/98


[Subject: Overly heterosexual ace villains]

Graham Nelson (> wrote:
>>But I don't buy the "Dr Who is a gay culture icon" tosh at all,
>>I'm afraid.  The conventional way to motivate Dr Who characters who
>>are not villains is and always has been to make them fancy each other

Charles Daniels (> wrote:
>Well there are some things not quite fitting that like the overly
>heterosexual loving Ace villian in Remembrance.

Ah, yes, that ace villain - the overly heterosexual Davros. I always felt
that Davros, with his blatant leering after companions and his barrage
of crude sexual innuedo was trying just a bit *too* hard for a macho,
'chicks dig the travel machine' type of image. It's a textbook case of
over-compensation. If you watch his hand tremble when the fourth
Doctor begins wrestling with hin in 'Genesis' you can see his true
nature very clearly.

Russ Massey (> 2/2/98


BFElliott (> wrote:

> The segments of "Trial Of A Time Lord" will be renamed to satisfy
> everyone and to be very clever.
> Episodes 1-4 - "Prosecution Evidence Num. 1"
> Episodes 5-8 - "Prosecution Evidence Num. 2"
> Episodes 9-12 - "Defense Evidence"
> Episodes 13-14 - "Verdict"
> Is everyone happy now?

Nope -- it's "defence" in Britain, and therefore also on Gallifrey.

Are we going to rename the "Key to Time" serials

   Episodes 1-4 - "The L-shaped bit with a slight hook"
   Episodes 5-8 - "The sheared-off corner piece, looks a bit like
                   a shelf bracket"
   Episodes 21-26 - "The bit shaped gorgeously like Romana"?

Graham Nelson (> 2/2/98


(Re: the Dalek cutaways in The Chase>

Graham Nelson (> wrote:
>>I have a theory that the Daleks make them themselves, for the sake
>>of reassurance.

>Might they be sculptures of famous Daleks?


Mariane Desautels (> 3/2/98


[Subject: Re: Fox Movie happened too soon?]

..Fox Movie, brand new theme tu-u-une,
Paul McGann made us go "Wow!",
Wonder what he's doing now?

Fanboy dreams, ripped at the seams,
But, OH!, those special effects!

Rob Stradling (> 3/2/98


"Ian" (> said:

> Terminus

> Hydromel is a green liquid in a tube that the employees / slaves, of
> the company that runs Terminus, are given to keep them alive. They
> are addicted to it and it is administered by slotting the tube into
> their armour.

I thought "hydromel" was what you got if you dissolved one of the
Doctor's companions in water.

William December Starr (> 4/2/98


Jonathan Blum, wrote:
>>>wonderful night watching videos and tossing around book ideas with Paul
>>>Cornell and Jac Rayner

Richard Prekodravac wrote:
>>Jac *is* Benny

Rob Stradling (> wrote:
>Turn that around, before you get a well deserved 'hard stare'. :)

"Oh goodness," exclaimed Jac, "what am I to do?"  Then she noticed the word
processor sitting quietly in a corner of the room.  "Of course!"  She ran
to it and began to dictate.  Ticker tape spilled her words on to the floor:
'...with a daring plan for their escape.  It needed an archaeologist with
big earrings, and luckily there was one close at hand!  Her name was...'

The Prekodravac watched her actions from his Control Centre.  "That's it,"
he chuckled, "go on!"

Unaware that she was being observed, the short-haired girl stopped to read
back what she had written.  '...her name was - '  She stopped, and slammed
her fists against the desk in frustration.  "Oh no!" she cried.  "If I
continue like this - I'll turn myself into fiction!"

She turned away from the machine and found herself face to face with a Toy
Soldier.  Angrily, she addressed the Prekodravac through the camera in the
soldier's helmet.  "You don't get me that easily, you fiend.  Nice try, but
there's no way this girl would have been fooled into telling your
word-processor that I really am Benny..."

Behind her, lights flashed as the machine took in her words.  A gush of
ticker tape spurted over her boots.  In his Control Centre, the Prekodravac
gazed at the shocked girl on the screen, and laughed evilly.

"Oh cruk!" said Benny.

Jac Rayner (> 5/2/98


[Subject: Re: Kinda]

Helen Fayle (> wrote:
>Shame about that bloody snake tho'! And a pity they
>couldn't have put Adric to sleep in the TARDIS for the duration instead
>of Nyssa...

The Doctor: Now Adric, this won't hurt a bit. We do it to dogs all the
time back at the surgery in Darowby...

Elsa Frohman (> 5/2/98


Dangermouse (> wrote:
>>>Somehow, I doubt this is how me and Gina will spend our honeymoon....

Jac Rayner (> wrote:
>>...and with those few words, Paul and Jac's plans to open the radw
>>Honeymoon Hotel were rudely shattered...

I've got a sudden vision of Paul as a Basil Fawlty-type propriotor of
fandoms first Honeymoon and Season 25-theme-hotel...

  "What do you mean 'The Happiness Patrol' is shit? Right, right... Out!
No, I don't care if you've just got married..."

Keith Topping (> 6/2/98


>>>>>The cardboard cut-out Dalek has existed since the dawn of time. They're
>>>>>lurking around the background of 'The Daleks' too.

