The rec.arts.drwho Quote File - Mar/Apr/May 2001

Courtesy of Robert J. Smith

Submissions and comments should be sent to Robert Smith)

[ Re: Must Read BBC Books? ]

Jonathan Blum wrote:
> I also get the sense that some people these days are
> so intolerant of any back-reference, no matter how
> well it serves the story, that even something which
> _sounds_ like it's referring to an old adventure
> provokes cries of "Unclean!"

Do I hear my ears a-burning?  :-)

Yup, I hate hate gratuitous fanwank references (though in practice I
can often shut my eyes and swallow them; I quite enjoyed Quantum
Archangel, for instance, despite everything).  This isn't a Policy
Decision, though.  It's my defences having been beaten down by
talentless over-referencing book-writing bastards who deserve to die.

Finn Clark 06/03/01


[ Re: Must Read BBC Books? ]

In article (3aa160e4$0$25484$>,
"Cameron Mason" (> said:

> So we are now expected to believe that the Daleks allowed Davros to
> build up an army against them, just to trick him?


William December Starr 04/03/01


[ Re: JMS Would Do Doctor Who ]

"David Brider" wrote

> Producing, I could cope with.  Just please don't let [JMS] write the
> dialogue...

"Daleks!... Get the *hell* out of my TARDIS or I'll blow you all straight
to Hell!"

[from _Doctor Who: Conjunctions and Circumlocutions_]

"The temporal geometries that circumscribe my waking life have engendered a
certain... antipathy towards unresolved conflict."

(from _Doctor Who: Echoes Of Fire And Light In The Long Empty Darkness_)

THE MASTER: "Doctor! I had not expected to encounter you again - so soon
after our struggles in the Sontaran War, in which you defeated me with the
aid of the Xztirzians and cast me into a sulphurous pit from which you
imagined I would never return.


I expect you're pleased to see me."

[from _Doctor Who: Intermediaries In A Vast And Silent Wilderness_, Part

Daniel Blythe 07/03/01


[ Re: Must Read BBC Books? ]

Helen Fayle wrote, re. the novels of Mad Larry:
> Christmas is still my favorite! (Erm... mine
> got nicked a few weeks ago, anyone want to
> trade for a copy??)

Nicked???  How?  Who?

"Yeah, that's right, Fingers.  Forget the diamonds - I found something
really rare.  Whoppin' great stack of Virgin NAs.  Yeah - readable
Doctor Who fiction.  Haven't been able to buy any of that in the shops
for a good five years now..."

Finn Clark 10/03/01


[ Re: terrible Adric awards ]

William December Starr wrote:

>Isn't it interesting the way that John feels that he has no control over
>himself?  He seems to honestly believe that he _has_ to do what he does.
>I wonder what the clinical term for that mental condition is.

"Having a good lawyer"?

Daniel Frankham 17/03/01


[ Re: Why this insistency that Skaro was destroyed BEFORE the TVM??? ]

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
> > > > Cardinal Zorak (> wrote:
> > > Especially since the Hand of Omega travelled forward in time so could
> > > have detonated Skaro's sun anytime in the future... nothing to say it
> > > works instantaneously either.

Chris Rednour wrote:
> > While technically true, the threat of "...and boy are you going to
> > using the Hand in a few million years" rings hollow.

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
> Then again, since Davros was in 1963 (and seemingly escaped the feedback
> destruction of the Dalek ship) surely he could get a message to Skaro in
> 20th century or 21st or whenever, to evacuate, since it won't be destroyed
> for another couple of millennia anyway :-D   Problem solved, no Thals (or
> even Daleks) dead!

The Thals huddle around a campfire.  The Daleks are up to something, but

they haven't been able to figure out what.  None of their scouts have

Suddenly, a lone Dalek comes around the ridge.

"E-" the Daleks says in its sinister tones.

The Thals get up and run at the sight of the Dalek, they are gone before
the Dalek can finish his cry.

"-VAC-U-ATE!" The Dalek turns its head around and after a moment it lowers
its eyestalk.

A second Dalek comes around the ridge. "WHERE ARE THE TH-ALS?"

"THEY HAVE RUN A-GAIN," replies the first Dalek,"BUT WE MUST FOL-LOW AND


-Chris Rednour 23/03/01


[ Re: Is "Mind of Evil" an April Fool's Joke? ]

No, I'm pretty sure the writer intended it as a serious episode.

Bokman7757 02/04/01



M.H. Stevens wrote:
>Well they shouldn't be, according to the interview Justin Richards gave
>to Outpost Gallifrey, PDA's are designed to be for those of us who want
>the books to be like they were on television, and yet we have Rags?  If
>the book was set in a very particular experimental period of the series
>it might be partially explained but it's set roughly in 1973 production
>wise(I say this to avoid anyone bringing the UNIT dating debate into
>this discussion). At that point the UNIT stories were commonplace as
>were appearances by the Master, the seasons it is set between were about
>90% traditional,

I long for the days when the seasons all had running storylines,
the Doctor had problems with his memory and there was no
TARDIS to be seen. But you'd never get traditional Who like
that in the EDAs nowadays.

Lance Parkin 03/04/01


[ Re: Audios ]

someone wrote:
>>So is audios a proper word or isn't it?

Lance Parkin wrote:
>And if so, which two words does it fit between?

Audience and Audit.

Unless of course you subscribe to the Dictionary 6B theory which
claims there's a whole other appendix after Zygote.

gordon 05/04/01


Luke Curtis wrote
> Planet of Spiders:
> If I was feeling generous I would say.... (snip>
> ... but I`m not - its shite.  1/10

Is 'Planet of the Spiders' (serial ZZZ) the first story where the
code constitutes an effective review of the story?

Michael Livsey 07/04/01


[ Re: The Moonbase ]

ab wrote:
>> There's a reference to a Cyberman "Screaming silently" in episode 3 -
>> how can you tell whether a Cyberman is screaming silently?

Richard Bignell wrote:
>It's mouth flap opens, but no sound comes out.

Ah, so it could have been yodelling silently then?

Alden Bates 22/04/01


[ Re: DreamWatch - Sold Out, Sold Off? ]

>>What I found interesting while reading the survey was that no mention
>>was made of Doctor Who at all. Surprising for a magazine that built it's
>>success on Doctor Who. But then DreamWatch did turn its back on Doctor
>>Who ages ago, it's hardly ever covered in there at all apart from in the
>>reviews section...

Steve Day wrote:
>It's a disgrace.
>I wonder how Ian Levine feels about it all?

There was a pic of him in "The Sun" this morning, waving a torn-in-half
of the latest "DreamWatch" and holding a hammer in front of a newsagent's
broken window.


David Brider


[ Re: Does DW make good use of common sense? ]

R.J. Smith wrote:
>> In any other place in the entire universe reading the book before
>> commenting on it would be a no-brainer. In rec.arts.drwho somehow
>> it's the toughest thing for anyone to comprehend.

William December Starr wrote:
> "And fuck you too, he said jovially."  We're talking about concepts
> and directions in storytelling here (and storyreading) here.  At least
> that's what it looks like to me.

And Smith?'s point has just been proved.  Proved utterly.

Andrew "now to slag off the dark side of the moon, because if it was any
good we would have seen it by now" McCaffrey


Jim Vowles (>
Subject: Re: Pet Time Travel Theories
Date: Fri, 11 May 2001 23:57:21 -0400

In article (>,
 "Andrew J. Brook" (> wrote:

Jonathan Blum wrote:
> > The moment when a guy treads on a butterfly in the past in Bradbury's "A
> > Sound of Thunder", and returns to his time to find things have changed,
> > isn't a "parallel universe", it's a change to the existing one.

Andrew J Brook wrote:
> Is that the one with the paranoid, the dinosaurs and the election?

No, that's RADW you're thinking of.

Jim Vowles 11/05/01


[ Subject: Re: What Really Happened to Gallifrey (was Re: common sense?) ]

Charles Martin wrote:
>2. Fitz would think this. What evidence does he have? He doesn't sound
>like he's *wondering if* this was done, he seems *firmly convinced* that
>this was done. Why would he think that when evidence presented in TAC (in
>which he was present) contradicts this?

People can be firmly convinced of something and be utterly

Naming no names.

Lance Parkin 13/05/01


[ Re: EDAs, Gallifrey, The Ancestor Cell ]

Charles Martin wrote:
>> > I know you were making the point against me but the end of what you
>> > rang true ... that something becomes jarring when a character says
>> > something they couldn't know.

Steven Kitson wrote:
>> Mm, yes, but in this case Fitz isn't saying something he couldn't
>> possibly know, he's guessing wildly.

Charles Martin wrote:
>Now look ... he's most clearly NOT guessing. He seems to know it as a
>certainty. I'm not saying he's right, but I *am* saying there's no doubt
>in the passage that this is what Fitz believes happened. So where did he
>get the idea?

The fact that he's convinced of it doesn't necessarily mean it's not a
wild guess.

I mean, someone could be convinced that their wife was having an affair
without any actual evidence at all. Where did they get the idea? It
originated in their head, and they become convinced of it.

If you said to Ftiz, 'what happened to Gallifrey', He'd probably say
'Well, the Doctor blew it us, didn't he? Removed it from history. Wiped
it. Pffft. Gone.'

So you then say: 'Why do you think this?' and he says ''Cause I was
there! I saw it!'

'You mean you saw it be erased from history?'

'Well, I saw it blow up.'

'So why do you think it's removed from history?'

'Because... well... um...'

Do you actually have any reason, Fitz, for thining Gallifrey was removing
from all history?'

'Well... now that you come to mention it, I suppose...'

'Fitz, would you say you had an over-active imagination?'

Steven Kitson 15/05/01


[ Re: EDAs, Gallifrey, The Ancestor Cell ]

"Colin Brake"  wrote:
>Just when I thought this thread couldn't  get any worse for me.

>I really shouldn't have an office with a two storey drop and an open window
>should I...

Radw in SHOCKA as people express opinions about a book they didn't like.

Ed Jefferson 15/05/01


[ Re: To keep us going ]

>> Didn't the BBC claim it was for children of all ages, from 6 to 60? :-)

Which explains why it had such low ratings in its last years- they failed
to capture that vital 60-135 demographic.

Bokman7757 20/02/01


[ Re: Where the hell is everyone? ]

Douglas B. Killings wrote:
>> Hell, on RADW 48 posts is a _half-hour_.

>> You're right, things are very quiet here.  Too quiet...

Chris Rednour wrote:
>Why would you say that?  You do realise by saying that you've become a
>target of the big hairy monster that eats and kills people [not
>necessarily in that order] purely by virtue of having said that?

>Oh wait, we ARE in a horror movie, right?

You mean this isn't a sitcom?  I'd better put my trousers back on and get
the vicar out of the wardrobe then.

(Insert laugh track here>

(RADW is posted before a live USENET audience)

Donald Campbell 23/02/01


[ Subject: Re: DWM #300 (Yuck.) ]

Amsel Zivkovich wrote:
>(snip everything about DWM #300>

>"Worst revamp ever!"  >: p

No, the worst *revamp* ever was "Dracula AD1972".

Donald Campbell 3/03/01


[ Subject: Re: shows to get revived before DW does ]

Brian Glen Palicia wrote
>Since Battlestar Galactica is coming back, let's
>think what else will.

>1.  Some Kroft kids TV shows
>2.  Voyagers!
>3.  the A Team
>4.  the Incredible Hulk
>5.  the 6 million dollar man
>6.  i dream of jeannie
>7.  the tommorrow people

It's when some fool decides to resurrect "Crossroads" that we know we've
got to be really worried.  But that'd never happen.

David Brider 3/03/01


[ Subject: Re: [Pro-Fun] Doctor Who through the Ages ]

Nyctolops wrote:
> ...what would happen if Irwin Allen had gotten [his] hands on the idea.

A threat to the Van Allen belt, in a story written by someone who
didn't understand what the term meant

A group of travelers in an uncontrollable spaceship, who are often put
in jeopardy by an eccentric doctor with a bad back

The Reign of Terror and The Aztecs

A group of travelers who land in a world whose inhabitants are giants

A story set in a skyscraper built by an incompetent architect

Several stories written by a husband and wife team whose grasp of both
science fiction and plot was, to put it charitably, shaky

Stories in which costumes, sets, and FX were recycled from earlier

So, not much difference, really ;- )

Allen Robinson 4/03/01


[ Re: Dalek Empire Audios Titles ]

PMount9720 wrote:

> Plenty of Rs to use: Romance of the Daleks, Romp of the Daleks, Relaxation
> the Daleks, Rotundity of the Daleks, Replenishment of the Daleks,
> of the Daleks, Re-assessment of the Daleks, Ribs of the Daleks, Rape of
> Daleks, Rust of the Daleks, Ribaldry of the Daleks, Refurbishment of the
> Daleks...and, as they say, many, many more....

Resistance to the Daleks springs to mind, but that would be

Jim Vowles 04/03/01


[ Re: Michael Grade and the McCoy era? ]

Jim Vowles wrote:
> Well, either that or he realized that the best way to cancel the show
> was to pretend to like it--the classic double-bluff. :)

He was certainly doing his best to make sure the show didn't make the
Grade.  ;)

Mappy 07/03/01


[ Re: What was first Cybermen or Borg? ]

Meddling Mick wrote:
> >Is this a reference to the Romulans' square pyjamas?  ;)  Couldn't
> >agree more.

Mark Stevens wrote:
> Yes, they do look a bit silly, don't they? Rumour has it that the
> forthcoming Star Trek X movie will feature "new-look" Romulans. I
> don't think their physical appearance will be changing, but they are
> going to get rid of the square pyjamas at long bloody last.

Maybe they're just David Byrne fans? You haven't lived till you've seen
a starship full of Romulans dancing to "Burning down the house".

Perry Armstrong 08/03/01


[ Re: BBC TV HQ got hit ]

You have to remember though, if a Doctor Who fan had have done it, the
Beeb would have replied thus:

"Doctor Who fans planted a bomb at the BBc this morning, unfortunately
it just wasn't powerful enough to warrant the series coming was more of a large firework really. Whilst the BBc is
still comitted to attacks by terrorists on our offices, we want to make
sure that the attack is big enough to satisfy the modern viewer, a viewer
used to such terrorist activities as Die Hard and The Rock.

