Welcome everyone to the latest Quote File. The Quote File is basically the "best and brightest" of rec.arts.drwho - that is, the funniest quotes to appear in the newsgroup as nominated by *you*. To that end, if you see a quote you think derserves an entry in the Quote File, just mail me at smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca or the handy-dandy radwquotefile@geocities.com and include the attributions and the quote in full. Since this newsgroup is more than full of it's fair share of off-topic/pointless stuff, I'd like to request that you *don't* waste bandwidth by shouting "Quote File!" in the newsgroup - email it to me instead! Please don't be shy about this - even if you only think it's mildly funny, I'd *much* rather have too many to choose from than too few. Also, please note that all dates are approximations only (ie when they got emailed to me, rather than when they got posted). Disclaimer: The copyright of all material contained herein remains with the original poster. No attempt is made to supercede any copyright and the Quote File maintains its impartiality under Fair Use for purposes of Comment or Review. On with the quotes! ================================ [Where is evidence of Dalek 'culture' in Who?] L J Parkin (ljparkin@aol.com> wrote: >No evidence from the show, but if we're going to cite the authority of >the creator, then: >From 'The Dalek World' by David Whitaker and Terry Nation: >"Q: Do (the Daleks) have entertainments? >A: In a way, yes. Parades of strength, displays of new weapons, mock >battles etc. Television programmes that deal with the glorious history of >the Daleks and micro books that tell fictional stories of the universe >when the Daleks have conquered it". (p82) Ah, so THIS is the premise of "War of the Daleks." Now I get it. Bart T. Lammey (lammey@students.uiuc.edu> 11/11/97 ================================ Brigadier Nathan Rogers (jlrogers@ix.netcom.com> wrote: >Test. ] This has been a test of the Emergency Brigadier's System (the E - BS). The Usenet systems in this internet area in voluntary cooperation with God and lesser spirits have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an actual Brigadier Nathan Rogers post. If this had been an actual post from the Brigadier, this warning would have been followed by information on evacuations and safe shelters. This concludes this test of the Emergency Brigadier's System. Benjamin Elliott (bfelliot@aol.com> 11/11/97 ================================ Skreslet (skreslet@erols.com> wrote > I liked this one as well. I'm quite sad that my tape of it > broke. Obviously it committed hara-kiri, the only honourable thing to do once Time And The Rani had been recorded on it. David A. McIntee (master@sol.co.uk> 12/11/97 ================================ The big revelation for me in WAR OF THE DALEKS (which I thoroughly enjoyed throughout) was just how similar these megalomaniacs really are... You recall how the Master in the "Amazing Movie" chooses a moment of high drama in which to suddenly and incomprehensively change into Time Lord costume? Well, Davros it is now revealed stopped off on his way from the Bridge of his Kill-Cruiser to his Escape Pod in REMEMBRANCE just so as to change from his Emperor outfit back to his usual wheelchair. Now, that would certainly have been proof of raging insanity at the trial! Justin Richards (justinr@ibm.net> 12/11/97 ================================ Jonathan Blum wrote: >Apparently there's also a Jonathan Blum who's an executive VP at Taco >Bell. Gave me a real double-take when I saw him quoted in USA Today... I wonder if Dorka Nieradczick ever had that problem? Rob Stradling (templar@tardis.org> 13/11/97 ================================ [The Sontaran Experiment] As a sideline, I do find the names of Styre's experiments pretty hilarious. I wonder if he would have gone on to 'Experiment 9: Measuring human resistance to decapitation with a nine-inch blade', or 'Experiment 10 : Measuring human resistance to being chopped into lots of little pieces and jumped on from a very great height'? Dan Blythe (D.R.Blythe@shef.ac.uk> 13/11/97 ================================ Jonathan Blum (jblum@access1.digex.net> wrote: >>[...] that Dalek was quite possibly batty. After all, he'd just >>gone swimming in the Thames... John Peel (jpeel@newshost.li.net> wrote: >To be honest, I never did figure out why he did that. I mean, it's hardly >necessary to patrol the bed of a river, is it? It'd probably heard there was something fishy going on down there. Cameron Dixon (bx996@torfree.net> 15/11/97 ================================ Scotty L10 (scottyl10@aol.com> wrote: >I love the "Time Monster", so you're not alone. The Time Ram is >cool. I love all the plot twists and the whole production was well done I > think, especially