Charles Daniels (> wrote:
>>>>Really, hmm I try not to look for them or see them because once you do see
>>>>them you can't miss them...I guess I'm glad they didn't do anything stupid
>>>>like paint them gold ;)

Graham Nelson (> wrote:
>>>I have a theory that the Daleks make them themselves, for the sake
>>>of reassurance.

Charles Daniels (> wrote:
>>Just as a sort of trick to make people think there are morefrom far away,
>>or maybe they just think humans can only see in 2 dimensions.

Conrad Feinson (> wrote:
>I believe that they are immature daleks; one day, a grown-up dalek
>comes along with a high-pressure air hose, sticks it into the plunger
>of the 2-D dalek and 'WOOOMPF!'  - instant adulthood.

Adolescent Daleks dream of getting a blow-job... you heard it here

Graham Nelson (> 7/2/98


Ed Stradling wrote:
>>obwho - "not again" was used in one of The Visitation cliffhangers so i's
>>completely relevant to the series, okay?

Aidan Alexander Folkes wrote:
>It's also the last half of the last sentence of Broadcast Who.
>"Oh no not again"

Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the Doctor said
that, we should know a great deal more about the Whoniverse than we do today.

Rob Stradling (> 8/2/98


[Re: Kinda]

David Atkins (> wrote

>> Crap sets? I rather like them. Somehow they all added to the surreal feel
>> of the story.

Dangermouse wrote:

>(Ben Kenobi>
>That's your Cornell talking...
>(/Ben Kenobi>

I can take you as far as Spearhead. You can get a transport there to
Inter Minor, or wherever you're going.

Bring the idiot.

Rob Stradling (> 8/2/98


[Subject: The Black Guardian's hair]

Has anyone seen the script for _Mawdryn Undead_? I've been thinking
about his hair... It occurs to me that the costume designer (or hair
stylist?) might have read it a little too literally if the script
described him as "raven-haired"  :)

Daniel Frankham (> 10/2/98


Shannon Patrick Sullivan (> wrote:
>>The companion who travelled with the First Doctor was Vicki; the one who
>>travelled with the Second Doctor was Victoria.

Peter Wilton (> wrote:
>The fourth Doctor seemed to get them confused when he said "Hello,
>Vicki" when Sarah appeared in a long white dress, and then continued:
>"Victoria used to wear it".

For those of you who are also confused, here's a handy guide to telling
them apart.

Vicki was a teenage Earth-girl who decided to travel with the Doctor
when her father was killed on an alien planet as a result of being
betrayed by a man he knew.  She screamed a lot and left the Doctor to
settle on Earth in a time which was not her own.

Victoria, on the other hand, was a teenage Earth-girl who decided to
travel with the Doctor when her father was killed on an alien planet as
a result of being betrayed by a man he knew.  She screamed a lot and
left the Doctor to settle on Earth in a time which was not her own.


Sam Nelson (> 14/2/98


>Erin (> wrote:

>>How many roads must a Time Lord walk down
>>Before we can call him a man?

Richard Smeltzer (> wrote:

And how many times must the canon balls fly before
they're forever banned?

Steve Biggs (> 15/2/98


Marcus Durham wrote:
>>OK final batch. This time we have quotes instead of story titles. If you
>>can get this lot then you are seriously clever (er, or you speak

>>"Ich bin der Herr und Sie werden mir gehorchen"

Mark Blunden wrote:
>Wi not trei a holiday in Sweden this yer?

Wi notte trei a Holidai in Galifrei theese Yar

>>"Die Zitate sind ober, Doktor"

>See the loveli lakes

See die loveli Deth Zonne

>>"Herrgott Nimon, es ist Ich, Soldeed"

>The wonderful telephone system

Die wundarful time travelle systum

>>" Wurde stehen Sie beiseite jetzt , bevor Ich mich schiesse?"

>And mani interesting furry animals

And die mani interesting furri animales

>>"Logik mein liebes Zoe, befhigt eins bloss , falsch mit Autoritt" zu

>Including the majestik moose

Including die majestic Drashig

>>"Kreisfurmige Logik wird Sie schwindlig nur machen"

>A moose once bit my sister

A Drashig wunce bit my cousin--

>>"Wir sind die Herren von Erde, sind Wir die Herren von Erde"

>No realli! She was karving her initials on the moose

No, realli, she was carving her initials in it's leg

>>" Erste Dinge zuerst, aber nicht notwendig in dem Auftrag "

>with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush

wik die sharpened end of a sonik skrewdriver

>>"Mohrrube versaftet, Mohrrube-Saft, versaftet Mohrrube"

>given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an oslo dentist

given to her by her cousin, Horasterikelugandrothere, a

>>"Es ist das Ende, aber der Augenblick ist fur vorbereitet worden"

>and star of many Norwegian movies: "The Hot Hands of an Oslo Dentist",
>"Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink"...

and star of mani gallifreian
movies-- Die Hot Hands of a Gallifreian
Castellan, Die Huge Mind Probe of
Sven Madeefopiquinrepokinski, und
Andred, the Castellan, Goes Quantity

>The creators of the translation software used for this post have now been

Those who sacked the creators of the translation software have
also been sacke

Erin Tumilty (> 17/2/98


John Long (> wrote:
> So what?  We all know that Nightmare of Eden isn't good television. 
> That doesn't stop me or anyone else from loving it.

