(Guest editor: Auntie Krizu) --------------------------------------------------------- Brigadier: Sgt. Benton! Chap with the wings: five rounds rapid! Benton: Are you sure that's wise sir? Pvt. Adric: Can I drive the Landrover sir? Brigadier: You stupid boy. 7th Doctor: We'rrrre all dooomed. Doooomed! 1st Doctor: Excuse me Brigadier, do you think I could be excused? Pvt. Drax: 'Ere, I can get you a used 'And of Omega. Fell of the back of a TARDIS. 3rd Doctor: (gurn> They don't like it up 'em! Vicar: Now see what you've done, you *silly* little man! You've spoiled my plans for galactic domination. (Yes folks, it's Reverend Magister.) ARP Warden: EXTERMINATE THAT LIGHT! EXTERMINATE THAT LIGHT! --The Stainless Steel Cat --------------------------------------------------------- > Malus Aforethought (Malus@askforit.com> wrote: > "David A McIntee" (david.mcintee@btopenBUTCLOSEDTOSPAMworld.com> wrote in > message news:abjges$jhu$1@paris.btinternet.com... >> No, but I know how paranoid and conspiracy-obsessed fandom (and people in >> general) can be > "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." > We only have Dan Freedman's word that he didn't try to lose BF their > licence, and it does seem odd if they really renewed it (and for such a long > period) before they had to... who knows? "Everyone was staring at the Doctor, but his face was a picture of innocence, as if he couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. His fingers picked out a few more bars of a tune on the piano[...] Only then did Anji vaguely recognise the tune the Doctor had played: 'Paranoid' by Black Sabbath." -- EATER OF WASPS, pg. 29, Trevor Baxendale. --Andrew McCaffrey --------------------------------------------------------- >Anyone else got anything interesting by putting DW names through decryptors? No I haven't but funnily enough I did once hear a story about some Dr Who BBC videos that were apparently "haunted". according to Mavis who empties bins behind Kwik-Save, her Albert had a video of "Twin Dilema" that, if you turned up the volume of your telly real loud during the piece of black, bank tape at the very beginning, had a voice that could be heard crying - it sounded like a woman weeping. Next thing you know, our Bob - you know him who works behind counter at chip shop - well, he claimed to have a similar Dr Who BBC video that was haunted - his copy of "Silver Nemesis" had a voice pleading "Please no, take it out - it hurts!" at the beginnning. Well, as you can right imagine we were proper spooked by these reports, so we phoned up BBC video about it and what they told us, well, it explained everything and solved the kerfuffle no trouble. Apparently, it weren't the video tapes that were haunted, but our video recorders that were crying and pleading, etc. As if to prove this, we were asked to slip in a copy of the "Talons of Weng Chiang" BBC video, and lo and behold, the voice this time said, "Oh yes! Yes! Fill me, thrill me, lover!!" So who says machines have no mind of their oown? Well, that's enough gossip for one afternoon, I'm knacked. Off to the butchers' to see if I can score a bit of tripe for me 'Usband's supper. Turrah. --Daibhid Chiennedelh --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Freedman's dead bid - opinions > "Rich" (r_parker70@hotmail.com> wrote in message > news:KWUF8.3264$1c.792395@monolith.news.easynet.net... > > would watch. Personally I think someone like Dan Freedman is perfect because > he isn't enslaved to the past. I've said this beforem, but in a perfect > world I'd love an freedman as producer and Russel T. Davies as script > editor. Davies knows the old series and hence would enable it to still be > respected while a new series went in a new direction. I think its a great Of course all the episodes of Doctor Who that Russell T Davies script-edited during the noughties were junked by the BBC as part of their sterling efforts to infuriate and annoy... but our fun-gineers think they may have gone something like this: Int. Airport. Day. BRIGADIER and YATES wait as disembarked passengers mill around them. BRIGADIER ...You never met the second Doctor, did you? You'll like him. No, you will. It's just... He's a bit camp, that's all. Mind you, saying he's a bit camp is like saying Omega was a bit naughty. The DOCTOR ponces into view, wearing a pink fur coat. DOCTOR Brig! BRIGADIER Hello there, Doctor. DOCTOR Ooooh, hiya. Do you like me coat? Hundred quid, bargain. Brig! You look dreadful! That tash is *so* Freddy Mercury. And this is Jamie. The DOCTOR stands aside to reveal a well-built gentleman in a kilt. DOCTOR Met him in the Highlands. Blows a good pipe, if you know what I mean. And I'm no mean piccolo player myself. BRIGADIER Pleased to meet you. And this is Mike Yates, this is who I was telling you about, met David Beckham. The DOCTOR looks YATES up and down. He is evidently unimpressed. DOCTOR Hiya. *(Brightening)* You've always had a bit of Scot inside you, haven't you Brig? Problem is you see, we've been travelling around the cosmos for months but I can't understand a bloody word he says... BRIGADIER Er, sure. JAMIE Ack, A'm no speakang a foreign language, es jes this daf bagger cannae listen proparley. Av only been hangang aroond for ma manney. BRIGADIER Erm... DOCTOR Yes, that burbling, that's what he's been doing the whole time. What's he saying? JAMIE Look, A'm a prostatute, A sell masell, ye see? An thes dozy Sassenach owes me fefty qued. DOCTOR Qued, what's Qued? He keeps on saying that, he keep on saying Fefty Qued. BRIGADIER *(Pause)* Qued's Scottish for love. He says he's completely in love with you. DOCTOR Awww bless!!! --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- INTRODUCTION Thank you for purchasing the "Theological Discussion with a Bouncer" Model 34DD. We hope it gives you years of trouble-free existentialism. Before operating, ensure that switches A, 4 and 1066 are in the "off" position and that the semiotic thickness of the performed text is varying inversely with respect to the unit's redundant performance codes. Next, identify plug 1 and socket 1 (the latter will be located towards the base of an inner-wall of your building). Press plug 1 firmly into socket 1. You should now see a pretty little red light on the front of the unit. If not, you have ballsed up the easiest bit and might as well give up now. Grasp the remote handset firmly with your right hand, or, if you are a freak, your left. You will now find your thumb is ideally placed to swivel round to press any of the operation buttons. We designed it deliberately that way. Aren't we clever? Refering to Appendix C, firmly press the button marked On. You should now find that all theological beliefs are fundamentally animistic. If you have not found this, you may not be adequately skilled in thumb use. Before phoning our free helpline, please ask a twelve year old boy if he can work it out. In most cases, this will be enough to successfully activate the unit. Never read Appendix C again, it will only confuse you. Turn to Section 3, titled "Why was there no sections 1 or 2?" When you think you understand this section, continue on to Section 4. If Section 3 is giving you some headaches, try clapping with one hand for a while. SECTION FOUR No doubt you are keen to get started with your Model 34DD! Assuming you have already reconciled the empiro-critical belief that experience is the root of all phenomena, the button "Play" will play and the button "Stop" will stop. If you are of the opinion that a concept, while philosophically valid can be theologically meaningless, it may be neccessary for you to Have The Idea Of Play And Stop before the handset will function. SECTION THE ROOT OF MINUS ONE This section is imaginary. Therefore you are not reading it, so stop doing so. Now. SECTION NEGATIVE INFINITY This section, though not imaginary, is also right out. CONCLUSION If you find the philosophical or technical elements to this manual a little esoteric, you may like to know that hanging off a cliff face by the handle of an umbrella is great for meditation. --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- In article (3cf12ed9.2793040@news.ntlworld.com>, garethparker2000@yahoo.co.remove-this-to-email-me.uk (Gareth Parker) wrote: > On Sun, 26 May 2002 13:09:37 +0000, robin@ratnest.demon.co.uk (Bob) > took a keyboard, and wrote the following: > > > Silly question I suppose but Big Finish Gary isn't the same person who's > > written > > "The Art of the Fellowship of the Rong" is he? > > The Fellowship of the Rong...? (grin> I hereby nominate Yads, DBurns, John Long, Steve Day and the other trolls for the Fellowship of the Rong. --Charles Martin --------------------------------------------------------- On Sat, 25 May 2002 19:57:11 GMT, Fett (vze2p5gt@verizon.net> took a keyboard, and wrote the following: >Did Anakin finger his new wife with that gold hand on the wedding night? :) # Goldfinger-ing... He's the man, The man with the dark side touch... A Vader's touch... Such a Goldfinger-ing... Pretty Queen, beware of his Force of sin... Just don't go in... Goldfinger-ing... Golderfinger-ing... # Cheers! --Gareth Parker --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Limericks (Was: Re: Some thoughts on Mawdryn Undead) I can't possibly stand by and be outdone here, so here's a Shakespearean sonnet about Doctor Who. Shall I compare thee to a Doctor Who? Thy hair's like Pertwee, and so is thy chin. Aside from that, thy shortness it is true Resembles Troughton, he