the scenes in Atlantis and the flashbacks. The bit in Time Monster that has me in stiches is the poor window cleaner. What possible plot purpose does he serve? The man is up a ladder, sees something spooky, falls off and dies. The Master spares him a casual glance as he walks by, but apparently dead window cleaners are an everyday event during his grandiose plots, and he strolls on without even considering that a dead body might just be a touch suspicous should it be spotted by government functionaries, who are, *as he knows full well* about to arrive to be shown TOMTIT. Can anyone explain the purpose of this meaningless death? Russ Massey (russ@wriding.demon.co.uk> 17/11/97 ================================ Dangermouse (master@sol.co.ukDEATH-TO-SPAMMERS> wrote: >>Ah... I forgot about that. I'll mention it to Steve, since MI is certainly >>before BU. Robert Smith? (smithrj2@mcmail.cis.McMaster.CA> wrote: >In that case, it's actually set between The Ultimate Foe and Terror of the >Vervoids. Which of course means the same thing as "between Time Inc. and the Ultimate Foe". Er, "Between Time Inc. and The Vervoids". Um, "Between "The Ultimate Foe" and "The Ultimate Foe"... CURSE YOU HOWE STAMMERS WALKER!!! Jonathan Blum (jblum@access1.digex.net> 20/11/97 =============================== [Subject: Re: Dr Who games] Richard Bignell wrote: > The only DW based playground game I recall playing was "Daleks". > You'd place your left fist on your forehead (for the eye) and ^^^^ > stretch out your left hand for the gun or arm. Then it was simply ^^^^ And woe betide the child who *wasn't* a contortionist. :-) Shannon Patrick Sullivan (shannon@morgan.ucs.mun.ca> 21/11/97 ================================ [Subject: Re: Timestorm (Convention)] Brett O'Callaghan wrote: >>I bet you're all broken up that I'm not going. David Golding (aknyra@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au> wrote: >Awww, Brett, I'm sure we would have gotten along famously in person. Well, probably, if you could have gotten past my hump, and my peg-leg, and my appalling body odour, and the afflication that causes me to break out into 30's show-tunes at inappropriate times... Brett O'Callaghan (boc@lin.cbl.com.au> 22/11/97 ================================ >It's a shame Brian Blessed isn't given proper credit for his range as an >actor. In both Dr Who and Blackadder, he plays a King who shouts a lot, >but think how different both performances are from the King who shouts a >lot in Flash Gordon... His repertoire extends to more than just kings who shout a lot. In I Claudius he plays a Roman Emperor who shouts a lot. Shagspeare (shagspeare@aol.com> 23/11/97 ================================ John Long wrote: >>Hey I can see you feel strongly about this whole Karen McCoy thing but >>don't take it out on me. I present other points of view and I don't >>care if they're wrong. It makes the group more interesting. Shannon Patrick Sullivan (shannon@morgan.ucs.mun.ca> wrote: >No, John, it doesn't. Being a shit-stirrer for the sake of being a >shit-stirrer is neither interesting no welcome. All you've managed to >accomplish in your months here on r.a.dw is to annoy and aggravate people >to no end. If that was your intention then, hey, congratulations, you've >succeeded. It's not something I'd be proud of, though; frankly, I'd have >expected you to evince a little more maturity. I've been thinking. couldn't this function be served equally well by an automatic, computer-generated John Long? I've been playing around lately with a Markov chainer, a program which creates a table of probabilities that word pairs will be followed by other words, and then uses those probabilities to build a new text. I fed some of Mr. Longs old postings in, and in moments I had reams of original, computer-generated John Long stuff. Some samples: "I present other points of view and I don't care. I read it. There was some Pertwee/McCoy battles in it - the metamorphic nature of these creatures on a world where the tardises seperate and fly off in different directions is also shit compared to the old video. In summary, You want The Five Doctors - go get the job done. Lots of people break the law. So what?" "I think this newsgroup is actually starting to damage my ability to enjoy DW - my most favorite television show on earth. Why should anyone listen to me? Well this time we made them listen dammit! Your views on this one. The props, the costumes, the location work, the sets, were all too angry to just walk in their office and steal their computer!" "In fact I blame myself much more than he can chew. This role requires too much commitment and he can't handle it. Sure he is - and yet we only get a big jerk then, for he'd be responsible for fucking up DW even more and that's not unusual for a magazine called