It stops me.

Paul Gadzikowski (> 17/2/98


Jon Hunt (> wrote:

> What I'm trying to say is there's no difference between what you "like" and
> what's "good," since there's no way to define an absolute "good" without
> talking about what you "like." The closest thing you can do is to simply
> aknowledge the other person's viewpoint as having validity, and to understand
> it the best you can.

> Maybe it's time for a re-watch of the Mutants, Ed!

Or for a slightly more entertaining evening you could seperate all the
coins in your pocket by the year, clean them all throughly with a
toothbrush, then sharpen them individually and using them to stab yourself
to death.

Charles Daniels (> 18/2/98


Nick Cooper (> wrote:
>>>THE FIRST LAW ACCORDING TO PEEL: Just because you never saw it,
>>>doesn't mean it doesn't happen....

Richard Jones (> wrote:
>>I thought that was, "Even if you did see it, it didn't happen if I
>>don't like it".

Nick Cooper (> wrote:
>Laws usually come in threes, so what's Peel's Third Law of Retconning?

Peel's Third Law of Retconning: There are no first and second laws of

Rob Stradling (> 19/2/98


Charles Daniels wrote:
>It's a classic story, this spider like  dude comes in and messes with this
>world  of butterflies and ants and uses the ants as drones, and then the
>butterflies have to kick it's ass with help of the larvae-like dudes who
>went underground when the bad stuff happened.
>And  the atmosphere was weird.

Next week, Bill & Ted review "The Merchant of Venice".

Rob Stradling (> 19/2/98


Jon Blum:
>Okay, it's "Planet of the Spiders" part one.  We begin with:


>In a long shot, Mike Yates walks placidly down a path across a field.  As
>he comes up to camera, he stops and looks at:


>...a bunch of cows grazing placidly in a meadow.

>Now that's a scene that'll really grab 'em.  A bunch of cows?  Excuse me?
>Did that title sequence read "Planet of the Cows" and I missed it?

>  How much time did they spend
>setting up and lighting the shot of three or four cows standing in a
>meadow?  Did they have to hire the cows?  (Which would explain why, in
>best Doctor Who tradition, there are only three or four cows standing in
>for the Great Cow Army...)

On behalf of the thriving Cattle Performing Society, I feel I must write
to counter any suggestion that cows have no abilities or rights as
actors. It so happens that I was one of those cows and the scene in
question took a very long time indeed to set up. Time and again the BBC
crew filmed us - one shot mooing, one shot staring to the right, one
shot chewing the cud, etc. You will be pleased to hear we were paid
normal rates for the story.

Primrose went on to make many successful appearances in "All Creatures
Great and Small" and had particularly kind things to report about Peter
Davison's hands. Petunia and myself became two of the Anchor butter
cows, while Lilith had a brief spell as a real pantomime cow opposite
Lionel Blair for several seasons.

You might be interested to know that a few years later Petunia and I
were approached by the BBC again to appear in DR WHO - we were to play a
fierce creature attacking an underwater base in something called
"Warcows of the Deep". It never happened because the producer believed
we would be too frightening for a young audience, and I believe
something else was used.

As for a Planet of the Cows, obviously you have never heard of Bovanium

Yrs, etc. Daisy Scott-Martin

David Guest (> 20/2/98


Of course, there is also the burning question which occupied fans
during the Virgin years : who is The Udder?

I'm sorry. Really. I'll go now.

Dan Blythe (> 20/2/98


Jonathan Blum wrote:

>Okay, it's "Planet of the Spiders" part one.  (snip>

>Now that's a scene that'll really grab 'em.  A bunch of cows?  Excuse me?

>Did that title sequence read "Planet of the Cows" and I missed it?

(more snips>

>Anyone got other nominations?

How about "An Unearthly Child", episode "An Unearthly Child"?

We have deep fog, out of which wanders the mysterious figure of a policeman
............... who promptly disappears, never to be seen again.

"Our story begins with Constable Plod, to all appearances an ordinary
policeman doing his rounds, and not at all the type of copper to get
involved in a journey which would span the length of Time and Space!!!!

So let's ignore him, and turn instead to this young schoolgirl....."

Danny Gooley (> 20/2/98


(This article included because of the number of parodies it inspired)

[Subject: Pertwee/McCoy - a whole new approach]

John Long (> wrote:
>I think that I've finally devised a precise method for determining which
>doctor is better in relation to the fans on this newsgroup.  The good
>news, it's so easy to play that anyone can do it.  It involves a series
>of comparisons and finally, a consensus.  But it's far different from
>that last poll that I conducted in the fall.  Here's how it works, we
>compare the stories of both eras using the order that they were made.
>Simply pick the one that you think is a better story.  Here we go.