of manic grin. Thy jumper is as well-designed as that Once sported by Sylvester, and thy coat Repels the sight like Colin's. Thy cravat Is but the one thing thou sharest of note With sexy Paul McGann. But Doctor Five? You both display a girly lack of balls (Except the cricket ones on which you thrive). That leave just Tom and Hartnell. How it galls Me to admit it, but thy brain is tapped Like Tom, and Hartnell's age would seem most apt. --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- >8. If Dr. Seuss wrote "The Three Doctors" (I'm getting in before Pete does) To escape from his prison Omega has a plan He'll attack the Third Doctor 'cos the Doc is Da Man. "The Time Lords' great hero Is to much for me!" That's what he said The Doc Number Three. Gallifrey's High Council Saw this was true And to help the Third Doctor Sent Doc Number Two. But even then problems Had only begun They needed advice >From Doc Number One! With one, two, three Doctors Omega was defeated But wasn't their timeline Screwed up when they meeted? --Daibhid Chiennedelh --------------------------------------------------------- >8. If Dr. Seuss wrote "The Three Doctors" The Brig in the hat, he said "Come and see, In this Police Box, it's Docs One, Two and Three!" One's on a TeeVee, up near the ceiling, Two plays recorder, jigging and reeling, Three's looking grumpy, he's feeling harassed, With both of his old selves, back from the past. Something's not right, there's a funny aroma, Flash! The HQ's gone to somewhere! (Not Cromer.) So who is behind this? By Jingo, it's Omega, A legend of sorts (and a funny old beggar). He's been on a diet and lost so much weight, All that is left is his anger and hate. "In my place you will stay!" that is his order, But Doc number Two has found his recorder, Flash! There goes all that bad anti-matter, And everyone's home in time for tea and a natter. (There's also a bit where Jo flashes a pant, But we'll save that for *adult* fans of Miss Grant). --The Stainless Steel Cat --------------------------------------------------------- Re: Remembrance of the Daleks DVD In article (aes8gj$3m1$1@paris.btinternet.com>, Pete Galey (peeet@btopenworld.com> wrote: >"r. smith" (rsmith43@uwo.ca> wrote in message >news:aerl7g$85u$1@panther.uwo.ca... >> I think there's a case for ending the cliffhanger with Glitz reaching >> for the Doctor's bum. >What, a Baker-style freeze frame, or a rapid zoom in? ("Will the Doctor be >safe from the clutches of Glitz's raging hormones - tune in next Monday!") >Miles more exciting than Coronation Street. I was thinking of the freeze frame, but I suspect there's a psychiatric test somewhere that evaluates your inner psyche based on whether you'd go for the freezing or the reaching when it comes to Sylvester's bum. Um, I think that sound you just heard was rec.arts.drwho officially reaching rock bottom. As it were. Bummer. Sorry everyone. - Robert Smith? --------------------------------------------------------- Re: Quiet on RADW...(Warning, contains annoying questions!) JerryD wrote: > the Fifth Doctor/Peri Combination in the books and audios does > make me nervous because it feels like a very small 'missing' slot > being STRETCHED VERY WIDE... Well, they say Davison was well hung... --Finn Clark. --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Spare Parts "Rob T Firefly" wrote in message > "David Brunt" wrote in message > > "henrythefourth" wrote > > > "Cameron Mason" wrote > > > > AFAIK, Spare Parts will use the original Cybervoices. > > > > > > Will they have their individual names, like Kang? > > > > Nick Briggs is listed on the BF website as playing CyberLeader > > Zheng > > Does a Cyberman gets its name from the noise its chest unit makes > when dropped? Yes. Well, the script for "The Wheel in Space" includes the character Cyberleader Ohbuggeritsfallenonmyfoot. --David Brunt --------------------------------------------------------- doctor@doctor.nl2k.ab.ca (The Doctor) wrote in message news:(aflnod$3f0 > N/A (foo@bar.com> wrote: > >On Sun, 30 Jun 2002 10:13:47 +1000, "Cameron Mason" > >>Lovely, it looks like my newsserver has stuffed up again. > >> > >>Off to trawl google once more... > > > >No, it looks OK. My newsreader showed 657 new headers- obviously > >somebody tried to bomb the group and then got cancelled. > > cancelled??? In top secret headquarters, somewhere on Earth: Anonymous@nobody.com: "Rec.arts.drwho is about to cease to exist. John Long, Luke Curtis, DBurns, Jon Blum, and the rest will never be able to discuss their favorite sci-fi show again. And they'll never even know how they offended me. Just as well - I don't remember how they offended me. All I know is that I have a petty desire to make *all* Doctor Who fans, regardless of type, suffer for a perceived insult in my past. Off goes the newsgroup bomb." DALEK: "Hel-lo." Anonymous@nobody.com: "What are you doing here?" DALEK: "I am not sure. That is some ser-i-ous weed you are smo-king. It is af-fect-ing my men-tal pro-cess. Ah. I re-mem-ber now. I have been in-struc-ted to can-cel you." Anonymous@nobody.com: "Who would want to get rid of me?" DALEK: "It was a spe-cial re-quest from two hun-dred fif-ty mil-lion peo-ple. I have a coun-ter re-quest from one hun-dred mil-lion peo-ple who op-pose the Death Pen-al-ty, but just want you to know you are a jerk." Anonymous@nobody.com: "But I am anonymous. How can you even find me, much less eliminate me, you cheap piece of hard plastic with goo inside. You dustbin shaped creature. About as dangerous as a punching bag." DALEK: "Has an-y-one told you you are rude?" Anonymous@nobody.com: "Yeah. All of rec.arts.drwho agreed on that in a rare display of unity. Oh. That's right. THAT'S why I hate them! Thanks for the memory. Can I do anything for you?" DALEK: "Yes. You can be can-celled." (blast) Anonymous@nobody.com: "AAaaargh!!!" (dies) DALEK: "Re-mem-ber, hack-ers, slack-ers, cre-tins, bores. Keep thy eyes open. Who knows for whom the plun-ger tolls. Per-haps it tolls for thee." Benjamin F. Elliott --------------------------------------------------------- Alliekatt wrote: > > Is impersonating a Celtic goddess REALLY a major violation of intergalactic > law? Let me call the president of the united federation of planets, and ask him. "Hello?" "Yes, Mr. President?" "Yes, who is this?" "I'm an ice warrior from the planet Mars. I need to ask you if impersonating a-" "Who are you again?" "An ice warrior." "An ice warrior? What's that?" "Well, I'm an inhabitant of the planet Mars." "Mars? I'm sorry, but there's been no life there since we strip-mined the place." ::click:: Well sorry. I tried, but I couldn't find out the answer to your question. Try asking yads. He has software. --The Ice Warrior --------------------------------------------------------- Re: The returrrrrrrn of the "The Wacky Survey"!!!!! >From: Luke Curtis luke.curtis@virgin.net >20. What is Turlough's secret hobby? Actually, I broke into Turlough's room and discovered he had copies of "The Young Person's Guide To Killing The Doctor", "The I-Spy Book Of Ways To Kill The Doctor" and "The Observers Guide To Dead Doctors". So probably crossstitch. --Daibhid Chiennedelh --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: (fwd) Re: BBC Books: Is the end near and has it been prepared for? The BBC, after considerable talks with itself, has decided against renewing its own licence. Some bloke from BBC Worldwide (not Justin Richards, who was busy creating a programming language that utilised iambic pentameter) said "Naturally, we're slightly shocked by this news, but we were totally honest with ourselves and can understand our reasons." When asked if Virgin would be interested in the licence Peter Davros-Yarvelling said "Nah, Virgin Publishing only does porn these days. Although, that was our policy when we were doing the NAs too, come to think of it." I'm thinking of sending this to Tachyon TV. What do you reckon? --Daibhid Chiennedelh --------------------------------------------------------- Re: Chameleon Circuit Vs Cloaking Device On 19 Jul 2002 22:05:43 GMT, powrwrap@aol.compost (Alan S. Wales) wrote: >>Chris Cwej cwej@thecia.co.uk > >>Well, as much as I didn't want to do this, I'm gonna get involved in >>the debate and side with.... >> >>No-one! >> >>Episode 4 of the Time Meddler, when the Monk leads the Doctor to the >>sarcophagus TARDIS, the Doctor is less than impressed and the Monk >>clearly states >> >>"What's the matter Doctor, can't you repair your camouflage unit?" > >>So, everyone's wrong. > >>The correct term (well the first term that I can find) is CAMOUFLAGE >>UNIT and so that's what I'll be referring to it as from now on should >>I ever have to refer to that device again. > > >Yes, but that's because the Monk was bluffing! He's a liar! He claimed to be >helping the Vikings invade England but he was really out to destroy their >fleet! Don't believe a word he says! The Doctor defeated the Monk by removing >the "dimensional controller" from his Tardis when we all know from Wheel in >Space that the device is called the "time vector generator"! > >Camouflage Unit certainly describes the function of the device most accurately, >however, I like the sound and mental images that the name Chameleon Circuit >conjures up. Why don't we just call it the A.D.R.I.C. (Autonomous Deception Reconstruction Integrator Circuit)? It's a useful for certain tasks but generally dosen't work and is pretty useless. Keleka --------------------------------------------------------- "Steve