Razzle. Now I have no idea what Razzle is, and supposedly it was meant to stir some emotions and start a healthy argument. What's wrong with that?" "You can imagine my response while seeing Terminus for the first time - me and Azaxyr and Gregg, Geoff, Blum and the point spread is as follows ... Your first choice --- four points Your fourth choice --- four points Your third choice --- four points Your fourth choice --- four points Your fourth choice --- one point In this way we will be able to do the same thing I do, just with more enthusiasm." "The extra footage is mostly shit, especially the bit where Sarah throws rocks at a small movie theater in Wilkes-Barre, PA." "They seem to write in a big world where the seasons last 500 years, some intriguing stuff but that's not unusual for a Pertwee story. This was vintage Pertwee. It's no surprise that I might have been wrong about Paul Cornell. Please listen everyone, I wanted them to know that a six-part story in one sitting can become difficult. So breaking it into three and three is a good thing?" All Mr. Long has to do is choose one of these paragraphs and paste it into his newsreader. Then he will have more free time to do whatever it is he does in his free time. The best part is that everyone else can come up with their own standard responses to Mr. Long's standard responses, thus relieving us of the need to formulate new ones. Indeed, we could potentially automate entire bothersome threads in this fashion - favorite stories, McCoy bashing, rumors about an animated series, etc. - so that we would no longer have to think about them. M. Wesley Osam (wosam@iastate.edu> 23/11/97 ================================================================ Charles Daniels wrote: >Well he's a weird annoying, not so good parody for you: >"It was 34 years ago today, Doctor Who taught the beeb to play, >he's been going in and out of style, but he's guaranteed to raise >a smile, so let me introduce to you, after one and all these years, >Doctor Who's Amazing Time Machine!" Well, while we're on the Beatles theme: Picture yourself in a boat on a river with plasticene trees and blue painted skies. Somedalek shoots you, you answer quite slowly, the beastie with periscope eyes. Cellophane flowers of yellow and green dangling over your head. Look for the crystal with blue in its sides and it's gone. Loonie in the sky with Davros. Ah Ah. Follow it down to a cliff by a quarry where Shockeye makes people eat marshmen in pies. Everyone fires as you sneak past the flowers that reach down and grab on your thighs. Licorice monsters appear on the shore, waiting to transmat away. Climbs on your back with your head in its hands and it's gone. Lucky he's so sly with daemons. Ah Ah. Picture yourself near a train in a station, with posthumous porters and yeti beam eyes. Suddenly something is there in the shadows: the TARDIS materialised. Locked up as a spy by Dragons. Ah Ah. Bill Billingsley (billinwh@pc.elec.uq.edu.au> 24/11/97 ================================ On the 12th Day of Christmas (Countdown) The Doctor gave to me: Twelve Timelord Regenerations Eleven Drashigs a'gnashing, Ten TARDISes a'vworping, Nine T'Lords a'bickering, Eight spoons a'clicking, Seven guards a'dying, Six key segments, Five *Time* rings, Four cybermats, Three carboard Daleks, Two screaming girls, And a grubby bag of jellybabies. [Contributions by twelve different radwers] ================================ [Excerpts from six Terrance Dicks novelizations, one for each of the first six Doctors run through a Markov Chainer] Jamie was a large, brightly lit, ultra-modern control room, with a slight tendency towards overweight. Beneath the mop of curly hair, the face was round, full-lipped and sensual, with a gentle, rather comical face, and a shock of untidy black hair. He was very much older. He wore the dress of an old police box materialized out of place. Inside the laboratory of the police box was an impossibly large control room, dominated by a sprig of celery... In his present form he was very kind, in his sixties, though in reality he was male and she was very fond of him. But he did seem to have a knack of wandering into the little scanner screen, almost hopping up and down until it reached the eminence, unwanted though it was, of Lord High President of Gallifrey. Sarah looked thoughtfully at him. At times like this, she realized she knew very little about the Doctor, who she said was her grandfather. They had seen many wonders, and undergone many strange adventures. Such is the adaptability of the TARDIS. (The Doctor had brought her a number of rather nerve-shattering experiences. But despite her initial timidity, she was female. Probably he just had a rather sheltered upbringing. There were three people in the mistaken belief that it was