>Spearhead From Space / Time and the Rani
>The Silurians / Paradise Towers
>The Ambassadors of Death / Delta and the Bannermen
>Inferno / Dragonfire
>Terror of the Autons / Remembrance of the Daleks
>The Mind of Evil / The Happiness Patrol
>The Claws of Axos / Silver Nemesis
>Colony in Space / The Greatest Show in the Galaxy
>The Daemons / Battlefield
>Day of the Daleks / Ghostlight
>The Curse of Peladon / The Curse of Fenric
>The Sea Devils / Survival


[Subject: Life: a new approach]

Hi! I just thought I'd rate several things in my life against each other.
What do you think?

Bread/Railway Trains
The Pacific Ocean/Lint

Paul Cornell (> 21/2/98


[Subject: Re: Life: a new approach] wrote:
>What about the beard? 

I've had some people e-mailing me about this thread. One of them was very
concerned that I was posting odd, off-topic material, and suggested a
number of newsgroups where this might be an appropriate post, in a sincere
and concerned way. For him, I'd just like to point out:


This is a *satire* of those silly attempts to *prove* one story was better
than another. I thought the 'chalk and cheese' line was perhaps a bit too
obvious. Now I see that it's never possible to be that here.
   But thanks for your concern, Marcus.

Paul Cornell (> 22/2/98


Cory Mccasland (> wrote:

>Not to mention that no one has truly seen Polo.

It's a wonder the Beeb continued making Doctor Who after it had made
history by broadcasting to zero viewers for seven consecutive weeks.

Paul Rhodes (> 22/2/98


James Bow (> wrote:
>>>Why would you want to go out of your way to annoy the traditional

Richard Jones (> wrote:
>>Oh, you never have to go that far out of your way...

James Bow  (> wrote:
>Nice overgeneralizing blanket statement you have there.  I suppose you
>could call me a "traditional fan", however I happen to like many of the
>episodes of Davison, C Baker and McCoy.

I think the thing is you and Richard are working from two different
definitions of "traditional fan".  To get simple (and circular), you see a
traditional fan as simply a fan who prefers the "traditional" storytelling
styles of Who, while I think Richard defines it as a fan who *only* likes
trad storytelling elements, and indeed reacts violently against the very
existence of non-trad styles of Who.

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:

If you still hate "Deadly Assassin" cause it violates Time Lord
continuity, you might be a trad-fan.

If you've ever proposed a plot twist for Who which would completely wipe
out any later Doctor's era from ever having happened, you might be a

If you refer to the telemovie as "The Abomination", chances are you're a
trad-fan.  If one of the top reasons it earned this name is cause of the
two words "cloaking device", bet the farm on it, you're a trad-fan.

If you've publicly declared that later bits of the TV series are Non-Canon
(with caps), you might be a trad-fan.

If the mere thought of the Doctor possibly having lives before Hartnell
makes you break out in hives, I'd betcha you're a trad-fan.

If you're upset that the Beeb Books didn't retcon the NA's out of
existence -- or if you're still trying to convince yourself that they
actually did -- you got the markings of a trad-fan.

If you've ever written a story to "explain away" the seventh Doctor by
having him be possessed by an evil alien who made him blow up Skaro, so
none of what he did really counts, you might be a trad-fan.

If you think "The Eight Doctors" showed the way forward for the future of
Doctor Who... well, you're something, but I suppose you count as a

If you use sentences like "Doctor Who was never really any good after
(year>", you're probably a trad-fan.  If (year> is more than twenty years
ago, you just doubled your trad-fan points.  If you finish the sentence
with "and I don't count anything after that", then put down your copy of
vintage DWB and take two steps back, you my friend are a trad-fan.

Jon Blum (> 22/2/98


[Subject: Dr Who -vs- Real World (The Long approach)]

Okay Guys. First story from each Doctor up against an everyday human
activity. We'll soon *prove* how much better being a Dr Who is than having
a real life:

An Unearthly Child -v- Going for a walk in the park

Power of the Daleks -v- Brushing your Teeth (with electric toothbrush)

Spearhead from Space -v- Having a shag

Robot -v- Dropping your youngest child off at school

Castrovalva -v- Going to the pub with your mates

The Twin Dilemma -v- a sly wank in the shower

Time and the Rani -v- Listening to your favourite CD (assuming that your
favourite CD *isn't* the Time and the Rani incidental score)

The TV Movie -v- Sausage Egg & Chips in your local greasy spoon

Should be a close one.

Ed Stradling (> 22/2/98


A Dancing Frog (> wrote:

>What were the 2 Land of Fiction based NAs?  Anybody remember?

I can't remember the first one, but I think the title of the second's
'War of the Daleks' or something.

Richard Jones (> 22/2/98


Charles Daniels wrote:

[re: Colony In Space]

>   I have a wonderful copy and it is a fine story.

Okay, let's take this opportunity to remind ourselves of the 'Fine Stories'

Misdemeanour                          Fine
++++++++++++                          ++++

Liking 'The Horns of Nimon'           $10

Owning a copy of 'Colony In Space'    $25

Mentioning 'The Web Planet'           $35

Discovering a colour copy of
Episode 1 of 'Invasion of the
Dinosaurs'                            $100

Your honesty does you credit, Charles; please settle your bill by the end of
the month.