Roberts" (steve.roberts@bbc.co.uk> wrote in message news:3d498784.26166391@news.reith.bbc.co.uk... > On Thu, 1 Aug 2002 18:44:25 +0000 (UTC), Shannon Patrick Sullivan > (shannon@mun.ca> wrote: > > >It was a dark and stormy night on Thu, 01 Aug 2002 18:26:39 GMT when Steve Roberts said: > >> On Thu, 1 Aug 2002 17:44:43 +0000 (UTC), Shannon Patrick Sullivan > >> (shannon@mun.ca> wrote: > > > >>>Ah, but if Doctor Who had survived until the present day, I fully expect > >>>that something like "bastard" -- which by 2002 standards is a very tepid > >>>swear word -- would be heard in Doctor Who. > > > >> I really don't think it would - honestly. > > > >Hmmm, I'm interested, why do you think that? On North American TV, at > >least, the word "bastard" is pretty much fair game -- you'll hear it as > >readily on an 8pm show or a daytime soap opera as you will at 11pm. Is > >British television more restrictive in this regard, or do you just think > >it wouldn't be permitted on Doctor Who, specifically? > > Because Doctor Who was always a family show and I think that the BBC > would have continued it in that tradition. It had so much history > behind it that I don't believe that the Corporation would ever have > allowed it to sink into more 'realistic' use of language. And nor > should it, in my opinion. When the show returns to TV, the producers use this debate in a cliffhanger: DOCTOR: Davros! Through all these years and all our battles, through all of time and all of space, you have continually brought misery to millions of innocent souls. My patience with you is run out. Wheel yourself over here and SUCK MY --- [cue ending]. Then would follow a week in which the nation(s) would be seized with anticipation over whether the Doctor's next word would turn out to be the obvious one. Viewing figures would double instantly. Or not. Ken Carriere (k-carriere@rogers.com> --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Big Finish - I took the plunge >> >>"You be-long to uzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..." >> >>"You shall be like uzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..." >> >>:) >> >>Cameron > > >WE WILL SURVIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At first I was diseased I was petrified Kept Thinking I could never live without organs in my insides But I spent so many nights Thinking "cybernetic parts" I grew strong I learned how to carry on. And now I"m back. In Outer Space. I've just been converted with pantyhose up on my face. I have gained a silly voice I now have tough plastisteel kidneys And I want to change all humans So they look exactly just like me! Go on now go. Walk through the door. To conversion. 'Cause you won't be human anymore. Weren't you the one who had a computer for a brain? Well don't crumble Cuz now we all will be the same! Oh yes we'll try We Will Survive As long as we know how to live Our race won't surely die. We have plastic life to live And we've got all our limbs to give And We'll Survive. We Will Survive! It took all the strength we had Not to fall apart. Kept trying hard to make the pieces of our plastic hearts. And we spent so many nights just trying to improve ourselves We used to cry But now we hold our lampheads high And you see we, Cybermen new. We're not the screwed up Mondasians that you thought you knew. And so we feel like dropping in on the human settlements that we must. We will convert all the people And they will be just like us! Oh yes we'll try We Will Survive As long as we know how to live Our race won't surely die. We have plastic life to live And we've got all our limbs to give And We'll Survive. We Will Survive! Apologies to Gloria Gaynor. --Trey Korte --------------------------------------------------------- Re: OT The Hooded Man (was Re: McGann (was Re: Big Finish Audios) > >(sigh> they don't make telly like they used to... > >Brax Well, no, they use plastic and metal casings nowadays instead of wood. I believe they're in colour as well, which is nice. Somebody said that they've started stretching them so they look like a rectangle instead of a square. I must say I find that hard to believe, I mean, the glass on the screen would break, wouldn't it? I reckon they're just being silly. Do you know, I heard they even got rid of the little white dot? Disgraceful! I shall be writing to Points of View, let me tell you! Is this what we pay our licence fee for? No white dot? I bet it was a focus group that made the decision to scrap it. Those people are totally out of touch with the real world. These are the important issues that Tony Blair should be addressing! But no, he's probably mates with the people who make Non White Dot tellys. I expect there'll soon be a law against white dots passed in parliament. And as for the "Stretch Limo" telly, it'll never take off. I mean, how do you fit one under the mantle piece? Where does the pot plant go? These people have no common sense. --Macfadyan --------------------------------------------------------- Re: Lawrence Miles and Book Sales On 10 May 2002 15:00:04 -0700, jvowles@yahoo.com (Jim Vowles) wrote: >Lance, if we ever DO get together for that meeting over a nice cold >beer, we must put this argument to song. Anyone want to write 'The Ballad of the People Who Think Both That Gallifrey is a Fundamental Part of Who Lore, but also That Gallifrey Never Actually Did Anything and Get Terribly Worked Up About Books They Don't Even Read' ? I might need a snappier title. Given that it's nearly three days and 'Selaboc' hasn't replied to my post, I guess 'You're not singing anymore' might do the trick. --Lance Parkin --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: offical : the net has started to break up That's a shame. I hope they do a reunion tour someday... --Bokman --------------------------------------------------------- korman@start.com.au (Kate Orman) wrote in message news:(a7ca8b81.0205142305.439d3dd@posting.google.com>... > > >Capgras' syndrome!!! > The unshakeable delusion that one's loved ones have been replaced with > exact duplicates. Hmm. What if Fitz got this syndrome. Bwahahahahaahahhaah. Misha That's funny on so many levels. Okay, two. --Misha Lauenstein --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Queer as Who (Was Re: Freedman's dead bid - opinions) "Malus Aforethought" (Malus@Askforit.com> wrote in message news:ac9fae$mg9$1@news8.svr.pol.co.uk... > QF!!! Definite QF!! Cheers! Because I enjoyed writing that so much, here's another. Not that I'm bored or anything. I'd better stop now though, or the next one might involve buggery... Ext. Used-Spaceship dealer. Day. The DOCTOR is eyeing up a classy type-90 TARDIS, disguised as a black jeep. A SALESMAN comes over. SALESMAN Can I help you sir? DOCTOR How much is this one? SALESMAN Er, are you sure you want that one sir? It's a TARDIS. DOCTOR Yes. SALESMAN Let me show you some of our better vehicles, sir, a tad more expensive, but they've got vertical take off and landing, faster than light, warp engines, time corridor technology- DOCTOR I like this one. SALESMAN Heh, Er, right. Thing is, sir, perhaps you need to think about the image you're going for. These are spacious, alright, but a family man like yourself, you want something with, er, fewer associations. DOCTOR I like *this* one. SALESMAN Look, sir, I'll be honest with you. We get a lot of *(pianissimo)* renegade Time Lords *(normal)* wanting to purchase these TT capsules. Fair dos, they're cutting edge those boys, and their lifestyle means they don't tend to have a particularly long life expectancy, you know, riddled with alien radiation, falling off satelites dishes, er, banging their head and so forth, so we get the resale value. But someone such as yourself doesn't want to be associated with that sort of thing. DOCTOR I *like* *this* *one*. The SALESMAN suddenly smiles. SALESMAN OK, you know what? It's entirely up to you. Here's the key, take it for a spin, see how you like it, and when you get back to this time zone we'll talk prices, OK? DOCTOR Fine. The DOCTOR takes the keys and climbs aboard the TARDIS. With a wheezing, groaning sound the jeep fades away. The SALESMAN walks back into the showroom and sits down at his desk. After a few seconds, there is another wheezing, groaning sound, and the TARDIS, now in the shape of a battered old police box, materialises two feet above the SALESMAN's head. Before he can react, the TARDIS falls to the floor, crushing the SALESMAN and his chair into a bloody twisted mess, like in that silly book with the poodles. The door of the TARDIS opens and the DOCTOR pops his head out. DOCTOR Where do I sign? --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- John Rocco Roberto (johnroccoroberto@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:(3CE66B4F.F3CCBB64@yahoo.com>... > As my video copy of "The Armageddom Factor" is packed away with my book > version, can anyone tell me the name Drax calls the Doctor? I believe > it was Sigma something. Thanks! > Feet O'Sigma, a pun on the Doctor's actual name, Thete Octor. Actually, the odds are that his real name is Muldwychblahblahbblahlungbarrowmas. --Andrew J. Brook --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: The Return of Silly Titles "Brad Filippone" (al019@chebucto.ns.ca> wrote in message news:abued5$jfl$1@News.Dal.Ca... > The usual rules. Supply a line or three of silly dialog that might be > found in a story with the following imaginary titles: [...] > ...and now a few more "if so-and-so wrote, etc" > 6. If William Shakespeare