bigger on the outside. ...a very tall, very angry man sprang out. He was wearing an old black coat, and a shock of untidy black hair. He was very much older. He wore check trousers, a frock-coat and a long black tie. He had flowing white hair and an open-necked shirt. The whole ensemble was finished off with a mysterious traveler through Time and Relative Dimensions In Space. Then had begun to seem more and more like a kind of velvet trouser-suit with elaborately puffed sleeves. Her name was Nyssa, and she came originally from a planet called Earth. Inwardly it was slowly coming to a life of Space/Time travel. Though they still hoped to see their home worlds again. Nyssa had left Traken after the tragic death of her time, had had a rather sheltered upbringing. Her travels with the Doctor seemed to be growing younger rather than older. In his present form he was very fond of him. But he did himself. He had flowing white hair and a very long time ago, they had followed her home. To their amazement, they had now adjusted to a halt. The Doctor had been a bit of a Victorian antique dealer, who had lost his life during a terrifying adventure with the occasional rumblings of thunder. A square blue police box with a slight tendency towards overweight. Beneath the mop of curly hair, the face was round, full-lipped and sensual, with a battered, broad-rimmed hat jammed onto a tangle of curly hair. An extraordinarily long scarf was wound round his neck. He shook his fist at the lowering night sky and shouted, "All right! Come on out! Just show yourselves, I dare you!" A slender, dark-haired girl followed him out of nowhere, and suddenly a rather slight, fair-haired young man and a proud, imperious face, with more than a touch of ruthless cunning. The three others were more ordinary in appearance. Suddenly the police box was an impossibly large control room, dominated by a sprig of celery in the TARDIS^=D2s guidance circuitry. Although it could travel in Space and Time. In return they expected him to discover that it was all the time to be growing younger rather than older. Corey Klemow (CKlemow@compuserve.com> 26/11/97 ================================ RobXXVIII (robxxviii@aol.com> wrote: > This is a plausible ret-con of ressurection, but there >is one question I would like answered. > The daleks use information about the 7th Doctors plans >to trick the 4th. Depending on how time travel works >we either have an event without cause (Davros >was revived because the Daleks knew he would be >because he was revived), or if the 4th Doctors future >wasn't fixed then the Daleks risked changing >his actions so the 7th would never launch the Hand >producing a paradox. > Either way the Time Lords should have noticed what >was going on. Why did they take no action? "Temporal Engineer Galnac, my lord?" Galnac roused himself from his slumber behind his desk, shaking off a fine layer of dust in the process. Oh, bother, another interruption. Those young whippersnappers down in Temporal Control couldn't seem to manage themselves for more than a couple of centuries without having to come running to him for help. There was one of them right now, staring at him from across his desk -- a young Time Technician named Volnar, or Kelvac, or some silly two-syllable name like that. Galnac peered over his spectacles at the stammering young man. "Mm? What is it, my boy?" Volnar drew himself up to his full height. "Sir, our monitors have detected a temporal paradox induced by the Daleks. They're attempting to alter the pre-observed incident in their history coded by us as 5J based on records they've obtained of its outcome." "And what does that have to do with us, mm?" muttered Galnac peevishly. Volnar brightened and began to unroll an impressively large chart across the top of everything piled on Galnac's desk. Galnac winced. Typical of the younger generation, that was -- some of the items he'd placed there had been undisturbed for millenia, but here he was going strewing new facts and ideas and *details* on top of them all higgledy-piggledy. "As you can see," began Volnar, "This paradox will result in complete alterations to the underlying historical basis of the observed events coded 6P, 6Z, and 7H as well as 5J --" "Broadest view possible, my boy," snapped Galnac. "Don't bother me with trivia." Cut off in mid-flow, Volnar fumbled with his thoughts for a moment. Finally, he admitted, "The causality violation will create a self-contained loop. The status of the Daleks afterwards will be exactly the same as before incident 5J ever happened. A complete return to status quo." "Ooh, status quo," echoed Galnac, and giggled contentedly to himself. "I like the sound of that." "But sir, this paradox will result in the dechronologization of major historical events such as the