But don't dispair, even though its not coming back, we will be releasing
the explosion on a double pack video, then on DVD and later still budget
video, with the phone message from the bomber included, to make sure you
all buy it again. thank you"

Ash 06/03/01


[ Re: BBC TV HQ got hit ]

David Hutchison wrote:
> You do realise, don't you, people, that all e-mail and newsgroup traffic
> out of AND INTO the United Kingdom is monitored by Her Majesty's various
> Law Enforcement and Intelligence services?
>    This and other posts in similar vein may well be giving them ideas. :\

BBC News Online
Wednesday, 7 March, 2001, 10:43 GMT

Doctor Who fans are being blamed for a recent bomb attack against the
BBC, according to Scotland Yard Detectives. The bomb, contained within a
thermos flask, caused extensive damage to the lid of the flask when it
exploded, causing widespread damage which could total as much as 75p.

Detective Inspector Rassilon stated that the device "appeared to have
been constructed from a small banger and a mousetrap", and that members of
the public should be on their guard against further agression, which is
believed to have been prompted by the cancellation of the Doctor Who
repeats last year.

Forensic teams have retrieved fibres from the scene, believed to be
from a bright green tanktop and a multi-coloured scarf. The investigation

Paul 07/03/01


[ Re: OT: Condescension (Was:  Re: OT: Sex in Farscape) ]

gordon wrote:
> I think a tactical withdrawal may be in order...

Wow, I didn't know you were Catholic.

Auntie Krizu(:>)


[ Subject: Re: The First ever Doctor Who parody in two parts: Intyference
Book One - Shlock Tictacs ]

Auntie Krizu wrote:
> *jumps with joy, claps hands*

>(places large order for baby oil.>

You want how much?!?

(Starts squeezing babies at twice normal speed.>

Donald Campbell


[ Subject: (fwd) Re: Gallifrey thanks ]

Snarky++ wrote:
>> > Snarky, the Walking, Talking Dictionary

>Cameron Mason wrote:
>> Great!

>> Can you tell me the meaning of: antidisestablishmentarianism.

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
>Yes, it is the principle or approach of being against

No no no...  If you don't know, work it out;

Auntie  -  our beloved Finnish goddess
dis  -  to put down or insult someone or something
establishment  -  an institution, usually entrenched in bureaucracy eg
the BBC
Aryanism  -  originally "being a Caucasian" later coming to mean
"being a brain dead moron with inflated opinions about hirself".


Antidisestablishmentarianism means; Krizu slagging off BBC executives.
Presumably for killing off the Master.  Oh, and that Dr Who thing as

Donald Campbell 10/03/01


[ Re: American DVDs? ]

Sorry to have been out of the loop, but I've accidentally stumbled into
this thing called "a life", strange little thing -- I'll see if I can
have it removed :)

Charles Daniels 12/03/01


[ Subject: Re: Krizu -- Finnish / in Finland? ]

JeffWorks wrote:
> Isn't it nice to be the center of attention? :-)
> I was for a while there, but for the wrong reasons.  :-(

> Maybe I should just post a picture of my UNIT.  ;-)

Followed, no doubt, by an endless thread in which the group argues about
when the picture was taken.

Allen Robinson 12/03/01


[ Re: Peri's Picnic ]

JeffWorks wrote:
>> (Settlement? You mean shes divorced? or an insurance settlement?>

>> Zygon Curry apparently missed the joke:  The settlement, presumably from
>> the theatre, for the back injury.  Unless he DID get it and was playing
>> along!

Zygon Curry wrote:
> Well I was hoping someone might say it was a divorce settlement in which
> case I'm still in with a chance! :)

My heart leapt for joy similarly when I heard Wendy Padbury had divorced
Melvyn Hayes!!

(and no I didn't fancy Melvyn Hayes!)

Cardinal Zorak 12/03/01


[ Re: 5th Doctor observations ]

Jerazk wrote:
> I cannot recall but I think he actually hugs Tegan in THE FIVE DOCTORS
> ending and says, "You know sometimes Tegan you take my breath away!"
> And hugs her rather close to himself. So take that! :)

Was her BO *that* bad? :-)

Michael Livsey 12/03/01


[ Subject: Re: Sitting Somewhere For Awhile ]

Charles Daniels wrote:
> Well if I sat down by say, Big Ben, starting today,
> March 13, 2001 - And just stayed there, how long
> would it take me to lick every single Doctor as that
> passed by and which companions would I be able
> to lick as well?

(gets out History of the Universe>

Easiest one to lick would be McCoy from the NAs, along with Benny and
New Ace.  They're around all the time (and very lickable indeed!).
Head Games takes place this year (with hot Buckingham Palace action),
with Eternity Weeps set for a couple of years' time and still plenty
more to come.  I'd advise you to get some sunblock before the
environment gets nuked to hell and back by the time of Warhead and
Iceberg, though.

The Eighth Doctor and friends must be a good bet too.  I think they
visit London during Unnatural History next year.

Of course there's all the companions who've settled down in this era -
Ian and Barbara (if they're not dead by now), not Dodo (sniff), Ben
and Polly, Victoria, the UNIT crew (eww), Liz Shaw (but you'd better
hurry), Jo Grant, Sarah-Jane (and K9, for that metallic taste!),
Harry, Tegan and Grace Holloway.  She's coming to London soon
according to the DWM comic strip, though Tegan won't be coming to live
in England for another couple of years according to one of the stories
in More Short Trips.

Next up are the Troughton TARDIS crew!  Perhaps the ultimate in
lickability, one and all, we've got Enemy of the World in sixteen
years' time.  Zoe will be born early next decade too [1], which must
be good news!  Nothing wrong with licking babies.  Politicians do it
all the time and hardly ever get caught.

[1] if you go on Lawrence Miles's theory that Wheel in Space was set
in the 2030s.

After that, I'm afraid you've got a bit of a wait.  If you can survive
almost two hundred years and a Dalek invasion, you'll get a chance to
slurp Billy Hartnell (and maybe Pertwee too, but only in a parallel
universe).  Tom Baker will be definitely visiting London in about
13,000 years and Colin Baker in a couple of million.  But darn it,
won't they be worth the wait?  :-)

Finn Clark 14/03/01


[ Re: No One Likes Silver Nemesis! (Was: Just how lazily written is Silver
Nemesis ]

Charles Daniels wrote:
>>Didn't the CHOICES the average viewer have sky rocket between 1970 and

DBurns6554 wrote:
> Yeah, they chose to watch something that was good instead of watching

The numbers show they were all watching Coronation Street...I'm not

Charles Daniels 14/03/01


[ Re: Adric Awards 3/13 - And All My Dreams, Torn Asunder (Hunk/Babe of the
Year) ]

Alryssa Kelly wrote:
>>*snicker* Oooh, do I get a big blue rock as well? :)

Gordon wrote:
>(Eldrad bursts in the door>

>YOU CALLED?!?!?!?!?!

I think the key phrase here rhymes with "Clucking Bell."

Alryssa Kelly 15/03/01


[ Subject: Re: terrible Adric awards ]

Fett said:
> My question: Does anyone have normal sec anymore?

Yeah.  Sixty times a minute.

(Oh look: my coat's come to get me...)

William December Starr 16/03/01


[Subject: Re: A few reasons why I liked the TVM]

Diane North wrote:
> I don't understand why the Daleks would execute the Master for
> "attrocities" (?????) and why they would allow the Doctor to come
> and get his remains, and not exterminate him?!?!?!?!?

I rather imagine it went something like this:


LAST TIME!!!  (to Daleks) EX-TER-MIN-ATE HIM!!!

The Master (talking very fast): But...You can't do that!  You can't
just murder a Timelord!  Think of the political repricussions!!


The Master (talking even faster): But... but... you're suppose to be a
civilized society!!  Civilized societies don't just murder people
without at least a trial!

EMPEROR DALEK (pause, thinking)  YOU ARE COR-RECT!  (to Daleks)







DOCTOR: (waving control box) All right, Daleks!  I've seen through
your clever scheme, and I won't be fooled by it!  Now, put the urn
down in the middle of the room and all Daleks leave, or I will unleash
the Foot of Omega!

(All Daleks look at Emperor Dalek)


(A single Dalek carries the urn to the middle of the room in its
plunger-stalk.  It puts it down on the floor, then backs away.  All
the other Daleks leave the room.  When they have all departed, the
Doctor cautiously walks to the urn.  He starts to pick it up, but the
moment he does so a whole army of Daleks appears from sliding doors in
the walls.)


(The Doctor pushes a button on the control box)

DOCTOR: Well, don't say I didn't warn you...

(The whole room starts to shake.  Walls collapse.  Ceilings fall in.
Explosions can be heard.  The Daleks start to fire, but in the
confusion they are more apt to hit each other than the Doctor.  The
Doctor, meanwhile, escapes back to his TARDIS in the confusion.  Just
as the TARDIS fades away, there is a huge explosion...)

Douglas  B. Killings 9/03/01


[in response to the above...]

Damn.  I thought a huge foot was going to appear in the air above the
Daleks and start stomping them flat, a la the Monty Python opening

William December Star 9/03/01


[Subject: Alternative Programme Guide - Serial 5B]

Guard [Taking a riding crop from Romana]: This is a forbidden object.
Romana: Why?
Guard: That is a forbidden question. You are a stranger?
Romana: Well, yes.
Guard: Strangers are forbidden.
Romana: Why?
Guard: Because they lead to stilted dialogue such as this.

Charles Daniels 15/03/01


[ Re: Hardcore, Dirty, Sluty, pussy ]

When the Seven Dwarfs rebrand themselves for the modern age, they
don't pull any punches, do they?

Graham Nelson  17/03/01


[ Subject: Re: Let's Discuss the Hartnell Era ]

Fett  wrote:
> Yep. It was a nice mix.

It was that that made it so special. Those early historical stories,
though very stagey, were done with such seriousness and ambition, they
remain my favourites of that era. Even the jokey Romans and Myth Makers
have something a bit special. It's a unique way of telling a historical
story, by having contemporary characters there to give that perspective;
Ian with the science, Barbara with the history, the Doctor with an
all-encompassing overview, and Susan with the sprained ankle.

Michael Livsey


[ Subject: Re: Finn Fang Foom Weekly #22 - Patricia Pixie ]

Finn Clark wrote:
> Slowly a figure became visible through the snow.  Standing on the
> mountainside above them was a deformed dwarf, barely two and a
> half foot high, with large breasts and a fixed sneer on its face.
> It seemed to be trying to speak, but nothing could be heard over
> the wind but subhuman grunts.
> "SYLVESTER STALLONE!" screamed Finn Fang Foom!

It's Balboa Baggins!

Paul Andinach


[Subject: Re: Paul McGann's Underpants]

gordon wrote:
> > (is handed a five pound note by Mark>
> >
> > See? I *told* you she'd be the first to reply! :)

Alryssa Kelly wrote:
> I am a sad fangrrl and Gordon claims his five pounds. So
> congratulations, Gordon, you now have five pounds to spend at the
> pub :-)

Pub? Whazzat? I'm sure I can find some piece of tat with the Who logo
on it for under a fiver... :)

gordon 19/03/01


[ Subject: Re: Big Finish & Tom Baker ]

Braveheart wrote:
>Why is Tom so reluctant to do a Big >Finish??

>I know he has said that he hasn't seen a good enough script yet, however
>he WAS on the TV tonight doing the  voice-over for a dog food commercial,
> for God's sake!!

Yeah, but I challenge you to find a better scripted dog food commercial!


[ Subject: Re: Time and the Rani discussion ]

> It's all bollocks really, why should hugely strong armoured beings who can
> survive the vacuum of space be so violently affected by acetone?
> Or artificially-generated gravity? [Cardinal Zorak]

Because they're hugely strong armoured beings! The Mark 1 Cybermen didn't
work out too well: that lighter-than-gravity armour just wasn't the stuff
of an effective landing invasion force and the PR damage caused by hordes
of primitives laughing hysterically at the butch Cybermen floating off
into the atmosphere was intolerable.

Robert Smith


[ Subject: Re: An end to the terrible Adric awards flamewar? ]

>>Aren't I also Azaxyr? So many people have been accused of being Azaxyr at
>>this NG, it is hard to tell who is who around here.

Fett wrote:
>You're not Azaxyr. I'm Azaxyr. You're Exorse. C'mon, man, it's pretty damn
>simple! :)

What? Then who is Dr. X?

DBurns6554 20/03/01

[ Subject: Re: Lis Sladen ]

>I find Nicola (who I'm pleased to say I've met in person on a number of
>occasions) to be 10 times prettier in real life than she ever was in
>Doctor Who.

Didn't she wear something nearly transparent to a convention once?  Or was
that just another fantasy of mine?

JeffWorks 19/03/01


[ Subject: (fwd) Re: Let's Discuss the Hartnell Era ]

Nyctolops wrote:
>I don't think that I have ever seen The Sensorites, though.

Oh, how I envy you. I remember such days of yore when I too had not
seen The Sensorites. Things seemed... happier then. We laughed more and we
could tell each other apart by the clothes we wore.

Robert Smith? 19/03/01


[ Subject: Re: Doctor Who As Reality TV ]

"Benjamin F. Elliott" wrote:
> Just a thought - imagine classic and not so classic Doctor Who stories
> as reality TV shows.

> Doctor Who and the Pescatons (70s audio story) - Doctor Who: When Fish
> Attack! - Thursday at 8 on FOX.

> Terror Of The Zygons - Walking With Loch Ness Monsters - a new BBC
> mini-series with amazing special effects.

> Ghostlight - Ghostlights! - Art Bell enters the TV field with stories of
> unexplained all-powerful aliens in English country houses

> The Keys Of Marinus - new reality series where the contestant who makes
> it through the challenges gets  $1,000,000 .

Add to that Big Edge of Destruction Brother, where four people spend a
week in a locked time machine, completing special tasks for food in an
attempt to escape certain death at event one.....