wrote Planet of the Spiders. Better late than never, here goes... >From The Tragedy of Doctor the Third, Act Five, Scene Three Enter Doctor from the TARDIS, deathly pale. DOCTOR: To go or not to go, that was the question: Whether that trip to Metebelis Three Would solve all this, or be the death of me: To go and face the spiders in their city, Or keep the crystal cos it's blue and pretty. I've spent the past two months a-chasing round In vehicles airborne and on the ground, Across the sea and down the motorway, No more could I delay this fateful day. To die; to then on Gallifrey go live Inside the Matrix, like a set-up spiv. I'd have my little area, with cheese And wine with which my virtual guests to please, And after several months I'd have forgotten The times that Captain Yates stared at my bottom, Or Benton dented Bessie's priceless fender After another all-night binge and bender. To die, perchance to then regenerate! Ay, there's the rub, because I venerate My current body. Better tis I know Than crotchety old man, cosmic hobo, Or any of those other ones that will Pop up in Brain of Morbius and still Cause endless arguments on th'Internet. For if I die, I may become the vet, Or that one with the coat, or, god forefend One of those two McDoctors! Well, I'll send A prayer to Rassilon, and make my plea To send me now a body fit for me. Enter BRIGADIER and SARAH JANE SMITH DOCTOR: But soft you now - the fair Miss Sarah Jane! Oh where there's life there's... BRIGADIER: ...Here we go again! --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: The Return of Silly Titles "Brad Filippone" (al019@chebucto.ns.ca> kirjoitti viestissä news:abued5$jfl$1@News.Dal.Ca... > The usual rules. Supply a line or three of silly dialog that might be > found in a story with the following imaginary titles: > 4. The Seizure Hive *hic*BANG*hic*CRASH*hic*BANG*... "Doctor, I think K9's having hiccups!" "Oh really? I better give him a glass of water.." (smiles mischievously and mutters under his breath:) "that'll show the annoying metal mutt..." *K9's circuits are damaged by the water beyond all repair* Romana: "But... KAY-NI-HINE!!!!!"*sobs* > 5. The Ultimate Hoe Why not the Ultimate Ho:D:D:D:D? Concerning the adventures of Jo on Eroticon VII... > 6. The Invisible Enema Oh dear:).. well, you asked for it!! Rani: "Now hold still, you pitiful bearded trouble-maker..." Master: "W-w-what in the blazes are you DOING?!?" *squelch* Rani: "Simply chemically dissolving that stick that's been lodged up your ass ever since the day you were born..." Master: "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" > 8. Disco Inferno Oh Goddess, my brain hurts. Is this where the Brigade Leader and the S/M Liz hit the dancefloor in a militant fetish nightclub?:) *shudder* > 13. Victoria's Secret Victoria didn't know what to wear this morning, and decided that she might as well indulge in mail-ordering some nice undergarments that reminded her of her own time... until she discovered that for some mysterious reason, the pages of her favourite catalogue were stuck together, completely ruined... hiding in Victoria's closet, Jamie swallowed loudly. > 19. Jonathan and Kate Visit Frontios Ooh, I'd like to know if Kate would enjoy shaking the Doctor's light stick. (ducks). When are you going to do "Auntie and Zorak visit...":D? Now that would be interesting... Auntie and Zorak visit Atlantis... "Really, Auntie, your impersonation of Queen Galleia isn't good enough, no matter how deep-plunging your neckline is, now stop trying to grope the Master, you'll ruin the story and it won't be canon anymore! It'd be just like one of those Jon Blum stories!":D (ducks) Or alternatively: "Zorak, are you sure about this? The air hostess uniform is an, erm, *snug* fit... you sure you can crawl into the Doctor's cricketing trousers by wearing *that*? Besides the miniskirt and high heels are just sexist crap, not practical at all, and the Doc's waving a gun again so I'm not really interested..." (see, I can parody myself too!;)) > 5. If one of those anonymous Victorian erotica writers wrote "The Talons > of Weng-Chiang" Hey, how'd you know I love Jenny Everleigh?:D "The lithe, well-tanned savage woman, her fierceness poorly hidden under a facade of a proper lady's attire, seated herself in a very unladylike manner upon a plush armchair. For any unseen voyeur, the display was most exquisite: a wild-woman tamed by a corset that accentuated her slim waist and pert, if small, breasts, capturing her in its gage of steel and cotton, underneath an expanse of heavy silk, oddly reminiscent of a wild beast's hide in its irregular stripes and shapes, never letting the viewer forget the true nature of this lady. Fondling a vicious steak-knife in her long fingers with a predatory gleam in her eyes, this child of the wilderness entertained thoughts of how to punish the Doctor for abandoning her in this gloomy old house for hours upon hours. Maybe stripping him of his clothes and his dignity by tying him down and then removing his buttons with the knife one by one? She chuckled as she remembered the effects of slow torture on Sevateem boys, reddening cheeks, reddening chest, engorged... eyes, everything... With the Doctor's already bulging... eyes, Leela expected to see quite satisfying results." Ok, I can't go on anymore, since a) I'm getting far too much into this b) this is a family newsgroup!:D > ...and just becuase we had a quotefile-worthy response before... > > 6. If William Shakespeare wrote Planet of the Spiders. "Now my greed is all o'erthrown, and what strength I have is a Time Lord's own, Which is most faint, now 'tis true, I must lie here gawked at by you (weakly points towards Sarah and Brig), Or sent to Gallifrey. Let me not, since I have my regeneration got, And pardon'd the Great Spider, dwell In this UNIT lab by your spell, But release me from my capes And that meddling jackanapes, Gentle breath of the Guru's my sails Must fill, or else the regeneration fails, Which was to dash: now I want Whim to enforce, madness to enchant; And my ending is sure death, Unless I be relieved by my Watcher's breath, Which renews me so that it construes, A bohemian, of scarf of many hues. As you from the monsters would relievèd be, Oh Brig and Sarah, please let me flee." --Auntie Krizu --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Who would make the best new Who? On 23 May 2002 14:40:13 GMT, Andrew McCaffrey (amccaf1@gl.umbc.edu> took a keyboard, and wrote the following: >Wizard Munchausen (WizardM@address.com> wrote: >> Hmmmm. Good actor, but please, no Americans! Or before you know it, >> Arnie would be in the tardis with a mini-gun. > >*stares at the post for a moment* > >Yeah, because hiring an American actor, and leasing a giant Austrian >catchphrase are such similar things... "HEY, DAR-LEKK. I'LL BE BACHK. AND BACHK AG-IN AND A-GIN IN MIIIY TARRR-DES TO EX-TUR-MIN-NATE YUR ASSSSE!. AS-TA LA-VISTA, SKAAARO!" --Gareth Parker --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Pro fun: Authors >11. "Fury From the Deep" by a Penthouse Forum letter writer > Maggie paused. She hadn't been quite the same since she had touched that seaweed on her husband's desk...she could feel the throbbing beat inside her head. She moved her hand inside her blouse, remembering the earlier tumble she and her husband had that morning. "Ms. Harris?" A voice came from the door. Turning, she saw two men silhouetted against her doorway. One was tall, lean, and smooth. The other was shorter, stockier, and packed with muscle. "We're Mr. Oak and Mr. Quill. We've come to check your....heater." "Oh do come in!" Maggie let them inside. Mr. Oak grinned at her lasciviously. Suddenly, Maggie felt intoxicated, the throbbing, pounding feeling present inside her mind. She could see Mr. Oak and Quill standing on either side of them, smiling. She felt pulled under their control, yes, she would be their slave! She would give herself over to them and sbumit her body to whatever they desired. Not only her body, but her mind could be taken by them. She began to unbutton her blouse.... "Oh I like what I see Mr. Oak!" "I do as well Mr. Quill!" "What should we do now Mr. Oak?" "Let's each fondle a breast, Mr. Quill?" (next section censored) Maggie writhed in a combination of ecstasy and euphoria. There was white foam, covering her. She wallowed in its glory, spreading it over her face. Yes, she was part of them now. She was one with Oak and QUill....as she slid dabs of foam up and down her naked body, she wondered when she would experience the same with her mysterious visitors again. The sea was calling. --Trey Korte --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: REVIEW: Warmonger (NO SPOILERS) NO SPOILERS. Warmonger, Terrance Dicks A Fifth Doctor adventure, published May 2002 ISBN 0-563-53852-X "Some fans like any old rubbish so long as it's got lots of continuity. Never let it be said that BBC Books neglects any of its loyal readers! We'd better commission some." --Finn Clark --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Some thoughts on Mawdryn Undead that aren't about UNIT dating Hmm, these season 20 ones aren't getting much comment compared to the season 19 ones. Is there less to debate, or have I (NO!!!) stopped being controversial? *snip* Oh well. I'm bored so I'm going to write a limerick. There one was an ill bloke called Mawdryn Who travelled in space, like Buzz Aldrin. He wanted to die, On head he wore pie, Thought tasty by thesp Alec