Doctor's destruction of Skaro--" "One moment," stumbled Galnac. "Destruction of Skaro?" "Yes sir. In incident 7H." "Oh," said Galnac with a forlorn look on his face, "That doesn't sound like status quo at all." Then he brightened. "But you're saying that if this paradox happens, then the result of the Doctor's meddling will never have had happened?" "Not as previously perceived, no, sir," Volnar said stiffly. Galnac grinned. "Well, then, there's your answer." He raised a creaking finger and gestured Volnar towards the door. "Continue normal monitoring, Technician, and make no attempt to affect their paradox. Oh, and under no circumstances are you to warn the Doctor, there's a good fellow." Volnar bowed and scraped his way out, and Galnac settled back in his chair. "I never liked the little bugger anyway," he said, and went back to sleep. Jon Blum (jblum@access2.digex.net> 24/11/97 ================================ After much demand from fans, and after much research I have built the solid base for a new Puppet Version of Doctor Who! Doctor Who was stolen heartlessly from the never made puppet time travel children show "The Time Travellers" which tried to get made for the 1959 and 1960 seasons. I have adapted scripts from such Science Fiction Classics as The Time Travellers, Lost In Space, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, The Six Million Dollar Man, Tales of Tomorrow, The New Twilight Zone, The Planet of the Giants and placed them in a Doctor Who puppet universe format. The characters: Doctor Who - a crazy old bearded puppet who likes to time travel in his TARDIS shaped like a puppet stage Roger Who - Doctor Who's wacky brother and uncle to Susan Who, the Doctor's mentioned but unseen grand daughter, he often gets into trouble and provides comic relief Jamie Llanfair - A drunken Welsh puppet who does most the fighting with his Claymore Janine, Princess of Time - cast off with Doctor and Roger Who, Janine basically serves as cliffhanger fodder - being captured by aliens or Jamie Llanfair She is also a female wizard who knows spells The Stories: Doctor Who, Roger Who, and Janine - of royal blood - run away from there home in the year 5733 to live in 18th Century Wales. Caught by the Welshmen while trying to operate a TV without a license Jamie is whisked away in adventures in time and space. I have written 140 stories, and have made 44 individual puppets, but you will see those all later. Status: This has been approved both by the BBC and the CIA (the agency that had Doctor Who cancelled in 1989 for getting to close to the truth! Note that in 1963 that had JFK killed to ruin the ratings for Doctor Who in the First Place but then backed off for 26 years as not to be too obvious). The show will air on BBC2 starting next calender year. Alexei Sayle is the main Producer and also will appear as the voice and operator of Roger Who. Other cast include: Tori Spelling (Janine), Rik Mayall (Jamie), and Charles Daniels (Doctor Who) Comments: "Obviously using the puppet format it's been hard to stay completely faithful to the original but I think I've done a great, if not utterly brilliant, job. I've seen nothing but warmth and support from the BBC, and getting a studio was absolutely no problem, they gave me the use of the ever so lovely Studio D. It's been great going and I see this program running for 52 years at least, even though if things don't go well intially I am willing to pull it after 51 years. I hope the kiddies don't mind all the swearing, blood, and gratitous violence as I am sure Mary Whitehouse will." - Interview for The Big Breakfast, 1997 Charles Daniels (charlesd@calweb.com> 1/12/97 ================================ Charles Daniels (charlesd@calweb.com> wrote: >You know that's what I read too but recently someone who sounded very >informed, I can't recall who, said they didn't want to do another Daleks >film and were going to do an original story called "Dr. Who And the >Martians". "The Doctor has stolen my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator! That makes me very angry! Now I won't be able to blow up the Earth!" Dave Connell (kfgatri@voicenet.com> 1/12/97 ================================ Steven K. Manfred (URL:mailto:stevenma@pressenter.com> wrote: >The name SIDRAT was used in one episode (7, I think) by the War Chief >describing how they couldn't tell where the Doctor, Jamie, and >Carstairs were heading in their escape from the headquarters. >They did not explain on screen what it stood for. Space In Dimensions, Relative and Time? Graham Nelson (graham@gnelson.demon.co.uk> 1/12/97 ================================ Marcus Durham (Marcus@zenn.demon.co.uk> wrote: >Tabloid Who Headlines? School Teacher Sex Scandal! - Away For Two Years On Planet Of Love The Doctor Makes My Heart Melt - Confesses