Atomic Chris


JeffWorks wrote:
> I know Jon Pertwee was the tallest.  I think Patrick Troughton was the
> shortest, and everyone else was in between.  Am I right?  Could someone
> give me the exact hight for all eight actorses?

You are quite correct; Pertwee was the tallest at a staggering 14 foot 3
inches, only marginally shorter than America's Empire State Building. Next
tallest is Colin Baker, who is thirteen foot tall but looks shorter due to
the fact that he is also thirteen foot wide. Sylvester McCoy is, perhaps
surprisingly, next as he was involved in a bizarre traction accident after
injuring his back in a game of kick the short-arse at his primary school
which left him at a colossal 10 foot 4 inches. After this comes Peter
Davison, who is six foot tall when flaccid but nine foot when erect. Paul
McGann, who was injured in the same game as McCoy, weighs in at a paltry
four foot two but looks taller due to his bouffant hair-styling. William
Hartnell was an amazingly short three foot, which led to all his scenes
being filmed through a cunning array of magnifying glasses. Tom Baker,
although technically taller at three foot two, loses height points through
his tragic inability to stand up through the abuse of gin, leading to his
normal height of one foot six. And Pat Troughton was, in actual fact,
merely a Sky Ray ice lolly card, brought to life by a technically
bewildering combination of stop-motion animation and animatronics. He was
three inches tall.

And that's as sensible an answer as you're gonna get. So there.


Alan McWhan 22/03/01


[ Subject: Re: Why this this insistency that Skaro was destroyed BEFORE the
TVM???? ]

Various people in rec.arts.drwho wrote:
:No, no, no... he did it because Skaro exists in the year
:AD4000 (Daleks' Master Plan) yet was apparently
:destroyed by the hand of Omega in about AD2963
:(Remembrance).  Also to explain the Movellans...


:The plot of "War of the Daleks" has absolutely *nothing* to
:do with the TVM. The book was actually originally going to
:be a Seventh Doctor/Ace Virgin New Adventure 'round
:about 1993 or so (a good three years before the TVM), and
:was only cancelled because Virgin couldn't/didn't want to pay
:the large sums of money Terry Nation's agent wanted for the
:use of the Daleks...

and also

:That [theory about the TVM] wasn't John Peel's idea. He
:wanted to ensure that Evil of the Daleks was the 'final end' of
:the Daleks, thus Skaro had to exist post-Remembrance.

Wow, people are actually correcting misinformation in this thread. Who are
you and what have you done with the real rec.arts.dwho? :-)

The Count 21/03/01


[ Re: Why do the novels supposedly have DW all wrong? ]

Rayctate wrote:
> >Insouscience and its word tenses appears in both Dominion and Turing Test
> >and seemed to give weight to my hypothesis that Paul Leonard and Nick
> >Walters were the same person.

Jonathan Blum wrote:
> Um, just in case you're even remotely serious about this... Kate, Lance,
> and I have all seen Paul and Nick in the same place at the same time.

Now this would have more credibility if you saw them in slightly
_different_ places -- say, a couple of feet apart -- at the same time.
When you've got two people in the exact same place, with their electron
orbits overlapping, people tend not to believe there's more than one of

Leviathan 22/03/01

[ Subject: Re: An end to the terrible Adric awards flamewar? ]

Jon Blum wrote:
> > >If these people were suspected of being Henry because they were acting
> > >like jerks in their own right, then I'd say the primary issue is them
> > >acting like jerks, not how people respond to that.

DBurns6554 wrote:
> > I agree with Blum for once. When a Pro-McCoy troll is acting like a
> > jerk, I always wonder if he might actually be Jon with a new name or
> > address.

Jim Vowles wrote:
> Well, in the roughly 7 years I've known Jon, he's switched addresses
> *once* that I recall, when he moved to Australia. (There may have been
> another switch during a job change, though.)  IN all cases, his address
> has been jblum@[....something_or_other]. My current address (in which my
> name is clearly provided) is the only address I've ever had that didn't
> start with jvowles@...., and I'm pretty sure I have it aliased that way
> as well, anyway.

Oh, come on "Jim", you can do better than that.  It's a fair cop, just
admit it.

I mean it's obvious:
*both addresses start with "j".
*regress the other two letters of "Jon" by one vowel and one consonant
respectively and you've got......"Jim"!
*take the "vowles" out of the surname and all that's left is "u".  We see
"u", Jon!

Talk about pseudonyms by numbers!  Cast off this transparent disguise!  Be
a man!

Daniel Gooley 22/03/01


[ Subject: (fwd) Re: The Invasion: Statements/Questions ]

Fett wrote:
>I finally saw the Invasion last weekend. It was very good I thought. The
>problem I might have is that it seems odd that the Cybermen's ships were
>to be attacked with missles. I would have thought that they'd have shields
>be able to shoot them down.

"Cyberleader, shall we activate the shields?"
"It us unnecessary and wasteful of power.  The humans will be rendered
unconsious and unable to attack us."
"Well, what about the laser cannons?"
"Power them down.  It is not necessary to waste the power."
"Cyberleader!  The humans have fired a missile at us!"
"Destroy it with the laser cannons."
"Powering up laser cannons."
(hard drive power up noise>
(ram counter>
(system status>
(Win98 logo>
"What is the delay?"
"The operating system the human Tobias Vaughn sent us is still
starting, Cyberleader."
(loading drivers>
(playing startup noise>
(Opening WinLaserCannon>
(Welcome to WinLaserCannon.  Please type your 20-digit registration

(missile impact>

The tragedy...

Alden Bates 23/03/01


You can't really compare Who to Trek. Trek is a rambling franchise which
has far outlived its watchability and is as brave as a hamster with
agoraphobia. Besides, the creators of the Borg were Kit Pedlar and Gerry



[ Re:Sitting Somewhere For Awhile ]

Chris Rednour wrote:
>> yeah that's D&D alright...
>> let me find the Chance of Randomly Licking A Science Fiction Icon table..
>> I think it's in the 1977 dungeon master's guide

Charles Daniels wrote:
> I think its somewhere after the chapter with the rules for what happens
> when the party kicks over a lantern while sleeping,

Yeah that's near the Results of Fallen Lantern Table (a REAL D&D

Or my favorite "Chances of Finding A Cave In a Natural Woodland Area

> but before the "Ian Levine Random Encounter" tables.

The Ian Levine Random Encounter Table

01 - 10 Eats all rations within 5d6 hexes
11 - 20 Inflicts boy band music on all within 4d6 hexes
21 - 74 Brags endlessly about "saving the Daleks"
75 - 84 Confesses a deep and disturbing longing to be cuddled
85 - 99 Does all the above AND steals 3d6 gold pieces
     00 Returns missing episode of Doctor Who

Chris Rednour


[ Subject: Re: Just observing an anniversary ]

Jill Deel wrote:
> You have no idea how long I have been planning on reminding some people
> of this:-)

> And yes, I do enjoy rubbing it in:-)

That's exactly what Alex Comfort recommended you do with it.

Gareth Thomas


[ Subject: Re: For all to hear Paul agrees with Hitler! LOL ]

Jill Deel wrote:
> >Check out what Paul has to say about Hitler's quotes on the church!
> (snip>

Alan S. Wales wrote:
> There's this wonderful old TV program called Dr. Who. Some of us like to
> about it on this forum. I suspect there are history newsgroups as well.

> There's also this invention called e-mail. You and Paul might want to give
> a whirl.

Don't you know ANYTHING, Alan?

This conversation is clearly on topic, since it deals with Roman history -
seen in 'The Romans', and also with Hitler - seen in one of those early
'new adventures'.

Honestly, where were you when God was handing out the brains? ;-)

Paul 29/03/01


[ Subject: Re: review requests ]

Jerazk wrote:
> Reviews of John Long wanted.

I like him very much.

John Long 29/03/01


[ Re: {wsc} Robot -- Episode 2 ]

Nyctolops wrote:
>I've never read the novelisation.  Kettlewell's hair has always
>fascinated me.  I've never seen anyone almost bald on top who had so
>much hair on the rest of his head.


Daniel Frankham 30/03/01


[ Subject: Re: Mr Sin is a Muppet ]

Alden Bates wrote:
> > Proof:
> > Li H'sen Chang.  H'sen as a Henson tribute.  It's oh so obvious!

Daniel Gooley wrote:
> And Mr Sin was an homonculus based on the lifeforce of a swine.  So what
> you're saying is that Mr Sin is.....

> Miss Piggy!

> That actually explains a lot!

I suppose that was Fozzy Bear (or maybe Rizzo the Rat) in the sewers?

Now I will hear "Hi--yA!!" every time Mr Sin attacks....

Jim Vowles 29/03/01


[ Re: pre-Hartnell Doctors (was: Re: The Doctor) ]

Jim Vowles wrote:
>And The Five Doctors and the Two Doctors, both of which contain lines
>identifying the Doctor's current incarnation (and the first Doctor as
>being "the original", in the case of 5Docs).

It's a shame that 1976 story ignores what was established in
those stories from 1983 and 1985, isn't it?

Lance Parkin 29/03/01


[ Re: Complete Tenth Planet found! ]

JeffWorks wrote:
> Have it on good authority that a complete cine copy of "The Tenth Planet"
> was found over the weekend in a storage cabinet at McMurdo Station, Queen
> Maude Land, Antarctica.

> Ian Levine was quoted as saying, "I'm a bit surprised."

> The BBC have decided to hold off on the announcement until May, when they
> will announce it's finding during a station break during the new eight
> telemovie.

Ha ha ha.

You really ought to be on TV.

Then we could switch you off.

Steve Roberts


[ Re: [Asbestos-lined thread]  A question for Colin Baker fans]

:::A short, round, avocado green troll ambles into the thread, her
fuscia and purple birthday hat perched on top of a fireman's helmet.
A fire extinguisher nearly as big as she is is "tucked" under her arm.
She scowls at the latest addition to her discussion of Colin Baker's

>>From Fett:
>My question for those who actually *like* the seventh doctor:

>What kind of drugs are you on? :)

:::And liberally coats both the poster and his post with a thick
coating of flame retardant.  She then turns her extinguisher on all
the replies, so that no stray embers can get a chance to ignite:::

Muttering under her breath she comments: "Leave a thread unattended
overnight, and *look* what can happen.  Next time, I'm putting in a
sprinkler system."  Climbing atop a precarious pile of "Doctor Who"
videos and novels, she addresses the others: "Remember," she tells
them, "fire safety is up to *you*.  If you see a flaming reply, even
if it is a small one, with a smiley face after it **Do Not Reply**.
Instead, douse it with sand or water.  It is amazing how quickly a
fire can spread."

She turns to Fett, who is now so covered with fire extiquisher foam
that he looks like a snowman after a winter thaw.  "I apreciate your
right to post whatever you like," she tells him.  "But this thread is
dedicated to Colin Baker's era (and I clearly requested that no flames
be posted here).  If you would like to start a 'discussion' on another
actor's tenure, please create a new thread."

:::She hops down from the pile, and the books and videos topple behind
her.  Straightening her pro-fun party hat, she throws back her
shoulders and stalks out of the thread without another word.:::

Ann 31/03/01


[ Subject: Re: The Most Tragic Companion ]

Cardinal Zorak wrote (re: Sara Kingdom):
> Also, she discovered that she had been ordered to kill her brother
> on false pretences -- he was not the traitor, but the man who had
> commanded her was.  And she found that out before she died...

Um, when else could she have found it out?

William December Starr 29/03/01



M.H. Stevens wrote:
>>Ever since I first got word that Lewis was writing Rags I have been
>>dreading this.  Lately it seems the books are trying to descend back in
>>to the dark ages of the NA's with stylish writing

Lance Parkin wrote:
>The barbarians are at the gates with their
>'stylish writing'. Run for hills, run for the hills!

Alas poor Plot, I knew it well, a fellow of infinite quest, of most
excellent fantasy. For it is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of
great storyline than to suffer outrageous "stylish writing"


Luke Curtis 01/04/01


[ Subject: Fw: Re: Mel ]

Daibhid Chiennedelh wrote:
> 7DOC:Trials! Mel, listen, at some point n the near future you're
> going to get sucked through time to speak about the Vervoids
> at my last incarnation's trial. Act natural, and don't mention
> the Rani.

7DOC (Continued): I mentioned her once, but I think I got away with



[ Subject: Re: Jill Deel has NOT answered this ]

Upon racing beyond Pluto, then turning left and and heading for the
Andromeda Galaxy before hitting a speedbump at Alpha Centauri and
wiping out, but at least it wasn't too bad and the ship wasn't
totalled (well, not completely, anyway, it was still flyable) and at
least the beer was good where he landed, John Long wrote:

> Only this: at the top of the message, all I look for is the
> person's name that is being replied to.  The longer and more silly
> the opening line is, the more tedious it becomes to find the name.
>  For example, the first thing anyone will see when they open this
> message is your name. It says "Phi1ip Legge wrote:"  They know
> immediately who I am talking to.  It's not boring, it's just
> efficient.  I always cut everything else but the name when I
> reply, just to make it easier to follow.

I'm afraid I don't see your point.

Dave Roy 04/04/01


[ Re: We need to agree ]

Paul Andinach wrote:
> I hope this isn't an omen...

Oh look, the Trekkies who protesting outside the gates have gone, and
they have left us a giant wooden K9 statue - what should we do with it?

Cameron Mason 06/04/01


[Subject: Re: Ray C Tate's reviews]

> > Sort of like Leonard Nimoy admitting he talks to Mr. Spock in
> > his head...

Daniel Frankham wrote:
> Inside Leonard Nimoy's head...

> "I swear to frickin' god, you say 'fascinating' one more frickin'
> time, I put this icepick through you, ya hear?"

:::Nimoy applies Vulcan Neck Pinch to self, faints.:::

Bokman7757 05/04/01


[ Re: Mod Group-What's the Latest? ]

Jim Vowles wrote:
> >> Dave Stone *can* be a smug bastard sometimes
> >> in his posts, but then again he doesn't get too outraged when someone
> >> calls him on it, as happens every now and then ...

Dave Stone wrote:
> >I resent the implication here. I go completely fuckin tonto, me.