Baldwin. --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Lawrence Miles and Book Sales >>From: jblum@zipworld.com.au (Jonathan Blum) > >>>>>Not always, but in this case, where the costs are so high on both sides, >>>>>it would've been preferable. >> >>>>Preferable? I'm sure -- but not necessarily *possible*, which is the >>>>point. >> >>>It's DOCTOR WHO- *anything* is possible. >> >>Except saving Adric, apparently. This goes right back to the blithe >>assumption that you can always have a happy ending no matter what -- > >Technically you *can*, in that the author controls all the conditions, it's >just a question of what decision he makes. In this particular instance a less >destructive ending would've been preferable. Er, preferable to whom? (SCENE: Stephen Cole's office. Enter Justin Richards) Stephen: Justin! Hi! Come to check out the office? (laughs> Justin: Yep. Start clearing your desk! (laughs> Stephen: So, um, how's "The Burning" going? Justin: Pretty good. I've managed to get a sense that, even though the Doctor doesn't remember *anything*, he still instinctively helps people, and there's a slight hint that, deep down, he knows what happened to Gallifrey. Should be ready soon. Finished "The Ancestor Cell" yet? Stephen: Er, yeah. About that. I was chatting to Peter, we were just doing the finale and I suddenly thought "Hey, why does the Doctor have to destroy Gallifrey?" Justin: Well, because that's the point, I'd have thought. Still, you're the editor, for now, if you've thought of something better then that's great. Who does destroy Gallifrey then? Stephen: Er, nobody. Justin: What?? Steve, this is "The Book Where Gallifrey Is Destroyed"! I, along with everyone else currently writing books that follow it, am working on the assumption that Gallifrey is, in fact, destroyed! I say again: WHAT??? Stephen: The Doctor traps the whole of Faction Paradox in an anti-time loop, travels back to the Old Time to talk to Rassilon and ensures that Gallifrey's time line remains pure. Then Romana apologises for her behaviour earlier and he says he understands. Justin: (weakly> And the amnesia? Stephen: Um. If you like I could have him bang his head on the console. Justin: Never mind. I'm going back to the computer job. --Daibhid Chiennedelh --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Fuck!!! Why does this keep happening? John Long (jlbc@epix.net> wrote: > I do read the political/religious/OT threads > on occasion, when people are saying something interesting, but screaming > and yelling at each other gets tiresome between 3-5 days after the > inevitable flamewar begins, and the participants never know when to > quit. So we all have to put up with it. I don't see why. This > newsgroup has a charter, it wouldn't kill any of you to read it and > review it and quite possibly obey it. You know, when I woke up this morning my kettle and my pots were beating the hell out of each other, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then I logged on to RADW and saw that obviously some very fundamental rules of the universe just got changed. -- Andrew McCaffrey --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: [Pro-Fun] Incomplete Quotes daibhidchenedelh@aol.com (Daibhid Chiennedelh) wrote: > 'One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be > no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and > prove to me that...' '... the TARDIS's external speaker is still working'. > 'There are some corners of the universe which have bred the most terrible > things. Things that act against everything we believe in. They must be...' '...bloody sick and tired of me winning by now.' > > 'A flower. One of those little weeds. Just like a daisy it was. I looked at it > for a moment and suddenly I saw it through his eyes. It was simply glowing with > life like a perfectly cut jewel, and the colours were deeper and richer than > you could possibly imagine. It was...' '... quite honestly the worst Hawaiian shirt JNT ever wore.' > 'Homo sapiens. What an inventive, invincible species. It's only a few million > years since they crawled up out of the mud and learned to walk. Puny, > defenceless bipeds. They've survived flood, famine and plague, they've survived > cosmic wars and holocausts and now, here they are, out among the stars ready to > begin a new life, ready to outsit eternity. They're...' '... really kidding themselves this time.' > 'There should have been...' '...a dimmer on that light switch, this place looks shocking.' > 'The TARDIS, when working properly, is capable of many amazing things. Not > unlike...' '... myself. Sadly, neither of us has worked properly for years.' > 'There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep > and the rivers dream, people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere > there's danger, somewhere there's injustice and somewhere else the tea is > getting cold. Come on, Ace, we've got...' '... our final paychecks, let's go get pissed.' > 'I came back to life before...' '... anything happened, right? I'm not sure whether I could fully trust that morgue attendant.' --Mark Longmuir --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: [Pro-Fun] Incomplete Quotes In article (20020605193511.10342.00002488@mb-ci.aol.com>, daibhidchenedelh@aol.com (Daibhid Chiennedelh) wrote: >Yes, it's another ISIHAC ripoff. Simply complete the following quotes, one from >each Doctor, and remember, as Humph always says, points will be deducted for a >correct answer... > >'One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be >no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and >prove to me that...' ...I am not Miss Tilly Woodbine.' >'There are some corners of the universe which have bred the most terrible >things. Things that act against everything we believe in. They must be...' ...exhausted, poor dears.' >'A flower. One of those little weeds. Just like a daisy it was. I looked at it >for a moment and suddenly I saw it through his eyes. It was simply glowing with >life like a perfectly cut jewel, and the colours were deeper and richer than >you could possibly imagine. It was...' ...a great trip, man.' >'Homo sapiens. What an inventive, invincible species. It's only a few million >years since they crawled up out of the mud and learned to walk. Puny, >defenceless bipeds. They've survived flood, famine and plague, they've survived >cosmic wars and holocausts and now, here they are, out among the stars ready to >begin a new life, ready to outsit eternity. They're...' ...a bloody nuisance, aren't they? But with new "EarthlingAway" you can get rid of the pests from your planet in just three days. Pets and podlings need not be excluded.' >'There should have been...' ...fries with that.' >'The TARDIS, when working properly, is capable of many amazing things. Not >unlike...' ...the British Rail system.' >'There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep >and the rivers dream, people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere >there's danger, somewhere there's injustice and somewhere else the tea is >getting cold. Come on, Ace, we've got...' ...half a packet of cigarettes, it's fifty thousand light years to Gallifrey, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.' >'I came back to life before...' ...as Shirley McClaine.' --The Stainless Steel Cat --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: A Question about The War Games "Representative Trantis" (g@g.com> wrote in message news:(adq6ln$p1k$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk>... > well, that is one of those things it's just best not to think too much > about. The best explaination would be for him to be on his last > regeneration. However, when you expand it further, why does the doctor ever > fear for his life, at the end of an episode? Exactly! For example, if I came to your house and chopped off your arm with an axe, you wouldn't fear for your arm because you've got another one with which to eat Count Chocula tomorrow. --Misha Lauenstein --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: A Question about The War Games >"David A McIntee" david.mcintee@btopenBUTCLOSEDTOSPAMworld.com >Oh, of course there's always the possibility that he was on his thirteenth >life anyway. Weren't we all by the time War Games finally ended? --Alan S. Wales --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Sylvester and Sophie sucked! >dburns6554@aol.com (DBurns6554) wrote in >message >news:(20020613070139.15475.00000489@mb->fg.aol.com>... > The title of that thread needed changing. Is this an adults-only easter egg on the Remembrance DVD...? --Mark Longmuir --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Authors again Brad Filippone (al019@chebucto.ns.ca> wrote in message news:aem4ep$b2j$2@News.Dal.Ca... > Another fun-thread. Supply a sample of the result if the following people > wrote the stories indicated. > 3. If Emily Bronte wrote "The Hand of Fear" 198-, I am staying in the small village of Morton Harewood, hoping to relax in the quiet life of the village, when my attention was drawn to an attractive woman and what appeared to be a metal dog. I decided to ask my neighbour, Nelly Dean about the woman and her 'pet', and she says to me: "Mr Lockwood, the story of Miss Smith and her dog is long tale, but it really begins in a quarry, a number of years ago..." --Cameron Mason --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Authors again On Tue, 18 Jun 2002 02:04:09 +0000 (UTC), al019@chebucto.ns.ca (Brad Filippone) took a