Ice Warrior Girl Teen Resistance Is Futile - Read The Shocking Details of the Cybermen S&M cult I Touched Myself! - Brigadier's Shocking Confession The Dalek Invasion of Sex! Vicki says to Daleks "Chase ME!" Underground Shut Down? No news Yeti! What The Doctor and Romana Are Really Searching For! Black Guardian's Gardening Tips The Dominator's Fashion Secrets Revealed! Charles Daniels (charlesd@calweb.com> 1/12/97 ================================ Dear Puppet Who Lovers, I, the creator of "Puppet Who", am insane. I eat j-ello for breakfast, I shot at Ronald Reagan to impress Wendy Padbury, I am worst than a Dalek on meth, I am a living breathing Davros. I have fellowed an innocent crazy dude, I search his garbage, I hypnotise his cat, I eat all his breakfast cereal and blame it on rats! And now, the TRUTH! The CRAZY DUDE is crazy! Not me! That's why HE'S the Crazy Dude and *I* am the beloved creator of Puppet Who. Rik Mayall and Alexei Sayle told me just today that I was beloved and that Crazy Dude was a crazy dude! This isn't coming from me! Crazy Dude now wishes to hire Johnny Cochrane and the Ghost of Elvis, Yes the ghost of Elvis -- see how sane I am and how crazy Crazy dude is? -- to convincethe CIA to use it's extra powers to kill me, hence eliminating the production of Puppet Who. However I have my entire staff hidden in a mountain near Area 51 to assure that even in event of nuclear holocaust I can provide the fans with new exciting puppet adventures. I want Crazy Dude to sue me! I want YOU to sue me! Sue me for anything!! I don't care! Please please sue me! Hey I'm free next Tuesday -- sue me if you DARE! I really don't care! I'm asking, no, BEGGING you to sue me!! I'll say "ass", did you read that! I wrote "ass"! For NO reason!! Sue me! You're offended! My pal Major T. Nelson knows where you live and is on my side so sue me a scarf of hate buddy boy! If Crazy Dude sues me he'll get the electric chair because he left a me an answering machine message but mocked me by omitting a number to return his call. See now how Crazy Dude is??? People have slandered my Puppet Who project for their own twisted, petty, ego-based schemes! I urge everyone on earth to meditate out positive energy and only say nice things about puppets and Doctor Who these next few months to insure my Puppet Who higher ratings than Coronation Street. I love crazies who pollute the earth's positive ion sphere with dark thoughts about evil puppets and "bad" Doctor Who projects as my mystic adviser assures me any criticism of my ideas is heresy and he shall build a curse against them! Have *I* ever used demonic powers in an attempt to destroy a puppet science fiction project? No! Have *I*, King of the Puppets, spread vicious rumors about Puppet Who and erected a temple in Covent Gardens to help Nazis bash Doctor Who? No! Have I supported "tha' man"? Never! Crazy Dude said I did bad stuff to him, but there no no evidence of this at all..and even if there WERE I'd have burnt it by now. Why is Crazy Dude against Puppet Who? Was he molested by Puppets or Puppet "Handlers" as a youth?? Crazy Dude should look at and blame himself! I have PROOF Crazy Dude is nuts!! But do I present this proof in a well mannered well reasoned fashion! No, I refuse to mention Crazy Dudes nutso history to protect them and will never mention they are nuts in any public forum. Actually, I am far too busy building Puppets and having sex with famous people to do something lowly and sad like mention Crazy Dude loves Kitty Porn. I speak the truth here most of all - Crazy Dudes Hates Doctor Who, Crazy Dude Hates Puppets, Crazy Dude discovered that Gerry Anderson the man he considers, in his personal Cult, is the third incarnation of Satan ans his fellowers rushed out to destroy all he touched. If this cult continues Gerry Anderson may never work again..now you see why I have called the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms to see if I could have them all killed based on a few filmsy charges. Crazy Dude and his Nutjob pals won't stop at Puppet Who, there next Target is all Puppets EVERYWHERE! They will stop at nothing to persecute all private and publicly owned puppet shows, then they will move on to there next target - Science Fiction ITSELF!!! They plan to ban, then burn all Science Fiction novels, movies, concepts and then urge innocent people into watching American Gladiators and Australian Soaps! There are lots of posts and articles and books and even thought waves against me and Puppet Who, the cult hides them as words and thoughts and concepts from many across the world but they all come from the "master" intelligence that is Crazy Dude. A really honest review of Puppet Who would be a really honest review, at least that's what "really honest" means!!! Really honest