Zebee Johnstone wrote:
> Running around in a loincloth doing what some guy in a mask tells you?

> And this is different from your usual behaviour how?

The addition of the loincloth, one presumes. :)

Jim Vowles 05/04/01


[ Subject: Re: Janet Fielding/Tegan not in Big Finish Audios? ]

Ben Goudie wrote:
>> As she's not going to be in, and Tom Evidently won't appear with his
>> Ex-wife, it means no BFAs could be set between 'Destiny of the Daleks'
>> and 'Time-flight', or 'Arc of Infinity' and 'Resurrection of the Daleks'
>> Davison can only appear with Nyssa, Turlough or Peri

Zygon Curry wrote:
>They can just create a story where Tegan is away on a holiday. They did
>something similar in the Two Doctors for Victoria. Same goes for Tom
>Baker if he ever decides to do one.

After a few years' worth of stories using that trick, they could start
saying "Tegan is now Professor of Calligraphy at Maximegalon

Top Ten other ways to get around Janet Fielding's absence...

10. Laryngitis - Tegan could be played by David Brierley (with helium)

9. At start of each first episode, there's a clunk, and Nyssa says
    "Doctor, Tegan's fainted. Again!" They could do lots of stories
    about trying to get her to a hospital, getting into trouble on the
    way, and when they get back to the TARDIS she seems to be OK.

8. First Tegan BFA begins with some exposition about how Tegan was
    stung on the tongue by an Arcturan mega-Scorpion, and will now be
    able to speak only in incoherent grunts for the next three years.

7. If before Four to Doomsday: Tegan takes time off to become a
    fashion artist and then becomes stranded in prehistoric Australia
    for a few months

6. While Adric was taking one of his long baths with the door
    locked, Tegan decided it was time to go in search of the TARDIS's
    secondary bathroom. She hasn't been seen since, but will no doubt
    turn up again. Someday.

5. Expositional dialogue in episode one reveals that Tegan is
    present, but on a "speech strike" until the Doctor gets her home.

4. Nyssa taunts Tegan for her inability to speak in a funny voice
    with an English accent, and Tegan proves her wrong. For four
    episodes. (Not too funny, of course, because Peter probably won't
    want to work with the ex, and vice versa.)

3. The stories are narrated by the senile 109th Doctor, who remembers
     travelling with Baldric, Nipper and Purry, the busty airline

2. The TARDIS's airconditioning malfunctions, rendering everyone
    chipmunk-like for the duration, for helium-related reasons.

1. Faction Paradox agents change her tyre.

Daniel Frankham 05/04/01


Perry Armstrong wrote
>That could have changed the course of history. If Davros got laid
>occasionally he might not have been such a mean bastard obsessed with
>Mark III travel machines!

>Doctor (staring intensely at two unused condoms he is holding>: "Do I
>have the right to ask Sarah to give Davros a blow job..."

Sarah: "We're talking about Davros here! One of the ugliest creatures in
the known universe..... you can't be fucking serious!"

Doctor: "But suppose someone pointed out a horny adolescent to you and told
you that that boy would one day grow up to create a race of evil killing
machines purely because of his sexual frustration...... couldn't you then
just give him a quick hand-job?"

Sarah: "No bloody way, matey! Besides.... don't think he
likes girls!"

Doctor: "Do I have the right to ask Harry to give Davros a blow job..."

Harry: "Hey!"

Gavin Winters 03/05/01


>And that is the very reason why he probably won't be considered for the
>role. The fact that he played the 'Doctor' in a comedy sketch is almost
>a death sentence guarenteed in my opinion.

I don't know. Colin did more after that Twin Dilemma skit.

Rob Shearman 05/03/01


Ann wrote:
>[note: this thread was inspired by the recent "time travel as an *idea*"

>Considering that many important breakthroughs in science were nudged along
>with accidents (Bell got on track with his telephone because his telegraph
>a loose part and started acting wonky), what accident could have possibly
>to Gallifreyan time travel?

Rassilon: I'm fed up. Other, what's on the telly?
Other: Half a crate of beer. Heheheheheh!
Rassilon: Very funny. D'you really think Omega should've drunk that much
on an empty stomach?
Omega: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Other: Let's hide his hand somewhere. When he wakes up he'll be frantic.
Rassilon: Where then? Behind the Sofa of Rassilon? In the Fridge of
Other: How about up the Bu...
Rassilon: I know! We'll stash it in that star over by the Big Boring Bit
Of Space of Rassilon.
Other: Okay, there it goes...
Rassilon & Other: Oops.

Donald Campbell 06/03/01


ann wrote:
>Considering that many important breakthroughs in science were nudged
>along with accidents (Bell got on track with his telephone because his
>telegraph got a loose part and started acting wonky), what accident
>could have possibly led to Gallifreyan time travel?

Well, it began with the discovery of tea. You see, it amazed them how
time could pass by whilst one is musing over a good cup of tea, so they
applied the brew to their advanced mathematics, dropped a good Ceylon
(and Omega) into a black hole and voila, the creation of your actual
time capsule. Of course, they had to do a lot of tweaking to the
machines since the advent of the Type 1. It was discovered that they
could perform specialised tasks if one added various other teas to the
mix, such as Earl Grey, Oolong, Lapsang Suchong, Russian Caravan, Orange
Pekoe etc.

Of course, Faction Paradox used coffee. Which goes to prove how evil it
really is.

>Other than "Time travel is possible and a great deal of fun", what
> sort of clues do we get in "Doctor Who" to the basic Gallifreyan
> view  of how time actually *works*?

The Doctor likes a good cup of tea. :)

MAPPY 06/03/01


John Long wrote:
>I can't stand sluts.

Don't stand for sluts!

Stay seated & let them sit on your lap.

Donald Campbell 06/03/01


The Doctor wrote:
>> should have you tossed and banned, stupid bigot!

John Long wrote:
>get a life, yads. you're pathetic.

He tried to download one, but his internet connection broke off with 10
minutes still to go.

Fett 08/03/01


>Just sort of singing Les Miserables to myself this morning when Doctor Who
>snuck into my lyrics..what if Les Miserables was about Doctor Who and the
>"Look down! Look down!
>You'll always be a slave!
>Look down! Look down!
>You work for Michael Grade!
>Look down! Look down!
>You're working in your grave!"
>I'm sure if we could replace Val Jean with the Doctor as played by Jon
>Pertwee it would work!
>Just need to figure out the next part where he is released on parole.
>Crazy mind...

Well, derr!

Love it, BTW. I am inspired to filk, but before you read on I really feel
the need to stress that I do love dear old Pertwee. Which is probably as
good a warning of the nature of the filk as I can give.

They think that man ith me!
They gave no thecond glanth.
That chap with no profile:
Confounded arroganth!
Why, I should tan hith hide!
How could they be tho wrong?
I've perfect teeth and hair
My nothe ith proud and long!

If I thpeak, I am quite mocked.
If I thtay thilent, I am shocked!

I am "the Doctor", I've millionth of viewerth
They all look at me.
How can I abandon them, how can they live
If I am not seen?

If I thpeak, I'm broadly mocked.
If I thtay thilent, I am focked.

"Who", am I!
Can I condone this man'th poor imicry?
Pretend it'th thinthere flattery?
Thith impudent who mockth my fathe
"Who" is judged by what he thayth.
"Who", am I!
Could I contheal thith chap for evermore?
Regain the TV thpot I had before?
How can a man with thuch fine eyeth
Be confuthed with thuch poor dithguithe?
Damn hith lieth!
Thith about-fathe dithgratheth Pertwee fans
Thith fathe I fathe meanth loth of fathe, and panth!
The Beeb now ownth my thoul, I know
I made that bargain long ago
They gave me showth, I've paid my dueth
And now my fate'th with "Doctor Who'th":

"Who", am I!
I am Jon Pertwee!

And tho, pervert, you thee it'th true,
That man ith not your Doctor Who!
"Who", am I?

Daniel Gooley 08/03/01


[ The Cat Who Walked through Time and Missibg Pieces ]

Da Cat Badge wrote:
>>Anyone read their copies of these excellent anthologies yet? Any thoughts?

orinoco wrote:
>Keep meaning to order MP. Got CWWTT - I liked your story Matt. Quite
>amusing. And at least it wasn't about cats - by the end of the collection I
>was wondering how many other ways there could be of shoehorning one in *8-)

Well, sadly, 101 Ways To Shoehorn In A Cat was rejected by the editors
as not quite fitting in with the general spirit of the book....

gordon 11/03/01


>If I had a TARDIS I'd go back to 1995 and rewrite that the Doctor
>regenerates right at the stroke of midnight 31 Dec. 1999 and have Auld
>Lang Syne play just as McCoy's face turns into McGann's face.

You're too imaginative to be a Doctor Who screenplay writer.

Cardinal Zorak 11/03/01


>>Maybe he's expecting to run across a few of his old
>>Time Lord classmates and used to be more of a bad
>>motherfucker than he's become these days. :-)

Auntie Krizu wrote:
>Oh no, now I'm thinking of the young Doctor telling
>the Master about giving foot massages to Borusa's wife:)...

You know what the funniest thing about the universe is?


It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same shit over
there that we got here, but it's just, just, there it's a little


Well, you can walk into a primitive civilisation and reduce the
natives to their constituent molecules without no one getting on your
ass. And I don't mean just, like, with some grease stain left
afterwards. I'm talking total disintegration. And on some planets
you can even get laid afterwards. And, you know what they call a
TARDIS on Earth?

They don't call it a Time And Relative Dimensions In Space vehicle?

No, man, they got no kind of tech level, they wouldn't know what the
fuck a Dimension In Space is.

What'd they call it?

They call it a police box.

Police box.

Yeah, that's right.

What'd they call a bullet to the head?

Well, a bullet's a bullet. But they call it "wasting that damn

"Damn mutha". Cool!

Finn Clark 11/03/01


[ Dragon*Con 2001 ]

Dragon*Con Office wrote:
>Dragon*Con 2001 will take place August 31 - September 3, 2001 at the Hyatt
>Regency Atlanta and the Atlanta Marriott Marquis (both hotels are
>connected so you won't even need to venture outside).

I think this says it all, really.

Charles Martin 11/03/01


[ Beards ]

("The Now Show" on BBC Radio 4 this weekend had an item about "beardism",
which got me thinking that "Doctor Who" does not have a very reputable past
in this respect. Those who had their sense of humour extracted at birth -
and there are a few around here - should perhaps skip ahead to another

I would like to point out, in case anyone gets the wrong idea, that I'm not
bearded (but some of my best friends are), although I experimented with a
small goatee for about two years. Look, I was young, I was stupid - it
doesn't prove anything, right? I am now defiantly clean-shaven and I have
the pictures to prove it.

But we have never had a bearded Doctor, despite it being well-known in fan
circles that at least one Doctor, Colin Baker, was hirsute in his spare
time. Photographs exist, in fact, of him posing with his companion, doing
the oh-so-enlightened "garden shears" joke. Highly amusing to the
clean-shaven majority, I'm sure, but many of my bearded friends found this
offensive. No coincidence, either, that the BBC fought shy of casting
prominent beard activist Brian Blessed in the role at around the same time.

No companion has ever sported full facial hair. The Brigadier's moustache
was typical of the BBC's half-hearted, pre-watershed attitude - and the use
of a clean-shaven actor sporting a fake 'tache has to be seen as a crassly
offensive decision by the producers which, I'm sure, insulted many true
moustache-wearers. Many real "tachers" were working in the industry at the
time, and it surely would not have been impossible to cast one in the role.

In fact, beards are almost always linked with negative images. How bearders
do tire of the insulting implication that, if you are bearded, you must,
almost by definition, be dastardly. Lazy scriptwriters' shorthand ensures
that beardies chuckle stereotypically and harbour designs for manipulating
those closest to them, abducting innocent people from time and space, or
taking over the Universe.

Despite the programme's less than enthusiastic pursuit of the hirsute
ratings, it is well known in fan circles that many prominent fans are
bearded. Some see no reason to hide this fact from their friends and
family, but many have found it difficult coming to terms with their

Comparing "Doctor Who"'s record with "Star Trek: The Next Generation" is
interesting. Positive role-models for beard-wearers are to be found in
several regular characters - Geordi LaForge, Worf and Mr Riker - although
the latter, tellingly, was only allowed to go public after a difficult
first season pretending to be a "smoothie".

However, before TNG fans become complacent, it is worth remembering that
their portrayal of another minority is just as lazy as that of "Doctor

Speccies have been trying for years to be taken seriously and given a
voice, and the lack of any positive speccy presence in TNG is surely an
insult. (Geordi, the only character who has a visuality outside the "norm",
is seen to regard it as a handicap and is forever trying to become like
everyone else.) We must conclude that specciness is seen as something
which, by the 23rd century, has been "cured". We don't ask for an "issue"
episode - something as simple as an ensign in glasses walking past in the
background would be a start.

At least three Doctors were speccy off-screen, with only Hartnell and
Davison dabbling with positive images in occasional scenes. On the

companion side, we had the stereotype of Jo Grant, performing such
undoubtedly hilarious (for the 20-20s) antics such as falling over and
banging into things. It would surely not have taken much of a leap of faith
to cast a real-life myopic in a positive way for the role of Tegan, Mel or

So, come on, BBC - surely it's time, in 2001, for the Eighth Doctor books
to bite the bullet where the TV series failed, and introduce a
bespectacled, bearded companion. Or - who knows - even a Doctor?

Daniel Blythe 11/03/01


(I realize this is quoting a quote, but it's still damn funny!)

What goes 'Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud. Bang.
Thud. Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud.
Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud?'

A Timelord Committing Suicide

Any idea who wrote that? I think it was half-mentioned in an EDA or

Ben Goudie 15/03/01


[ Re: Big Finish & Tom Baker ]

Braveheart wrote:
>Why is Tom so reluctant to do a Big Finish??

>I know he has said that he hasn't seen a good enough script yet, however
>he WAS on the TV tonight doing the voice-over for a dog food commercial,
>for God's sake!!

>Surely there's got to be more money & artistic "worthiness" doing a BF,
>than a dog food commercial?