keyboard, and wrote the following: >Another fun-thread. Supply a sample of the result if the following people >wrote the stories indicated. > >1. If Woody Allen wrote "Paridise Towers" "Ummmm, Mel, would you, I mean, if you don't mind, well of course, you might mind, but we were just wondering, well, could we... No it's silly. Forget it, nno don't forget it. I'm going to be brave and ask this rather than back away. My shrink says I always back away, because, well you know, but Mel, I was just, you know, could I, we? Ummm, well, you know eat you? Not in a sexual sense - no, I mean, actually, ummmm, well, maybe this is some sort of sexual frustration in metaphor form? I mean, what, ummmm..." >4. If George W. Bush wrote "Revelation of the Daleks" "Ha, ha, ha. I am the Great Healer of Necros, and I beseeify you to hear my latesting pleas for more support and money for the Dalekification Programmings. We need substaintual quantificational development in this great project of peace, in assitify our aims of universal stabilityisation across the whole of space, notably all the dark areas. Ha, ha, ha. They're the biggest, so they need the greatest scrutination. Also we must unite against the Axil of Evil that threatens our Universal existancation..." >7. If J. K. Rowling wrote "Kinda" "It had been a long summer in the time-space vortex and the new term loomed large on Nyssa. But unlike most young girls of her age, Nyssa hated the summer. Nyssa was an orphan, and not a normal girl by any means. She in fact, very special. but the long summer weighed heavily on her, like it did every year. Like it had for the last four years. Just four years ago she discovered she was rather special, but had been raised without knowing the truth about Kinda. In fact Nyssa begged to go back Kinda, a place of great magic, rather than be with her adopted family. That Tegan was so loathful of her, and treated her like she didn't exist, or shout at her without reason..." >15. If William Shakespeare wrote "Terror of the Autons" (Exit Jo Grant> Master: I'll have her, but I'll not keep her long. What, I that tried to kill the Doctor, and his friends, To take her in her heart's naivity, With Flowers in her hair, Mini-skirts in her cupboard, The plastic Auton army of hatred, By having UNIT, Her O Levels And these slang terms against me? And nothing I to back my suit withal, Except the Plain Daemonsl and a Dematerialisation circuit? Upon my lives she finds, Although I myself cannot, Me to be a marvellous, proper Timelord. I'll be at charges for a Tissue Compressor, And entertain a score or two Silirians, Since I am crept in favour with myself, I shall conquer the Earth with the greatest cost. But first I'll turn the Doctor in his graves, And return, hitting on his companion. Shine out fair sun, til I have defeated the Doctor, Then I may see my life free of that terrible old bore. --Gareth Parker --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Authors again >From: al019@chebucto.ns.ca (Brad Filippone) >8. If Dr. Seuss wrote "The Three Doctors" "It is not a new world!", the Brig said, "It's probably Cromer! Now where is the Doctor, that white-haired old roamer?" But noone could tell him, nor could tell he, That he was dealing not with one Doctor but three! First was an old man trapped in a bubble Which floated about with a woosily-wubble. Next was a hobo, with mad Beatle hair, who played his blue-striped retoozler with flair, But then came the Dandy, with Venusian Kung-Fu and fast cars and an archnemesis too. Greeted they were by a great "HOOLA-HA! WELCOME FROM THE GREAT TIME LORD OMEGA!" >10. If Adolf Hitler wrote "Invasion of the Dinasaurs" If we then agree that the dinosaurs are inferior, and should be thrown out of the ideal national state as described earlier, then it is necessary to examine the ideal obligations of the state in relation to not only dinosaurs but all prehistoric animal life and how their presence influences the economic structure of any given nation in relation to its governmental and social branches which can best be described as interacting with the citizenry on a basis of... (paragraph continues for the next three pages) >12. If Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote "City of Death" TOUCH ME! I'M SO OBVIOUSLY SQUIRMY! MY FACE IS SO WORMY THAT NO WORMS CAN COMPARE! --Bokman --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: unfinished quotations >From: Joxer joxer1969@softhome.net >Borusa: As I believe I told you long ago, Doctor, you will never amount >to anything in the galaxy while you retain your propensity for... hiding in a cupboard making vworp-vworp noises while telling everyone it's bigger on the inside. --Joxer --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: unfinished quotations >Master: It's always innocent bystanders who... ....take 2 items over the limit to the express checkout and must therefore be killed. -- Alan S. Wales --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: unfinished quotations > Doctor: I'm a Time Lord...You don't understand the impications. I'm not >a > human being. I walk in... fluffy pink bunny slippers. > Borusa: As I believe I told you long ago, Doctor, you will never amount > to anything in the galaxy while you retain your propensity for... ramdom buggerings of cute white, fluffy rabbits! --Cameron Mason --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: rec.arts.drwho.moderated showing signs of life Cameron Mason (masomika@spam_goes_in_herempx.com.au> wrote: > Jim Vowles (jvowles@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:a312a079.0206182112.40257406@posting.google.com... >> Fett (vze2p5gt@verizon.net> wrote in message > news:(3D0BC9AE.A57CB386@verizon.net>... >> > The old liason was sacked. The person who sacked the liason has, in > turn, >> > been sacked also. The person who sacked the person who sacked the liason > also >> > has been sacked. >> NOTE: Fett has been sacked. > FURTHER NOTE: Jim has been sacked, and I have sacked myself. When I think about Who, I sack myself. -- Andrew McCaffrey --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: One or two thoughts about Terminus that don't involve Nyssa's skirt "Malus Aforethought" (Malus@Askforit.com> wrote in message news:aeqk0f$r9o$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk... > > "Pete Galey" (petegaley@yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message >> > Assuming you're right though: if the Doctor sets the TARDIS coordinates to > > before the Big Bang, what will he find? Hmmm - perhaps that what all the > > "negative coordinates" in stuff like the Mind Robber is all about... I > > reckon there's a good EDA in all this somewhere. Or is there one already..? > > What's that you ask? Is there a good EDA? No of course not ;-) > > There are no negative co-ords in Mind Robber. It's "out of space and time" > (same non-place the Watcher takes the TARDIS in Logopolis.) E-Space has > negative co-ords -- the negative position of Gallifrey is Alzarius (the scanner, > still set to positive, shows Outer Gallifrey). The (Warriors') Gateway is at > zero coordinates. Right you are. There's still a good case for Mind Robber being set in a prior universe though, as that would be out of "our" space and time. > Most Who chronology compilers/researchers think the Terminus timeship came from > *our* future. However, to me, the onscreen dialogue clearly shows it is from a > prior universe and caused ours to form (even if Gallagher fucks up Event One of > the galaxy - a SF author not knowing the difference between our galaxy and the > Universe, whatever next???). But the dead Pilot looks nothing like a Garm (who Oh I don't know. We don't get a good look at the pilot, and the Garm is the only other creature "with the strength of a giant" on board... > has been genetically-engineered by Terminus Inc anyway, so is unlikely to be a > rare exomorph) I missed that bit. Please don't make me watch the story again. > But at the end of the day, we all know that Event One was triggered by the Vipod > Mor (as revealed in a BBC broadcast/CD). Perhaps seeing the Vipod Mor explode gave the pilot of Terminus such a fright that he jettisoned his fuel by accident. Heh Slipback - it's been a while since I heard that... Do you know that if you speed up the sound of the beast roaring in that story it's just a man saying "roar!"? I discovered that once while copying the tape for a friend to listen to. --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: If Doctor Who is dead In article (vukvgu4i6nvapk4qdo2jk5f2pppdvcni8t@4ax.com>, Zygon Curry (nospam@logopolis.clara.co.uk> wrote: >On Wed, 19 Jun 2002 00:02:19 +0000 (UTC), doctor@doctor.nl2k.ab.ca >(The Doctor) wrote: > >>In article (aeoa9n$hf0$1@panther.uwo.ca>, r. smith (rsmith43@uwo.ca> wrote: >>> >>>And even when they do they get it wrong. Their JNT obituary claimed that >>>he cast Tom Baker. >>> >> >>He took over from DNA. > >Took over? Yep! All Doctor Who fans now have their genetic information encoded in double helices of JNT. The Anorak Genome Project estimates that as much as 30% of JNT is junk, while another 20% consists entirely of Hawaiian shirts. The Anorak Genome Project mapping of JNT is currently 13 years behind schedule due to the difficulty of accurate UNIT dating. --The Stainless Steel Cat --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: NOT the RADW Diary Room... "Jonathan Blum" (jblum@zipworld.com.au> wrote in message news:aes98g$kss$1@zipperii.zip.com.au... > In article (dn63hu4eoj5tqiakdv2agnv5o4bpojqvse@4ax.com>, > does he stand up to monsters with > steel and style? Does he have an eclectic, pick-and-mix knowledge of time > and space? Is he maddeningly off-beat at times? Does he carry the weight > of untold years, and still manage to laugh? Is he an English gentleman > with the soul of a hobo? Does he engage in heroics without being > conventional about them? If so, please call Crimewatch on 0800 123 321, and, following a successful arrest, you could claim a cash reward. --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- "Malus Aforethought" (Malus@Askforit.com> wrote > Probably! The *thud* being along the lines of Adric's >*Ker-splatttttttt!