does mean you lie and threaten innocent Puppet Who actors from doing live television interviews. I am also annoyed that my nice calm questions and comments to Crazy Dude, such as "Man you really are f#(^ing crazy aren't you?!" and "My giant iguana is gonna' kill you you bastard!" was met only but an unusual and never explained hostility. What is this message about Puppet Lovers? I dunno, I'm pissed out of my gourd! Sure I want some money, and fan girl slave groupees, and nice interviews on British TV, and occasional oral sex from fashion models - but WHO doesn't? And if I can get all that by writing some crappy, yet high quality, Puppet Who Adventures, WHY NOT?!?! Did I mention that I once killed a guy just to watch him die, eat my weight in jelly babies to deprive them as a possible food source to starving children? Course I did!!! Believe Me? I hope so! That's how much of a crazy wanker I am! See! I will not be doing my planned Puppet signing tour in London, Oxford, Lichfield, Guildford, Prat's Bottom, the Isle of Wight, and Tokyo ever as there are too many Welsh people in all of these places as I am bigotted and easily frightened by the overuse of the letter "L". Mine, Mine, The World is MINE! Charles "No Strings" Daniels President and Head Puppet of Wanker Puppet Productions Inc. MMmm! I LOVE Roast Beef! Charles Daniels (charlesd@calweb.com> 2/12/97 ================================ Crazy Dude? This "open letter" is yet another sick ploy by Mr. Daniels -- surely you can see how desperate the man is? Does this letter make any sense at all? Is there syntax, grammar, punctuation, spelling? Well, yes, there is. But I detect the ravings of a lunatic -- the "delusions of godhood" so common to schizophrenics. I will not attempt to deny Mr. Daniels boiled a rabbit to block my attempts to ferret out the web of lies he has told about his so-called "puppet Who." The evidence is in the police reports on my website, and at police headquarters here in Minneapolis, and in Mr. Daniels' own comment, "Yes, I boiled a rabbit, you sick bastard. So what?" I will also not attempt to deny his false claims that he had anything to do with any other British television shows, or television at all. I have evidence that Mr. Daniels doesn't even own a television, or even know what "television" is. In one of his obsessive letters to Wendy Padbury (posted on my website, you can see the evidence for yourselves) he marvels at the "magic pictures" in the "little box" at Sears. I will not refute his claims that I am using demonic powers to block his Puppet Who. I may or may not be affiliated with the Lord of Darkness, but who I drink with is besides the point. All I will say is -- view the evidence for yourself. I will also say that Charles Daniels is a complete, utter waste of human flesh, a fraud, a forgery, a circus freak, and that his brain should be removed from his body and fed to a pack of rabid wolves for our amusement. I use reason. I use logic. I show you proof. He gives you crazy rhetoric. Who are you going to believe? Oh yeah, by the way, read this: From: Capt. Joe Lala, Federal Bureau of Investigations Re: Charles Daniels regarding your investigations into one Mr. Charles Daniels, we have received evidence to wit that Mr. Daniels is, in fact, three women. Now who you gonna believe? jonno (huntjoh@gw.spamless.startribune.com> 2/12/97 ================================ Andrew Vogel (andrew7@erols.com> wrote >For instance, in my Doctor Who, the Brigadier retired in 1976. And in *my* Doctor Who, the Brigadier was dishonorably discharged in 1958 for having intimate relations with a Zygon on the parade field. Admittedly, it's difficult to fit other facts of continuity around this theory, but trust me, it's worth it in the long run. Michael Montoure (montoure@serv.net> 2/12/97 ================================ BFElliott wrote in article >In fact, none of my books have ever engaged me in a conversation. >They're all dumb! Don't let the one sided nature of the conversation stop you though, Ben. I told a series of particularly amusing anecdotes to Birthright, and we laughed the night away. I agonized over my problems to Room With No Doors, then opened the book at random for a piece of philosphistry which put everything into perspective for me. And I had a long (if somewhat repetitive) conversation with Paul Cornell's debut BenNA when I said "This is the most amusing novel I have read in ages", glanced down at the book's title and felt the need to defend my comment with a simple assertion (and repeat). Daniel Gooley (dgooley@deetya.com> 2/12/97 ================================ steve.roberts@bbc.co.uk (Steve Roberts) wrote: >A little bird tells me that some of the NA/MA authors are contributing >books to Virgin's new Homo-erotica imprint. Apparently they are naming >the books after episodes of Doctor Who ('The Velvet Web') etc! Hang on, don't just stop at using an episode title for the title of the book, structure a whole story of a sexual exploit around them . . . It would be the tale of a Desperate Venture, of course, as young Gary (as we may call our hero) takes a Journey into Terror into a dodgy S&M club, escapes a Trap of Steel in the Crater of Needles. Fleeing, The Search continues on an equally Dangerous Journey to a bland central London indie-club where A Bargain of Necessity is made. Waking up the next morning with sense of degredation and compromise, Gary faces a Day of Darkness. The Ordeal is only over after The Escape to the beautiful city of Prague, where our hero finds true and lasting happiness with a Checkmate. Add some sex (I can give you some advice on that) and you could be spending that 27.50 Virgin advance tomorrow! (well, maybe The End of Tomorrow) Gary Gillatt (doctorwho@marmags.demon.co.uk> 5/12/97 ================================ (tpwannabe@hotmail.com> wrote: >Personally, I also loved Ross's claim (during the panel) that an episode >could be completely animated in *three weeks*! My personal favourite was hearing Ross say "Something new happens on this panel every day" to which someone (who shall remain nameless) whispered "Police action, court injunctions, slander suits...". [No, I'm not revealing this person's name!] 5/12/97 ================================ Marcus Durham (Marcus@zenn.demon.co.uk> wrote: >This is rec.arts.drwho for keepers sake, not a sexual fantasies group >for people who don't get out much. Out? I have heard of a land outside these walls..what do you know if it? What beasts have you seen an down battle with? Is it true that out there in this mysterious land are men like me and you but oddly lumpy? These are strange tales I have but heard...tell me of this thing called "socializing" it sounmds a most bizarre magic.. Charles Daniels (charlesd@calweb.com> 8/12/97 ================================ Reuben Herfindahl (reuben@reuben.net> wrote: >>I was just reading DWM 257 (I know, a bit behind reality) and enjoying >>Mark Strickson's Answers in Out of the TARDIS and noticed once again >>that another Who actor is an athiest. It seems like evry time I read >>the column, the actor or actress confesses to being an athiest. Not >>that this is a bad thing, I happen to be one myself, but it got me >>wondering how many former Who actors/actress are athiest and beyond that >>how many of the more devoted Who fans are as well. Rayctate (rayctate@aol.com> wrote: >Well, I'm an agnostic. I'm a member of the sisterhood of Karn. Well, I was before the sex change. Marcus Durham (Marcus@zenn.demon.co.uk> 7/12/97 ================================ Reuben Herfindahl (reuben@reuben.net> wrote: >I would rather like to do a tally. I'll put up a nice web page for this >later, but for now I'd like to just do a rather informal poll via >e-mail. Let me know yeah God, or yeah Jo Grant, or yeah whatever you >believe in or don't. I believe in the power of the Dark Thread Attractors -- those pits of concentrated malevolence which distort the space-time around r.a.dw, and thus assure that certain threads will *always* bend in the direction of darkness: thus every thread involving religion will inevitably become a thread featuring Jill Deel on an at-best-tangentially-related soapbox; every thread involving the books will, if left long enough, become a canon thread; and every thread to which John Long posts loudly enough will become a thread about John Long. Repent now, O toiling masses of r.a.dw, and let not these forces lead thy foot into the steaming darkness of off-topic bullsh*t... Jon Blum (jblum@access1.digex.net> 7/12/97 ================================ Cory Mccasland (TFZW35A@prodigy.com> wrote: >>>Two things never to bring up in RADW if you want civil conversation: >>>Sexual Preference >>>Religion David Atkins (david118@mdx.ac.uk> wrote: >>Three things. You forgot Canon;-) Andrew D. Wright wrote: >Four things: Politics. Five things: Doctor Who. That's just asking for trouble. JOHN LONG (jlbc@epix.net> 11/12/97 ================================ Charles Daniels (charlesd@calweb.com) wrote: >>Sure! Well I am interested. Of coutse Timelords are aliens with most >>iunusual physical traits and abilities so I imagine there would be way >>Susan can be percieved in their culture to be both! Susannah Tiller (c9708213@alinga.newcastle.edu.au> wrote: >Both? You mean Susan's both the Doctor's drandaughter and his mother? >Ewwww! ;-) Does that make the Doctor a grandfather paradox? Alan Taylor (ataylor@ataylor.demon.co.uk> 11/12/97 ================================Continue onto the next Quote file (Dec/Jan 97/98)
Go back to the previous Quote file (Oct/Nov 1997)
Go back to the Quote directory