Coming November 2002:

The Alpo Factor
with Tom Baker as The Doctor/tin of Alpo, Louise Jameson as Leela, John
Leeson as the voice of K9, and a cameo by Lalla Ward as Romana.

an unoriginal audio set between Underworld and The Invasion Of Time.

The Doctor and Leela answer a distress call from a beacon dangerously
close to CVEs that lead to a realm known as E-Space. (Leela is annoyed that
the Doctor won't explain what E-Space is.) But the beacon is a trap. (It
has to be - this would be in episode 1 - anything this early in the story
is always a trap.) A hologram of a woman claiming to be Romana, former
companion of the Doctor, pops up and begins threatening terrible revenge.
The Doctor, of course, has never heard of Romana.

The beacon then turns the Doctor into a tin of Alpo dog meat, much to
"Romana's" delight. K9 also finds himself to now be flesh and blood, and

Can Leela sort things out before K9 eats some very, very old meat? And why
would Romana want to ensure that the Doctor would ever meet her? Find out
in this story which, while it will be heavily reviled and derided, will
finally put in the foreshadowing for Leela's marrying Andred to make sense!


Ok, who wants to present this idea to Tom?

Benjamin F. Elliott 20/03/01


Fett wrote:
>Are they any good? Opinions please.

I really liked the first one, the second one showed promise and I've
not gotten round to the third one yet.

However, I'm still waiting for the day when someone writes a script
where Autons invade the Earth through their chain of shops selling
plastic sex aids...

Chris Cwej 23/03/01


[ Most tragic companion? ]

Yads wrote:
>Which one is it?

>The Earth Officer who aged away in Dalek MAsterplan?

>Adric who died saving Earth.

>Nyssa who lost her planet and her father.

>Turlough who was deported?


I'd say it would be the 2 guys who got turned into shambling plant monsters
in The Seeds of Doom...that would suck...

The doctor himself is the real tragedy of the show...his home planet treats
him like a criminal; his only friends are aliens who go their own way after
a year or two and die long before him; he periodically gets an involuntary
facelift and temporary multiple personality disorder to boot; his best
friend from college has been trying to kill him for years; he lives in his
vehicle, which always needs a tune-up; and his Momma apparently never
taught him how to dress in the morning. Worst of all, his fickle fate is
continually at the hands of the BBC, who are far more threatening to him
than any Dalek or Rutan ;)

Steve (dr weed) 24/03/01


Donut Fur wrote:
> >So, to me, Time Lord Guards do not really fit into Time Lord
> >society. So I thought, "well how would they fix it?" Of course, ROBOTS!
> >It'd make more sense if the Chancellory Guards were robots

David Embery wrote:
>I bet Leela got a shock with Andred!

.....many responses leap to mind....

1. Not if she was properly grounded and used him as directed.

2. Leela: "Ah, the Doctor has one of these things with three settings,
although he uses his to open doors."

Jim Vowles 26/03/01

ann wrote:
>>>Well, if they'd stuck with the original plan for Fury, Jamie bagpipeing
>>>the weed to death instead of Victoria's screams, maybe we could have
>>>had the Doctor & Jamie in a deut!

Hank Tiffany wrote:
>>LOL! Actually, though, that's not that far fetched an idea... Weren't the
>>bagpipes originally intended to be a military weapon, to scare the
>>out of the enemy?

gordon wrote:
>The enemy were mortally scared by the sight of big hairy men, wearing
>skirts with nothing underneath, flapping in the wind, whilst
>strangling and performing oral sex on multi-coloured octopuses which
>screamed out in a scary mix of pain and joy. :)

And you know whenever I do that at the train station they just force me to
leave! How am I suppose to please a voyeuristic plaid octopus these days?

Charles Daniels


Cardinal Zorak wrote:
>I find it poetic we are all literally stardust...

IIRC that was the working-title, but 'Ziggy' Stardust was reckoned to be

Gareth Thomas 27/03/01


gmendias wrote:
> >This must be a UK problem, I haven't had any pf my books here in the US
> > turn yellow or "blow-up" BTW I live in Dallas and we have the worst

Hte Trasme wrote:
>The books in the US are the same as the ones in the UK, except that
>the US ones are, er... in the US.

Nah, everyone knows the American versions have lots of car chases,
expensive special effects, and the Doctor kissing in them.

Jim Vowles 28/03/01


gmendias wrote:
> > Yes most Sci Fi fams are tech junkies, but in the late 70s when this is
> > supposed to have happened no one unless they were very well off
> > had a VCR as they were cutting edge for the time and were a
> > thousand dollars or more till the early 80s.

Charles Daniels wrote:
>Yes I know that, we got our first VCR in 1980.
>I think everyone is being pessimistic.

>I know SEVERAL Doctor Who fans who, just in the past few weeks, have
>spent over $2000 in tech toys and computers.

>I think your average sci-fi geek with any money would be insane enough to
>save or spend vast amounts of cash for neat things.

Yeah, although I feel a bit foolish for spending all that money on those
reel-to-reel tape computers and wardrobe consisting of unitards with
flares for my 60's space station.

Chris Rednour 30/03/01


[Subject: Re: Ghostlight]

Jon Blum wrote:
> In a nutshell, the Doctor is nowhere near all-knowing about what's
> going on -- he's just very good at making people *think* he knows
> it all...

Wow. That statement could describe most of radw......

Alan S. Wales 06/04/01

[ Subject: Re: Dr. Who / Star Trek crossover? ]

Paul wrote:
> Sorry, I'm all out of ideas.

Paramount called. They say you're finally ready to write for Voyager....

Jim Vowles 06/04/01


[ Re: Mod Group-What's the Latest? ]

Phi1ip Legge wrote:

> In fact, since we're going to be waiting a little while yet, I've got a
> to inflict on you. Full marks to anyone who can fill in the blanks most
> entertainingly. With apologies to Monty Python of course:

Really brilliant, btw!

> I bet you they won't put this song on the radwah,
> I bet you they won't allow this new _______ song.


> It's not that it's _______, or _______ _______ controversial,

true, truthful yet

> It's just that the ____ing words are awfully strong.


> You can't say _______ on the radwah,


> Or _______, or _______, or _______.

Deel, Yads, canon

> You can't even say I'd like to _______ you some day,


> Unless you're a Doctor with a very large _______!


> So I bet you they won't put this song on the radwah,
> I bet you they daren't _______ ____ing [and] won't program it.

try blacklist

> I bet you the ____ing old _______ moderators

censor, powermad

> Will think it's a load of horse _______.


Charles Martin 07/04/01


[ Re: 5 Doctors stuff ]

Fett wrote:
> Watching the 5 Doctors yesterday, 2 thoughts sprang to mind. (Well, 2
> thoughts worth mentioning):
> 1. The box that had the scroll from the dark times that Borusa burned
> that it is "forbidden knowledge."

It was, of course, the hidden Windows APIs Microsoft reserves for itself.

> Doesn't it seem odd that a race as old and  as advanced as the
> Time Lords would destroy vital knowledge from the past that
> could be learned from?

You mean like the BBC burned TV shows that, though "exhausted" in their
commercial potential, provide an invaluable cultural and anthropological
snapshot of the British people between 1930 and 1970?

> It seemed it a bit like the middle ages on Earth
> rather than the most advanced race in the universe.

Ignorance and paranoia can still be found even in the smartest of men.

> 2. Many Time Lords from Arc of Infinity return. Brousa, etc. Is there any
> reason why Commander Maxil didn't return as well?

His hat wouldn't fit through any of the important archways (like Borusa's
secret chamber or the transporter in the Tomb of Rassilon)

> It would seem logical that he would have been the guy who
> killed the Castellan, but it was some other Commander instead.

Hey man, guy's gotta be off-duty sometimes!

> Does anyone know if Colin Baker was planned at any point
> to be in that story?

Colin Baker probably planned to be in EVERY story if he had had anything
to do with the casting, however it wasn't up to him.

Charles Martin 09/04/01


[ Re: 5 Doctors stuff ]

> > >Where the hell was Cardinal Zorac!

> > The Master trips over him in the Death Zone... unless that was
> > Thalira,difficult to tell with all that charring...

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
> Ouch! Someone just walked over my, erm, ashes :-D

At least you can say you got your ash kicked by the Master....(a
masterful ash-kicking?)

Jim Vowles 10/04/01


[ Re: War of the Worlds Movie and TV Legal Rights ]

Richard Bignell wrote
> Thank you Gareth for an excellent explanation of the situation
> surrounding the rights to 'War of the Worlds'.

> Suddenly, all becomes clear. When Brian Blessed appeared at
> Panopticon a few years back, he was talking about a proper
> version of WotW that he was going to be involved in making.
> I now understand to what he was referring.

It's interesting to speculate what capacity Brian Blessed's
involvement in "War of the Worlds" might have been:

Narrator: "And then I heard the hideous cry of the Martian war


Perry Armstrong


[ Re: Nottingham ]

Parrott wrote:
> I am going to Nottingham tomorrow

> I want to spend around 30 quid

> which of these shall I get?

> You decide

I suggest a blow job.

Paul Curtis


[ Re: I'm jumping into the Doctor and Grace debate! ]

SolarPenguin wrote:

> Never mind.  It could have been worse.  It could have been
> William Hartnell in a miniskirt.

I can top that with two words and two periods:

Colin. Thong.

Jim Vowles 13/05/01


[ Re: (OT) SiIly Question ]

SolarPenguin wrote:
>>>When Good Friday falls on Friday the 13th, is that good or bad?

Jim Vowles  wrote:
> >>Well, I suspect that nice young jewish boy wasn't too keen on it, he
> >>went through hell....

gregg wrote:
> >No kidding. I mean, what a way to spend Easter!

Bokman7757 write:
> Actually, Easter went pretty well for him, although when he woke up he
> like he'd been dead for three days....

It has always been my theory that Jesus didn't actually intend to return
three days after his death, but the sale prices on the leftover chocolate
were just to good to pass up.

Charles Martin 14/04/01


Charles Martin wrote:
>What's driving this is that Becker has been arguing with people about the
>brilliance of The Pit since before it was published, or indeed even
>thought of. :)

>In fact, I understand that Becker's recent break (up until recently) from
>posting was due almost entirely to his feverish work on building a Time
>Machine by which he can go back and convince Peter Darvill-Evans that The
>Pit is/was NOT a piece of shit novel but was (will be) the biggest hit in
>the range. He wants to "bribe the architect," as it were. :)

>Little does he know that *I* already went back in time and showed a
>previous version of Jon Blum the novel beforehand. :)

Little does Charles know that either Jon Blum or my self is a manipulative
future incarnation of the other person, who traveled back in time to get
into a flamewar with his former self, just to generate publicity. We are
still arguing over who is which. :)

The Count 15/04/01


[ Re: Worst Effects shots in Who... ]

Spin wrote:
> >My favorite may not be the *worst* effect, but cartainly one of the most
> >ludicrous: In "Resurrection of Daleks", the Doctor and the bomb-disposal
> >soldiers are searching the warehouse for an escaped Kaled mutant. They
> >something moving beneath a tarp. Suspense. Tension. The Doctor pulls the
> >tarp away to real...a cat. So far, so good.

> >Then the cat opens it's little kitty mouth and the sound effect is VERY

> >That's my favorite bad effect.

Bokman7757 wrote:
> That's more along the lines of "bad sound effects", but it'll do.

IIRC, they weren't able to get permission from the actual cat to release
the sound after the initial broadcast. It was replaced by that person's
"meow" on the UK release, but because *that* person's agent won't clear
it for international, a rather confused lemur will be voicing the cat on
the R2 DVD.....

> One of the FX in RESURRECTION I always had problems with was the
> extermination" thing. Not so much cheap or unconvincing as aesthetically
> unpleasant- you end up with hazy blobs of clashing colors.

Which was fine by me--it looked like the person got hit, rather than
the entire room....the Dalek extermination effect was always cheesey.

Jim Vowles 18/04/01


[ Re: Cold Fusion question ]

Lance Parkin wrote in message
>>>>c) Time Lords have a hundred and twenty regenerations, it says
>>>>so in The Creature from the Pit. So nerr.

David Brunt wrote:
>>>The Hundred and Twenty Doctors.

>>>Now that's an anniversary show I really want to see.......

Lorill Buyens wrote:
>>Yes, but would you *really* want to see the Hundred and Twenty
>>TARDISES?  TARDII?  (Oh bugger, what the cruk's the plural
>>of "TARDIS," anyway?)

David Brunt wrote:
>But it'd be worth it just to see how they work around the fact that 37
>Doctors had died and another 23 were too
>egotistical/mad/drunk/busy/couldn't be arsed/other to appear.

"You're too late, Doctor! With the Time Wand I borrowed from Red Dwarf I
have fourty three of your past selves frozen in time like readymeals in a
box! And since another seventeen had their Time Lord Recall Units diverted
by my friend here, that means there are only sixty of you to face the might
of *five* Masters! Er, hang on..."

(BBC (programming) Ltd. would like to thank Madame Tussauds, BBC
Ltd. and Roger Delago Lookalikes "R" Us for their co-operation)

Daibhid Chiennedelh 17/04/01


[ Re: Travels of a Tymelord - The Android Invasion ]

The thing I could never get over in Android Invasion was Crawford's
eyepatch.  It's not just the fact that Crawford never looked beneath
the bloody thing (and so presumably didn't even take it off in bed, in
the bath or in the shower).  That's hard to believe in itself, but
it's only half the story.

For me it's the fact that the Kraals have told Crawford he's minus one
eye, but never took the trouble to gouge out that eye with a teaspoon
or something.  I mean, it's the obvious move.  "You're missing an eye,
mate."  "No, I'm not!"  SQUELCH.  "Yes, you are!"  Saves so many
awkward situations...

Finn Clark 06/04/01


[ Re: Regeneration, was Re: Entirely IMO ]

Nyctolops wrote:
>>>One of the things that inspired this theory is the size difference
>>>among the various incarnations of the Doctor.  Shedding excess mass,
>>>say Colin to Sylvester, should be easy, but how would he gain mass,
>>>say Troughton to Pertwee?