* ? > =}¦>D> So, words aside, what was the last thing that went through Adric's mind before he died? His feet. Now, continuing with that theme, what were the last *thoughts* of each Doctor before the moment of regeneration? 1st Doctor: Hmm, I never realised how cold this floor was ... 2nd Doctor: Are we there yet ...? 3rd Doctor: Dear me, but Lethbridge-Stewart has a lot of nose hair ... 4th Doctor: But wait, if I can move my arm ... bugger. 5th Doctor: Hey, everybody - a little quiet, please! 6th Doctor: Oh look, a paperclip on the floor ... 7th Doctor: Women! --John P Darcy --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Delta and the Bannermen (long) (was Re: Good News For McCoy Fans.) JerryD wrote > later, after watching Delta, I didn't feel I'd missed out too greatly. > :) Yes, I can still remember watching Delta for the first time (shudder>. I've been thorough therapy, though, and I've nearly recovered. I was actually quite thrilled when my local PBS station started showing the McCoys. I hadn't seen any of them, so I (naively) figured they'd be enjoyable. First, Time and the Rani. I thought the new Doctor was an idiot, but I figured, hey, it's a regeneration story, the Doctor's always a bit fucked in the head after regenerating. My thoughts of this story are along the lines of "Cool special effects. Cool bubble traps. Cool, Mel got caught in one! Oh, hum, she escaped. Thanks a lot, lizard-boy. Is this story going to get any better? Apparently not. I hope the next story is an improvement." The next story was an absolute classic, ranking very high on the list of classic Dr. Who stories. Obviously, I'm full of shit. The next story was Paradise Towers, which ranks near the top of all Dr. Who stories named Paradise Towers. I'm not sure what's good about this story, other than the fact it wasn't a six-parter. I was starting to get discouraged about these McCoy stories. I thought (naively) they'd have to get better. No, they won't. The next story on the menu was Delta and the Bannermen. Now, I've only seen this story once, so I might be a bit fuzzy on some of the details. It starts out well, with a bunch of green aliens getting massacred. One of them, Delta, escapes with some sort of incubator. This cheeses off Gavrok, the Bannerman leader, to no end, and he swears he will hunt her down and kill her dead. Meanwhile, the TARDIS has landed in the middle of a warehouse, or so it appears. But no, it's a spaceport. Some guy in a purple uniform congratulates the Doctor for being the billionth customer (or something like that) and says he's won a trip to Disneyland. "Disneyland?", I thought, "what the smeg?" The Doctor, startled at this, says "What ARE you on about, you purple loon? And why don't you spend some grotzits to get those teeth fixed? You look like you have a picket fence in your face." Of course, the Doctor doesn't actually say this. He merely makes noncommital noises, but Mel is quite excited. Mel is ALWAYS excited, which can be a problem. It turns out that passage to Disneyland is on a spaceship that appears to be a bus. This is actually reasonable, as no one on Earth will look twice at a parked bus. The people going to Disneyland are a bunch of purple critters. First, they go through a transmogrifier to turn themselves into humans. Makes sense. A bunch of purple aliens wandering about Earth could cause a sensation. Then again, they are going to California, so it's possible no one would notice. Delta shows up about this time and boards the bus as well. Luckily for her, she doesn't need to go through the transmogrifier as she already resembles a human woman, and one that's kind of attractive to boot. The Doctor refuses to go on the bus but lets Mel, which shows some intelligence on his part. The purple critters are also fans of 1950's rock and roll music. This isn't so strange, as it's a well-known fact that many races like 1950's rock and roll. The Cybermen are quite partial to Chuck Berry. You haven't lived until you've seen a spaceship of Cybermen all duck-walking to "Johnny B. Goode." Sontarans prefer Fabian and Cliff Richard. There's no telling for some people's taste, but only the foolhardy make fun of the Sontarans. Daleks prefer Buddy Holly. In fact, because of him, the Daleks decided not to attack Earth. "We may be the superior beings, but that Buddy Holly rocks! Let's leave Earth alone!" When they found out about his death, well, that royally pissed them off, and they've tried to kill humans ever since. But I digress. Some time after everyone's left, Gavrok shows up and brutalizes Picket-Fence Face. He blurts out that they've gone to Earth. Gavrok thanks him for being so considerate and helpful by shooting him in the back. No loss, but it does show that Gavrok has issues. It's a proven fact that getting where you want to go in Dr. Who is damned difficult. The Magic Bus proves this by plowing into an American satellite while approaching Earth. Now out of control, the bus is plunging to what should be a wonderful explosion on the surface of the planet. The Doctor is in the TARDIS watching all this, thinking to himself: "I could just let it crash. Who's going to miss a bunch of purple critters going to Disneyland? And Mel? That damn redhead made me regenerate by making me drink carrot juice! And if Delta's kaput, that means the Bannermen don't have to chase her around anymore! But wait a minute, if I rescue them, they'll end up at some chintzy holiday camp in Wales. The comic possibilities abound! Plus, I'll get to meet an attractive Welsh girl. That settles it, I'll save them!" Amazingly, the Doctor is correct. Not about the comic possibilities, but about the chintzy holiday camp and attractive Welsh girl (Ray). If you don't believe me, just watch the way the Doctor reacts when she shows up at the dance. But the damn Bannermen are hot on the trail. Some bounty hunter with goofy sideburns has reported to Gavrok where Delta is. Gavrok rewards him by making him explode. I told you he had issues. Yes, eventually the Bannermen do show up. They begin their campaign by hassling a couple of Americans who are wandering about the countryside looking for their satellite. It's going to be tough to explain to them that it's stuck in the front of an intergalactic bus. Finally, hostilities commence. "Goodness me," I said, "will the excitement ever cease?" It did. Gavrok blows up the bus and kills all the purple critters. No loss. He also booby-traps the TARDIS, mainly because he's an asshole. Luckily for Delta, the child that hatched from the incubator already looks like she's 12 years old, and she has an incredible voice. Her high-pitched yelling causes the Bannermen to stagger about uselessly, and Gavrok, in a dramatic scene that reeks of irony (among other things) triggers his booby-trap and is blown to Kingdome Come. That'll learn him. That pretty much wraps things up. Everybody is fine and dandy. The surviving Bannermen (there were some, right?) are forced to work in coal mines. The Doctor and Mel leave in the TARDIS, and that weirdo beekeeper they met smiles mischeviously. Or something like that. It's over, thank God. When asked if I can think of any redeeming qualities of this pile of merde called Delta and the Bannermen, a quote from that well-known scholar Dwight Eisenhower (about something completely different) springs to mind: "Give me a week, and I might think of something." -- James --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: I wonder how the 3rd Doctor would feel about... MDS wrote: > > the massive wildfire burning in the American West. Liberal though he > may be, the complaint has arisen many times that several of the worst > wildfires, including this one, can be blamed on the environmentalist > wackos who will not allow controlled burning of underbrush. Would the > 3rd Doctor have had a problem with such controlled burning, or would he > have sided with those tree-hugging lunatics? I say he would have had no > problem with the controlled burning. Since we're talking about the third doctor, let's go straight to the source. (grabs a shovel> Let's ask him! To Pertwee's GRAAAAVE! --JerryD --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Spare Parts (attribution lost): >Does a Cyberman gets its name from the noise its chest unit makes when >dropped? "Open fire!!!" "Zheng!" "Krang!" "Jarl!" --JeffWorks --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Cool (and not entirely serious) things about DEADLY ASSASSIN r. smith (rsmith43@uwo.ca> wrote: > In article (afm7j6$5bc$1@news.umbc.edu>, > Andrew McCaffrey (amccaf1@gl.umbc.edu> wrote: >>The amount of regeneration themed-dangers in the Matrix: falling from a >>great height, bullets, poison, spiders, and even a Time Lord played by >>Bernard Horsfall trying to kill him. > The eighth Doctor has just become extremely nervous