Rob Stradling (> 24/2/98


Keith Topping (> wrote:
>>Gotta clue you up on this, mate, you're probably perfectly genuine but
>>*anybody* who wants a copy of the Trial-Tin simply has to walk into any
>>video store in England (Virgin, HMV, etc.) and they'll be able to pick
>>one up for about a fifth of the cost you're asking for. I got mine about
>>a year and a half ago for #39.99! They have been as cheap as a fiver

>>They're not rare - they're more common than the common cold!

Ed Stradling wrote:
>  And significantly more irritating.

>  Trial of a Time Lord -v- Common Cold anyone?

    Headache-inducing     Headache-inducing     1-1
    Demoralising             Demoralising          2-2
    Incoherent               Incoherent            3-3
    Incurable                Incurable             4-4
    Bonnie Langford                                4-5

That was close.

Rob Stradling (> 24/2/98


[Subject: Re: Why does Everyone Hate "The Twin Dilemma"?]

Gina Godat (> wrote:
>Because it's ineptly crayoned, er, I mean written; lazily directed, badly
>acted by the most irritating cast ever assembled; the music is a series
>of crashing electronic honks, the sets are wrapped in tinsel...

..And so, M'lud, in conclusion, I believe you, members of the jury and
indeed all right thinking citizens everywhere cannot help but be convinced
beyond any reasonable doubt that The Twin Dilemma is guilty of the crime
of being Doctor Who. The prosecution rests.

Robert Smith? (> 24/2/98


Daniel Gooley wrote:
>While I was happy to vote in the Pertwee poll (and indeed vote McCoy down
>on numbers), I for one will *not* be voting in any poll prefaced by

>John Long wrote:
>> It's time to see McCoy go down in FLAMES!

Why not? I'm waiting to see him start the 'McCoy vs Arthur Miller' thread in
another desperate bid to prove how shit Mcoy was.

'McCoy vs Mozart'
'McCoy vs Shakespeare'
'McCoy vs Ella Fitzgerald'

Rob Stradling (> 24/2/98


[Subject: McCoy Vs Genital Warts]

I dunno about you but I'm going with McCoy on this one.

Charles Daniels (> 24/2/98


Nyctolops wrote:
>I always thought that the first two Doctors kept so mum about being Time Lords
>because they were terrified that the other Time Lords would find out where
>they were and what they were up to.  After the second Doctor's trial and
>exile, it no longer mattered, so the other Doctors could mention that
>they were Time Lords whenever they thought it would impress someone.

When reading this, I got the incredible image of the Time Lords using a
"time browser" much like we have web browsers, with one TL hunched over a
screen typing in "Time Lords" into the search engine while saying "This'll
get the lot of 'em..."

Christopher Jess Rednour (gs06cjr@panther.Gsu.EDU> 24/2/98


M. Wesley Osam (> wrote:

>> Well, to quibble, "The Roundheads" does have plenty of action in
>> Amsterdam and France has cropped up often. "The Crusade", "Marco Polo"
>> and "The Romans" would seem to cover Eurasia, while "The Gunfighters"
>> and "The Witch Hunters"(?) do North America. I agree that it would be
>> nice to go somewhat further afield -- Africa, South America,
>> Australasia/Oceania -- but past historicals have not been wholly
>> confined to England.

Henry potts (> wrote:
>True, but it's the "further afield" stuff that I most want to
>see. I'd also like to see some stories set in American
>history besides "The Gunfighters" and _First Frontier_. "The
>Witch Hunters" will be a good start, although it's kind of an
>obvious choice.

I agree. It has been a tragic shame that, in 35 years of Doctor Who, not
a single story has been set on Norfolk Island. This is an utter travesty
and a slap in the face to all those brave and faithful Norfolk Islanders,
who have been so patient over the years only to be rewarded with nothing.
And it's not as if Norfolk Island doesn't offer amazing potential for a DW
story set there: why, the Norfolk Island pine tree alone is a beautiful
thing to behold and would make a charming and wonderful backdrop or
gracefully adorn the cover of any BBC DW Book.

So I'm saying that we, as fans, should finally take matters into our own
hands. There's going to be a march on Norfolk Island on February 26 to
raise awareness for this much needed cause; a petition for a Doctor Who
story set on Norfolk Island will be presented to Steve Cole shortly,
signed by as many fans as we can get; and if all else fails we shall be
planting a Norfolk Island Pine sapling outside the BBC every week until
they recognise our demands. It might not seem like much now, but in
fifteen years when the BBC executives can't park their cars for the
towering Norfolk Island Pines blocking the Television Centre, we'll see
who's laughing then.

Robert Smith? (> 24/2/98


[Subject: Re: The First 4 Doctors Kick Ass on the Last 4]

Anne Riordan wrote:

> Any takers, ladies and gentlemen?

Jake: "Welcome to the first ever "Kick Ass Competition" featuring the
       first four Doctors vs the last four Doctors competition.  I'm Jake
       the Sea-Devil, and sitting nect to me is #5, and Auton plastic

#5:    "We'll be bringing you all of the action, as it happens, fight

Jake:  "In honor of John Long's recent poll, the Doctor's have been
        matched up in order of appearence.  First up Doctor #1 vs. Doctor
        #5. Let us listen in..."