Bokman7757 wrote:
>>Maybe he only *appears* to gain or lose mass- hence, the reason the 6th
>>was able to fit into the 5th Doctor's cricket outfit.

Nyctolops wrote:
>How about the height difference between Hartnell and Troughton,
>Troughton and Pertwee, Colin and McCoy, McCoy and McGann?  And as I
>recollect, Colin in Davison's jacket was a *very* tight fit.

If Davison hadn't still been in it at the time, it might've been a
much better fit...

Lorrill Buyens 24/04/01


[ Subject: Re: Regeneration, was Re: Entirely IMO ]

> Basically I think a group of authors are determined to deny
> everything presented in DW96.

> It may be unwitting denial, but it is denial none the less.

> The Doctor's half-human, but he's only half-human in the way we say
> so.  The Doctor has a granddaughter named Susan, but only in the way
> we say so.  The Doctor can have sex, but only in the way we say so.
> He can never again kiss Grace, but he can kiss whatever companion of
> whatever sex he likes.  It's all part of his quirky new regeneration,
> and we reserve the right to make him grim and dark, because we say
> this is how he is. So it must be so.  Rayctate]

Absolutely! Can you imagine the what would have happened if Segal had
started with the attitude that he could take the bits of Doctor Who
continuity that suited him and, provided he didn't directly and
explicitly contradict anything directly and explicitly stated earlier,
he could add anything he liked?

I can. I've got it on video.

Daibhid Chiennedelh 24/04/01


[ Subject: Re: Red Dawn - The World Has Gone Mad ]

Robert Thomas wrote:
>In Red Dawn some corporation bought their way onto a space flight - now
>rich blokes done it - THE WORLD HAS GONE MAD.

In The Five Doctors Susan twisted her ankle. Yesterday I did it too!

Is there no end to these tales where real life horrors echo the series? :-)

Rob Shearman


[ Re: Tardis threshold ]

Cardinal Zorak wrote: (Re: Douglas Adams' self-plagerism)
> Personally I rather like the Dirk Gently (or is it Duggan?)

Nah, there's nothing gentle or holistic about Duggan...



[ Re: Tardis threshold ]

Michael R. Wall wrote:
> > I still want the answer to the following question:  Where are the
> > exterior doors on the Master's "Greek Pillar" TARDIS exterior?

Paul Andinach wrote:
> Round the back, obviously.
> But where are the exterior doors on the Master's "small tree" TARDIS
> exterior?

Not sure. But I know how to find it.

1. Having sworn a blood oath to avenge your father after he was murdered
by the six-fingered man, beg your father's spirit to guide the sword the
6-fingered man commissioned. Follow the sword rather like a dowsing
stick until it comes to rest on the tree.

2. Finding no way to open it or evidence of a door, lean your head up
against the tree in defeat. Doing so will invariably trigger the secret

Jim Vowles 28/04/01


[ Re: people in this newsgroup ]

Zygon Curry wrote:
> > Wasn't it more that warp drive used a lot in a specific place will
> > damage the fabric of space there?

James Bennetts wrote:
> Question: What is the fabric of space anyway???


Adam Highway 29/04/01


John Long wrote:
>>> >Is that the best you can do?

Bokman7757 wrote:
>>> I wasn't aware I was being graded. I can hand in a revised draft by
Tuesday >if
>>> you wish....

John Long wrote:
>>You really need a lot of work, Bokman.  This is very stale.

Bokman7757 wrote:
>Look what I have to work with! I can't do anything with this material.

Y'know, that's the *same thing* Colin's costume designer said...

Lorrill Buyens 30/04/01


[ Re: DVD - Anyone interested in what the new BBC TV MOVIE DVD looks like?]

REGWEB wrote:
> Would anyone like me to get a copy of the proposed Doctor Who TV
> MOVIE DVD cover in jpg format?  I can get it within a week.

Personally, I'm just dying to know if they stick to the current cover
format and have a banner on the bottom saying "The PAUL McGANN year
1996 - 96"  !

Steve Roberts 30/04/01


[ Re: The truth about Dreamwatch ]

Jon Blum wrote:
> ObWho: Why do you think the Doctor keeps hanging around with kids
> rather than people as old and decrepit as he is?...

Because "When I say 'run,' shuffle along slowly" is not a winning

William December Starr 03/05/01


[ Re: best haircuts ]

Worst haircuts?

Possibly the Watcher.  He had a bit of a Barnet bypass.

Daniel Blythe 02/05/01


[ Re: Did ratings finally kill off Who in 1989? ]

The Doctor wrote:
> Flame the Yanks for mucking up english.

Hey, it was broken when we got it!

Jim Vowles 05/05/01


[ Re: Scary longevity thought ]

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
> >>Jon "canon doesn't exist" Blum has gone very quiet over there.....

Jon Blum wrote:
> >Jeez, I was only offline for eight or nine hours overnight!  Whadayawant
> >from me, blood???...

gordon wrote:
> Yes, we want to create clones. Don't ask us why, we just do...

KATE:             "Soon, with my army of cloned Jon Blums,
                  I shall TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!

ARMY OF BLUMS:    "Yes, mistress....take over the world...."

GORDON:           "Behold, I have something to stop even that!"
                  (He holds up a tin of chocolate sauce.)

KATE:             "AAAaaaahhhhhhhh! I must have it!" (she disappears)

GORDON: (aside)   "Now, while she's distracted, I can use the
                  combined postings of a million Jon Blums to
                  secure my evil Pro-McCoy, Pro-Fun, Pro-Niceness
                  agenda! Bwahahahha"

ARMY OF BLUMS begins typing on army of computers. Ominous music plays....

Jim Vowles 05/05/01


[ Subject: Re: Scary longevity thought ]

Jon Blum wrote:
> > Jeez, I was only offline for eight or nine hours overnight!
> > Whadayawant from me, blood???...

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
> Nope, jsut an admission that the TV series is recognised as valid Doctor
> Who by about 1000 times as many people as the other media are :-D

You're going on viewing figures, aren't you? Let's imagine a
conversation with one of those people who watched 'Doctor Who' back in
the seventies and the eighties...

INTERVIEWER: Hello. what does the name 'Doctor Who' mean to you?

J. RANDOM: 'Doctor Who'? It was that TV programme, wasn't it... with the
Daleks, and the Cybermen, and Tom Baker. Yeah, Tom Baker and then he
turned into that guy from 'All Creatures Great and Small'...

INTERVIEWER: Did you know that now the BBc is releasing 'Doctor Who'
books, and they have licensed a company to make CD featuring some of the
original actors?

J. RANDOM: No. Have they? How interesting. [looks at his watch]

INTERVIEWER: Would you regard these CDs and books as valid 'Doctor Who'?

J. RANDOM: What?

INTERVIEWER: Are they valid? Are they part of the canon?

J. RANDOM: Canon... is that something to do with the Bible? I don't go
to church...

INTERVIEWER: No, the 'Doctor Who' canon!

J. RANDOM: Didn't the Daleks have built-in cannons?

INTERVIEWER: Look, how about this. Say the CDs introduced a new
companion, and she was in more episodes -- CD episodes, not TV episodes
-- than Harry.

J. RANDOM: Who's Harry?

INTERVIEWER: Harry Sullivan! He was a naval Doctor, a companion froom
tom Baker's first season!

J. RANDOM: No, you've lost me...

INTERVIEWER: He wore unfashionable clothes, letched after SarahJane

J. RANDOM: Still drawing a blank here...

INTERVIEWER: He fell over a lot!

J. RANDOM: Oh! Yes, him! I know who you mean. Jeepers, that's going
back, isn't it? That was like, 1977?

INTERVIEWER: He first appeared on the 28th of December 1974, actually,
but that's not important. what is important is: is this companion _who
has only been on the CDs_, as important to 'Doctor Who' as Harry? Is she
as valid?

J. RANDOM: I don't know. Is she cute?

INTERVIEWER: She's only on CD, you nitwit, not television!

J. RANDOM: I was only making a joke, no need to get cross...

INTERVIEWER: [to himself] Although she does look pretty cute in the
booklet photos... [snaps out of it] look, all I really want to know is
that you recognise the TV show as valid 'Doctor Who' and not the CDs!

J. RANDOM: There's no need to shout...

INTERVIEWER: Just tell me!

J. RANDOM: Well, what do you mean, 'valid'?

INTERVIEWER: Is it valid? Is it real? Is it canon?

J. RANDOM: Does it matter?

INTERVIEWER: Of course it matters! How can you live without knowing what
is valid and what isn't? Do you have any 'Doctor Who videos?

J. RANDOM: Um... promise you won't tell anyone?


J. RANDOM: I've got two. the one in Paris, with the girl in the
schoolgirl outfit? Mmm. And the one with the Daleks in that warehuse in

INTERVIEWER: Well, how can you watch them when the books keep changing
the Doctor's history so that they might never have happened?

J. RANDOM: Are you on a car in the community programme?

INTERVIEWER: Tell me! Tell me!

J. RANDOM: On day release, maybe? Where's your friend?


Steven Kitson 05/05/01


[ Subject: Re: Scary longevity thought [

Jim Vowles wrote:
> > It is not a kiss intended as a prelude to sex; it is not foreplay of
> > any sort. At best, the repeat performance can be considered flirtacious,
> > but lacking any sort of follow-through, we cannot draw further
> > conclusions.

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
> After spending 750-odd years as William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon
> Pertwee and Tom Baker, the Doctor may just have been a little past it!!

No WONDER Jon Pertwee was always so keen to get his hands on that giant
blue thing! It was VIAGRA!!

Charles Martin 05/05/01


[ Re: **Make your own dimensionally transcendental plaything!!** ]

gordon wrote:
> > >  I tried explaining dimensional transcendentalism in a
> > > similar manner to the Doctor and Leela with the boxes, while
> > > completely drunk, to a friend who was also completely drunk,
> > > using two different sized video-cassette cases to demonstrate.
> > > Scary thing is, he understood it...

ann wrote:
> > Was that the "Big box, little box; little box, big" bit?  I think
> > I remember a discussion of that here last year some time... (when
> > the germ of this morbius stip idea first appeared in the recesses
> > of my brain)

gordon wrote:
> Morbius strip?

> (gets a truly bizarre mental image of Stuart Fell in a furry
> costume, goldfish bowl on head, dancing round a pole to energetic
> dance music...>

He's a brain in a fishbowl. What else is there left to take off?

Jim Vowles 03/05/01


[ Re: US McCoy haters voted for George W ]

The Count wrote:
>> ...except for people who can not distinguish between George W and Will
>> Ferrel on Saturday Night Live. Really, I enjoy a lot of the humour that
>> pokes fun at him, but these types of statements above are just humourless
>> and unfunny. Try being a little less melodramaculous.

Jim Vowles wrote:
>That's true. Bush is an arrogant loser who's just bright enough to hire
>some good people but not bright enough to listen to them.
>He'd be the dupe of the Master in any Doctor Who episode he appeared in.

Master: "You will obey me, George. I shall rule the United States, with you
as my stooge."

President Bush: "Larry, Moe, or Curly?"

Master: "What?"

President Bush: "Oh dear. Not Shemp, I trust."

Master: "Maybe I didn't make myself clear. I am The Master! (tm) I am a
Time Lord. I can control almost any mortal being. And I will control you,
so that you will carry out my devious plans to conquer the Earth."

President Bush: "Why do you want to conquer the Earth? The Europi-eans are
wrecking their economies with the Euro. Fascism rules England, to the point
that a man is in jail for selling apples by the pound!!! The
Afgranistanleys are being annoying again. China is being ruder than momma's
dog Millie used to be. And many more complicassications. Too much bother,
if ask me you do."

Master: "My gosh. Earth's that bad!!! You can keep the place." (enters
TARDIS, dematerializes)

President Bush: "5. 3. 4. 2. 1."

(Master's TARDIS rematerializes)

Master: "The Dematerialization Circuit has been stolen!"

President Bush: "The demotangleigration circus?"

Master: "The little fuse that let's my ship make that wheezing, groaning

President Bush: "Ah, that. Saddam Hussein bormorowed it. He said you
wouldn't mind."

Master: "Where is Saddam Hussein!?!"

President Bush: "He's running a little place called 'Tiraq' or something,
in the city of Baghdaddy."

Master: "He will pay with his life for interfering with me." (pulls out
TCE, leaves the room)

President Bush: "Dick, you can come out of the shadows." (begins playing
with the Dematerialization Circuit) "Bet ol' Ronnie couldn't have pulled
off an acting performance like that."

Benjamin F. Elliott 08/05/01


[ Re: [Pro-Fun] DW Karaoke? ]

Chris Cwej wrote:
> Benny would be too drunk even for Karaoke

Nobody's too drunk for Karaoke. Too drunk to read the screen, so she
has to make up her own (filthy) lyrics, perhaps...

Ros Forrester: I Shot The Sheriff (I Was Aiming At The Deputy)

Daibhid Chiennedelh 05/05/01


[ Re: [Pro-Fun] Secondary actor in the original series as the Doctor? ]

ann wrote:
> Which of favourite actors who appeared in the series do you
> wished had played the Doctor?

How about that guy who played Maxil in "Arc of Infinity?"

William December Starr 09/05/01


[ Re: [Pro-Fun]  If you had the chance to join the Doctor ]

John P Darcy wrote:
>>> I'm a bit more fiendish than that.  I'd have my camera with me for
>>> the snapshots of the ark, of Sodom before-and-after,

William December Starr wrote:
>>Congratulations.  Your camera just turned into a block of salt. :-)

Alan S. Wales wrote:
>(Sigh> According to the account in Genesis, only organic material became
>saline. (i.e. Lot's wife)

Oh yeah, then how come the T-1000 could get through?

Oh wait, wrong "organic material" thread...

James Bennetts 08/05/01


Jim Vowles wrote:
> >> > I love the new Gateway ads that tout their new laptop as being the
> >> > to edit your own usual, snagging Mac innovations. We were
> >> > using a Mac II to edit video back in 1990. Mind you, we had only
> >> > windmill power back in those days....

Charles Martin wrote:
> >> You sprang for the windmill option?
> >> (whistles>
> >> Man, you must be made of money!!