about walking > across railway tracks. Nah, too improbable. Mark my words, when the Eighth Doctor finally bites the bullet, it will be from accidentally stepping on a giant egg. --Andrew McCaffrey --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: With Apologies to Don McLean... A Long, Long time ago...I can still remember how that newsgroup used to make me smile... And I knew that if I had my chance, that I could make those posters glance, and maybe they'd even shout QUOTEFILE! But Hazel Dean Fan made me shiver, with every message I'd deliver.. Bad news on the newsgroup, I couldn't take one more 'froup'.. I can't remember if I cried when I read about his brittle mind, but something touched me deep inside, the day RADW died... so..... bye, bye, to you Doctor Who guys... went to download some new messages, but the threads made me sigh... and all the Pro-Fun trolls were drinking whiskey and rye, saying this'll be the day that we die...oh this'll be the day that we die.. did you write the (dis)continuity guide, and do you have faith in Richard's mind if the BBC Writers tell you so? And do you believe in a new show, can McGann save your mortal show, and will Yads learn to type real sloooow? Well I know that you're in Love with Blum, I saw you grab him on the......thumb..you both collaborated, ignorin' those Mod-group haters... I was a clumsy Sci-Fi lovin' canuck with a stick of celery, running amuck..but I knew that I was out of luck... the day... the newsgroup died... I started singin'... bye, bye, to you doctor who guys, went to download some new messages, but the threads made me sigh, and all the Pro-Fun Trolls were drinking whiskey and rye, saying 'What's up with that Dan Freedman guy? What's up with that Dan Freedman Guy....' Now for ten years plus, there's been no show, and on the fans, fat cobwebs grow...but that's not how it used to be...when Steve Day sang for Fett and Long, in a coat he borrowed from his Mom, while old men talked of Henry Vizi...oh and while Jim Vowles was looking down, Steve Day stole his thorny crown. The argument's all repeated as he shouted out 'McCoy's Shit!'. and while Who-books were reviewed by Clark, John Long, he reviewed the Ark, and Yads tried typing in the Dark...the day the newsgroup died...and we were singin'.. bye, bye, to you Doctor Who guys... went to download some new messages, but the threads made me sigh and all the Pro-Fun Trolls were drinking Wiskey and Rye, singing 'Cybermen like to eat Pie...oh Cybermen like to eat pie..' Helter Skelter, in a little while, the sensitive posters ran to the killfile, starting slow but growing fast, while MDS was having a blast, telling people to kiss his ass, with Yads on the sidelines in a cast, now we thought the flame-free days were ahead, when the pro-fun people started their threads, we all got up to post, but then they all gave up the ghost...as the anti-McCoys they stormed the field, the Pro-McCoys refused to yield...everyone else they simply reeled, the day the newsgroup died... we started singing.. bye bye, to you Doctor Who guys went to download some new messages, but the threads made me sigh and all the pro-fun trolls were drinking whiskey and rye singing 'do you think that Tom Baker's high? oh do you think the fourth Doc's high?' Oh and there we all were in one place, a group of posters lost in space, with a mod group yet to start, so come on...even J2Rider tried to quit, though his boy Adric's still a tit, because J2 is the Alzarian's only friend...oh and I watched the crossposters flood the stage, my hands were clenched in fists of rage, even Snarky, born in hell, could never break that troller's spell, and as the spam piled high into the night, to flood our discussions with worthless shite, I saw HDF laughing with delight, the day the newsgroup died.... so bye, bye, to you Doctor Who Guys, went to download some new messages but the threads made me sigh and all the Pro-Fun Trolls were drinking whiskey and rye singing 'Robert Holmes and Hinchcliffe were wise, oh..Robert Holmes and Hinchcliffe were wise...' I met a poster who sang the blues, and I asked him for some happy news, but Dburns, he just smiled and looked away...I went online to the mail-order store where I'd seen DOCTOR WHO stuff long before, but the order form said there'd be a short delay....and on the boards, the trad-fans screamed, the skeptics cried while the authors dreamed, but not a word was spoken, for the mod-software was still broken. And the Authors I've thought had hits, Parkin, Dicks and McIntee, they said 'it's about time to flee!', the day the newsgroup died... and they were singing... bye, bye, to you Doctor Who guys, went to download some new messages but the threads made me sigh and all the Pro-Fun trolls were drinking whiskey and rye, singing 'can Ainley's master hypno-tise? oh..can ainley's master hyp-no-tise?' they were singing bye bye to you doctor who guys went to download some new messages but the threads made me sigh and all the pro-fun trolls were drinking whiskey and rye singing 'this'll be the day that we die, boys..this'll be the day that we die..' --JerryD --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: "Planet of Fire" guest star is gay? "David A McIntee" (david.mcintee@btopenBUTCLOSEDTOSPAMworld.com> wrote in message news:ah1043$cl2$1@helle.btinternet.com... > > "remove hormel to reply" (jeffworks@aol.com.hormel> wrote > > I don't understand why you have to redefine what a hero means, just > because his > > sexual preferences are different than yours. > > Well you might have some second thoughts if the reason he was your hero is > cos he was such ladykiller... Oh I don't know - the character isn't the actor. I know most of the actors in Queer As Folk aren't gay, but it doesn't stop me enjoying their antics as, er, mankillers. Jason King can still be a fondly remembered hero while your new, shiny adult self has additional respect for the actor for his ability to convince you the character was something the actor was not. Besides, seeing Jason King in action now it's rather hard to take him seriously as a babe magnet anyway. I mean, I used to think Tom Baker actually was a mysterious benevolent alien being who strode about being terribly charismatic. Nowadays of course... oh. Well, it started out as a good analogy... --Pete Galey --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Battlefield and Delta and the Bannermen On Sat, 20 Jul 2002 14:29:28 +0000 (UTC), "David A McIntee" (david.mcintee@btopenBUTCLOSEDTOSPAMworld.com> wrote: > >"remove hormel to reply" (jeffworks@aol.com.hormel> wrote in message >news:20020720101129.10432.00000207@mb-mb.aol.com... >> These are the only two seventh Doctor stories whose soundtracks have not >been >> released. Some music IS available for Delta (on 25th anniversary album) >but >> NONE of Battlefield. >> >> I wonder why? > >it's pretty obvious- because it's so utterly awful that even the most >completist fandboy wouldn't buy it. > >Just get yourself a cheap kids' keyboard out of a junk shop, and tap the >percussion pad like your hand is an epileptic cockroach and there you have >it- the music from Battlefield. > >And that's me being diplomatic and kind. Well they released the bastard offspring of the "mobile phone tones" and a 56k modem under the guise of the Sea Devils sound track so why shouldn't Battlefield come out? --Cwej --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Top 10 Guilty-Pleasure Monsters of the Davison era. J2rider wrote: > > You missed Adric. I don't even think this needs a punch line... --Jerry D --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Daily Mail - Jerry On Fri, 09 Aug 2002 10:00:16 -0400, JerryD (defaultuser@domain.com> wrote: >Ahh.....sounds like fun. it's a weekly, then? The Daily Mail isn't a weekly. Although it would be wonderfully postmodern and ironic if it was. --Lance Parkin --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: DOCTOR AN IMMATURE BABY J2rider wrote: > > Well maybe. > > Let's see: > > He gets everyone into trouble because he wants to check out the Dalek city in > THE DALEKS, he wants to bash a caveman in the head, he acts like a baby in > ROBOT at the end (if one can't act childish what's the point of growing up?), > and along the way I am sure others can find dozens of other things. > > Maybe more like Adric than most fans care to admit! There should have been another thread. --JerryD --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Doctor Who and the Needs of Blum JerryD (defaultuser@domain.com> wrote: >the Gods of Ragnarok, on the other hand...well, sit there demanding >entertainment..but why they aren't more active is largely left up to the >viewer's imagination...there's no sense of what they'll do after the >circus finishes cannibalizing itself to appease them... That's easy: they'll spend the next 15 years on the internet complaining about how that McCoy chap didn't entertain them enough. --- Robert Smith? --------------------------------------------------------- I could prove it's more than rumour This post is filled with humour And worth a reader's while To Smith? I recommend it For I myself would send it If I only had a QUOTEFILE! Sorry, I don't know what brought that on... --Daibhid Chiennedelh --------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: UK TOM BAKER APPEARANCE!! VERY TALL! WHITE HAIR! WEARING A BLUE SUIT! LOOKING CONFUSED! --Andrew McCaffreyContinue onto the next Quote file (Aug-Dec 2002)
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