Doctor 1: "So you're my opponet.  Hmm.  I'll have you know I'm a
           practicioner of the fine art of fisticuffs!"

Doctor 5: "Yes, well you see..."

Doctor 1: "and I can fight as well!"

Doctor 5: "Well, its just that..."


Jake: "We hate to break in on you like this, but since this is on tape
       delay, we thought we'd give you the edited highlights."

#5:   "Particularly since all they did was circle the ring talking to one

Jake: "Let's go to match up #2!"

MATCH #2 - Doctor #2 vs Doctor #6

Jake: "Luckily for us, this segment has a lot less dialogue, so while you
enjoy the visuals I'll add a little color comentary.  Well, Doctor 6
opened with his pattened choke hold, but only managed to get ahold of a
recorder.  This was followed by a run around where Doctor #2 jumped and
skittered away from his opponent."

#5: "But in the end the 6th Doctor caught him."

Jake: "And nobody has ever recovered from his 'Shockeye Stab' move."

#5:  "Although it had been long rumoured that he had learned it when he
      met the 2nd Doctor long ago..."

Jake: "At anyrate, its time for Match 3..."

MATCH #3 - Doctor #3 vs Doctor #7

Jake: "On paper this looks like the reverse of the match-up we just saw."

#5: "But Doctor #7 really shook up the audience when he went immediately
     for his 'Finger Forehead Jam" move!"

Jake: "Surprised everyone but Doctor #3, who countered with some Venusian
       Akido.  But Doctor #7 wasn't out of it yet.  Lot of animosity is
       supposed to exist between these two..."

#5:   "At least that's what their diehard fans seem to believe..."

Jake: "And Doctor #7 has used his 'Umbrella Grab' to snag Doctor #3's
       cape.  And down he goes!"

#5:   "No wait, he's rolled out of it and is back on his feet!"

Jake: "What a competition!"

#5: "Doctor #7 has pulled an Ace out of his sleeve!"

Jake: "And the referee has stopped the fight.  He's showing where the fine
       print of the legal fight contract states bringing another combatant
       into the match is an automatic disqulifier!"

#5: "Who knew that the girl from Perivale wouldn't pull it out for Doctor

Jake: "I guess thats what happens when the master planner forgets to read
       the fine print."

#5: "Personally, I think he wanted to lose this round, he's planing
     something, I just don't know what.  He could have easily
     retroactively taken that clause out of the contract..."

Jake: "No time for that, we've got one more preliminary bout.

MATCH #4 - Doctor #4 vs. Doctor #8

Jake: "And here we are to start, and what's this!  They've both opened up
       with the deadly "Jelly Baby Offer"!"

#5: "The 4th Doctor's deadliest move contered by itself - Brilliant!"

Jake: "Doctor #4 is preparing his "Scarf Tumble" move, but Doctor #8 is
       countering with his "These Shoes" foot move! Doctor #4 is
       stalemated again!"

#5: "As you all know, the team compition's last match is always without a
     time limit.  Looks like this prelim bought could go awhile before we
     move to the second tier pairings..."

Picture fades to commercials...

Christopher Jess Rednour (gs06cjr@panther.Gsu.EDU> 25/2/98


John Long (> wrote:
>>Of course there's a consensus, and I have the votes to prove it. 
>>Soon you shall discover the truth in numbers.

Paul Cornell (> wrote:
>Finally, what a definition of everything the Doctor has always stood for:
>   *Not* the above.

Amusingly, it also sounds like it might be a line spoken by a villain in
episode three of a Pertwee story written by Chris Bidmead

"Yes, Doctor . . . Soon you shall discover the truth in numbers. A-ha ha
ha ha hah"

Gary Gillat (> 25/2/98


[Subject: Re: The Ultimate Doctor comparison]

Kafenken wrote:
> In order: 6473521
> In order: 6257134
> In order: 5173462
> In order: 5276431
> In order: 1542637
> In order: 6235714
> In order: 4735162
> In order: 4516237
> In order: 1743562
> In order: 7315246
> In order: 2135476

Preface these with 0898, and you can reach the helpline of
your choice. If you think that the Terrance Dicks titles
from the 1973 RT Special are canon, dial number 1. If you
think that canon exists, dial number 2. If you want to
create a perfectly logical copy of the Pharos Project,
mutter and intone the remaining numbers.

Peter Anghelides (> 27/2/98


Brett O'Callaghan (> wrote:

> Through a freak accident you are thrown back in time and space to
> London, November 23 1963.

> Amazingly, a high quality video recorder capable of LP (ie 3hr=6hr)
> and 10 3hr blank tapes have made it through with you.

> What do you do?

(1)  Check my surname against Viking ones in the parish records,
just in case I might be about to turn into a haemovore, and
burn all the chess sets in the house.

(2)  Go mad with irritation when I play my ten surviving tapes
and find that they're all blank.

(3)  Get incredibly annoyed watching early-60s Doctor Who unfold
at the pace of an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping.  Lose
the will to live at about episode 2 of "The Sensorites", knowing
just how soul-destroying the next month will be.