> >> I can't tell you how many hampsters died of exhaustion on MY system ...

Jim Vowles wrote:
> >It was owned by my Mac-centric college, silly. I think they used grad
> >students, actually, until someone was injured....

Thad A Doria wrote:
> 'ampsters?! Pfah, *luxury*. We used t'have to get up 10 year before we
> were born, invent the computer, come back, edit video for 92 hour
> straight on a Sinclair Z80 powered entirely by the steam from the kettle.
> An' when we got home, our dad would mind-probe us until we regenerated.

Steam from the kettle? What I wouldn't have given for a stove to burn a
kettle on. We 'ad to make do with vented lava, which we carried by hand
til our arms burnt off, and when we got there, OUR dads would
disintegrate us just for THINKING about computers. None of this
newfangled "re-gin-eration" for us, oh no, me bucko. All that just to
bang away at 32 stone tablets a second, in black and white, mind ya.....

[continues to logic conclusion]

Universe? Who d'ya think carried all that stuff in for the big bang? Us,
that's who. And we lugged it uphill both ways, through the dead of
space, frozen stiff, implodin' through lack of anything to breathe. And
no fancy vacuum of space for us, lads--just a broom made out of hair our
mums plucked from our heads and the sticks our dad beat us with....

Jim Vowles


[ Re:TARDIS threshold ]

Michael R. Wall wrote:
>>I still want the answer to the following question: Where are the exterior
>>doors on the Master's "Greek Pillar" TARDIS exterior?

Robert Cole wrote:
>In the back. :p

Stay tuned for the thrilling upcoming PDA where the Doctor locks the
Master out of his TARDIS by placing three cameras around the pillar
and fiendishly switching between them.

James Bennetts 26/04/01


"The Count" wrote:
> > > My theory is that the way that that a person perceives the novel 'The
> > > is actually the way that they truly perceive 'Doctor Who' as a whole.

Arthur Banana wrote:
> > So we have the Prawn Vindaloo - the exquisite Goan vinegar and garlic
> > made with the freshest, sweetest shellfish. You with me?

> > We also have the Fruit Trifle - much bastardized in its latter-day
> > form, but originally the consummate dessert of the Victorian kitchen.
> > still there?

> > What we *don't* have is the Prawn Vindaloo Trifle. You cannot put Prawn
> > Vindaloo into a Trifle in lieu of the fruit compote. You savvy?

> > Further details at:
> >

> > Art Banana
> > The critics rave over Arthur:
> > Keep him talking. I'll call security. -- Nick Rheinwald

Jim Vowles wrote:
> **looks down at mushrooms on pizza**
> **looks back at post**
> **eyes shrooms very suspiciously**

My bad. I've been trying to persuade the Chinese dancing mushrooms to try
something with a more Cajun beat. They haven't adjusted to the high heels
as yet.

Arthur Banana


Cardinal Zorak wrote:
> > Ah, that old Devil's Dictionary!! Rings a bell ;-)

Phi1ip Legge wrote:
> TELEPHONE, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
> advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

> I wonder what Ambrose would have thought of the electronic mail and
> then!

E-MAIL, n. A system of written communication devised solely to make it
possible to waste the time of mortals by enabling the free delivery of
junk mail and pornographic addresses.

USENET, n. A devilish conglomeration that shares the misery generated by
e-mail with a potentially unlimited number of individuals, and
encourages active, vitriolic, and most often factless debate about
topics no rational person should consider worthy of discussion.

WORLD WIDE WEB, n. A collection of urban legends, corporate pamphlets,
melodramatic young adult fiction, entertainment rumours, and out-of-date
contact information, presented as a series of wildly over-designed
scrollable pages. Its goal is to entrap mortals in a never-ending web of
links to additional information, 90% of which is pornography. Most
"sites" are paid for by launching multiple pornographic advertisments
that lead the viewer to additional pornographic content.

Jim Vowles 03/05/01


Phi1ip Legge wrote:
> Can you imagine what this would be like?

> CLEESEDOC: Whatever you do, don't mention War of the Daleks! I mentioned
> once but I think I got away with it alright!

SYBILROMANA: Go out there and apologise. Say you made a mistake.

CLEESEDOC: Is that what made Gallifrey great??!! (Prancing) I'm tho
thorry, I made a mithtake!


John P Darcy 06/05/01


Maybe the "Clean-up RADW" campaigners can provide us with examples of the
of interesting and exciting threads they would like to see more of?

How about the following:

1) Displaying Dr Who videos in the home
2) How to make friends or talk to a stranger
3) Eye-patches - aren't they great?
4) Dr Who stars I have spoken to (well, stood near to at a convention)
5) Removing stubborn stains from copies of DWM
6) Bessie - car or companion?
7) I love 1989
8) What's your favourite episode and why?
9) How many boxes of tissues are required for a DVD compared to a VHS
10) Paul McGann's hair

Remember guys - don't snipe at me for making a positive suggestion!

David Chandler 09/05/01


[ A selection from the thread - Re: Weird/Bad Beginnings ]

The Doctor snorted the line of black powder off the edge
of the console using a fifty mazuma note. "Doctor! What are
you doing with Adric's ashes!" cried Nyssa.

gordon 23/03/01


"It was on the planet Skyron in the galaxy of sirius that I had left my
underwear, and when I returned for it I was greeted by the Daleks for
that knew, as did I, that it was the last holy garment of Rassilon -
I readied my Hypnogun and began my assault."

Charles Daniels 23/03/01


Jonn Elledge wrote:
> Sarah Jane shook her head. "Doctor, this sudden interest in necrophilia
> really isn't healthy."

"But she was my greatest love...can I help it that she's gone all
squelchy?" Replied the Doctor as he leaned over what appeared to be
an enourmous beef jerky.

Charles Daniels 23/03/01


The Doctor snorted the line of black powder off the edge
of the console using a fifty mazuma note. "Doctor! What are
you doing with Adric's ashes!" cried Nyssa.

gordon 23/03/01


The Doctor wept into his carrot juice. "If only Mel were still here," he
said brokenly. Suddenly the TARDIS console began to move! Where could
they be going? ...

Bill Hoffman 23/03/01


The last of the ancient gods of Gallifrey were witnesses to the Doctors
transformation into a CyberLord.  The Cybermen had become the new
guardians of time and their emperor, the Doctor, had introduced them to
new concepts of bravery, self-sacrfice, and a love of penny sweets.

Charles Daniels 23/03/01


It was the best of Timelords, it was the worst of Timelords...

Perry Armstrong 23/03/01

"The Doctor had always *meant* to fix the toilet near the console room...."

Jim Vowles 23/03/01


"Tremble before the might of the Imperial Vardan Army!!!!!"

Neil S 23/03/01


A brick flew through the windows, the scientists ran crazily in the
streets, but the brick hit a woman in the head.  A man approached her,
he was reasonably tall, he held her head.  "I love you...son", she said
then went limp.  She was dead.

Charles Daniels 26/03/01


[ Re: Dido ]

Perry Armstrong wrote:
>>> Dido - a pretty young singer vaguely reminiscent of Jewell. What is it
>>> with her name? Does anyone know?

Douglas B. Killings wrote:
>> She's probably named after the Carthagenian woman Aeneas falls in love
>> then abandons in Virgil's Aenied.

Philip Legge wrote:
>If memory serves, she's the bereaved queen of Carthage, her husband
>having been murdered by her brother Pygmalion. Aeneas falls in love with
>when a fierce storm sent by Juno drives them together into a cave to find
>refuge. He then abandons her in order to continue his quest onward to
>whereupon she orders a fire to be lit of the belongings Aeneas' soldiers
>left behind, which she plans to make her own funeral pyre. Instead she
>unsheathes Aeneas' sword and stabs herself with it.

No, I'm pretty sure she's still alive - saw her on TOTP not a month ago...

Joxer 28/03/01



Go back in time and buy a copy of Dying Days, then come forward and
sell it?

Dave Roy 01/04/01


[ Subject: The Evil London Syndicate... ]

 - We all know that there is a London syndicate with *every* episode
 - of Doctor Who, don't we? :-)

I hear through dodgy channels that they've recently managed to get
their hands on two unaired, secretly filmed McGann FOX movies (one
with the Spider Daleks in Napoleonic France and the other with the Ice
Warriors and the Cybermen battling in modern day London) that were
ditched when the first one bombed in the ratings.

I'm try to secure an invite to a special screening of these which also
will show Evil London Syndicate members Tenth Planet, Episode 4 and
the never known to exist Episodes 5 and 6, and the BBC made Season 27
feature Sylvester McCoy's regeneration into Richard E. Grant...


Mr Anonymous.

Oh bugger. I left my signature on.


Who Goes There? 01/04/01

[ Re: New Adventures in Hate - the Passage in Question ]

Nyctolops wrote@
>> A book can have a good plot and
>> interesting characters and still be bad if the author has poor grammar
>> and spelling skills which are not corrected by his editor

Bokman7757 wrote:
>So, what are your opinions of Faulkner and Burroughs?

I think Shakespeare and Chaucer would be more pertinent. I mean, Shksp.
can't even decide how to spell his own fucking name. He'd never have got
comissioned by BBC Worldwide.

gregg 05/04/01


[ Re: Regeneration, was Re: Entirely IMO ]

Rayctate wrote (on a theory about the Eighth Doctor's
human half being due to a blood-transfusion and regen gene-scrambling... I
>>Not a single drop of blood was given to the Doctor on screen.

Gregg wrote:
>(A-hem) I don't recall seeing Grace go to the toilet on screen at any
>point. Does this mean what I think it means?

That she has a trans-dimensional bladder?


Cameron Mason 06/04/01


[ Re: I'm jumping into the Doctor and Grace debate! ]

Amsel Zivkovich wrote:
>>> I gotta go because Paul McGann is
>>> coming on in Horatio Hornblower, [Amsel Zivkovich]

Finn clark wrote:
>> (mental image>

>> Ew.

>> (rereads the above, notices an "in">

>> Ah, thank goodness.  :-) ]

gregg wrote:
> OK then, I'll just do a quick insert:

> "I gotta go because Paul McGann is coming on/in Horatio Hornblower"

> Ha! Now you're stuck. And so's Horatio, obviously.

Not stuck, all sticky... (G,D&R>

Cheers, "would-be member of the PMTB" Phi1ip

Philip Legge 09/04/01


[ Re: Unfortunately replying to DBurns6554 ]

Jonathan Blum wrote:
>And IIRC, I compared Fenric's "evil from the dawn of time" nature to the
>Black Guardian, not Eldrad.  Care to spell out the differences there?

Yeah, the Black Guardian has a Welsh accent.

gregg 11/04/01


[ Re: Burns ]

John Long wrote:
>>>>Burns, your messages are being cloned and appearing multiple times.
>>>>You might want to look into that.

DBurns6554 wrote:
>>>They are? That sounds pretty good. The more duplicates there are means
>>>my message will get out more. Maybe I should post those reviews in a few
>>>different threads...

Fett wrote:
>>Imagine if McCoy was cloned and appeared as the Doctor several times?
>> (shudders>at the thought

Jim Vowles wrote:
>Now, because you've been naughty....

>Imagine them in stereo in your room.
>They are all saying "RRRRRagnaRRRRRokkkk" over and over again.

Nyah, stop it, Jim, you're turning me on!
Mmmmm, Celtic lilt.

gregg 11/04/01


[ Subject: Re: I'm jumping into the Doctor and Grace debate! ]

Steven Kitson wrote:
> >But he's a man... doesn't that stop women identifying with him?
> >He's white... doesn't that stop people of other races identifying with
> >him?
> >He's frivolous... doesn't that stop serious people identifying with him?

gregg wrote:
> Far be it from me to comment, but have you noticed that the vast majority
> of DW fans are white, frivolous males?

Bugger. Don't you hate it when things you write in a sarcastic tone of
voice turn out to be true?

Steven Kitson 11/04/01


[ Re: (OT) SiIly Question ]

Bokman7757 wrote:
> Actually, Easter went pretty well for him, although when he woke up he
> like he'd been dead for three days....

Spending a lot of time with the relatives can have that effect on me, too.

Jim Vowles 14/04/01


[ Subject: Re: Easter ]

JeffWorks wrote:
>>>>>Sex is not evil, swearing is.

Ed Jefferson wrote:

gregg wrote:
>>>Was that an offer?

Ekowyrm wrote:

Lorril Buyens wrote:
>How `bout we nip this thread in the butt before it goes any further?

I agree, we're certainly scraping the bottom here.

Donald Campbell 21/04/01


[ Re: Red Dawn - The World Has Gone Mad ]

Zygon Curry wrote:
>Sorry to hear about the ankle. I did one of mine in last year. I guess I
>must have companion like qualities then! [Zygon Curry]

So long as I don't get drugged, chained up and put on an altar to be
to some weird alien god cult, I'll be just fine. :-)

Rob Shearman 27/04/01


[ Re: Red Dawn - The World Has Gone Mad ]

Rob Shearman wrote:
> In The Five Doctors Susan twisted her ankle. Yesterday I did it too!

You twisted Susan's ankle? You cruel thing, you... :)

Paul Andinach 28/04/01


[ Subject: Re: How much of an idiot was JNT...? ]

> > No 1.
> > In season 18, he managed to get Tom Baker to wear make up.
> > Um, why.....?

> No 2

> Colin Baker's outfit.

No 3

"Hey, this chap called Ian Levine just called... he's got some neat

Matt Marshal 28/04/01


[ Re: You know you've had too much Dr Who when... ]

Dangermouse wrote:
> > ...your newsreader announces there's a new group called
> > alt.books.chesterton, and you sit for a couple of minutes thinking that
> > surely there haven't been enough First Doctor MA/PDAs with Ian to
> > giving him a spinoff newsgroup...

Vick3ie wrote:
> Nah, I'd think that would be

Sad thing is that I'm sure reading this will try and look it up as well!

Kamelion 02/05/01


[ Subject: Re: *Everyone* has killfiled me.. ]

John Long wrote:

>I think it's safe to assume at this point that most of the newsgroup has
>me killfiled.  I guess I can say whatever I want now!

Hail Eldrad, King of Nothing.