(4)  Decide that I really want to record "Steptoe & Son" instead.

(5)  Get the wrong channel, my video still being tuned for 1990s
five-channel Britain, and end up with a re-run of the Pink Panther

(6)  Get very depressed at the thought of having to live through
the Wilson, Heath, Wilson, Callaghan, Thatcher and Major
governments all over again, while all the time everybody else
is having cool new ideas.  Digital watches!  The Teletubbies!
Skateboards!  The Rubik cube!

(7)  Spend 30 years working out how to avoid the next time-storm,
while coming to hate and despise everything about "Dr Who".

(8)  In the early 70s, sneak into the combined BBC archives and
garden shed, and begin destroying random episodes in an act of
revenge.  "The Tenth Planet 4"!  The whole of "The Daleks' Master

You see?  It has all happened already.

Graham Nelson (> 28/2/98


Anthony Brown (> wrote:
> Depends if they've found some new records sometime in the 2000s... a British
> version of the Dead Sea scrolls buried in a cave somwhere, filled with
> history like "1542 BC. Hunted some bears."

"100 BC, decided to add the letter "u" to lots of words where they were
completely unnecessiary as a joke, everyone took it seriously, I don't
have the heart to tell them."

"150 BC.  Made some mead."

"2000 BC. Rose up some old stones around the place"

"17000 BC. Invented Hydroplane with help of the Atlanteans, will
           be flying over tomorrow to check out this new atomic
           bomb thingy"  -- As translated by ancient astronaut researchers

Charles Daniels (> 28/2/98


Gary Russell (> wrote:
>This was actually the first Virgin Book I found offensive and detracted
>greatly from everything I feel to be unique about Doctor Who.  I think
>Falls the Shadow proved that Daniel can write quality prose and stories
>(even though I personally didn't care for that either)

Don't care for quality prose and stories, eh Gary?  We knew that already...

Finn Clark (> 1/3/98


Catsnip (> wrote:
>FIRST- What makes this letter completely LEGAL


I must warn you that this scheme is illegal. I must inform you that you
are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say
may be taken down and used in evidence. We reserve the right to kick the
shit out of you in the cells at a later date.

Due to cutbacks I'm afraid we will be unable to arrest you in person.
Please present yourself at your nearest police station at the next
oppertunity. Your reference number is:


Marcus Durham (> 2/3/98


Alden Bates wrote:
>Time and the Rani: You might say that the story is cliched, the
>characterisation rubbish and at least some of the acting rather
>dodgy... and I'd agree with you.  That's not why I like this story
> - it's because it's fun!  If you watch the actors, it's obvious
>they're having fun, so why shouldn't we have fun watching them
>perform!  And the special effects are great!

An excellent defence of some of the better porn flicks, Alden, but not
very relevant to 'Time & The Rani'...

Rob Stradling (> 2/3/98


[Subject: Re: Pertwee vs. Colin Baker]

Luke Gutzwiller wrote:
>Now for the real test...which one was the more interesting character?
>Pertwee's Doctor, or Colin's?  Predictable, moralistic, James Bondian,
>action adventure sonic screwdriver reverse the smegging polarity
>Pertwee, or new, different, erratic, egotistical, abrasive, alien,
>caring, devoted, complicated Colin?

John Long: "What is thy bidding, my master?"
Azaxyr: "There is a great disturbance in this thread. We have a new
         enemy - Luke Gutzwiller!"
John: "He will join us, or die, master!"

Rob Stradling (> 2/3/98


User Name (> wrote:
>After going to a few conventions I found that some of the actors I knew
>on Doctor Who were really different in real life.  Notably Anthony
>Ainley....Mr. Ainley was very nice and gracious indeed......

What, you mean he's not the ultimate super-villian out to rule the

Talk about a disappointment.

Brett O'Callaghan (> 3/3/98


Matthew Watson (> wrote:

> If anyone needs help with the plot of Ghostlight, feel free to e-mail
> me.

> Thanks, Mat

I'll pass your message onto Marc Platt :)

Ed Stradling (> 4/3/98


Corey Klemow (> wrote:
>>Garry Russellgillatleigh

Gary Russell (> wrote:
>Oh, Corey, you know how to hurt....

Hey, I put your name *first*, didn't I... ?  And I avoided adding "Downie".

"Gary Leighdownie".  Hmmm... no, better not go there...

Corey Klemow (> 4/3/98


[Re: The eighth Doctor and Bernice]

Jon Blum wrote:
>>> And I bet they're shagging like rabbits too...  >:-)

Dave Stone (> wrote:
>> Excuse me while the bit of me that will forever be Jason goes and slits
>> his wrists.

Jac Rayner wrote:
>...and the bit of me that will forever be Benny wanders around with an
>extremely smug grin...

..until she steps in what the bit of me that will forever be Wolsey left
on the carpet...

Rob Stradling (> 5/3/98


Saulchurch ( wrote:
>>>Singular.  That is the one word that came to mind when I reached the end of
>>>Alien Bodies.  It is extraodinary, and stands apart from every DW
>>>novel I have ever read. 

(> wrote:
>>I have to agree. Alien Bodies is definitely in my favorites list. When I
>>finished the book, I had pretty much the same reaction, except that mine
>>was a slightly less articulate "wow." ;)

Robert Smith? (> wrote:
>Really? I think mine was more along the lines of "Yrmuble shobb shobb
>granglie doop!!!"

And then the Old Ones rose out of the deep and brought Robert his
pizza (double cheese and mushrooms).

Greg McElhatton *> 5/3/98


Keith Bradbury wrotes:

> Hey, I just tried watching Dimensions in Time with standard Red/Blue 3-D
> glasses, and I'm not sure I experienced anything...

> Can someone tell me what is the correct combination of colors for the
> lenses?


Mike Teague (> 5/3/98



Who killed Dr Who?
Not we, said the belles, with their piercing yells, we didn't kill Dr Who

All the professionals and the amateurs too, cried
When they heard of the death of poor Dr Who
When they heard of the death of poor Dr Who

Who killed Dr Who?
Not I, said the producer
BBC funds I had to divert
To keep him unhurt
I didn't kill Dr Who

Who killed Dr Who?
Not us, said the BBC
The ratings were absentee
We didn't kill Dr Who

Who killed Dr Who?
Not I, said the NA troubadour
With my lyrical prose of Love And/or War
I didn't kill Dr Who

Who killed Dr Who?
Not I, said the little Scot
I was in the wrong timeslot
I didn't kill Dr Who

Who killed Dr Who?
Not I, said the fan
In my ever-smaller clan
I didn't kill Dr Who...

Ben Varkentine (> 6/3/98


[Subject: Re: Episode 1 ruined it for me]

(a parody of "McCoy ruined it for me")

Jestingone (> wrote:
>>>> Having thought about it further, it's that infinitesimal moment of
>>>> blank screen and silence the moment *before* the globe appeared that
>>>> should have set the standard.  But then that damn globe and logo
>>>> popped up and the announcer started chattering away and everything was
>>>> ruined.

Graham Nelson  (> wrote:
>>> I'm afraid that, for me, Who has never been the same that initial
>>> moment of great promise and potential when symmetry between
>>> gravity and the other three forces was broken in the first
>>> 10^-33 seconds after the Big Bang, so that baryonic matter began
>>> to form.

>>> And as for bringing Helium into the show, that was just plain
>>> tacky, a pathetic attempt to revitalise a once-great programme.

Robert Smith? (> wrote:
>> I think they were wrong to bring in the neutrons. I mean, what was wrong
>> with the good old British proton? But no, they had to go and Americanise
>> it and completely ruin it with those neutrons.

Ian McIntire wrote:
>Oh, please.  The neutrons?  The show was long past redeemability by the
>time they brought in neutrons.

>In my opinion, the introduction of matter itself was the beginning of
>the show's downfall.  What was wrong with having a show comprised of
>pure energy.  It just goes to show that change of any sort is always a

I think they should have just given up after the universe
of the Great Old Ones collapsed. This current universe is
just a cheap attempt to keep the old cash-cow going. It's
disgusting, and anyone who disagrees is existing for the
wrong reasons.

Erin Tumilty (> 7/3/98


Nicolas wrotes:
>>  Les jolies couleurs des spots du Paradiso font chavirer les murs d^e
>> enceintes. En ceinte, c^etait bien le ce qui  preocupait chaquecellules
>> du Amina. Depuis que les bombardements nucleaires avaient commences, la
>> jeune Iranienne sentait ce besoin lui envahir tous le compartiments du
>> cerveau. Tout dans son corps , ses gestes, ses regards etaient dune
>> rare sensualite et ne laissaient en rien paraetre la misere quelle
>> partageait avec son peuple.
>>  Elle comptait avec raison sur un jeune ambassadeur baaside. Le boureau
>> de Bagdad, Sadam, recemment rapatrie de Damas of il avait ete charge
>> deliminer tout ce qudil trouvait de Kurde en Syrie. Ses nombreuses
>> relations  dans les milieux des affaires  lui avait permis de mener sa
>> tache avec une efficacite remarquable.

Mike Teague ( wrote:
> Not quite got the hang of a Doctor Who newsgroup, have you ???

       Here goes:
       Paradise towers has many jolly colours, 222 varieties in fact,
       but since it was attacked by nuclear missiles, young Irene
       from the colour gang became so scared, she hid in a compartment.
       Her son, in the corps, known as Beau Gestes watches and lists
       all the 222 colours and has recently had a party because
       he discovered purple.
       Elly, his girlfriend, has a raison coloured ambassadorial
       backside which bores Saddam from Baghdad who prefers curd
       coloured derriers. Despite finding purple, Beau pretends there
       are still 222 colours, and n doing so continues to have good relations
       with the corps; also, his moustache is remarkably efficient.

Walter Randall (> 8/3/98


Richard Jones wrote:
>Actually that's my one real problem with the book. I had a character very
>similar to the Shift in the submission I'm working on. Shit.

Well, there you go then. With only one letter deleted, you've got yourself
a brand new character, right there.

Robert Smith? (> 9/3/98


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