James Bennets 10/05/01


[ Subject: Re: Does DW make good use of common sense? (LONG) ]

>>"The reader has certain rights. He bought your story.
>>Think of this as an implicit contrast.

Bokman7757 wrote:
>Of course, that's supposed to be contraCt....

Huffy wrote:
Contract with the reader? Hell, I'm taking out a contract
*on* the reader. >:-)

That is all fine and dandy for the small niche of perverted masochist
but many of us think that Doctor Who books should be accessible to a

The Count 10/05/01


[ Re: I Should Rule the Planet ]

Fett wrote:
>I really think I should. Anyone agree?

Well, it depends, do you fit the minimum requirements for the job?

Do you have a beard of evil(tm)?

Do you smoke Cuban cigars?

Do you have one of those evil laughs, the ones that go BWA-HA-HA?

Do you have a secret base defended by curvy female ninjas
hidden underneath an active volcano?

Do you have a pool full of pirahnas, sharks or Voord to drop
unsuspecting traitorous lackeys into?

Do you have a big, spinny chair you can dramatically whirl round in?

Do you own an organisaton with a sinister, but cool sounding
acronym for a name, like Spectre, Kaos or Yartek?

If you fit these requirements, then you too could rule the planet!

Just send $1,000,000 for an application form to -

First Toilet On The Left
Tooting Bec
Great Britain

gordon 11/05/01


[ Re: Jon Blum to note: I'm watching and enjoying Ghost Light!  It's not Dr
Who but it is fun! ]

Joxer wrote:
> Time and the Rani is as old now as The Time Warrior was when TATR was
> aired.  Not sure what point I'm trying to make there, and frankly I'm too
> pissed to care, but there you go...

(imitation Jon Blum> I note with interest that there have now been more
episodes of South Park than there were stories made during the Pertwee era.

(imitation Steve Day> So you think Cartman's a better doctor then?!  You
outrageous lard-lover! The older, thinner Doctors swept away in favour of
the heavier, stockier models eh? Probably getting a stiffy over the
thought of doing a Brian Blessed alternate-Doctor novel!

Charles Martin 10/05/01


[ Subject: Re: 35 Reasons Why I Like the McCoy Era ]

r.thomas22 wrote:
> I like and I'm always right, anyone who disagrees with me is wrong.

You are Jonathan Blum and I claim my 5.

Steve Day 06/05/01


[ Re: [Pro-fun] TARDIS as Metaphor ]

The TARDIS is the empty shell, and the Doctor is the hermit crab.

The TARDIS is Castle Dracula, the Doctor is Igor, and that thing from
Christopher Priest's submission is the vampire. Or killer calimari.

The TARDIS is the Dr Who convention, and the Doctor is the pointless

The TARDIS is Castrovalva, and the Doctor is Adric. J2Rider take note.

The TARDIS is the whale, and the Doctor is Jonah.

The Doctor is the Ancient Mariner, and the TARDIS is his boat. Oh, and
he fights a thousand slimey things that crawl with legs upon a slimy
sea: said thousand thousand slimey things, despite being fought, live
on, and so does he.

Andrew J Brook


[ Re: 15 Reasons Why the McCoy Era was My Least Favorite ]

John Long wrote:
> > McCoy fans don't care about fun little bits like this. [John Long]

Hank Tiffany wrote:
> You're forgetting John, I've been officially declared a Pro McCoy
> Troll by Burns.

Well yes, but that's just because you're breathing...

William December Starr 12/05/01


[ Subject: Re: The Two Doctors Continuity Error Two ]

Andrew Curry wrote:
>I am talking about the fact the the second doctor is on a mission fot the
>timelords when he is supposed to be on the run from them and they are
>supposed to be unaware of his location.

(To the tune of the Simpsons' "Amendment 2b")

That was season 6b, yes season 6b,
Which explains the mistakes of JNT!

When the Doc went on trial,
The CIA gave him freedom.
They forced him to join them,
'Cos he couldn't beat'em.
This all took place before Spearhead,
Then the Council brought him back to the bar,
'Cos the CIA had gone too far.

I thank you.

Daibhid Chiennedelh


[ Re: Any Questions About the Baker Years? ]

Tom Donivan wrote:
> As you may know, I am the resident expert on the years of Dr. Who
> Bakers. Of course, this was a hard time for the show, as Bakers never
> to anything. Still, the show carries on to this day!

'City of Bread' remains one of my favourites.

Michael Livsey 13/05/01


[ Re: Does DW make good use of common sense? ]

Jonathan Blum wrote:
> Well, define "screwed up".  If someone writes a searing expose of
> racism at a university in the Eastern US, and some readers' main
> complaint about it is that it doesn't have enough time-travelling
> wombats in it, I don't think that's an authorial screw-up.  The
> writer wrote a good book by any independent standards; it just
> wasn't the book those readers wanted to read.

Unless it's published as #43 in the Exciting Time-Traveling Wombat
Adventures series, anyway.

William December Starr 13/05/01


[ Re: Does DW make good use of common sense? ]

Dangermouse wrote:
> Therefore, it explains so much if the Doctor and the Master
> used to be lovers or spouses, and then feel out in a big way.
> At least, it explains the Ainley years in particular, once it's
> really turned into a personal thing between them.

So does this mean John Long and Sylvester McCoy must be
ex-spouses too?

SolarPenguin 14/05/01


Subject: Re: What Really Happened to Gallifrey (was Re: common sense?)

Charles Martin wrote:
> I agree, but the whole POINT of this campaign, it is alleged, is to cut
> down on the fanwank.

I care about continuity. You are an obsessive fan. He fanwanks.

Steven Kitson


[ Re: Only 28 points!?!?!?   -  obviously FAR too good for them =:-) ]

>> A little publicity by the BBC would help too!

David Brunt wrote:
> It has been trailed virtually every half hour on the Beeb for the last
> fortnight.

(Drags himself away from his monitor for a second, bathed in the hellish
light of its glare, he squints, mole-like, into the darker recesses of the
room....  he espies something in the corner, like a great glass eye in a
box, some kind of cathode ray tube device no doubt... ahh, memories stir
and shift in his subconscious, rising slowly and creeping towards the
surface...)  "t-tellly-vissshunn... television! Yes!!  That was the thing
we used to watch before the 'net!!!  Wow, it still exists?!  Hmm, that was
when I had something called, er, free time, yes, away from my Master...."
(shrugs and turns slavishly back to the internet.....)

Cardinal Zorak


[ Subject: Election Thread - The McCoy Party ]


'To encourage the fact in the British people that Sylvester McCoy was
the only Doctor Who ever.'


The burning of every pre-1987 Doctor Who story and to make it a
capital offence to possess stories of the calibre of City of Death,
Pyramids of Mars or Caves of Androzani.


The erection of McCoy statues in every City.


To change the name of Great Britain to Great McCoy


If you wear 'I Love Sylv' t-shirts.


The 3 R's wil be rolled.

Between 7-11 years
All English text books will be novelisations of season 24

Between 11-14 years
All English text books will be novelisations of season 25 and 26

Between 14-16 years
The Marvel Comic Strip, featuring McCoy.


That has been a Party Political Broadcast by

There were 7 TV Doctor Whos...
Hartnell (63-66), Troughton (66-69), Pertwee (70-74),
Baker T (74-81), Davison (81-84), Baker C (84-86)
and Paul McGann (1996).

Steve Day 15/05/01


[ Re: Tom Baker composition ]

David Edwards's News wrote:

> One of my acquaintances (claims that he) met Tom Baker during Baker's New
> Zealand visit in I think it might have been 1997 and asked for his address
> Baker was so surprised that he gave it to him.  So the question is, in a
> letter to Tom Baker, what would one actually say??

Dear Tom: I know where you live. Please send loads of cash or signed
memorabilia or the little tin doggie will get it. (I understand you're
not skint of a shilling.)

Dear Tom: Now that Lalla's available, could you send her address?

Dear Tom: In response to your kindness, I have told all my friends about
this letter but they don't believe me. If you don't respond with an
autograph within an unrealistically short period of time, I will
badmouth you in public for being rude to your fans. Thanks!

Dear Doctor: I am confused because I saw you fall from a radio tower and
don't understand how you can be alive after you turned into that guy
from All Creatures Great and Small. I mean even in 5 Doctors they had to
use clippings and pose with your wax dummy from Madam Tussaud's. Have
you regenerated again?

Dear Mr. Pertwee: I enjoyed our conversation and thank you for giving me
your address. However, I am alarmed to hear that you died. Please prove
you are not a ghost.

Dear Tom: I just read your biography and you're a right bastard aren't
you, you great sad drunk pervert. How dare you write children's books
and pollute their minds as Doctor Who?  Have you no shame at all?
PS: Loved you on Blackadder.


Dear Tom: This is a chain letter. If you brakke it you will be CURSED by
the devil from Hill, but if you make 7 copies and send to 7 friends, you
will get $7.  Please send a dollar to me. [no address enclosed]

Dear Tom: Loved you in The Simpsons. How do you stay so young?

Jim Vowles 15/05/01


[ Subject: Re: Tom Baker composition ]

David Edwards's News wrote:
>One of my acquaintances (claims that he) met Tom Baker during Baker's New
>Zealand visit in I think it might have been 1997 and asked for his address
>Baker was so surprised that he gave it to him.  So the question is, in a
>letter to Tom Baker, what would one actually say??

'Doctor, I need your help. I am a later incarnation. Not the one after you,
the one after him, or the next two, but 5 incarnations down the line.

'You must help me with this problem! You must help me find the answer!

'5 Across, 4 letters, starts with "s". Luncheon meat.

'I look forward to your help, Doctor.

The Doctor'

Benjamin F. Elliott 15/05/01


[ Re: BBC urges fans to search to missing episodes ]

(ring ring>

"Hello, Information?"

Yes, I am in need of some information.

"Yes sir, can I help you?"

I'd like to know where the other missing episodes of Doctor Who are.

"Um ... we only supply phone numbers sir, we don't do geographical --"

Oh, I already have the number. It's 109.

"Hmmm. Hold on a minute sir."




"They're in Spain, apparently. Shall I connect you?"

Is that an additional charge?

"Yes, sir."



Charles Martin 14/05/01


[ Subject: [skc] Further signs of the apocalypse ]

The Doctor wrote:
>>If he did not act so DISRESPECTFUL, he would have some more sympathy.

Bokman7757 wrote:
>Pot. Kettle. Black.

Pot. Bokman. Stoned.

The Doctor 16/05/01


[ Re: Douglas Adams Death ]

AJCDREW wrote:
>This presupposes that the meaning of a work of art is bound up in the
>alone.  That's pretty limiting.  I mean I look at a Picasso and don't
>necessarily need to know what the old guy was thinking at the time when he
>wrote it to "get it," if you know what I mean.

I do, but on the other hand he was probably thinking "This is a terribly
inefficient way to write something".

Robert Smith 16/05/01


Old Shatterhand wrote:
> Chris,

> Could you please, please re-read your postings before you click on the
> "POST" button?
> Unless of course you're playing a game with us and this is "Find The Eight
> Typos!"

Yhe Eight Typos.

The Forth Doctor opened the doors of the TRADIS and looked out.
"Oh look!  Socks!"
Ramona peed round his shoulder.  "Oh no, not another queery!"
"Yes, but look what else is hear; seven other TARTISes all exactly the
"The smae?"
"Exactly! And it's all my other selves.  There's the first Doctor; a
crotchy old man; the third and second Doctors, the dando and the crown; the
fifth me with his peasant, open face; the sixth me with his asssissstant
Pairy; and the seventh  Doctor.  But where's the eighth me?

Just then the eighth doctor fell out of a TASIRD door, naked, exhausted and
"Good grief mean," said the Firth Doctor, "have you been snogging Grace
The newd Doctor looked up in horror and pulled a script out of, well let's
just say he pulled it out of nowhere, and desperately flocked through it.
"Snogged?  SNOGGED?  Is that what it was meant to say?"

Donald Campbell 19/05/01


[was: Re: What Really Happened to Gallifrey]

Charles Martin wrote:
> Of course, personally I'm trying to figure out if I can write
> second person narrative without turning my book into a "choose your own
> adventure"

You are not the sort of guy who cannot recognise second-person
narration in fiction. So when you walk into the store, and you're
perusing that TV tie-in section--just there, by the Doctor Who
books--you pick up a copy of Decalog 4. It looks familiar. You
flick to the story by Peter Anghelides, and by the end of the first
page of the story, you know it's in second person. And when you reach
the end of the story... you start to wonder.

Then you rush out and buy dozens of copies of the book for your
friends and family.

(hypnotic voice>
I am the author, you will obey me.
(/hypnotic voice>

Whoops, he slipped into first person there. We see now how
difficult it is to maintain consistent POV.


Peter Anghelides 18/05/01


[ Re: EDAs, Gallifrey, The Ancestor Cell ]

Andrew McCaffrey wrote:
>> I think that in the stories set after the Doctor became President of
>> Gallifrey it's hard to say that he was much of a renegade.  Besides,
>> we didn't know about the Time Lords until WAR GAMES, and we didn't
>> worry about him having a force to act against...

William December Starr wrote:
>Didn't he become President via a fairly ridiculous technicality,
>though?  It's not like he won a convincing mandate at the polls...

That's right. Can you imagine a place that would actually
keep a President 'elected' under such circumstances, allowing
him to do what he damn well liked, just to maintain the
people's faith in the system and the constitution?

Totally unrealistic.

Lance Parkin 18/05/01


[ Re: Tom Baker composition ]

Mostly water.

(I resisted for days, but I'm not made of stone, you know.)

Daniel Frankham 17/05/01


[ Re: What's happening in regards to having a moderated group? ]

It's been voted on and approved. Now everybody is waiting for Igor to
shuffle over to the giant knife switch on the wall and activate the thing.
And waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

Alan S. Wales 14/05/01


I'd just like to dedicate this quotefile to Douglas Adams and
Harvey Ball, RIP guys.

Gordon Dempster 20/05/01
gordon - "Make a cup of tea, put a record on..."
'In Case Of Emergency, Break Laws Of Physics.'

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